To ask DH to come home early?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

DH has a busy job, usually comes home between 7-7:30pm. He is a manager within a public sector and can work flexi hours or from home, however finds it difficult because he is often having to supervise or fix things that have gone wrong in the office .

I’m nearly 39 weeks pregnant and feeling lousy. Not in labour, just feel rubbish. No energy, Braxton hicks really uncomfortable and I’ve had 2 year old DS home with me all day.

AIBU to ask him to come home for toddlers tea time to help me out? I feel bad asking as obviously when I’m in labour he will need to come home but I’ve just had enough tonight and don’t think I have another 3 hours of toddlertainment in me.

[RB68]

No I think thats fine - you are so close and you never know that uncomfortableness could be a sign - you need to be resting ready for the big event now

[LEDadjacent]

Absolutely reasonable to ask him.

[choosingchilli]

I probably wouldn't just because you'll need you dh home as much as possible when the baby is here.

[alwaysncxx]

YANBU, pregnancy is exhausting so listen to your body. And you're so close to the end so you never know

[timeisnotaline]

I would, he can flexi work after toddler bedtime. It’s so exhausting being heavily pregnant with a toddler.

[mrsk28]

I think it's reasonable to ask. If there's things he needs to sort out in the office he can do that earlier in the day and work from home in the afternoon/evening.

You need this time to relax because you're going to have your hands full soon!

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

Thanks.

He wouldn’t have to make the hours up at all, he could choose to work when toddler is in bed if he has things to do but would be under no obligation to.

I’ve never asked him to come home early before and he has never taken a day off sick in 11 years of working so he is usually a very dedicated employee!

[chillpizza]

I wouldn’t on the day I would have a conversation about could he arrange walker finishes for the next X weeks but not just decide I’ve had enough on the day.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Totally reasonable. Ask him to finish early every day next week too.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I think it's worth asking, given the circumstances. But if he says No because something urgent/essential is happening, try not to be disappinted.

[HollowTalk]

I would. The fact you're feeling you need to ask him now, when so many second babies are a week early, shows he should be there. You've never asked before. Ask him now.

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy that is unlikely to be possible as he will be having 3 weeks off on paternity once baby is here so can’t get behind with work before then. I will see if he can try a few days though.

What bugs me is that he doesn’t leave the house till 8:30am in the morning so doesn’t get to the office til 9:30. I leave at 7am when I’m working so think he should try to leave earlier so that he can finish earlier. He claims he would just end up working a longer day though as he still wouldn’t be able to walk away when things are happening.

[Fraula]

Totally reasonable!

[Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld]

YANBU so close to 'the end', I would look into other options too though, in case you need help again if you go over, in case the high ups get arsey with him.

[Fraula]

I would also be frustrated about him leaving later in the morning. Late pregnancy with a toddler is exhausting. I felt a million times better after having the baby, much more energy, despite sleepless nights! Put a DVD on for your toddler, or anything else to give you a break!

[DeaflySilence]

"What bugs me is that he doesn’t leave the house till 8:30am in the morning so doesn’t get to the office til 9:30"

So he sets his working day up so he has a longer lie in the morning (while you see to the DC?) and he has quieter working time in the evening (while you see to the DC?).

What a prince!

[Shambu]

Do you not have a family member/inlaw/friend/neighbour you can ask?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

@DeaflySilence So he sets his working day up so he has a longer lie in the morning (while you see to the DC?) and he has quieter working time in the evening (while you see to the DC?).

Not quite. He gets up at 6:30am and dresses toddler and does his breakfast so he is ready for me to leave with him at 7am.

He then showers and does his own breakfast at a more leisurely pace than I think could be achieved and leaves at 8:30.

His big bosses work late into the evenings and so he says if he was in the office for 8am he would still end up staying until 6:30pm because they are around then and always end up wanting him for something.

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

@Shambu unfortunately not, we don’t have anyone else close by.

[Shambu]

I'd just give him an iPad/put him in front of the TV to keep him quiet, give him supper from a tin and put him to bed without a bath. It won't hurt for one night.

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

Yes that’s my plan. I text DH but haven’t heard back from him so doubt he will be home any time soon.

DS has the iPad but wants me to chase him round playing “safari adventures”! He is full of beans and used to mummy playing with him so isn’t too keen on sitting still!

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Hmm, the sceptic in me thinks he’s working later because it suits him but also it gets him out of the hectic feeding/bath time. Once baby is here I would definitely be saying that you’d like him home earlier, he can either fix dinner or bath the older dc and watch the baby. You don’t need to slog it out on your own OP.

[0lapislazuli]

You’ve never asked him to come home a bit earlier? That’s the benefit of working flexitime, so that you can work around your and your family’s needs. Don’t feel guilty asking him!

[DeaflySilence]

"Not quite. He gets up at 6:30am and dresses toddler and does his breakfast so he is ready for me to leave with him at 7am."

Close enough. so he spends half an hour with his toddler before handing him to you, while he tends to himself at a leisurely pace. He has an hour and a half to himself! He could have got himself ready, and done half the housework in that time! He's not doing his share!

What does he do with toddler in the evening? Bath? Bed? Tidy up? Who cooks dinner?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

@0lapislazuli I’ve asked in the sense that it would be really helpful if he could get home earlier, but never actually contacted him at work and said today I really need you home. When we’ve talked about it before he has said it’s not possible to change his hours to be home earlier.

I work 3 days from 7:30-4pm, then collect DS, come home and do our dinner. DH usually does his bath and bed as soon as he is home between 7-7:30. He then reheats his dinner and eats it when DS is in bed. I then work from home 8-10pm doing the hours I should have stayed in work beyond 4pm for but couldn’t because DS needs collecting and sorting.

It’s not ideal, I struggle to concentrate so late at night so my work can suffer. However DH is the bigger earner and so his job takes priority.