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To ask DH to come home early?

(54 Posts)
WhenZogateSuperworm Wed 13-Mar-19 16:20:33

DH has a busy job, usually comes home between 7-7:30pm. He is a manager within a public sector and can work flexi hours or from home, however finds it difficult because he is often having to supervise or fix things that have gone wrong in the office .

I’m nearly 39 weeks pregnant and feeling lousy. Not in labour, just feel rubbish. No energy, Braxton hicks really uncomfortable and I’ve had 2 year old DS home with me all day.

AIBU to ask him to come home for toddlers tea time to help me out? I feel bad asking as obviously when I’m in labour he will need to come home but I’ve just had enough tonight and don’t think I have another 3 hours of toddlertainment in me.

RB68 Wed 13-Mar-19 16:22:02

No I think thats fine - you are so close and you never know that uncomfortableness could be a sign - you need to be resting ready for the big event now

LEDadjacent Wed 13-Mar-19 16:22:42

Absolutely reasonable to ask him.

choosingchilli Wed 13-Mar-19 16:23:26

I probably wouldn't just because you'll need you dh home as much as possible when the baby is here.

alwaysncxx Wed 13-Mar-19 16:24:26

YANBU, pregnancy is exhausting so listen to your body. And you're so close to the end so you never know thanks

timeisnotaline Wed 13-Mar-19 16:25:20

I would, he can flexi work after toddler bedtime. It’s so exhausting being heavily pregnant with a toddler.

WhenZogateSuperworm Wed 13-Mar-19 16:29:15

Thanks.

He wouldn’t have to make the hours up at all, he could choose to work when toddler is in bed if he has things to do but would be under no obligation to.

I’ve never asked him to come home early before and he has never taken a day off sick in 11 years of working so he is usually a very dedicated employee!

mrsk28 Wed 13-Mar-19 16:29:15

I think it's reasonable to ask. If there's things he needs to sort out in the office he can do that earlier in the day and work from home in the afternoon/evening.

You need this time to relax because you're going to have your hands full soon!

chillpizza Wed 13-Mar-19 16:29:55

I wouldn’t on the day I would have a conversation about could he arrange walker finishes for the next X weeks but not just decide I’ve had enough on the day.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 13-Mar-19 16:42:44

Totally reasonable. Ask him to finish early every day next week too.

ReanimatedSGB Wed 13-Mar-19 16:42:56

I think it's worth asking, given the circumstances. But if he says No because something urgent/essential is happening, try not to be disappinted.

HollowTalk Wed 13-Mar-19 16:43:32

I would. The fact you're feeling you need to ask him now, when so many second babies are a week early, shows he should be there. You've never asked before. Ask him now.

WhenZogateSuperworm Wed 13-Mar-19 16:45:17

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy that is unlikely to be possible as he will be having 3 weeks off on paternity once baby is here so can’t get behind with work before then. I will see if he can try a few days though.

What bugs me is that he doesn’t leave the house till 8:30am in the morning so doesn’t get to the office til 9:30. I leave at 7am when I’m working so think he should try to leave earlier so that he can finish earlier. He claims he would just end up working a longer day though as he still wouldn’t be able to walk away when things are happening.

Fraula Wed 13-Mar-19 16:48:25

Totally reasonable!

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld Wed 13-Mar-19 16:48:28

YANBU so close to 'the end', I would look into other options too though, in case you need help again if you go over, in case the high ups get arsey with him.

Fraula Wed 13-Mar-19 16:50:07

I would also be frustrated about him leaving later in the morning. Late pregnancy with a toddler is exhausting. I felt a million times better after having the baby, much more energy, despite sleepless nights! Put a DVD on for your toddler, or anything else to give you a break!

DeaflySilence Wed 13-Mar-19 16:50:41

"What bugs me is that he doesn’t leave the house till 8:30am in the morning so doesn’t get to the office til 9:30"

So he sets his working day up so he has a longer lie in the morning (while you see to the DC?) and he has quieter working time in the evening (while you see to the DC?).

What a prince!

Shambu Wed 13-Mar-19 16:56:43

Do you not have a family member/inlaw/friend/neighbour you can ask?

WhenZogateSuperworm Wed 13-Mar-19 16:57:59

@DeaflySilence So he sets his working day up so he has a longer lie in the morning (while you see to the DC?) and he has quieter working time in the evening (while you see to the DC?).

Not quite. He gets up at 6:30am and dresses toddler and does his breakfast so he is ready for me to leave with him at 7am.

He then showers and does his own breakfast at a more leisurely pace than I think could be achieved and leaves at 8:30.

His big bosses work late into the evenings and so he says if he was in the office for 8am he would still end up staying until 6:30pm because they are around then and always end up wanting him for something.

WhenZogateSuperworm Wed 13-Mar-19 16:58:53

@Shambu unfortunately not, we don’t have anyone else close by.

Shambu Wed 13-Mar-19 17:01:43

I'd just give him an iPad/put him in front of the TV to keep him quiet, give him supper from a tin and put him to bed without a bath. It won't hurt for one night.

WhenZogateSuperworm Wed 13-Mar-19 17:03:57

Yes that’s my plan. I text DH but haven’t heard back from him so doubt he will be home any time soon.

DS has the iPad but wants me to chase him round playing “safari adventures”! He is full of beans and used to mummy playing with him so isn’t too keen on sitting still!

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:07:32

Hmm, the sceptic in me thinks he’s working later because it suits him but also it gets him out of the hectic feeding/bath time. Once baby is here I would definitely be saying that you’d like him home earlier, he can either fix dinner or bath the older dc and watch the baby. You don’t need to slog it out on your own OP.

0lapislazuli Wed 13-Mar-19 17:11:49

You’ve never asked him to come home a bit earlier? That’s the benefit of working flexitime, so that you can work around your and your family’s needs. Don’t feel guilty asking him!

DeaflySilence Wed 13-Mar-19 17:15:18

"Not quite. He gets up at 6:30am and dresses toddler and does his breakfast so he is ready for me to leave with him at 7am."

Close enough. so he spends half an hour with his toddler before handing him to you, while he tends to himself at a leisurely pace. He has an hour and a half to himself! He could have got himself ready, and done half the housework in that time! He's not doing his share!

What does he do with toddler in the evening? Bath? Bed? Tidy up? Who cooks dinner?

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