DH and I have been friends with another couple for over 20 years. We met at a shared hobby that DH and I no longer take part in, but the friendship has carried on and we would miss them if they were no longer in our lives. BUT, there is now a problem I am finding hard to get to grips with.
We all have adult DC, DH and I have grandchildren, who are asked after now and then by our friends, but not a lot of interest has been shown in them. This is fine, we are not upset by this, the grandchildren aren't local so they haven't really met them, and I think it normal that they wouldn't be that interested. However, our friends daughter (who lives with them) had a baby last summer, so they now have a grandchild themselves, and here is the problem - there is no let up, none, on updates about this child. It is not possible for us to visit them without their grandchild being the sole focus of every conversation. It is impossible to even finish a sentence when talking to our friend without her being distracted by a look from the baby, or a sound from the baby, or a sudden need to tell us about how many times the baby has smiled that day. I love my grandchildren, and could understand the obsession at first when the baby was a newborn, but 8 months on and it is still just as bad, if not worse.
Over the years we have had some lovely evenings, and some great times together. Whenever we invited them to our home for a meal for example, they readily accepted, and reciprocated. This was a regular and enjoyable thing we used to do, and prior to their grandchilds birth it never occured to them or us, that the invite was for adult children too, (unless it was Christmas for example), but now they expect to bring their daughter and her baby every. single. time. Let me stress that their daughter is a great Mum, she has no problems in looking after her child, so it is not because they are worried about leaving her to cope alone. Neither is she a very young Mum - she is 27! This completely alters the dynamic, and the whole visit just involves talk about their grandchild, offers for us to hold the grandchild, photos of the grandchild passed around for us to exclaim over....it is all about the grandchild, and I'm fed up and bored with it all to be quite frank.
I've just had a message from her saying that she hasn't seen us for a while, so to let her know when I am next free during the day and she will bring her daughter and grandchild over so we can have a catch up and I can see how baby is growing, and we can sort out an evening when we can all meet up so that my DH doesn't miss out on seeing her grandchild too.
FFS - tell me wise mumsnetters how do I deal with this and keep the friendship? AIBU to want to have some adult time now that all our kids (and theirs) are grown ups? I understand the love grand parents have for their grandchildren, I feel it myself for my own, but I don't understand at all this level of obsession and i have no idea how to tackle it. By the way - I am bad at setting boundaries, have social anxiety and am not good at being tactful, which makes finding a way to save the friendship even harder.
Any advice welcome! Oh and just in case some lazy tit sees this as an easy route to getting published - FUCK OFF DAILY MAIL, DAILY MIRROR, THE SUN, IN FACT FUCK OFF ANY LAZY JOURNALISTS! (sorry for having to add that - I was trying to come across as sane but if this got picked up she would recognise herself in a heartbeat and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings unnecessarily)
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AIBU?
Need advice about my friend and her grandchild
99 replies
ClarityIsAll · 13/03/2019 14:22
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