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To think some people are just unlucky?

(119 Posts)
Iseverynametaken Wed 13-Mar-19 09:25:08

Starting to feel like I might be unlucky. Seems like things always just, not only go wrong, but seemingly all at once. I try very hard to be positive and am a very caring and giving person so at times selfishly think why me? I feel like I notice some people manage to just coast through life and things seem to always go their way, while others, try as they might, seem to just always have a hard time. I do have anxiety and perhaps look at other peoples lives through rose tinted glasses, but even my husband agrees we do seem to cop the short end of the stick alot.

Not wanting to have a pity party over here, but just having a hard time staying upbeat at the moment! (Hoping that things surely turn around soon)

nombrecambio Wed 13-Mar-19 09:31:01

I know how you feel.

We used to be so optimistic and have every faith that things would always work out. To be fair, we were incredibly lucky for years. We have had such a difficult 4 years where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong: health, finances, household, personal breakages, cars, jobs.... everything!! We feel broken and are such pessimists!!

We keep saying that our luck will change again soon and then laugh dryly.

MrMeeseekscando Wed 13-Mar-19 09:34:47

I totally agree.
I don't deserve some of the stuff that has happened to me. sad

Birdsgottafly Wed 13-Mar-19 09:37:02

I agree.

I even have to take out insurance on everything I buy.

PandaSky Wed 13-Mar-19 09:39:30

I also agree.

Hollowvictory Wed 13-Mar-19 09:40:34

Don't agree.
Google the derren brown program about luck you will find it helpful

echt Wed 13-Mar-19 09:42:32

OP, unless you give examples, MN can't tell whether it's luck/you fucked/whatever.

You look at others and see them coasting. What do you know about what they planned/insured/saved for/ chanced on?

You say have anxiety, so there's your clue; don't look at others' lives, plan, insure.

Babdoc Wed 13-Mar-19 09:54:14

Nobody ever said life was fair! But don’t make yourself unhappy by comparing “up”, with people better off than you. Compare “down” - you are massively more fortunate than the millions of genitally mutilated women suffering pain, poverty, hunger, disease and civil war in the third world, for example. It’s all relative. When I grizzle to my daughters I’m often met with a raised eyebrow and a “First World problem, mum”.
Also, people often have secret woes you know nothing about. Those “coasting” friends might have hidden debts, health worries, who knows? Often after a suicide, people say they had no idea the person was depressed.
Try to cultivate a positive mindset. See your problems as challenges to overcome. It won’t remove them, but it can make them more manageable.
And I’m not some Pollyanna - I’ve had to cope with a lot, from toxic parents, miscarriage, my DH dying when our kids were babies, my house being set on fire by an arsonist, four of my relatives committing suicide and my DD hanging herself twice but thankfully surviving. I live with the constant fear of her relapsing.
But I try not to moan that it’s not fair. I take it to God and ask for the strength to cope with it, knowing that once we die, all will be well and God will “wipe away all tears” as it says in Revelations. Chin up, OP!

goodfornothinggnome Wed 13-Mar-19 09:55:19

Yes I think sometimes people get an unfair amount of bad things happen to them, sadly I feel like I’m one of them.

Though I do think that this thought is linked to anxiety and am trying my hardest to think that I’m no less lucky than anyone else and make the best of the positives I do have.

Iseverynametaken Wed 13-Mar-19 09:58:13

@echt yes I do see your point I don't know the ins and outs of everything that other people do. I guess really just having abit of a down day. Rather then seeing it in a jealous light of other people (which I dont because I am happy for others) I guess I feel more down on myself for my situation. Im a very organised person so I guess when things do go wrong, I tend to beat myself up more, searching for the reason why it happened (part of the anxiety)

Just lots of things recently (and in the past).. I guess when things happen one after the other it feels abit overwhelming! I do always know though that there will always be someone in a worse situation than myself.

To others feeling the same I hope you are doing ok flowers

Iseverynametaken Wed 13-Mar-19 10:00:44

@babdoc Can I just say you are an inspiration. To write something so well meaning and positive after what you have been through is a shake up. I am sorry for the losses you have had to endure flowers

jay55 Wed 13-Mar-19 10:05:39

I think most people have ups and downs, periods where everything goes right and times where every day is shit and problems like on top of problems.

Some people are lucky in that their bad times are relatively short.

Wedgiecar58 Wed 13-Mar-19 10:07:06

Strong disagree.

This 'woe is me' attitude is what is bringing misfortunate to your life.

You need to discover the Law of Attraction.

Positive things happen to positive people. It's proven.

mbosnz Wed 13-Mar-19 10:09:28

I strongly disagree with the Law of Attraction. Which could be said to mean 'if you think positive, good things will happen to you, and if bad things happen to you it's your fault because you weren't thinking positively enough.'

My theory is 'shit happens. Sometimes shit happens to you'.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Wed 13-Mar-19 10:10:22

I used to believe in the law of attraction. But now one of my favourite people in the world, who is an optimist and brings joy everywhere she goes, is dying of cancer and has just lost her father three days before her wedding.

So you can fuck off with your ‘bad things only happen to bad people’ bullshit.

bigKiteFlying Wed 13-Mar-19 10:10:55

We had several years when our coping capacity was limited - financial, energy - and we seemed to have none stop shit.

We did have lots of bad luck – some of the things we’d struggle with now as they were serious– other things now kids are older financials better we’d take more in our stride.

It got better – move helped as it improved how closed DH was and our money also put a line under it all.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 10:17:01

Depends. Health wise, some people are very unlucky. It doesn't mean others with the same issues won't be successful and fight for everything, but it's still rotten.

Losing someone you love, saying goodbye to your child is the worst thing in the world.

So on that aspect, you can't deny luck. For everything else there's Mastercard seriously, everything else it's up to you how you deal with things, how you respond, how hard you try, and how quickly you give up or not.

Of course, you are born in a very wealthy family, you are lucky but it's still up to you to make yourself a good life. Plenty of people born in the poverty have raised.

Lweji Wed 13-Mar-19 10:22:12

I do this. Compare “down” There will be people who can't compare down, but I can't stand people who wallow in the shit that happens to them and never notice the good things around.

For example, people who complain that all their friends are bad friends (only two or three, in fact) and don't notice the good friends they have around them (possibly the ones they are complaining to about the other friends).

You need to discover the Law of Attraction.
Positive things happen to positive people. It's proven.

I don't agree. It's more that positive people will give more value to the positive things that happen rather than the negative.

Or my mother who complains that all the friends are dying or have problems, but she seems to attract those people and people who need an ear to talk about their own problems. Then she wallows in their problems.

Camomila Wed 13-Mar-19 10:27:43

I think some things are just luck...it’s also probably better for your mental health than to think that things are your fault because you are a terrible person...
For eg, our finances haven’t been great recently but we can rationalise it because our car got written off last year (it was literally the tiniest bump in a traffic jam, we barely felt it) and most of our cushion of savings went on getting the new one (2nd hand micra! Nothing fancy) Stuff like that is just luck.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 10:30:56

For little things like broken appliance, minor accidents, kids minor illness ( ear infection or stomach bug the day you are due to go on holiday...), you only pay attention when it happens to you. It's unlucky, but everyone around you had the same one time or another. Because it doesn't affect you, you don't really notice and you feel yourself unlucky.

Lweji Wed 13-Mar-19 10:37:16

You also tend to pay more attention when bad things happen together, but statistically, it's bound to happen sometimes.

Having said that, some bad things could be linked. A health problem can lead to less time or productivity at work, leading to worse finances, leading to more stress, possibly less attention on the road, leading to an accident, or to poorer health.

Honeyroar Wed 13-Mar-19 10:37:36

Bollocks to your laws of attraction theory. I've tried and tried to be positive, but shit really does seem to happen to me! I hang on, I do have some good things in my life and I try to focus on them, but sometimes I bloody wonder what I did in a previous life! This week being one of the weeks I've wondered what's the point. (husband has been in and out of hospital all year and is currently in intensive care and best friend is going through serious cancer treatment among other things). I'll bounce back and trudge on, but I certainly don't feel like one of life's lucky people!

clairemcnam Wed 13-Mar-19 10:37:49

Some things are luck.
My kids have a genetic illness that was undiagnosed in my DP. He is starting to have issues with it as he gets older too.
The last few years have seen a string of bereavements.
And we have both been made redundant - and no not our fault. In my DPs case local authority stopped running that service, in my case the whole company went bust.
Then lots of usual minor stuff as well.
I used to be incredibly optimistic, it has been worn away over the last 5 years. To say it has been a tough 5 years is a massive understatement.
And people who talk about making your own luck can fuck off.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Wed 13-Mar-19 10:40:35

Life is certainly unfair for some

Life is what you make it well that depends on a number or factors

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 10:42:41

And people who talk about making your own luck can fuck off.

but it's doesn't make it any less true.

I can think about a couple of people who started what is now their successful business when they were spending their days in hospital with a relative. Their loved one being very ill was horrendous. What they made about the situation is not luck.

There's less luck in life that people like to believe. How you handle the worst situation is not luck.

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