AIBU to think I've blocked out memories of abuse, or am I thinking there is more to it than there is?
My Mum was always a very friendly & incredibly naive woman, in our village there was an elderly man ex solider who walked with a limp he looked/smelled like a vagrant & she befriended him.
My primary school was about a mile from home & from 8 or 9 I used to walk on my own, A group of boys from school had taken to bullying me, as we had moved from another area and I had a weird accent, so I used to hide waiting for the bullies to give up and go home.
I guess for me at least it started pretty innocently. I remember seeing him walking down the road and I guess I saw a ‘safe’ adult and walked with him to prevent being bullied, this turned into what I think was most days he would be waiting outside school and walk me home & sometimes he would have one or 2 other men with him & they would buy me sweets.
My Mum knew I thought it was safe!
The memory I have is one day skipping along and my school skirt came up, he commented on my knickers and asked me to show him them again! I remember being unhappy/uncomfortable. I didn’t tell my parents about it.
Now as an adult I have had ‘memories’ of his house - which was next to the park! It was dark and you went in via the back /side door and there was a broken window. All the local children were scared of the house, if the ball went over etc. no one would want to go. I definitely didn’t go there with my Mum so shouldn’t know what it looked like inside.
About the same time the walking me home was going on I started getting severe vaginal infections, that the doctors couldn’t get to the bottom of, I was put under general anaesthetic for them to do investigations as to the source, however as far as I’m aware no cause was found.
Again around the same time I became really aware of my body, & if I was normal- it may just have been a normal stage of development but it seems odd that it would stand out in my mind.
Oddly enough my infections stopped when I moved up to senior school & no longer had contact with this man.
It’s been really playing on my mind recently, I think because I have a daughter who’s that age now. I also remember his name which is incredibly odd in itself as I don’t remember friends names from back then!
I have no memory of being abused or being taken to his home other than him asking to see my knickers & I don’t really want to open that up if my mind is protecting me but it does concern me that I may have suffered this and not told anyone or even that I may be jumping to conclusions. He definitely won’t be alive now so the concern of protecting others isn’t there.
What do you think?
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AIBU?
AIBU to think my mind is blocking memories of being abused?
41 replies
SugarfreeMe · 13/03/2019 05:04
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