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DH doesn't trust my gay friend?!?!

(60 Posts)
ApplePieIsAmazing Wed 13-Mar-19 01:34:39

I don't have many friends due to work but one of my friends is a guy around my age who is very much gay.

I invited him around on my day off and DH got pissy because he wasn't home and he says he doesn't trust him!

AIBU to keep this friend? He's really nice, and he's definitely gay, I've met his boyfriend.

Justagirlwholovesaboy Wed 13-Mar-19 01:35:40

Regardless of whether he’s gay why does your husband not trust you?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Mar-19 01:36:04

He doesn't have to trust your friend, whose sexuality is irrelevant. He has to trust you. Which he doesn't.

ApplePieIsAmazing Wed 13-Mar-19 01:36:53

He has no reason to not trust me, I've never cheated in my life and don't flirt with anyone. I take my vows very seriously

Justagirlwholovesaboy Wed 13-Mar-19 01:38:39

You need to tell him this and ask him to explain, otherwise you face life with a jealous husband

Dragonfruits Wed 13-Mar-19 01:41:57

Your husband is being ridiculous. Is there any chance he’s actually just homophobic?

ApplePieIsAmazing Wed 13-Mar-19 01:45:57

I don't think so, he's had gay friends in the past and we attended my lesbian friends marriage

Saracen Wed 13-Mar-19 02:21:05

"doesn't trust" your friend as in he thinks the friend wants to have an affair with you?

or "doesn't trust" your friend because he thinks your friend is a dodgy character who might be dangerous?

Did your DH say what he meant, or is it clear that he's jealous?

My DH has a very good sense of when something is "not right" about someone. Sometimes I get very cross with him about it because he tries to justify it and often does so in an offensive way, making crazy generalisations. The fact remains that his instincts about individual people are usually correct.

ApplePieIsAmazing Wed 13-Mar-19 02:33:45

He thinks he might try to start an affair, which is absurd. I thought that maybe he thought he was a dodgy character but nope, he thinks he will crack onto me

Justagirlwholovesaboy Wed 13-Mar-19 02:36:17

If he thinks this he still doesn’t trust you to resist, not a good basis for a relationship

Elloduckie Wed 13-Mar-19 06:19:09

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

DisplayPurposesOnly Wed 13-Mar-19 07:07:07

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up.

So you must ask permission to invite a friend round - but only if the friend is male? Women are OK?

I would obviously let my husband know as a courtesy if I was bringing someone back to the house, especially if he were likely to be in.

FullOfJellyBeans Wed 13-Mar-19 07:08:52

Unless DH thinks your friend is a rapist it's you he needs to trust not your friend.

BertrandRussell Wed 13-Mar-19 07:10:03

Hang on- you have to ask permission to invite a friend round???

NabooThatsWho Wed 13-Mar-19 07:10:35

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

Your comment makes no sense. If OPs DH trusted her then why would he be ‘annoyed’ by her actions?

Why would an adult need permission to bring a friend into their own home? Makes me glad I’m single.

cushioncuddle Wed 13-Mar-19 07:13:11

It doesn't matter if your friend try's it on with you or not , it's how you will react to it if it happens is what's important.

What your H is saying is that he doesn't trust you not to reciprocate if it happens.

If he doesn't mean that then he's being controlling.

Not a great choice.

Not sure how he's going to dig himself out of that one.

Drogosnextwife Wed 13-Mar-19 07:13:21

OK so he doesn't trust him because he thinks this guy will try and sleep with you or he doesn't trust him in other ways like he thinks there is something not quite right ie. He is a bit sneaky or something?

newdaylight Wed 13-Mar-19 07:13:23

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up.
hmm

Drogosnextwife Wed 13-Mar-19 07:14:28

OK missed the last update. He's being a bit ridiculous then. He sounds quite controlling.

cushioncuddle Wed 13-Mar-19 07:14:45

And he wants to know who you are inviting round.

He doesn't sound great.

Drogosnextwife Wed 13-Mar-19 07:15:34

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

Why?

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 07:17:32

You brought another man gay or not into the house, without giving him the heads up. It's a home that you both share. It's not that he doesn't trust your friend. He annoyed with your actions.

Fucking hell, do you live in the 1920s @Elloduckie?

SpenglerOswald Wed 13-Mar-19 07:32:13

This is another thread where the absurd double standards of mumsnet show, I bet if the sexes where reversed the response Would be rather different

CostanzaG Wed 13-Mar-19 07:37:04

ello what now? She needs to ask permission?????

CostanzaG Wed 13-Mar-19 07:38:39

Ello would she have needed to ask permission if the friend was female?

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