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AIBU to feel horrified by this personal attack

(78 Posts)
Terriblyhurt32 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:15:32


I've name changed for this as I'm so ashamed. I am a single mother with beautiful young children. An old friend contacted me via fb over 3 years ago and we began what I can only describe as an emotional affair. I think I was vulnerable and needed the company.

Any way fast forward and 2 years ago I loaned him nearly £6000 - I am so trusting and he did say he would return it. But he has only returned £500. But I was so deeply in love with this man I didn't care
Money was not important he was.

Late last year I went to visit.him abroad even though it was so hard for me. I stayed with him for 2 weeks and we had the most amazing time together. I slept with.him and he even asked me to be in a long term relationship. I was so happy. The first time we had sex he did say to me what's that smell and I laughed saying sometimes there is a smell after sex..

2 days ago I was getting fed up of bring permanently skint and my car gave up on me so I asked him for some cash in a nice email.

He called me very very drunk at night and said that I was annoying him by asking for money knowing he hasn't got it at the moment - I said no it's ok just give it when you have it. He them said that I really smelled down there when we were intimate and that that was proof I was sleeping around with a different man every day !!! He swore at me and called me all sorts if unrepeatable names. I was horrified and told him in no uncertain.terms to do one !!
He and to never call him again.

I am so hurt that all my feelings for this man were obviously misplaced and he has been so cruel I will never forgive him . I have been told I'm a beautiful woman and shower everyday amd pride myself on good hygiene. He has humiliated me and made me feel worthless.

I.sent him an email and told him he was an uneducated baffoon and got alot off my chest..but I feel so cheap.

How could I be so stupid. I trusted him intimately after a very long time and he has made me feel like a whore.

Plse tell me I'll get over this. I've been quietly seething for 2 days and desperately want revenge!!!

HarrysOwl Tue 12-Mar-19 21:22:27

Sounds like he turned nasty as soon as you wanted your money back.

I don't think he actually thought you were being unfaithful, I think he used that as an excuse to block you so he can keep your money.

A horrible situation but you must pick yourself up, build better barriers and work on your self esteem - there are so many cunty men (and women!) that will take advantage and be users. Good luck OP.

Whereareyouspot Tue 12-Mar-19 21:23:16

You have been very very foolish to lend him money
Can you afford to have lost £5500?

SavageBeauty73 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:24:38

You poor thing. You've been played. You'll have to write off the money. Don't let it happen again. What a bastard.

Whereareyouspot Tue 12-Mar-19 21:24:43

Oh my goodness and a single mother and you lent him £6k?
That’s was an insane thing to do.
Have you got any proof or a written agreement?

Nairobe Tue 12-Mar-19 21:25:08

He's a nasty piece of work who wants to put you off daring to demand your money back. Is there any legal recourse you can take?

Terriblyhurt32 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:25:12

Thanks harrysowl. Thing is I'm just upset that someone I.held in such high esteem has turned out to be such am asshole. I never ever thought he would say what he said to me and he called me a whore and.much.much worse. I felt awful but you are right I need to pick myself up and hope karma deals him a harsh blow !!

Goldmandra Tue 12-Mar-19 21:26:01

He doesn't think any of those things.

He is a shit who has used you and then upset you on purpose so he has an excuse to block you and keep your money.

Please don't give another moment's thought to his insults.

LovingLola Tue 12-Mar-19 21:26:36


Terriblyhurt32 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:26:58

I could.bit even afford to lose £20. Id saved for over 2 years to try and buy a better car. But lesson learnt. I should have thought things through. It' own stupid fault.

gamerchick Tue 12-Mar-19 21:27:47

OP he's done it on purpose to get you to drop the money thing. You dont smell, he knows what button to press so you feel like crap.

You'll probably not get your money back though if he loves to a different country. No more lending money out, even if you trust them.

FuckertyBoo Tue 12-Mar-19 21:27:55

Yep, he picked a really nasty argument with you on purpose so that he has an excuse to block you, so you can’t ask him for your money back. What a bastard flowers.

Terriblyhurt32 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:28:50

Thanks all you've made me feel so much better. Xx

user1473878824 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:29:14

Wait how was it an affair? Why on earth did you lend him so much money?!

Hohofortherobbers Tue 12-Mar-19 21:29:45

You will get over this emotionally but let's concentrate on getting you over it financially. Do you have any written evidence of a loan? Any emails, texts or letters? Could you start a small claims?

user1473878824 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:29:59

He’s being a prick because he doesn’t want to pay you back. Brush yourself off and learn from it.

Tilikum Tue 12-Mar-19 21:32:08

What country was it? If it was in Europe you might be able to sue him in that country to get it back? It's lot of money to write off.

HarrysOwl Tue 12-Mar-19 21:32:39

Don't blame yourself too harshly, you're not the first to be taken in and you won't be the last.

People like him know exactly how to play their victims, they pile on the charm and compliments. They're master manipulators.

Don't feel ashamed, put the blame solely where it belongs - with him. Learn from it, but don't let him affect your confidence/self esteem.

The best revenge you can have is to be happy.

Terriblyhurt32 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:34:45

Thanks Harry's owl. Yes you are right. The best revenge I can have is to be happy. It is a European country and I have all the paperwork but I really don't think he will pay up. I shall look into it and see. Thank you lovely ladies x

Hahaha88 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:35:35

He's taken advantage of your vulnerability. I'm sorry this has happened but please learn from it. That money could have been used to improve your kids life's! Not seem aholes!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Tue 12-Mar-19 21:35:43

Sounds like he turned nasty as soon as you wanted your money back

He never had any intention of paying you back I'm afraid. He's a manipulative user.
Do you have any evidence that the money wasn't a gift- emails, texts etc in which it was discussed?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Tue 12-Mar-19 21:37:01

I have all the paperwork but I really don't think he will pay up

If you have written evidence that it was a loan and he agreed to repay the money then he may not have a choice. I would seek legal advice.

StillCoughingandLaughing Tue 12-Mar-19 21:38:38

He’s being vile in the hope that you will find it too upsetting to stay in contact with him and give up on the money. Don’t let him get away with it.

Bluntness100 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:42:02

Also don't understand how it was an affair If you are single, is he married or in a relationship?

Terriblyhurt32 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:42:35

Well I'll pay my local CAB a visit and see what can be done.

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