Advanced search

To tell my mum she's not helping.

(13 Posts)
WishUponAStarbar Tue 12-Mar-19 20:02:58

Ok so, I live with my mum at the moment. She suggested staying with her when my boyfriend of 5 years walked out when I was 4 months pregnant. It's been good, she's been a great help and I am forever grateful, and I try to show this and pay her back as often as possible. My DD is now 11 months and I would like to move out but I feel trapped. I can't find anywhere within my price range in this city, I don't know if I'll be entitled to help either, if I move to the outskirts of the city or neighbouring towns the price drops significantly but that would then mean I would have to pay for childcare or travel (my mum is my childminder, she doesn't like the idea of me puttin DD in nursery) I only work 3 days a week but they are often 11 hour shifts. So it's gettin me down a bit, i've also been diagnosed with PND and I am attending therapy sessions.
Friday my ex (DD's dad) gave me some shit which brought my mood down, I've also just got my period today and this week is also an anniversary of something that also makes me feel down.
I have times where I am down for a few days and I get very irritable, I have little patience and I just want to hide away and not speak to anyone. I know this isn't good especially while having a young child so I forced myself to join baby groups, because I also have no friends here due to working abroad. I take my DD to 3 groups a week, and soft play once a week. I feel better when I am around people, Even if I'm not talking to them and also my DD enjoys herself so that cheers me up too. It's helped, I've gotten better I think but I still get hit with these days where i just feel like I can't do this anymore and I don't know why. Often it's something has triggered this feeling e.g my ex or if ice had a disagreement with my mum or maybe even my period coming, but I just can't control how I feel at these times.
When these days come, nothing I do helps. They last a few days and then I'm back to normal, but there will be 1 day out of those days that's worse. I get short with my DD, today all she has done is moan and whinge, and throw tantrums because she doesn't have what she wants but doesn't actually know what she wants. When I am in this mood and she is like this then I don't talk much or play with her, I basically do what needs to be done, feed, nappy changes bath etc and look forward to her going to bed because i just want to be in peace. And I hate myself for it, I end up just looking at her when she's sleeping and just crying because I feel terrible. Because I've not had the energy or the motivation to be happy and smiley and it's not her fault. I still take her to her baby groups even if I feel like this.
My mum ordered a takeaway tonight, she asked me what I wanted and ordered while I bathed DD. it came and DD just wanted to grab the food. Usually if order a takeaway then I do it after DD goes to bed because i don't like eating things that she shouldn't eat in front of her, otherwise she throws a tantrum if she can't have some. I was really hungry as I hadn't eaten all day due to DD being difficult and then having to take her to a baby group and I just forgot I guess.
Anyway DD started playing up just as I was about to eat my food and then started screaming so I just picked her up, made her a bottle and brought her to bed. I had eaten maybe 2 mouthfuls.
I get a text from my mum saying I need to sort myself out and go get tablets from the doctor because it's not fair on DD when I'm like this. I am attending therapy to help, I have a fear of taking tablets and rarely take any, not even for a headache, I don't know why. But anti-depressants scare me because they're so addictive (my mum is addicted) So I would rather try other methods first because I also believe that tablets only help a little.
Everytime I am feeling down my mum says I'm not the only one with problems and also a few months ago I was at my lowest and I said I felt like I didn't want to be here and she just didn't say anything at all. It's not helping. I've just basically said all this in a text now, she makes me feel Even worse, like as if I'm a bad mum. I don't hurt my child or anything I just sometimes don't have as much patience for her. And I don't feel comfortable talking about my feelings to her anymore because she makes me feel as though they are a burden and not as important as others. I have absolutely no one apart from her. I have one friend who lives in another city. And I just feel like I am failing completely today and like my life is just a shambles. I'm lonely and tired. I feel deflated and emotionally and physically exhausted. I've never been so exhausted before. And now I'm hungry and feel too awkward to go down and eat because my mum is there.

Sorry this was long but I guess I just needed to rant.

Waveysnail Tue 12-Mar-19 20:19:26

Taking medication was the best thing I did for myself and my kids.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble Tue 12-Mar-19 20:22:09

Antidepressants are addictive how? They’re not addictive. There are withdrawal effects but that’s not an addiction.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Tue 12-Mar-19 20:22:41

Medication does help some people a lot. Surely it’s worth trying?

But in the meantime, go downstairs and eat something. Even if it just makes you feel a tiny tiny bit better it’s worth it. I am really sure it won’t be awkward with your mum. She’s just worried and not everything comes out right between mums and daughters.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble Tue 12-Mar-19 20:23:03

Don’t mean to sound unsupportive - just maybe talk to your GP about it. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much flowers

adulthumanwolf Tue 12-Mar-19 20:23:48

Anti-depressants saved my life. Looking back I'm angry with myself for resisting them when I did. My life is improved x100 with them.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Tue 12-Mar-19 20:25:38

Antidepressants are addictive how? They’re not addictive. There are withdrawal effects but that’s not an addiction

This. And I didn’t love the withdrawal symptoms at all but it was only a few days.

SRK16 Tue 12-Mar-19 20:28:43

I think it’s reasonable to give therapy a good go before trying meds, but the type of anti depressant medication you are likely to be prescribed would not be addictive x

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 12-Mar-19 20:39:13

Talking therapy often Eureka best when supported by anti depressants they enable you to fully access it. See them as a short term tool until the therapy kicks in and you feel like yourself again. As PPs have said unless you're talking Prozac (which is rarely prescribed these days) it's usually a few manageable days of withdrawal symptoms that's all. Go eat something, and give your mum a hug

WishUponAStarbar Tue 12-Mar-19 20:40:33

I've just seen my mum on them, and how bad she gets when she forgets to take them, also when the doctors suggested weaning her off them she just wouldn't accept it and got really upset.
I get that people need them, and I didn't mean to come across like as if I don't think people should be taking them or that they're a bad choice, that's not what I meant if its taken that way. I just have a fear of pills. I suffer anxiety and have done for years, and the thought of taking anti depressants gives me the fear. Plus this only happens ĺ like once every few weeks. This time I'm not sure if it's because my period just came and my ex being a dick plus the anniversary all piled on top bringing me down. It just feels like my mum' allowed to have bad days but I'm not. Maybe I'll give the tabekst a try if I don't feel any better tomorrow.
How long would I have to stay on them? How do I know that I won't just go back to feeling the same way if I come off them again, especially if my situation is the same?

Thanks for the replies x

Namechangeforthiscancershit Tue 12-Mar-19 20:44:33

Timescale is hard to say- it takes a bit of time normally for them to start working and you can’t really know in advance how long you’ll want to keep talking them. Best just to go with the flow a bit. Do you mean you’re scared of physically swallowing pills? The only ones I’ve been on were so titchy, nothing like taking a paracetamol.

More importantly have you now eaten something? And has your mum given you a cuddle?

WishUponAStarbar Tue 12-Mar-19 21:14:47

@Namechangeforthiscancershit ok thanks for the info. No it's not the swallowing, it's the fear of how I'll feel. I've heard of people becoming emotionless, and I've heard that they get drowsy. Is this true?

I haven't yet, my mum is stubborn and if you say something that she doesn't like then she'll not speak for a while. I text her, she read it but didn't reply. So I'm waiting for them to go to bed so I can go down

Namechangeforthiscancershit Tue 12-Mar-19 21:19:50

I've heard of people becoming emotionless, and I've heard that they get drowsy. Is this true?

For me, no not at all. Obviously different people might feel differently but I wouldn’t say either of those things were true for me.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »