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To think I may as well not exist?

(18 Posts)
Specialkay1 Tue 12-Mar-19 19:05:02

Sorry for the depressing thread just feeling so lonely I'm almost at despair. I moved back to my hometown recently with my now 1 year old after leaving a controlling relationship and I have literally no friends, the ones from my hometown are all living different ends of the country at the moment.

I make an effort to go out to try and meet people, I go to 2 different mother and toddler groups and have chats with people there but nothing ever goes from there. I also work part time but it's the same there, plus it can be a very bitchy atmosphere so that doesn't help.

I feel like I have no-one, I have no-one to talk to other than my mum, and she's away alot. It's just me my little boy (who I obviously love to bits) and my own thoughts, I'm that lonely I've even started talking to myself. I've just reached a really low point today and don't know how I can keep going on like this. I have social anxiety but have already been pushing myself. I know it's not the case but I'm starting to think maybe I'm just not the kind of person anyone would want to hang out with or speak to.

Sorry for the long depressing post I'm just so desperate and need any ideas on how i can make friends, if anyone has any tips.

I feel like other than my son there is no point to my existence.

Monkeyshorts Tue 12-Mar-19 19:08:57

I'm sorry to hear you feel so lonely, I too sometimes feel lonely and it can be hard, I relate to the talking to yourself.

All I can suggest is, when you go to your groups sometimes it's worth trying to bite the bullet so to speak and ask another parent if they would like to meet for a coffee at soft play or somewhere, sometimes you have to make the first move, as difficult as it can be.

thanks to you.

nauseous5000 Tue 12-Mar-19 19:11:49

This was me a few years ago. I understand you completely. It's very lonely. The only thing you can do is make a big effort to put yourself out there- talk to other parents at the park/ in hroups/ at coffee shops etc. Look up local mums groups on fb- sometimes easier to make friends online first then meet in real life

Specialkay1 Tue 12-Mar-19 20:25:03

Monkeyshorts Thank you, I'll think of that post when I next go smile even writing it down has helped a little bit as it feels like letting stuff out if that makes sense?

nauseous how did all that change for you if you don't mind me asking? I guess by reaching out like that I worry that people may think I seem pathetic sad

motortroll Tue 12-Mar-19 20:27:21

This is how I felt when I had PND. (Not saying you have that but symptoms of depression are the same)

I would force myself to go out with my kids and then sit and speak to no one convinced that no one would speak to me because there was something just unlike able about me.

Now 10 years on I've realised it wouldn't have helped if they did. I felt lovely even when with people. I've also realised I was giving off a vibe of discomfort which people wouldn't approach in a child friendly environment!!

The best conversations I had when I had pnd were in places like Coffee shops with older people, the library, the bus stop. (Old people love to chat!) I found engaging with people in small ways helped me build up an ability to approach people, start conversations and build friendships where they were more likely to happen. It also meant I wasn't stuck at home talking to a baby and toddler all day!

I can't help with the rest of our situation other than say be kind to yourself. You have a baby, you'll always be important to someone. Xxx

MonaLisaDoesntSmile Tue 12-Mar-19 20:35:53

Have you tried joining an app like Mush- I met a few mums through it and it was lovely, people who join it are usual there to meet and chat.

I think sometimes you need to be proactive (not saying you are not)- I found that if you do not organise stuff yourself, no one else will! So I would organise lunches via apps or message people first to make sure things were happening!
But yes, it can be very, very lonely. I am a bit of a loner, so dont mind spending time on my own, and would just go for long walks or shopping with the baby, or booked myself into a course like baby massage.

Monkeyshorts Tue 12-Mar-19 20:43:29

@Specialkay1 it always feel better to talk things through, even if it's online.
Your be surprised how many other mums/parents are in your position and feeling like you do, honestly many will accept your reaching out, it can be hard especially if you struggle socially, another good one is trying to find local Facebook pages of groups or people.
Sole good suggestions on here.

Kittykat93 Tue 12-Mar-19 20:46:45

thanksthanks

Motherhood can be terribly depressing and isolating, especially in the early years.

I've just gone back to work full time and feel happier than when I was at home all day on my own with my son. Sounds awful as I love him to bits but the constant having no one to talk to was getting me down.

If you're shy, I also suggest trying online groups first maybe as it can be easier to get yourself out there.

It will get better. brew

Frolie Tue 12-Mar-19 20:50:36

Sorry to hear you’re feeling low. It can be very lonely being with a one year old all the time. I remember it well.

Well done on leaving your controlling relationship. That’s a massive achievement. Have you been in touch with your health visitor? They can help recommend baby groups and also refer you for counselling, which might help too. Is there a Surestart centre in your town? They often have things going on and resources. Libraries sometimes have story time too. Sometimes it’s just a matter of taking a deep breath and starting conversations with strangers, the weather, what they’re wearing etc.. There’s a quote ‘ A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet’ I wish you luck and stay strong, you’ve come a long way and should be proud of yourself . X

ShawshanksRedemption Tue 12-Mar-19 20:50:49

I remember that feeling of isolation too OP, even though I'm married. It felt like I had no-one to talk to during the day, until my husband came home from work.

I tried mum & baby groups, which I found too cliquey. I used a local meet up site and met a good friend that way. It really started to change though when my kids went to pre-school, as then I'd see the same faces all the time, we got to know each other whilst waiting for the school day to start/end, and it went from there.

PS I'd look at changing your job if you can. Bitchy places don't help with confidence!!

657user Tue 12-Mar-19 20:59:16

Where do you live?

Hollowvictory Tue 12-Mar-19 21:03:17

Speak to your health visitor they know of outreach groups eg there was one in our city for mums who didn't know anyone and the HV would attend and facilitate

Lifecraft Tue 12-Mar-19 21:05:41

Given the title of this thread, it would have been quite funny if no one had answered at all!

But I do have a dark sense of humour.

Thurmanmurman Tue 12-Mar-19 21:34:38

Lifecraft maybe it’s not the time for your ‘dark’ sense of humour 🙄 OP maybe try joining a local mums Facebook page? I often see posts from mums looking to meet others with children of a certain age and they get a very positive response. You’ll find there are plenty of others in the same boat 💐

nauseous5000 Tue 12-Mar-19 21:44:23

I think (unhelpfully) for you that things changed when I met my DP- 3 years later to you- but in meantime I had to put myself out there and I did make friends, just not all of them lasted. Since DD started school I've realised that you don't need to seek friends based on kids same age, but it's a good starting point

twistable Tue 12-Mar-19 22:31:27

Another one that came to ask if you can say where you live?

Specialkay1 Wed 13-Mar-19 12:45:53

Thank you everyone for your replies it's really made me feel a bit better, sorry it's taken me a while to reply.

motor I think I may give off the same vibes, even though I go to the group's and events I'm still not really 'there' if that makes sense? I just tend to rush of as fast as I can afterwards! I get what you mean though about striking up conversations wkth strangers or in other environments, I've had some lovely conversations with older people!

monalisa I have downloaded mush actually, I keep forgetting I have it though so I've got no-one to blame but my self for that one.

frolie thank you so much that meant alot smile. I've held back from mentioning it to my health visitor as I always get the feeling she thinks I'm not capable or I'm not coping when I am. She always asks where my mum is and why I'm on my own and even threatened to call social services once if I took my son to see his dad's family.

shawshank I am in the process of looking for a new job so that may help a bit, I agree about the baby groups some are hit and miss but my little boy loves them!

For those asking I'm in South Wales at the moment

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Wed 13-Mar-19 12:48:22

I found being at home with a 1 year old pretty lonely a lot of the time, and I did have friends around.

I think getting out every day is always good, and are you able to jump on a bus into town or anything like that?

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