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To think this is a cheeky way to invite someone to a wedding.

(153 Posts)
ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 17:45:19

This is the second time someone’s done this recently.

Received a message from bride to be. “Just checking if you are free on XXXth August”

I replied “I think so, haven’t book a holiday yet.”

She replies “Great that’s our wedding day, so glad you will be able to make it.”

The invite arrives a few weeks later for an evening invite. So I feel committed to the bloomin thing - I’m now meant to sort out holidays and child care around an evening invite to her wedding.

Am I being a bit of a bitch, I feel really annoyed by this.

Confusedbeetle Tue 12-Mar-19 17:47:13

Just decline the invitation. Something better came up,

recrudescence Tue 12-Mar-19 17:47:36

A lot can change in two weeks. Think of an excuse and turn down the invitation.

screamifyouwant Tue 12-Mar-19 17:48:15

Sorry not sure what you are annoyed about . Do you not want to be invited ?
Is this a friend or family ?

mintich Tue 12-Mar-19 17:48:26

I guess she didn't want to buy save the dates but it's a bit odd!

anniehm Tue 12-Mar-19 17:49:25

If you only said you think so, that's no a commitment, especially as times weren't specified. If you would rather not go just tell them

PCohle Tue 12-Mar-19 17:50:56

Well if it's an inconvenient date why didn't you say so when she asked?

I would usually provide more details if I was inviting someone to an event, but I imagine she is actually trying to be polite and prevent people feeling like they have to re-arrange things because a wedding is such a special event.

You don't sound like you like the bride very much - why bother going?

Ragwort Tue 12-Mar-19 17:51:55

How good a friend is she?

You could send a formal, polite reply thanking her for the invitation but regret you are unable to attend. No need to give an 'excuse'.

If she really presses you for a reason you could say something like 'at the time you asked we weren't 100% sure of our plans but we can't commit to that date so felt it was fairer to you to decline'.

But do people really ask 'why aren't you coming?' when you decline an invitation? confused

purpleelk Tue 12-Mar-19 17:54:09

Since she’s not actually invited you to see her get wed, don’t feel bad declining an evening party. And if she asks, tell her that you’d don’t “do” evening invites only due to cost and logistics of organising childcare.

thatwhichwecallarose Tue 12-Mar-19 17:54:29

The only answer to “are you free on Xxx” is oh I’m not sure, why? Then when they say why your response is “ok, cool. I’ll doible check and let you know”. 100% non committal.

HaventGotAllDay Tue 12-Mar-19 17:54:30

I think you're overthinking. She wasn't going to change the date if you weren't free, was she? So if you don't want to go, don't go. If you want to go and go on holiday book a holiday after or before.
I don't see the issue.

kaytee87 Tue 12-Mar-19 17:55:57

You're overthinking it.

If you don't want to go or can't go then just decline the invitation stating childcare issues or whatever.

Not a big deal.

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 17:56:57

No one is this wet, surely! You decline, it's a poxy evening invite, not jury duty. Why the fuck would you schedule your holiday round someone's crummy evening do?

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 17:59:40

I think you're overthinking

Very possibly. I think it was her response of “oh great you’ll be free to come”

She’s already presumed I’m coming. That just feels a bit cheeky to me.

The only answer to “are you free on Xxx” is oh I’m not sure, why

You’re so right - kicking myself.

VibingGood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:00:33

The only answer to “are you free on Xxx” is oh I’m not sure, why? Then when they say why your response is “ok, cool. I’ll double check and let you know”. 100% non committal.

^ This

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:01:23

No one is this wet, surely

Oh don’t worry I will be declining. I just think it’s cheeky that she’s already pencilled me in with “oh great you can come”

OneStepSideways Tue 12-Mar-19 18:01:53

I think evening-only invites are rude! It's a big expense if you need to arrange childcare, hotels, travel, and of course social etiquette dictates you buy an expensive gift.

I think people should either invite guests to the whole day (including the meal) or not at all!

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 18:02:04

You’re so right - kicking myself.

WHY? You just decline! 'Sorry, something came up, can't make it'. She's a CFer and it's an evening do, you're under no obligation to go.

ThreeBagsFullofWool Tue 12-Mar-19 18:02:58

I don't think she's cheeky, but I do think you're difficult.

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 18:03:12

She's a cow and I can guarantee it's a gift trawl on her part. Probably a 'pay for our honeymoon/give us money' request.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:04:19

threebags

but I do think you're difficult

Why?

ducky21 Tue 12-Mar-19 18:04:55

I would just decline the invitiation if u want to, it is very cheeky of her but in doing so I guess it makes your cheeky decline also in keeping with the theme so I wouldn't worry about it

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 12-Mar-19 18:07:35

I think that’s cheeky- never feel obliged though. Lack of childcare is a perfectly good excuse- one of the main perks of having children id say avoiding events

RedSkyLastNight Tue 12-Mar-19 18:07:48

I can't see how "great you can come to the wedding" is remotely rude. What was she meant to say "great, that means it's worth sending you an invite, which I wouldn't have bothered with if you'd been busy?"

Reluctantme Tue 12-Mar-19 18:08:02

It’s a bit cheeky, assuming you can make it. But if you don’t want to go, don’t 🤷‍♀️

NameChangeNugget Tue 12-Mar-19 18:11:42

Evening invites are the best. Get the day to yourself, miss all the boring shit & you can get on it, in the evening grin

ReggieWoo Tue 12-Mar-19 18:11:45

Rookie error. Always say you're not sure and ask why.

Never say yes. You could have been roped into anything.

RandomMess Tue 12-Mar-19 18:12:25

Well you and the DC are free but the DC aren't invited so 🤷🏽‍♀️

thedisorganisedmum Tue 12-Mar-19 18:14:55

I think evening-only invites are rude!
couldn't agree more, and I always decline them.

If you are free and have nothing better to do that day, you can still go. If you can't be bothered, say that something (family related for example) came up and you can't get out of it.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:18:40

redsky
I can't see how "great you can come to the wedding" is remotely rude. What was she meant to say "great, that means it's worth sending you an invite

No she definitely meant “great you can come to the wedding”

I don’t actually mind an evening invite. It just feels a bit cheeky to me. I may well be overthinking it though.

screamifyouwant Tue 12-Mar-19 18:20:15

I can't believe your annoyed about being invited to a wedding.
And if you really don't like this person and don't want to go she won't care that you don't go .

twistable Tue 12-Mar-19 18:20:49

I agree with OP

She is trying to tie you into something before you even know what it is. Backing you into a corner so that you feel obliged to come.

If you don't want to go just decline saying work/holiday/childcare plans have changed or that you thought she meant are you free in the day

MarthasGinYard Tue 12-Mar-19 18:21:22

"Are you free on blah"

"Yes"

"Great come to my wedding"

How on earth is this cheeky??

twistable Tue 12-Mar-19 18:21:48

It's the first message that's the worst for me. Manipulation at its finest

screamifyouwant Tue 12-Mar-19 18:23:20

I don’t actually mind an evening invite. It just feels a bit cheeky to me.
So you don't mind that you've been invited it's just that she assumed you are coming hmm
You've got issues !!

Springwalk Tue 12-Mar-19 18:25:50

Presumptuous is perhaps the word you are looking for. You hadn’t committed to anything and she ignored your reply and assumed you would go.

I am assuming she isn’t a special friend as you wouldn’t feel this irritated.

Decline and move on

FraggleRocking Tue 12-Mar-19 18:30:33

Massive overthinking.

Myimaginarycathasfleas Tue 12-Mar-19 18:30:42

Not a big deal. Perhaps she’s worried about non attendance to an August wedding so wanted to sound people out directly for a response in case they need to change the date. You won’t be the only one she rang, that was probably her prepared response to people who said they were free.

Just decline if you don’t want to go.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:32:39

So you don't mind that you've been invited it's just that she assumed you are coming hmm.You've got issues

I don’t mind an evening invite. I dislike being asked my availability and then it being presumed I will come to the wedding. I may have issues though grin

SargeantAngua Tue 12-Mar-19 18:34:45

To me the only real mistake was not letting you know when she contacted you that it was an evening only invitation, and sounds like she was a bit presumptuous about your coming.

Hmm I'm now wondering if I was rude... I messaged closest friends and family once we had set a date with a sort of "do you think you'll be around on the xth of ymonth", who generally guessed what I was talking about and responded along the lines of "ooh have you set a date?". But... it's a fairly small wedding (70ish), there are no evening only invitations, and for some who have to travel a way, especially with young kids, it was a way of letting them know all the details asap so they could think about logistics and whether they could come.

screamifyouwant Tue 12-Mar-19 18:36:24

So do you not want to go then ?

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:37:20

Hmm I'm now wondering if I was rude

Unless you followed up with “great you’ll be able to make the wedding” not rude at all.

As people have said I’m probably overthinking this. Don’t worry I’ll bet you’ve not come across as rude.

SarahH12 Tue 12-Mar-19 18:40:52

I think you're overthinking it. If you would go if she hadn't made that comment I think you should still go. If you don't want to or can't go then just decline 🤷‍♀️

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:41:06

So do you not want to go then

Not really. Sort out childcare. Thankfully no hotel needed but cab would be £50. Plus it’s smack bang in the middle of August so I’d have to plan trips away around it.

As you’ve probably guessed she’s more of an acquaintance.

Butterflycookie Tue 12-Mar-19 18:48:02

When you say evening invite, does that include the reception/dinner? I wouldn’t be going if I wasn’t served dinner blush

eggsandwich Tue 12-Mar-19 18:50:48

Tell her you’ve had another wedding invitation for the same day as her’s and its for all day say you will sadly have to decline her’s.

BiscuitDrama Tue 12-Mar-19 18:54:40

To everyone saying ‘don’t go if you don’t want to,’ how? She can’t say she’s busy now.

Orangecake123 Tue 12-Mar-19 18:54:40

It doesn't sound cheeky to me if she's a friend or a close family member.

If you don't want to go go, make an excuse up.

brizzlemint Tue 12-Mar-19 18:54:58

It's irritating yes. Not that I get invited to any weddings but I wouldn't keep a date clear until I got an invitation except for people like siblings.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 12-Mar-19 18:59:40

She just sounds a little over enthusiastic and maybe a bit insecure rather than rude tbh. No need to over think it.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 19:00:33

She can’t say she’s busy now

I’ll make something up. I’ll just provisionally reply as long as I can get childcare. Closer to the date my childcare will become suddenly unavailable.

I’m probably overthinking it. I hate being manipulated into stuff and this feels a bit manipulative.

*Tell her you’ve had another wedding invitation for the same day as her’s and its for all day say you will sadly have to decline her’s^

This is pure genius. Love it.

longearedbat Tue 12-Mar-19 19:01:05

Turn it down if you don't want to go.
Having been to a horrendous 'evening invite' wedding a few years ago I would always decline evening invites now. It was torture!

Twooter Tue 12-Mar-19 19:07:18

So she’s ‘more of an acquaintance’ but you’re pissed off about an evening invite?
You sound miserable. If you can’t book your holiday around the wedding then don’t go, but no need to get pusssd off about it.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Tue 12-Mar-19 19:11:18

It ISNT rude to invite someone to a party. It isn’t rude to decline. No “reasons” are needed.

NorthernSpirit Tue 12-Mar-19 19:14:12

I really don’t see the big deal.

I’m planning on getting married in circa July this year and haven’t sent hold the date etc invites.

And as for she’s a cow blah blah blah for only inviting you to the event do. You should be pleased she’s inviting you.

I wouldn’t bother if I were you, you sound like it’s too much of an inconvenience.

MindatWork Tue 12-Mar-19 19:14:29

OP please don’t mess around saying you’re going and then have your childcare ‘fall through’ nearer the date, just say you can’t make it - you’ve not committed to going just because of a text.

So many threads on here at the moment where people are tying themselves in knots coming up with fibs and fake excuses for not doing stuff or putting off cf friends hmm

Stargazer888 Tue 12-Mar-19 19:15:39

None of this sounds rude to me. I don''t know why you're in such a dither. I do think it's rude to tell her you'll come if you can get childcare and then cancel closer to the date. Just say no now and don't play games.

NotSorry Tue 12-Mar-19 19:18:37

my DSD used to ask what we were doing at the weekend - naively we thought we were being invited over or wanted to go out with us - nope! she was seeing if we were free to babysit - we are wise to her now

PCohle Tue 12-Mar-19 19:19:51

If you genuinely don't care that it's evening only why are you so gleeful about pretending to turn it down for an all day invite?

She's done something not at all rude and your plan is to do something actually rude in response (fake a childcare issue) because you lack the grace to deal with perfectly normal social interactions.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 19:23:19

And as for she’s a cow blah blah blah for only inviting you to the event do

Never said she’s a cow. I think she’s been cheeky. She asked if I was busy, I said I don’t think so, she replied great you can come to the wedding. She absolutely meant great ThereWill will be able to come, I’ll pencil her in on the guest list.

If she’d just mailed me an evening invite I wouldn’t be remotely annoyed. It’s the fact that she absolutely definitely thinks I’m coming to it as she’s sounded me out already (in what I think was a slightly sneaky and presumptuous way).

S1naidSucks Tue 12-Mar-19 19:24:40

Give it a couple of days, then tell her you’ve received an all day invite to another wedding, from a close friend. 😉

ThreeBagsFullofWool Tue 12-Mar-19 19:28:06

Difficult because you're making a mountain out of a molehill. This doesn't sound like a real problem.

S1naidSucks Tue 12-Mar-19 19:28:23

Oops. 😳

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 19:29:12

Give it a couple of days, then tell her you’ve received an all day invite to another wedding, from a close friend

I’ve already been told off by PColne for laughing at that joke once already. grin

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin Tue 12-Mar-19 19:29:43

I’d just reply and say that you’d assumed she was asking your availability during the daytime as you already have plans for the evening.

Drum2018 Tue 12-Mar-19 19:31:03

Cant believe she has an invite out already for August. What's the RSVP date? She's a bit full of herself assuming you'd want to go at all.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 19:31:08

Difficult because you're making a mountain out of a molehill

So being annoyed because you think a friend is being cheeky = difficult

yearinyearout Tue 12-Mar-19 19:31:56

Why don't you want to go?

ConfCall Tue 12-Mar-19 19:35:08

I wouldn't spend £50 on cabs for a B List invitation. Just decline. You don't need to explain why.

Redrupunzle Tue 12-Mar-19 19:35:53

I really don't understand the problem. You say you wouldn't have minded if she'd just mailed it to you but her asking is a problem?

What did you think she was planning when she asked if you were free on that date? Had it been a cinema trip/girls night/other thing would you have gone?

chilledteacher Tue 12-Mar-19 19:38:03

Yes, no one else has done it so I can utter the immortal lines "it's an invitation not a summons". (Mini fist pump)

Seriously OP, turn her down. Something better came along-like playing with your children. smile

XiCi Tue 12-Mar-19 19:38:48

Am I being a bit of a bitch
Actually yes, and not just a bit of one. She asked if you were free, you are, then she is happy you can come to her wedding. What on earth is wrong with a friend being happy you can come to her wedding? All this gleefully coming up with mean excuses not to attend is just nasty, why?

Ohyesiam Tue 12-Mar-19 19:40:03

Maybe she’s just pleased you can come to her wedding

XiCi Tue 12-Mar-19 19:40:17

Why the fuck wouldn't you go to a friends wedding if you were free, I don't get it

Foodylicious Tue 12-Mar-19 19:40:20

Just RSVP in the way requested on the invite saying you are not attending.

She may well have been a bit cheeky/presumptuous, but it would be rude if you to say you could go whilst planning to cancel last minute
You will have been counted if there is an evening buffet or whatever.

OliviaBenson Tue 12-Mar-19 19:40:28

Don't say yes and then have childcare fall through, that's rude. Just say no!

Bluesmartiesarebest Tue 12-Mar-19 19:44:00

Decline due to having no childcare available on that evening. It’s the best thing about having children - you’ve always got an excuse not to go to events that you don’t want to attend!

dontgobaconmyheart Tue 12-Mar-19 19:45:22

you don't sound like you like her very much OP, perhaps she thinks you are much better friends than you seem to think you are are so assumes it's a given you'll want to come. If you are free so far as you know, what actually is the issue?

Regardless, making up lies about childcare so you can then cancel at the last minute with an 'i'll show her' attitude, taking the piss out of the ways you might get her back on the internet with other people and so on all seems at least on a par with her wording to you about going to her wedding , after you had already said you were likely free. Just because you perceive it as sneaky doesn't mean it was, i hardly think she is so desperate for you to be there she is plotting ways to get you to commit, if you are evening only anyway tbh. How do you know she has pencilled you in for anything rather than just made an offhand comment on the phone anyway?

Simply decline if you do not want to go, instead of participating in that sort of passive aggressive nonsense. If you don't like her or have a grievance with her wording for whatever reason, speak to her directly, or stop speaking to her entirely then you won't have to worry. The whole thing seems like quite a non-issue.

outreach29 Tue 12-Mar-19 19:45:52

Oh don’t worry I will be declining. I just think it’s cheeky that she’s already pencilled me in with “oh great you can come”

Wow - just wow!

And you're her friend???

I'd hate to think what her enemies are like.

And yes, you are being rude and weird writing a post about it What's bad about being given a wedding invitation and having a night out with friends (?)

FuckertyBoo Tue 12-Mar-19 19:49:46

Hmmmmm don’t know... it depends on the person, their tone and your relationship I think. In some cases, I’d definitely find this a bit hmm.

I too, now do the whole; “oh I don’t know what our plans are that weekend, I’ll have to check the calendar” thing. It’s usually true anyway.

Fwiw, a male friend of mine did something a bit like this. Phoned me out of the blue having not spoken to me for years, announcing he’d just got engaged and that he wanted to make sure I could come to the wedding, it would mean so much to him blah blah. I thought “well that’s a bit unexpected but how nice”. He then sent out (email) save the dates etc and then a paper invitation. Mine was just to me, (not my husband), for the evening do and it was on the other side of the country in the arse end of nowhere. I was heavily pregnant, my mum had just died very suddenly and I couldn’t drive as I had no license at that point (I was a late learner). When I declined, he sent me a really angry text. It really put me off him.

He was a bit of a groomzilla by all accounts! He managed to fall out with a few people over his bloody wedding.

mumwon Tue 12-Mar-19 19:53:56

sorry - I forgot
dh has developed bubonic plague
or dc have Lassa Fever
I have been called into work to do urgent presentation
My boiler(or whatever) has died & that's the only time they can fix it
Aliens have landed in my back garden
I am stocking up in case/because of no deal Brexit
I have lost the will to live because of Brexit

Thegreymethod Tue 12-Mar-19 19:59:55

Does everyone hate evening invites? It's quite normal round here I've been to all day weddings and evening only and both have been great! I sent people evening ones only for my wedding (small budget and huge family!!) but only to people who are local I'd never expect anyone to need to book a hotel if only invited to the evening.

SunnyCoco Tue 12-Mar-19 20:04:15

Bloody hell, so now inviting someone to your wedding is rude!
Just decline the invitation if you don't want to go. Jesus.

thedisorganisedmum Tue 12-Mar-19 20:11:23

the non cheeky way would have been, for any normal human being:

I am getting married xx day, are you free that evening?

How difficult is that!

Luna9 Tue 12-Mar-19 20:17:31

Agreed; hate evening invitations; you either invite to the whole thing or you don’t; however I know is common here but I am not English

AlmostStace Tue 12-Mar-19 20:27:14

You're waaaay overthinking.

You say you don't like her "assumption" but I honestly think you've got that basic premise all wrong and worked yourself into a dither from there.

If I was shown those two texts I would deduce that someone was organising a wedding with not much notice, and had to pick a date and then send messages to people with fingers crossed that they could make it. The slightly coy first message I would attribute to her worry that people would get pissed off if a date had been picked that they couldn't make: judging by the mean way people speak on here when weddings come up, I don't think that's a stretch. And the second text is her relief that, thank goodness, she hadn't had to cut you out of the celebration with her choice and doesn't need to worry about you being offended. It's a bit of an awkward way to communicate but perhaps she's an over-thinker too. And she may well be truly delighted that you can come; maybe that second message was joy and relief, not arrogant assumption.

Either way, you don't seem that fussed for her. Don't go if you don't want, but for crying out loud don't lie about it. It's perfectly fine to say that childcare is an issue, or to book a holiday that week after all due to prices or convenience to your family.

And to those that think evening invites are insulting: get over yourselves. People cannot necessarily afford to pay for everyone they like and love to eat an expensive meal. No-one's forcing you to fork out for anything.

MarieIVanArkleStinks Tue 12-Mar-19 20:28:26

Assuming attendance without actually asking or sending an invitation as is the general, polite practice, is rude ...

Unless it's an 'evening only' invitation. In which case that's also rude.

This behaviour screams entitlement, but then again, a lot of things about weddings do. Apparently you're not a close enough friend to merit attending the actual wedding and reception, but you are 'worthy' of being railroaded into accepting an evening-only invitation by disingenuous means.

Decline the invitation. Why is this even a dilemma?

Brokenfurnitureandroses Tue 12-Mar-19 20:40:31

Evening invitations are rude. You’re not good enough to go to the full wedding but good enough to make up the numbers on the dance floor in the evening (and to give a present). A second class guest. Nah. I always decline them.

Happynow001 Tue 12-Mar-19 20:44:43

You ARE overthinking it OP. Sounds like general miscommunication between you and not quick enough wits on your part. 😊 lesson learned for next time though - being non-committal is your friend in these circumstances. "Unsure at the moment I'll need to check our calendar."

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 21:38:41

almost

If I was shown those two texts I would deduce that someone was organising a wedding with not much notice, and had to pick a date and then send messages to people with fingers crossed that they could make it. The slightly coy first message I would attribute to her worry that people would get pissed off if a date had been picked that they couldn't make: judging by the mean way people speak on here when weddings come up, I don't think that's a stretch. And the second text is her relief that, thank goodness, she hadn't had to cut you out of the celebration with her choice and doesn't need to worry about you being offended. It's a bit of an awkward way to communicate but perhaps she's an over-thinker too. And she may well be truly delighted that you can come; maybe that second message was joy and relief, not arrogant assumption

That’s a lot of deducing considering you don’t know the couple and I do. She’s not at all “coy” and the wedding is not remotely a last minute wedding by any stretch of the imagination.

but for crying out loud don't lie about it

There’s this thing called a white lie, people do it all the time. I can’t suddenly say something’s turned up 2 weeks after I said I was free on the date of her wedding.

I could just rsvp “can’t attend” which will probably make her wonder why the hell I suddenly can’t make it. She’ll ask me why and I’ll have to explain that I don’t fancy a £50 cab journey and childcare for what is basically a not very good disco (this is the not lying method).

Or I could rsvp - “yes I’d love to come but I need to sort out childcare. I’ll let you know when it’s sorted” and in a couple of months I explain actually I can’t get childcare, really sorry.

Maybe I’m a coward but telling a white lie seems kinder.

I’m not going to try and suggest I’m not an over thinker. Clearly I’m an overthinker grin

XiCi Tue 12-Mar-19 21:42:50

Evening invitations are rude. You’re not good enough to go to the full wedding but good enough to make up the numbers on the dance floor in the evening (and to give a present). A second class guest. Nah. I always decline them

What an absolute crock of shit. Alot of people just cannot afford to have more than close family for a full sit down meal. Are those people not allowed to have their friends with them in the evening to celebrate. God some people are hard work. Get invited to share a special day with friends, get fed, watered, entertained, chance to catch up with mutual friends but no, that's not good enough, they need to be guest of honour at the bloody bridal table

llangennith Tue 12-Mar-19 21:53:05

Assuming attendance without actually asking or sending an invitation as is the general, polite practice, is rude ...

Agree

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 21:54:20

Oh, the ones that are really bad, Luna, are the ones that ask you to come and watch the wedding, then fuck off until the evening do.

And to those that think evening invites are insulting: get over yourselves. People cannot necessarily afford to pay for everyone they like and love to eat an expensive meal. No-one's forcing you to fork out for anything.

Why have an expensive meal at all? Why stick to the tired ol' all bloody day format where it drags on for fucking hours and hours and hours, with this 'breakfast' that isn't for a set few (that usually sucks) and then this poxy disco for the B-listers because you 'couldn't afford it'? Why not do something different?

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 21:56:42

God some people are hard work. Get invited to share a special day with friends, get fed, watered, entertained, chance to catch up with mutual friends but no, that's not good enough, they need to be guest of honour at the bloody bridal table

Thing is you’ve just described a day invite

Get invited to share a special day with friends an evening

get fed often a cold bacon butty

watered you normally don’t get “watered” in the evening

I don’t mind evening invites but yes people sending out “save the date cards” to be followed up by an evening invite annoy me. It makes it harder to turn down the invite as you should have already pencilled it in your diary.

Thegreymethod Tue 12-Mar-19 21:58:05

*XiCi
*
👏🏼👏🏼** if someone had turned down an evening invite to my wedding because they were "only" an evening guest (which no one did) then I'd be glad the self centred tossers hadn't attended.

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 21:58:45

but yes people sending out “save the date cards” to be followed up by an evening invite annoy me. It makes it harder to turn down the invite as you should have already pencilled it in your diary.

It doesn't at all! Fuck that. If it's not local, and it usually isn't, it's easy peasy to just send the RSVP back with a decline. The invited is usually just a tout for swag or cash or one they used out of misguided courtesy, not because they actually want you there.

MarthasGinYard Tue 12-Mar-19 21:58:56

FGS

Just decline then

Save the huge headache

And the 50 quid you keep banging on about....

I don't somehow think the B&G will be heartbroken

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 22:08:41

The invited is usually just a tout for swag or cash or one they used out of misguided courtesy

So why send the Save the Date Ca

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 22:08:59

Oops

Ca = card

FuckertyBoo Tue 12-Mar-19 22:20:42

I mean... I wouldn’t turn down an evening invitation “because I was just an evening guest”, but obviously, I’m not going to make as much effort to go somewhere for a short do... I wouldn’t travel all that far for a few hours in the evening, (especially not when my dh hasn’t been invited, I’m heavily pregnant and can’t drive) the same as I wouldn’t go to Australia for a long weekend. I just wouldn’t.

I’m arranging a christening at the moment and I’m not even inviting guests from my home town, or further afield, as it’s too far to even entertain the idea of them coming all this way for such a short event 🤷‍♀️.

That said, I wouldn’t take offence at being invited to an evening do. That’s not even what the op is offended by.

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