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To think this is a cheeky way to invite someone to a wedding.

(153 Posts)
ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 17:45:19

This is the second time someone’s done this recently.

Received a message from bride to be. “Just checking if you are free on XXXth August”

I replied “I think so, haven’t book a holiday yet.”

She replies “Great that’s our wedding day, so glad you will be able to make it.”

The invite arrives a few weeks later for an evening invite. So I feel committed to the bloomin thing - I’m now meant to sort out holidays and child care around an evening invite to her wedding.

Am I being a bit of a bitch, I feel really annoyed by this.

Confusedbeetle Tue 12-Mar-19 17:47:13

Just decline the invitation. Something better came up,

recrudescence Tue 12-Mar-19 17:47:36

A lot can change in two weeks. Think of an excuse and turn down the invitation.

screamifyouwant Tue 12-Mar-19 17:48:15

Sorry not sure what you are annoyed about . Do you not want to be invited ?
Is this a friend or family ?

mintich Tue 12-Mar-19 17:48:26

I guess she didn't want to buy save the dates but it's a bit odd!

anniehm Tue 12-Mar-19 17:49:25

If you only said you think so, that's no a commitment, especially as times weren't specified. If you would rather not go just tell them

PCohle Tue 12-Mar-19 17:50:56

Well if it's an inconvenient date why didn't you say so when she asked?

I would usually provide more details if I was inviting someone to an event, but I imagine she is actually trying to be polite and prevent people feeling like they have to re-arrange things because a wedding is such a special event.

You don't sound like you like the bride very much - why bother going?

Ragwort Tue 12-Mar-19 17:51:55

How good a friend is she?

You could send a formal, polite reply thanking her for the invitation but regret you are unable to attend. No need to give an 'excuse'.

If she really presses you for a reason you could say something like 'at the time you asked we weren't 100% sure of our plans but we can't commit to that date so felt it was fairer to you to decline'.

But do people really ask 'why aren't you coming?' when you decline an invitation? confused

purpleelk Tue 12-Mar-19 17:54:09

Since she’s not actually invited you to see her get wed, don’t feel bad declining an evening party. And if she asks, tell her that you’d don’t “do” evening invites only due to cost and logistics of organising childcare.

thatwhichwecallarose Tue 12-Mar-19 17:54:29

The only answer to “are you free on Xxx” is oh I’m not sure, why? Then when they say why your response is “ok, cool. I’ll doible check and let you know”. 100% non committal.

HaventGotAllDay Tue 12-Mar-19 17:54:30

I think you're overthinking. She wasn't going to change the date if you weren't free, was she? So if you don't want to go, don't go. If you want to go and go on holiday book a holiday after or before.
I don't see the issue.

kaytee87 Tue 12-Mar-19 17:55:57

You're overthinking it.

If you don't want to go or can't go then just decline the invitation stating childcare issues or whatever.

Not a big deal.

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 17:56:57

No one is this wet, surely! You decline, it's a poxy evening invite, not jury duty. Why the fuck would you schedule your holiday round someone's crummy evening do?

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 17:59:40

I think you're overthinking

Very possibly. I think it was her response of “oh great you’ll be free to come”

She’s already presumed I’m coming. That just feels a bit cheeky to me.

The only answer to “are you free on Xxx” is oh I’m not sure, why

You’re so right - kicking myself.

VibingGood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:00:33

The only answer to “are you free on Xxx” is oh I’m not sure, why? Then when they say why your response is “ok, cool. I’ll double check and let you know”. 100% non committal.

^ This

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:01:23

No one is this wet, surely

Oh don’t worry I will be declining. I just think it’s cheeky that she’s already pencilled me in with “oh great you can come”

OneStepSideways Tue 12-Mar-19 18:01:53

I think evening-only invites are rude! It's a big expense if you need to arrange childcare, hotels, travel, and of course social etiquette dictates you buy an expensive gift.

I think people should either invite guests to the whole day (including the meal) or not at all!

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 18:02:04

You’re so right - kicking myself.

WHY? You just decline! 'Sorry, something came up, can't make it'. She's a CFer and it's an evening do, you're under no obligation to go.

ThreeBagsFullofWool Tue 12-Mar-19 18:02:58

I don't think she's cheeky, but I do think you're difficult.

PiebaldHamster Tue 12-Mar-19 18:03:12

She's a cow and I can guarantee it's a gift trawl on her part. Probably a 'pay for our honeymoon/give us money' request.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood Tue 12-Mar-19 18:04:19


but I do think you're difficult


ducky21 Tue 12-Mar-19 18:04:55

I would just decline the invitiation if u want to, it is very cheeky of her but in doing so I guess it makes your cheeky decline also in keeping with the theme so I wouldn't worry about it

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 12-Mar-19 18:07:35

I think that’s cheeky- never feel obliged though. Lack of childcare is a perfectly good excuse- one of the main perks of having children id say avoiding events

RedSkyLastNight Tue 12-Mar-19 18:07:48

I can't see how "great you can come to the wedding" is remotely rude. What was she meant to say "great, that means it's worth sending you an invite, which I wouldn't have bothered with if you'd been busy?"

Reluctantme Tue 12-Mar-19 18:08:02

It’s a bit cheeky, assuming you can make it. But if you don’t want to go, don’t 🤷‍♀️

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