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Man doing my pedicure

(280 Posts)
eyesbiggerthanstomach Tue 12-Mar-19 16:24:53

I'm having a rubbish day so maybe am being super sensitive but not sure. There is a nail bar I regularly go to. A few men work there but it's mainly women. Usually one of the women does my pedicure. I have had one or two of the men do it in the past too.

Anyway, am currently getting one done by a man and I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I can't explain why. Maybe because he is slow and so every touch feels like it's lasting ages but I'm not enjoying it.

Is it unreasonable to specify a woman does it in future?

Littleraindrop15 Tue 12-Mar-19 16:26:26

biscuit

Ragwort Tue 12-Mar-19 16:31:35

No, I agree with you, I wouldn't like a man doing my pedicure and I don't feel you should have to explain why.
Whenever I have had a beauty treatment (rare grin) I have been asked if I would be happy to have a man or woman beautician.

Bluestitch Tue 12-Mar-19 16:33:00

No I wouldn't like it either, I would only have beauty treatments, massage etc done by a woman.

crisscrosscranky Tue 12-Mar-19 16:33:15

I prefer the man at my local salon- he's 'harder' than the women! grin

NameChangeNugget Tue 12-Mar-19 16:33:30

biscuit

SummerHouse Tue 12-Mar-19 16:35:45

What's with all the biscuits? No I don't think that's unreasonable.

Bellasorellaa Tue 12-Mar-19 16:35:46

been getting my nails and feet done for years i dont see the problem
trust me op he doesnt fancy you

eyesbiggerthanstomach Tue 12-Mar-19 16:38:53

Okay so I don't understand what the biscuits mean. Does it mean chill out?

@Bellasorellaa I don't think he fancies me! I'm just uncomfortable with the touch. I dunno maybe he was inexperienced which is why it took ages and felt uncomfortable.

eyesbiggerthanstomach Tue 12-Mar-19 16:39:59

It's fairly empty so he is currently sat peeling a potato while my nails dry.

Maybe he is just odd generally.

Ragwort Tue 12-Mar-19 17:46:20

I'm sure the OP doesn't think he 'fancies her' hmm but if you are paying for a personal treatment then I think you have the right to ask for a woman, or a man, if you prefer.

And the fact he is peeling a potato sounds he is not at all professional.

bridgetreilly Tue 12-Mar-19 17:47:52

Yes, YABU. So long as he does a good job, it does not matter whether he's male or female.

iklboo Tue 12-Mar-19 17:48:52

Peeling a potato? Is he practicing removing hard skin? 🤢

Livedandlearned Tue 12-Mar-19 17:50:34

He's probably planning on doing a shepherds pie for tea.

DietriotukMN Tue 12-Mar-19 17:52:06

You're being a bit sexist if you request that to be honest. Unless you rock up wearing a miniskirt and no knickers why would you worry about it being a man. Everyone needs employment after all.

Sinead100 Tue 12-Mar-19 17:55:40

Some of the best mani - pedis I've had have been by a gent confused

teyem Tue 12-Mar-19 17:56:13

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

anniehm Tue 12-Mar-19 17:58:03

No, not reasonable. Men are just as capable as women though if this particular person is no good, that's different. My nail bar is nearly all men except the owner

MojitoMojitoo Tue 12-Mar-19 17:58:07

I always book and ask for a lady but that's because I'm fussy af and I don't like the way anyone else does my nails except one lady!

MojitoMojitoo Tue 12-Mar-19 17:58:49

Peeling a potato 😂😂😂

Littlechocola Tue 12-Mar-19 17:59:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

eyesbiggerthanstomach Tue 12-Mar-19 18:08:32

@DietriotukMN random comment!confused

Ha @iklboo I did wonder!!

Slightly worried now that this is a bit outing as I would imagine not many workers in a nail salon peel their vegetables at the manicure table.

eyesbiggerthanstomach Tue 12-Mar-19 18:09:44

@Livedandlearned 😂😂

JessicaWakefieldSVH Tue 12-Mar-19 18:11:05

You are allowed to set your own personal boundaries when it comes to who touches you, regardless of how intimately. Specify a female next time and I’m sure they’ll have no problem with that.

Purpleartichoke Tue 12-Mar-19 18:13:39

If you don’t like his work, I would try to find someone you do like and just ask for them in the future. My salon has several men working there. They are all children, nieces, and nephews of the owner, working there to pay the bills while they are in school. They are all incredibly skilled. I think it helps having literally grown up at the salon. The younger generation is often playing in back while the parents work up front.

glamourous Tue 12-Mar-19 18:17:07

I dont get the biscuits 🙄
YANBU! I'd feel weirded out at a random man touching my feet and doing my pedicure. I've been at a salon where I chose to wait and have a female do it instead. There's nothing wrong with that OP!

whiteroseredrose Tue 12-Mar-19 18:20:44

YANBU. I'd feel uncomfortable too.

teyem Tue 12-Mar-19 18:21:31

They're special woke biscuits that you need to keep eating to avoiding speaking up and upsetting the men.

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 18:23:01

I wouldn't care personally but that's me.
Your paying for a service so presumably you can ask for whoever you want?

Ignoremeiaminvisible Tue 12-Mar-19 18:24:38

Oh I had a female bus driver and didn't feel safe. Can I ask for a man next time?

Weetabixandshreddies Tue 12-Mar-19 18:30:31

Regardless of it being a man, woman or dog doing the pedicure I would be very concerned about standards in a salon where staff think it's ok to peel potatoes at the nail bar!!!!

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 18:30:32

It's different if they are touching you surely?

teyem Tue 12-Mar-19 18:32:06

Yes, absolutely, get the next bus invisible. I totally get it right, what with having been told for the whole of your life to take care of how you behave around females because they have leaky boundaries and a propensity to objectify and violate you at a social level and a criminal justice system that lays the blame squarely at your feet for having asked for it? And how this continual assessment about your level of safety about women and their access to your body might make you feel uncomfortable...

fashiondevotee Tue 12-Mar-19 18:41:11

I'm assuming the nail is bar is Asian-run? That's pretty standard IMO, it tends to be the whole family involved in the business. I've never had a problem with a man doing my nails versus a woman.

Ignoremeiaminvisible Tue 12-Mar-19 19:12:29

" It's different if they are touching you"
Really? Doctors, Dentists etc etc. Can't believe the comments on here.
If it was a massage fair enough but a pedicure, unbelievable!!
If you don't like how you were treated fair enough ask for someone else next time, BUT the "male" comment is totally unacceptable and would not be tolerated in reverse.

JessicaWakefieldSVH Tue 12-Mar-19 19:21:14

Ignoremeiaminvisible

Yes really. Plenty of women ask for female doctors and dentists. Plenty of men also prefer male doctors, some prefer female if they’ve had past abuse. Are you really not aware why some people might have preferences with who touches their body? Really?

Bluestitch Tue 12-Mar-19 19:21:34

There are many woman who also request female doctors and dentists. What's wrong with that?

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 19:37:38

I think some religions might require a
Female?
Not really sure tbh?

I'm in the minority I think, I'd be fine with a male for a smear.
I'd expect a male or a female to be professional and they'd
Both have the same qualifications surely but again that's just me. I don't expect everyone to feel ok with that.

Personal preference is fine if someone is touching your body for any reason surely?

Same as my stepson talks to his dad about some things and me about others?

SlinkyDinkyDoo Tue 12-Mar-19 19:41:08

peeling a potato where the fuck is this salon? Russia 1872?

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 19:42:47

What's he doing with the potatoes? Shepherds
Or cottage pie?

ChristineBaskets Tue 12-Mar-19 19:46:38

Love the woke biscuits comment. Fucking spot on.

OP if you feel uncomfortable getting a personal service from a man you should absolutely feel able to ask for a woman. Always trust your instincts with things like this.

roisinagusniamh Tue 12-Mar-19 19:56:40

Sexist!

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 20:06:07

Is it sexist though?

If I was offering a service touching someone and a man said "I'd rather have a man" so what?

What's wrong with that?
If
Someone is touching you well should t you feel ok with who is touching you?

Ignoremeiaminvisible Tue 12-Mar-19 20:15:07

Equality in the work place works both ways FFS. Some of the comments on here are unbelievable. Did the op say anything about previous sexual abuse? Think very carefully about what you are saying before making sweeping statements. There are always posters on here banging on about "god are we back in the 1950's" well yes by the look of things we are. Equality means "equality" its not just women who should be able work in whatever profession they chose but men can also.

SurgeHopper Tue 12-Mar-19 20:17:32

One of the best pedicures I ever had was by a guy.

He really put the effort into the foot massage bit

teyem Tue 12-Mar-19 20:21:14

Why would the poster have said anything about previous sexual abuse? Are you struggling to understand my earlier post where I explain how women are expected to police their own boundaries effectively so as to not be vulnerable to male violence on the one hand but expected to not police them too rigidly so as to not hurt men's feelings on the other?

sagradafamiliar Tue 12-Mar-19 20:22:19

Absolutely not unreasonable. Ignore the 'sexist' bollocks. It's your body, you get to say who touches it for any reason you like. You're the customer as well, spend your money how you like.

llangennith Tue 12-Mar-19 20:22:29

I would be stressed if anyone but my usual lady did my pedicure let alone a male. Yes I know it's daft but I don't like being touched unless I'm really comfortable with the person doing the touching.
YANBU.

Hanumantelpiece Tue 12-Mar-19 20:24:49

I don't think I'd be that bothered whether it were a man or a woman doing the pedicure, but I would be put off if the person seemingly had no idea what they were doing. I'd certainly be put off if they were peeling vegetables.

teyem Tue 12-Mar-19 20:27:04

No, chances are that I wouldn't be put off either but I don't see why the op is expected to shut the fuck up to save hurt feelings.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen Tue 12-Mar-19 20:29:19

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 20:31:07

So you can't choose who you want to touch you touch you for risk of offending someone else.

Ffs.

Man or women. You have the right to choose you touches you. Male or female. Like the look of them or not. It's your body. Neverland of you offend someone.
Just be polite about it ffs.

What's wrong with that?

JessicaWakefieldSVH Tue 12-Mar-19 20:31:10

teyem I’m loving your contributions!

Bluestitch Tue 12-Mar-19 20:34:45

So Dietrios revolting comment stays but the angry response to it gets deleted. Lovely.

ijustneedagoodshake Tue 12-Mar-19 20:36:14

If you operate a good salon, everyone should feel comfortable asking for whatever they want.

If my waxer was off, I'd expect to be asked if I'd want a different waxer. Male or female.
I'd expect to be made comfortable if I said yes or no.

It's personal preference ffs. Feet or fanny. It's up to me who sees it and interacts with it. Nothing wrong with that.

It's not sexist.

A man did my boob job. Because I felt like I could trust him.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Tue 12-Mar-19 20:40:01

You are perfectly entitled to not want a man, or anyone I suppose, not touching your feet if you’re not comfortable with them, for whatever reason. Any human, man or woman, willing to touch my hideous trotters however, would be due a medal. 🥇

Judashascomeintosomemoney Tue 12-Mar-19 20:41:17

......anyone? It’s like the devil’s hooves down here........

teyem Tue 12-Mar-19 20:42:06

Thanks Jessica, although it's the very first time I've ever had a post deleted. A lot of hurt feelings around tonight.

MidniteScribbler Tue 12-Mar-19 21:47:48

I get my nails done by a man. Doesn't speak a word of English, but they are the best they've ever been done in twenty years of having acrylic nails. There is also a man that does amazing pedicures, but I wouldn't let him touch my finger nails.

That said, they always ask if I mind if one of the guys does it whenever I walk in. They don't get offended if someone says no.

Ohyesiam Tue 12-Mar-19 21:54:56

BUT the "male" comment is totally unacceptable and would not be tolerated in reverse.
But it wouldn’t be the same in reverse would it? What percentage of men experience high levels of unwanted touch, attention or scrutiny from women? It’s not a level playing field, a reversal makes a different situation.

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld Tue 12-Mar-19 21:58:04

Can I ask OP, are the workers in the nail bar from SA? if so they may have been trafficked. Please don't support it.

BunsOfAnarchy Tue 12-Mar-19 22:07:08

Not unreasonable to want a female to touch a part of your body instead of a male if it makes you more comfortable.

It's not sexist in the slightest. Body autonomy and being comfortable is most important here.

I would personally not mind a male pedicurist. I had a male gynacologist during my pregnancy, male surgeon and male registrar during labour and giving birth. However i did request a female to help clean me up around 8 hours post birth. I just felt uncomfortable having a man clean me up. I cant explain why. But that's how i felt.

BunsOfAnarchy Tue 12-Mar-19 22:08:19

Sorry i meant female nurse instead of the male nurse.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 12-Mar-19 22:13:50

I don’t think I would care, it’s someone doing a job. Not fussed who as long as the end result is good.

JessicaWakefieldSVH Tue 12-Mar-19 22:16:26

teyem so someone reported your post? Whatever for?! Mind you, I responded to an accusation levelled at me on a thread last week that I was there to ‘fight’ ( as a child abuse victim on a thread about abuse ), with ‘ that’s b***shit’, and it was deleted. I asked why as it wasn’t a personal attack and swearing isn’t banned. It was because both sides were getting heated and they wanted to get it back on track... that doesn’t seem very fair does it? So it’s a bit hit and miss with all these rules!

itsbetterthanabox Tue 12-Mar-19 22:17:42

Ask for your preferred therapist by name- you can book in with who you like.i

thedisorganisedmum Tue 12-Mar-19 22:19:27

Not unreasonable to ask for your favourite technician.

Excluding an entire gender is weird, but it's your body. A man could ask not to have a female hairdresser touching him.

The story about peeling a potato is the disturbing part. What kind of body treatment place has food in it? Feet and potatoes?!? What kind of cheap illegal dump is that place!

Littlechocola Tue 12-Mar-19 22:31:15

My response to diet got deleted but his/hers didn’t???

In what way is it sexist? Yes everyone needs employment but everyone has a right to feel comfortable and safe.
Personally I would feel fine having a man doing my nails (have male gp, male midwife and work in a male dominated team) but what if I didn’t? Don’t I have a right to say no?

JessicaWakefieldSVH Tue 12-Mar-19 22:40:34

Excluding an entire gender is weird, but it's your body the but isn’t necessary. Let’s rephrase it:
It’s your body and you can exclude anyone for any reason and that includes all males if that’s your preference.

SuziQ10 Tue 12-Mar-19 22:40:52

When I get my nails done I am not too fussy but I don't like the way one woman does it (they peel off after 5 mins) and I don't like her way / mannerisms. So I specify who I would like. It's fine. It's ok to prefer the service of someone else. You didn't enjoy your treatment this time so next time ask for one of the other beauticians or someone other than this person.

SpiritedLondon Tue 12-Mar-19 23:26:47

Fine you didn’t want a man - probably best if you expressed your preference at the start rather than passively accepting it.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 09:18:08

the but isn’t necessary

it is when men wouldn't be able to refuse a woman because she is a woman!

And if it was a medical professional, such as an A&E doctor, or a fireman, you wouldn't be given the choice! For a (very weird) pedicure, you can ask for anyone.

Be mindful that some people refuse to be touched by a person from a different race. So yes, it's your body, but the beauty place have a right to tell you to jog on, it's not their problem if you don't like a man or a black person doing the job.

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 09:24:02

it is when men wouldn't be able to refuse a woman because she is a woman!

Except they can.
You can specify for a female or male doctor in A & E, depending on the emergency. Using the few examples of an emergency where your life relies on immediate care, is missing the point.

Bringing up race, and comparing it to this, is BS. Those people are racists. Skin colour and sex are completely different issues and it’s unbelievable to raise that in this context. My word.

thedisorganisedmum Wed 13-Mar-19 09:28:31

Of course skin colours and sex are no different issues at all, ever heard of protected characteristics?

Weetabixandshreddies Wed 13-Mar-19 09:34:19

You can only discriminate against a protected characteristic under very specific conditions - I doubt having a pedicure would qualify.

MorganKitten Wed 13-Mar-19 12:06:44

I get my nails done regularly, I care they are done well and look nice, not bothered by who does them. They know what they are doing so no issue.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Wed 13-Mar-19 12:16:40

If OP comes back and says she’s Muslim, does this change anyone’s opinion?

YANBU OP. If it bothers you, it bothers you. You have a right to bodily autonomy.

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 12:22:31

YABU - you're unhappy with HIS technique, that's fine don't have him again. But does this exclude all men? Would you exclude all women because of the technique of one?

PregnantSea Wed 13-Mar-19 12:24:52

I've had pedicures from men before. I never thought of it as weird at all

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 12:39:48

youknowmedontyou

It’s not unreasonable and it’s not uncommon for women to prefer other women touching them for services like this, or healthcare. Women telling other women that their personal boundaries are unacceptable is really disappointing behaviour.

Ghanagirl Wed 13-Mar-19 12:43:21

@SurgeHopper

One of the best pedicures I ever had was by a guy.

He really put the effort into the foot massage bit
Maybe OP doesn’t like having a man she’s just met puting extra effort into a foot massage.

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 13:15:30

@JessicaWakefieldSVH OP asked AIBU? I responded, so who are you to tell me my behaviour is disappointing?

I find the level of misandry of MN and all men are the devil frankly ridiculous!

It's a professional doing his job!

I find your behaviour ridiculous.

Steamedbadger Wed 13-Mar-19 13:18:53

Sorry, can we just revisit peeling the potato for a minute? What did he do with it?

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 13:39:32

youknowmedontyou

Who am I? Another member responding, not just to the OP, but to others. It’s common behaviour on a forum and I don’t need your permission. You’re doing a NAMALT and I absolutely find that disappointing. Deal with it.

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 13:40:59

It's a professional doing his job

Right because professionals never ever take advantage of their position, professionals can never ever be threatening or intimidating. I mean, the naivety...

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 13:56:40

*
Right because professionals never ever take advantage of their position, professionals can never ever be threatening or intimidating. I mean, the naivety...*

And hundreds of thousands don't.... the drama.....

Bluestitch Wed 13-Mar-19 13:57:28

People have the right to decide who touches them youknowmedontyou, even women.

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 13:57:29

*
Who am I? Another member responding, not just to the OP, but to others. It’s common behaviour on a forum and I don’t need your permission. You’re doing a NAMALT and I absolutely find that disappointing. Deal with it.*

Your showing misandry and drama ... deal with it!

SurgeHopper Wed 13-Mar-19 14:00:05

Maybe not, Ghana girl

But I did

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 14:00:37

@Bluestitch yeah that's right, male or female but my opinion is that because you don't like the technique of one male is not a reason to discount all men. If OP didn't want a man at all, why not just say that .....

TheWernethWife Wed 13-Mar-19 14:09:04

Love having my feet done, blissful experience for me. It could be done by little green men for all I care.

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 14:10:30

Women exercising their right to decide who touches them, is not ‘misandry’. The problem is men’s behaviour and it’s common and has had enormous affects on many women who then take precautions when it comes to who touches them. This is a result of men’s behaviour, and blaming women is disturbing victim blaming crap. I will call that out when I see it, even if misogynistic people call me a misandrist for doing so. In the wake of metoo, behaviour like yours should be challenged and women such as the OP, supported. You can carry on calling women dramatic if that’s what you want, but this is a supportive forum, that’s the intention anyway.

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 14:12:17

@JessicaWakefieldSVH ok all men should be drowned at birth....

And no woman ever did a thing wrong?

Bluestitch Wed 13-Mar-19 14:14:32

Some people REALLY don't like women having boundaries do they?

Ghanagirl Wed 13-Mar-19 14:14:45

@youknowmedontyou
So a man has the right to put his hands on a woman just because it’s his job how about male midwives?

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 14:15:24

Nobody said anything remotely like that. This is about a woman’s preference on who touches her. I’m not sure why you have such a reaction to that. But your last comment is extremely childish.

JessicaWakefieldSVH Wed 13-Mar-19 14:16:25

Some people REALLY don't like women having boundaries do they?

Indeed. Such an extreme reaction is very odd indeed, why the push to have women accept a man touching her when she doesn’t like it? Creepy.

Bluestitch Wed 13-Mar-19 14:17:11

If you don't want a man to touch you then it follows that you must want him dead. What a load of manipulative bollocks.

youknowmedontyou Wed 13-Mar-19 14:17:53

@JessicaWakefieldSVH I will support justifiable situations, I will not back a woman due to her being female! I will back right over wrong not matter what the sex.

darksideofbuttonmoon Wed 13-Mar-19 14:19:35

OP is perfectly entitled to her boundaries and to decide who she wants touching her feet, but given that she presumably realised his gender when he walked over to start the pedicure it's a bit late to be complaining about it after the fact
Anyway, if it's the type of nail bar I'm thinking of I'd be more concerned that everyone there was trafficked into the country and isn't getting paid.

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