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Should I say something?

(16 Posts)
jemimapta Tue 12-Mar-19 10:28:22

My kids go to a sports group and I've come to realise that one of the mums is married to someone I had a casual relationship with 19 years ago, friends with benefits if you will. Theres no ill feeling at all on my part, she is lovely and I'm thrilled for him to see him happily married with cute kids. But as we chat more I feel a little uncomfortable, his family know who I am, will she be angry with me if someone points out I have a distant history with her now husband?

PetsFactor Tue 12-Mar-19 10:29:22

No? We all have a past, that’s nothing to do with her. If she’s angry, then she’s insecure

StillCoughingandLaughing Tue 12-Mar-19 10:30:50

Do you see yourself socialising with them as a couple at any point? If not I’d say nothing until you see them together, greet him as an old friend and let him decide how much he tells her.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Tue 12-Mar-19 10:31:01

Why would she be?

Everyone has a past.

Do you really think his family/friends are going to be so de classe as to bring this up?

MzHz Tue 12-Mar-19 10:36:54

Why on earth would you raise this? Ffs, it was a shag, leave it in the past and let her be!

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 12-Mar-19 10:41:00

lord no dont raise it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TinselAndKnickers Tue 12-Mar-19 10:43:14

No way - she probably already knows. And if someone came up to me to tell me they'd shagged me DP I'd see it as a massive shit stirring attempt

TinselAndKnickers Tue 12-Mar-19 10:43:24

My* not me grin

frazzledasarock Tue 12-Mar-19 10:44:02

What do you want to say?

I used to shag your husband?

I’d not say anything and if it ever comes up (doubtful), feign surprise and say you don’t remember. Which should work if it was as casual and long ago as you say.

capaciousbladder Tue 12-Mar-19 10:46:29

I think if he wants her to know about his historical sex life, it's up to him to tell her, not you.

CaseofEllen Tue 12-Mar-19 10:55:55

If you were just FWB is it likely many of his friends/family even know? I wouldn't say anything.

Bluntness100 Tue 12-Mar-19 10:59:44

Why would you feel it's your job to tell her this? It was well before her, and wasn't even a romantic relationship. It's up to him if he wishes to tell her, and what would you say anyone, I thought you should know I shagged your husband years ago?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 12-Mar-19 11:09:24

Definitely no.

Why would you rake up the past about someone you have no feelings about?

GabriellaMontez Tue 12-Mar-19 11:12:23

Why do assume she doesn't know?

justonemoreminutepls Tue 12-Mar-19 11:14:42

still coughing and laughing has got it down to a tee.

I had this exact situation happen to me. This girl and my partner had a history, I met her a few times, I asked him some questions and he told me.
I didn't want to ask her and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to hear it from her but was more than happy to hear it from my DP.

Just leave it. It's his responsibility to tell her.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 12-Mar-19 11:16:33

I thought you should know I shagged your husband years ago?


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