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DM, next door neighbour and the bins....... AIBU

(71 Posts)
Whatdoesitmatteranyway Tue 12-Mar-19 09:55:43

Hi

Some of you will recognise me from previous posts about my DM.

BAsically I stay with her monday-thursday and will be until later this year. This arrangement works for me for work and her because she's disabled and had two major surgeries and is about to have another one. She's becoming less disabled with each surgery.

Her lovely neighbour bring her bin up to the road from the side of her house every Tuesday. he has done this for years. I get back later than him but if I get back before him, I bring his to the road. This doesnt happen often.

The problem is EVERY time he does it, he puts the bin right in my parking space. (diagram is attached).

I can't drive onto it from either side. I normally park blocking mum in but thats where he puts the bin. I don't want to block him in obviously.

So this means I have to pull up in the car, get out, move the bin, then park , move the bin next to his bin (which is where he puts it if there is a car aleady where I park), get back in the car and park up.

Its a minor irritant but its still annoying.,

I've asked DM to maybe have a quiet word and ask him nicely if he could not block my space. But she point blank refuses as she doesnt want to annoy him or seem ungrateful.

But I don't think it would be ungrateful would it?

Shoxfordian Tue 12-Mar-19 09:58:07

Why don't you have a word with him? It's you he's inconveniencing. Speak to him yourself op

Whatdoesitmatteranyway Tue 12-Mar-19 09:58:55

Because if I do, DM will just moan at me for it.

onanothertrain Tue 12-Mar-19 10:00:17

Your mum's house, her neighbour. If she doesn't want to mention it to him then that's fine. If it annoys you do much why don't you mention it to the neighbour and put the bin out yourself, although what happens when you're no longer there? It's what, once a week maximum?

TheSerenDipitY Tue 12-Mar-19 10:01:44

well its kind of a minor thing, he is being kind and getting out of the car to move it isnt that annoying is it? he could instead leave it out and just take his and it is likely to be taken ( judging from all the bin CF threads i have read)

kenandbarbie Tue 12-Mar-19 10:01:45

Why don't you speak to him but not tell dm you did. You don't tell her every little conversation you have do you?

Shoxfordian Tue 12-Mar-19 10:02:15

And if she moans about it then it doesn't really matter as long as it means you can park without moving the bin every time.

HungryForSnacks Tue 12-Mar-19 10:07:16

It's only once a week though isn't it? I probably wouldn't say anything seeing as he's doing your mum a favour

MoistMolly Tue 12-Mar-19 10:31:15

If somebody had a word with me about this, I would just stop helping out altogether.

Treaclesweet Tue 12-Mar-19 10:33:03

YABU. He's helping your mum out. It's not really that much of an inconvenience. You're being petty. Get a hobby.

oh4forkssake Tue 12-Mar-19 10:33:22

Honestly, I would leave it. It's irritating but it's so small in the great scheme of things, and even if your Mum is getting better, how nice is it that she has good neighbours.

This is something that I'd let go and I don't let much go.

ourkidmolly Tue 12-Mar-19 10:34:07

It's a really minor detail. You're just being very lazy. Don't mention it.

WeeDangerousSpike Tue 12-Mar-19 10:39:33

If he didn't put it there, wouldn't you be more likely to find someone else parked there? So he's effectively reserving you a parking space by doing it?

I think yabu, I get that it's irritating, but I think the help outweighs the inconvenience.

dustarr73 Tue 12-Mar-19 10:43:58

Hes doing a nice thing.If you have a word,he might stop doing it.

TeachesOfPeaches Tue 12-Mar-19 10:44:39

Do you mean operations?

Barrenfieldoffucks Tue 12-Mar-19 10:45:43

I really wouldn't mention this.

"Next time you're doing my mother a favour, would you mind not inconveniencing me"?

Barrenfieldoffucks Tue 12-Mar-19 10:47:21

Besides, surely you drive up, hop out leaving engine running, move bin then park? Must take all of 15 seconds?

CarrieBlu Tue 12-Mar-19 10:47:38

YABU. Appreciate that your mum has a helpful neighbour and stop being lazy - it’s only nudging a bin along once a week! If I did this for someone and their DC ‘had a word’ with me about it, I’d stop doing it.

Nanny0gg Tue 12-Mar-19 10:48:50

Say nothing. He may be invaluable when you're not staying any more

Justmuddlingalong Tue 12-Mar-19 10:52:40

I remember your previous posts. You seem determined to find maximum stress in normal everyday situations.

LikeARedBalloon Tue 12-Mar-19 10:55:30

Gosh, yabu. Accept his favour and get out your car once a week to move the bin if it's in your way. You may need his help one day if you're not able to stay with your mum for any reason and helpful neighbours are hard to find. Don't be petty and rock the boat.

Piffle11 Tue 12-Mar-19 10:58:50

For once a week, I wouldn't say anything. It's just a bit of a hassle, isn't it? Not actually a major issue. We don't know what this neighbour is like: if you said something, he may react ok, 'oh, no problem!' etc, or he may get embarrassed that he's being doing the 'wrong' thing for so long, or be offended. So why take the risk? My DM's neighbours: to the right you could say your piece and although they may be embarrassed they wouldn't say anything, and would continue to help out. To the right: she would take massive offence at you 'throwing her help back in her face' and would never speak to you again! Your DM must know him more than you and if she doesn't want to say anything, then don't bother.

happysaturday Tue 12-Mar-19 11:01:01

Let it go. It's a minor inconvenience, he's being kind.

GruciusMalfoy Tue 12-Mar-19 11:01:23

Good neighbours are more important than a minor irritation. I wouldn't risk my mother losing a friendly neighbour for the sake of the smallest inconvenience to me.

WhatchaMaCalllit Tue 12-Mar-19 11:03:07

Is this in an estate or on a main road OP? If it's the latter, are you likely to be holding up traffic while you move the bin?

Fontella Tue 12-Mar-19 11:03:18

Bloody hell!

Lovely neighbour who helps out your disabled mum with the bins, leaves it in a place inconvenient to you, so you have to a minute out of your day to move the bin before you can park?

You're right it is a 'minor irritant'. Very minor indeed.

Her neighbour could be a complete horrible selfish arsehole (as many are) but he's not. He's a lovely man who looks out for your mum. The fact that he inconveniences you to the point that you draw a diagram and start a thread about says a lot more about you than it does about him.

AspasiaLunata Tue 12-Mar-19 11:05:32

What would be wring in saying "Hello lovely neighbour. I just want to thank you for kindly moving mum's bin every week, it's such a nice thing for you to do and I want to know how much I appreciate you looking out for her. While I'm here, would it be ok to ask if you could leave her bin at X until I get home with my car? Thanks so much"

AspasiaLunata Tue 12-Mar-19 11:06:02

wrong*

Sarahjconnor Tue 12-Mar-19 11:06:13

He's being really helpful and will watch out for DM when you are not there. I'd be grateful for such a nice neighbour and move the bin.

Mugglemom Tue 12-Mar-19 11:07:03

I wouldn't say anything. It sounds like you're not going to be keeping up the arrangement of staying with her much longer, and you don't want the neighbour to take away the message of "Don't do the bins", because I'm sure your mother would appreciate the neighbour's help once you're no longer living there.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 12-Mar-19 11:08:52

It is a minor irritant. I could understand it being an inconvenience if you were disabled and had difficulty getting in and out of your car. Your mum doesn’t want to say anything so don’t.

twistable Tue 12-Mar-19 11:10:23

YABU and lazy

donajimena Tue 12-Mar-19 11:12:00

My bin men do this. Stick it in the middle of the drive. Its annoying but its really not worth getting upset about. Its great that she has such nice neighbours.

PineappleTart Tue 12-Mar-19 11:12:05

This is such a non issue. The guy is helping g out your mum and it takes seconds to rectify. The alternative is he stops helping.

JumpOrBePushed Tue 12-Mar-19 11:12:28

I’d leave it and not say anything.

It sounds like a very minor inconvenience.

wigglypiggly Tue 12-Mar-19 11:12:57

Is it your allocated parking space?

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 12-Mar-19 11:13:19

If its that big a deal you could, you know, like, err, talk to him about it....But really, its your mothers house and she doesnt want you to say anything, so suck it up! In the scheme of things is it that much of an issue - really??

7Pip Tue 12-Mar-19 11:14:22

Can you not take the bin out yourself and position it somewhere else?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 12-Mar-19 11:15:13

It's such a minor thing that happens, what, once every fortnight? Just not worth the hassle. Let it go.

Hushnownobodycares Tue 12-Mar-19 11:15:21

How many nightmare neighbour threads are there daily on MN?!

This one sounds like a diamond. I really, really wouldn't make an issue of this.

OoohAyyye Tue 12-Mar-19 11:15:32

I'd just get out and move it tbh.

I would perhaps mention it in passing myself (rather than ask your mum to do it) rather than popping over.

WanderingDaffodil Tue 12-Mar-19 11:17:20

This is really not an issue! How hard is it to move a bin?

Alongwaytogo Tue 12-Mar-19 11:17:28

Yabu and very lazy. If someone asked me to this I'd be less inclined to help at all!!!! He's helping you mum out ffs.

ittakes2 Tue 12-Mar-19 11:18:41

Honestly - I would leave to - he does the hard bit and surely its once a week.

Springiscomingsoon Tue 12-Mar-19 11:19:23

Don't upset him! When you leave he will still be helping your mum and she may desperately need help in the future when you aren't there.
It doesn't take long for you to get out of your car and move the bin!
And be thankful every time you do as someone is thinking kindly!

HollowTalk Tue 12-Mar-19 11:25:37

Couldn't your mum move the bin that distance, so that you can park easily?

Margot33 Tue 12-Mar-19 11:26:53

He will probably stop doing it and the bin men won't care where they put it. So it will probably block your mum's drive anyway!

Hoppinggreen Tue 12-Mar-19 11:31:02

Are you the person who had a minor meltdown over soup ?
If so you really need to chill

Girlzroolz Tue 12-Mar-19 11:37:07

Well, given you sometimes move his bin for him as well, isn’t that the perfect conversation starter for you?

You: ‘Hi Fred, just wanted to check, when I get the chance to move your bin in, where is the best place for me to wheel it? I know sometimes a small distance can make a big difference?!’

Fred: ‘oh just a tiny bit to the left of where you’ve been putting it, thanks’

You: ‘thanks again for all the times you bring mum’s bin in. You really are a godsend. She and I really appreciate it.’

Fred: ‘No problem, happy to help.’

You: ‘Actually, now that I think of it, would it be cheeky for me to ask you to wheel mum’s bin a bit further left? It makes it easier for me to park, so I can get in to her quicker. Is that ok? Thanks so much’.

Fred: ‘Sure’.

End of problem.

Sparklesocks Tue 12-Mar-19 11:38:36

It’s such a small thing once a week, a bit irritating having to get out of your car but as PP have said in the big scheme of things it’s very minor. It’s really nice the neighbour helps out in that way as not all neighbours would. I wouldn’t risk saying anything in case he takes it the wrong way and stops helping. Feels like a pick your battles moment.

youknowmedontyou Tue 12-Mar-19 11:43:22

GET A GRIP

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Tue 12-Mar-19 11:47:54

😂 Jesus wept. Leave it (and maybe get a life), its ridiculous.

Waveysnail Tue 12-Mar-19 11:53:25

Just get out and move bin. Not end of the world

onlyk Tue 12-Mar-19 12:20:36

Yes it is ungrateful, also the DN is helping your mum not you. Be grateful she’s got a nice neighbor who’s happy to help her out.

Looking at your diagram rather than complain about your mums nice neighbors how about helping your mum and her DN by reporting the abandoned car ?

Easy to do on the Fixmystreet website.

diddl Tue 12-Mar-19 12:49:05

If he's a reasonable person, can't see the problem with talking to him tbh.

Does he even know when you're there & he's blocking you from getting in the drive?

I'd hate to think that my "helping" was putting someone else out & I could easily resolve it.

WhatchaMaCalllit Tue 12-Mar-19 14:17:26

I have been pondering over this one since I posted earlier @Whatdoesitmatteranyway and I got to thinking that perhaps the neighbour might think that they are helping by 'reserving' you the place to park outside of your DM's house.

I know that parking around some areas where I live would be on a first come first served basis and some residents will position their wheelie bins in such a way to 'reserve' a parking space outside their houses. Could this be it, do you think?

Looneytune253 Tue 12-Mar-19 16:18:12

Nooooo it’s such a minor thing I wouldn’t complain. It’s prob easier than having to bring the bin in yourself so just suck it up!!

longwayoff Tue 12-Mar-19 18:11:09

Perhaps one of us should pop over and have a word with him? Or, maybe, you could do that yourself?

anniehm Tue 12-Mar-19 18:14:18

Leave it! The bin men do this to me every week, it's annoying but not worth getting het up over

ivykaty44 Tue 12-Mar-19 18:18:52

Probably better to ask him to stop doing the bins, give him a present and do the bin yourself from now on. When you stop visiting your mother your mother can either do it herself or get assisted bib collection from council

CluedoAddict Tue 12-Mar-19 18:32:12

If you are trying to park on the pavement then you shouldn't be.

LEDadjacent Tue 12-Mar-19 18:37:21

Get over it. The bin men do this to me every week, it’s really not worth causing any upset.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend Tue 12-Mar-19 19:01:55

Accept or or advise him from now on that you’ll take care of the bins.

Fridakahlofan Tue 12-Mar-19 19:14:44

In the time you took to draw the diagram you could have moved the bin out the way at least 100 times

youknowmedontyou Tue 12-Mar-19 19:34:31

You not had time to cone back OP? Moving bins?

icanhearapindrop Tue 12-Mar-19 20:02:35

My NDN has decided to leave her bins on her drive, rather than on the grass to the front of it. She gets really P’d off when the bin men stick it back on her drive as it blocks her getting her car back on when she comes home. They don’t do it to anyone else as everyone else puts their bins on the grass. It makes me laugh, as she won’t change her ways! Annoyingly, she gets cross with me that I don’t move it for her either! I think everyone should just stick to doing their own bins. People always get flamed for trying to help.

Youandwhosearmy Tue 12-Mar-19 20:06:08

Are you soup lady?

Chill grin

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Tue 12-Mar-19 22:22:34

Can someone link the soup thread? I feel like I'm missing out grin

Whatdoesitmatteranyway Wed 13-Mar-19 13:00:02

HI

ok, I get i'm unreasonable about this one. I havent said anything because since mum refuses to, she's be angry if I did.

I think the issue will diminish as the nights get lighter - the bins go out later in the summer and I'll normally be back to do them myself.

I think it was just I had to do it in the pissing rain and wind that wound me up. I was thinking you know I bloody stay here why can't you just move it to the side!

And she's scary when she's angry. LOL. Amazing how scary a 75 year old can be.

Most of the time we get on fine but occasionally we butt heads.

For the record, the soup one:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3512151-To-be-irrationally-angry-at-DM-for-eating-my-soup-I-want-this-to-be-light-hearted-but-I-fear-I-m-seething

ShartGoblin Wed 13-Mar-19 13:33:11

If it were me I'd probably get him a gift to say thank you for everything he's done and "oh while I'm here, I don't suppose you could change where you put the bin / don't worry about moving it". If he's kind and helpful he won't mind you asking at all but it is definitely right to acknowledge his helpfulness at the same time.

Dontrainonmyparade Wed 13-Mar-19 13:38:35

I have a similar irritation every bin day - except the bin men do it. They always leave my bin in the middle of my drive, meaning I have to stop in the road, get out and move my bin before I can drive my car on to my drive. It’s never occurred to me to say anything to the binmen, even though it inconveniences and irritates me for a couple of minutes every week. They probably don’t give a second thought to where they leave the bin and won’t be doing it deliberately to annoy me. I think your mum’s Neighbour is unlikely to even realise it’s an issue for you, I’m with your mum on this, just put up with it once a week for a couple of minutes.

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