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To have not taken DS seriously? **Contains distressing content - Thread title edited at OP's request**

(57 Posts)
LellowYedbetter Tue 12-Mar-19 07:58:52

A few weeks ago DS (20) sent me a text message saying his girlfriend was pregnant along with “grandma” type jokes. I think he was expecting me to be shocked and panicked but I was very calm and said “lovely” ... he then backtracked and said “actually, she was pregnant but not anymore” and made out she’d lost the baby. I was very sad about this and he picked up on it and then changed the story to say she was booked in for an abortion. So obviously at this point I’m assuming the whole thing is a piss take and stop taking it seriously. He’s known to make up stories for attention. Last year he went to London and made out that he’d got lost in a gang area, asked a huge gang for directions and got threatened with his life etc ... turned out to be a “wind up” so he has form for daft stories. Another one was telling me his dads girlfriend had tried to choke him with a lolly pop stick. Turned out to be a massive over exaggeration of what actually happened.

Anyway with the pregnancy one I assumed it was bullshit and during general conversation with his younger brother I mentioned that DS1 had played a joke on me and made out I was going to be a grandma. A week or so later DS1 confirms that she did indeed miscarry. I have no idea what to believe as the story changed so much. Why would you send someone a message saying they were going to be a grandma if you knew the baby was no more?? Makes no sense.

Anyway, DS1 is now furious that I told his younger brother of the pregnancy. But when I did, I didn’t even think there was a pregnancy! I’d told him if the joke that had been played on me as that’s what I thought it was!

AIBU to think DS1 needs to take some responsibility for this?

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump Tue 12-Mar-19 11:17:47

It sounds as though ds needs a lot of support. I’d approach this from a place of concern rather than anger.

There are a lot of possibilities.

Processing and communication issues as a result of asd. Struggling with overall narrative.

Mental health issues of one kind or another.

But happy and healthy adults with no SN don’t do this.

MrsTeaspoon Tue 12-Mar-19 13:20:46

Even if your son does choose to be referred for a possible adult diagnosis of some kind of SN he still needs to know how to live as an acceptable member of society; these are not tall stories, not funny, and have consequences. I think you are going to have to be very firm and clear that going forward you will not tolerate it anymore, that he must grow up, accept his humour could/does hurt people’s feelings and that it needs to stop. Don’t react to anything he tells you that sounds dramatic until you have corroboration.
I have 3 teens all with different diagnosed SN and very differing personalities - they all know this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and I won’t condone it. Your son is an adult, it must stop now. Good luck.

FilledSoda Tue 12-Mar-19 14:27:14

I'd be reluctant to have any sort of communication with him if this is the bs he comes out with but a kinder approach would be to suggest professional help.

Frenchmontana Tue 12-Mar-19 15:19:07

no I don’t mean to let him carry on for as long as the dx process takes. I’m meaning to keep an open mind, but to get the dx process started asap.

But then its jot the priority.

Can you imagine have a miscarriage and finding out your partner was telling people you had an abortion?

These are silly daft lies. This is awful.

And he is now using it to punish the OP.

How would she even know if he is attending appointments? Will she have to escort him?

Frazzledbutcalm Tue 12-Mar-19 15:58:32

Getting the process started IS a priority. Mum might want to go to the appointments with him ... I would if he were mine. He might be happy for her to be there with him, as support or to provide information.

As his mum, I’d be having a conversation with him about his inappropriate stories, obviously going into detail of the effect they have, and bringing up the subject of assessment and going into detail about that.

Frenchmontana Tue 12-Mar-19 16:42:17

We will have to agree to disagree.

Whether he has ad or not this needs to stop.

Ad is not an excuse for what he is doing and he doesnt believe his stories. He knows they are lies and does it for attention.

You may want to go with your son. The OP may. But that's out of her control as he is an adult. He may not want to, may not want her to. May go and lie about the diagnosis. Might tell her he has a brain tumour. He may not go and tell her has.

She cant control if he has diagnosis. But she can control whether she engages with this bullshit lies. And his girlfriend needs to know what he is telling people. It's unlikely it's only his mum that he has told, that she had an abortion.

NCforthis2019 Tue 12-Mar-19 16:46:59

your son sounds awful - joking about a miscarriage? Christ alive. You need to speak to him about this - one day he is going to be making up stories to the wrong person then he will seriously get in trouble then.

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