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AIBU to always wonder what if?

(10 Posts)
Lily715 Tue 12-Mar-19 06:52:42

I've never loved anyone like I loved my first love. I know what people say about first love. AIBU to think he probably was the one and I might never love someone the same? Have had two serious relationships since. Broke up with first love as child from previous relationship plus psycho ex made life miserable.

shinyNewPound Tue 12-Mar-19 07:08:29

No one loves anyone like their first love. The first time those feelings come, you go from zero to big hormones surge that you've not had before. The next time it happens it doesn't give you the same rush. You might also be mixing up lust for love.

There is no such thing as the one.

You will make yourself miserable if you keep comparing present feelings to past feelings (which you don't remember accurately anyway). Also don't keep trying to find the same person.

If you are feeling this way, maybe you need to question where love comes from, because it doesn't come from outside of you, from another person or thing.

Procrastination4 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:13:51

You ABU if hankering after “what might have been” is preventing you from developing a new relationship. However, I’m slightly puzzled that you term him your “first love” if the relationship broke down because of a “child from previous relationship and psycho ex”. “First loves” are usually those teenage/very early twenties relationships that are rarely tested by real life adult problems, in my experience.

Lily715 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:24:10

Procrastination4 - I am in a relationship now but I always think about him.
Why are you puzzled? He had a child from a previous relationship and his ex was horrendous and made my life a misery. We probably wouldnt have ever broken up if she hadnt been in the picture.

Lily715 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:25:44

He was the first person I ever loved. I was 19 and he was 24.

Nautiloid Tue 12-Mar-19 07:46:48

I think there are loads of suitable partners out there. No such thing as 'the one' imo.

First loves are different because you've never experienced it before and I think most people expect it to last forever. It's very intense.

Try to think 'what if we'd stayed together and after a couple more years things faded and we'd grown up a lot and it was shit?'

And evaluate your current relationship on its own merits.

happinessischocolate Tue 12-Mar-19 08:14:15

I got back together with my first love 30 years after we split up, I got told it was a bad idea by quite a few of my friends who had done the same and it had ended disastrously, but I thought we were different.

It was awful, bloody awful, and the worst bit was, all my memories of my first love when I was a teenager are utterly ruined 😂

Remember him with fondness but don't hanker after the past.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Tue 12-Mar-19 09:13:58

I understand totally OP ..its the what ifs and should I have?? so any unanswered questions and unfinished business....I often think of someone but now I think I hope they are happy. I do miss him and the fun we had but life moves on and we have to move on with it.Secretly though I would just love one more day just one with him just to see!!!!

lanclass1 Tue 12-Mar-19 09:51:19

I still think about my first love regularly and I know I'll never feel the same intense love I felt for him. The relationship was completely dysfunctional and it was the right thing that it ended. He definitely wasn't 'the one'- my husband is everything I've ever wanted in a man and we fit together so unbelievably perfectly. I love my husband dearly, however I feel guilty admitting that I've never ever felt the same intensity as I did for my first love. I never have any regrets or what ifs though.

Lily715 Wed 13-Mar-19 08:21:56

Thanks everyone. I need to put it to bed because he is married with a kid now but I judt dont know how.

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