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Would my baby be considered Mixed?

(132 Posts)
CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:32:54

I am mixed race, my husband is 100% white. Our baby would therefore be 75% white.

I think if I'm mixed, my child would obviously be mixed too. My husband disagrees. He thinks that our baby should just be classed as white (on forms etc).

Our baby most likely won't look particularly non white, some people don't always realise that I am mixed. But I am, and somehow it feels wrong to just write that part of me off?

It got a bit heated when we were discussing it again earlier, and I thought some outside opinions would help!

Camomila Tue 12-Mar-19 07:21:23

Just a point on the medical stuff...if your DC has an Italian/Cypriot/etc grandparent its still a good idea to put 'white other'
Some diseases are more common in Mediterranean people.

Eg. When DS had prolonged jaundice as a baby they thought he might have Gilberts disease as I have a Sicilian grandfather. Its not something I'd ever heard of (DS was fine, he just had physiological/ breastmilk jaundice)

NameChange607 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:20:56

For what it's worth, I used to work in NHS research and we definitely counted a quarter as "mixed race", both for genetic predispositions and to note heritage.

themilkmansrabbit Tue 12-Mar-19 07:14:49

For me, it's about my own sense of identity - not other people's perceptions.

My Jewish mother came to this country as a refugee when she was 10. Leaving her native country was the defining experience of her life. My father is not English, but from another part of the UK - which is culturally quite different. He didn't speak English till he went to school, So the influences on me as a child weren't 'English', although people treated me as I was English. (In appearance I take after my father - slightly unusual combination of hair/eye colour, but otherwise not noticeably 'different.') I tick the box 'white other'. My parents backgrounds - which have shaped me - are important.

Nevergotobedfangry Tue 12-Mar-19 07:14:08

You are mixed therefore your child(ren) are mixed too. Genetics. DNA. Heritage.
My children are mixed. Although I am white and dp is black, DC are extremely lightskinned, we teach them (even though they are under 4yo) that they have both of us. They say they are light brown tbf. As they get older they will get to know more about both sides of the family. They can already point out on a map where we were born and their grandparents were born!

BlimeyCalmDown Tue 12-Mar-19 07:13:46

I'd be massively offended by your husband OP, why is he trying to deny your heritage? How rude and ignorant. Your children ARE mixed race whether he is in denial or not.

Nutmeg5 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:07:17

Put mixed for medical things as it affects whether they screen for certain conditions etc.
Agree, I did with my little boy when I was pregnant. I am white his dad is mixed but to be honest you can't tell our son is, apart from his hair which is afro now it was straight when he was born.

irnbruforlife Tue 12-Mar-19 07:01:25

I'm same as you op and I consider my dc mixed. Your dc may not look 100% white, it's obvious that my children are mixed race. Even tho I consider myself half Scottish half Chinese I had a ancestry DNA test for Xmas and apparently I'm 69% Chinese 😀 and only 23% Scottish and 8% few other things 😂

DinosApple Tue 12-Mar-19 07:00:50

One half of my heritage is Anglo Indian.

Both one parent's parents and back beyond were mixed back to the late 18th early 19th century. There was a long history of European men who went to India and stayed, marrying Indian women. The surnames involved in my Anglo Indian heritage are only English and Irish.

Looks wise, my sibling looks Indian, but despite black hair I have pale skin (that burns and goes back to white!) and freckles.

But I feel a fraud ticking the mixed box, because I look white. confused

Godowneasy Tue 12-Mar-19 06:59:29

This isn't apartheid era South Africa. What's with all the percentages, op?

Er... because it's the essence of her query.

Tryingtoholdittogether Tue 12-Mar-19 06:57:34

Especially on medical forms. For example when I am pregnant they ask where my dh is from so they can check if any other genetic tests need to be done to check for illness etc. Also some children with parents from other countries need different jabs or extra. So I would put it on medical forms 100%

olderthanyouthink Tue 12-Mar-19 06:55:05

bellinisurge I don't know about other people's experiences but being mixed I often get judged as to how black I am. "You don't sound black"/"you must love Nando's, black people love chicken"/"you don't hang around with the black group of girls"/"you don't dress or wear your hair like black people do" hmm

The percentages get used in both ways, of course I'm not as "black" as my cousins because I grew up with a white parent as well as a black parent (and I lived in a whiter area) and I'm half black so of course I'm blacker than my white friends... they've never set foot in a Pak's store but I get hair products from there.

Tryingtoholdittogether Tue 12-Mar-19 06:51:19

Race is not a colour so yes they are mixed race....

My kids are half of one and half of another but blonde white and blue eyes but they are of mixed race.

Mummadeeze Tue 12-Mar-19 06:49:16

Those forms are hard to complete! I am a quarter from Luxembourg but always put white British as it has never occurred to me not to. My partner is a mix of Portuguese, Indian and African. So our DD is technically all those things and fits none of the boxes. I just tick mixed other. She calls herself mixed too. She could probably pass for white British in terms of her appearance but I wouldn’t hide her heritage or encourage her to as I don’t see any reason to. I do think it is a bit weird that your partner is trying to gloss over her Chinese heritage.

bellinisurge Tue 12-Mar-19 06:28:34

This isn't apartheid era South Africa. What's with all the percentages, op?

DustOffYourHighestHopes Tue 12-Mar-19 06:23:38

Your question is whether the child would be ‘considered’ (ie by others) to be mixed. The question is one of other people’s perceptions. That depends on what they look like.

However I think the more important question is how the child perceives themselves. I would hope that my descendants (if one quarter my heritage) would consider themselves to be mixed race. I would hope they took particular interest in the culture, art, history, cuisine etc of that country. I would hope they would visit it one day and feel that small sense of a jigsaw piece coming into place. And yes, I think someone who is a quarter Chinese would be considered mix race ‘enough’ for any particular awards/prizes/affirmative action issues. It’s the only duty of both parents to be positive and proud and vocal of this ‘quarter’ part of their genes. I would, quite frankly, be fucking furious if any child in law of mine said that my grandchild was white because they were only a quarter of my ethnicity.

olderthanyouthink Tue 12-Mar-19 06:22:12

Not RTFT (too tired atm)

I'm half black and half white and DP is Lilly white. I put down mixed black and white for DD but I sort of think of her as a white baby because she's got blue eyes and for now anyway straight /wavy hair but she is noticeably more tanned than ell the white babies I've seen (she's 3 months so no sun tans yet, not that I'll put her in the sun to tan)

I think for social stuff her children if she has them with a white man would be white but maybe mention the bit of black for medical stuff just in case? Not sure how far different ethnicities health issues really go?

Namenic Tue 12-Mar-19 06:16:55

Put mixed for medical things as it affects whether they screen for certain conditions etc.

nollaig16 Tue 12-Mar-19 06:09:27

All our groupings developed 1000s of years ago in different places.

nollaig16 Tue 12-Mar-19 06:07:50

just to answer the question of the previous poster re Irish. Irish/Scottish is it's own DNA grouping which is seperate to other types of white people just as there are many hundreds of different genetic groupings of white people. White doesn't equal English. I know because like Conan O'Brien I am 100% Irish/Scottish from DNA testing.

FixTheBone Tue 12-Mar-19 06:05:14

Genetically, its not as straightforward as it seems.

A child inherits half their DNA from you, half from the Dad, which half is down to chance, so in theory they could inherit 100% of your 'caucasian' DNA or 100% of your 'non-caucasian' DNA, in reality, and statisitically it's likely to be close to half, but a relatively small number of genes determine quite striking appearance phenotypes, so it only takes a few genes here or there to have very different looking children - hence some mixed race couples who have strikingly different looking children.

So in reality its about cultural upbringing. My dad is half indian, so If asked I tell people I'm between 0% and 50% indian, but most likely about a quarter.

Bitlost Tue 12-Mar-19 06:02:51

Very hmm at posters believing that being mixed race can help you apply for a scholarship...

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 12-Mar-19 06:00:44

Dh argument was where do you draw the line? What if our baby had children with a white person would they be missed etc?

How your child(ren) decide to identify their further hypothetical children or as adults themselves will be for them to decide. Not their father / grandfather. Your child(ren) are definitely mixed. I’m pretty incensed by your dh insisting otherwise.

Does he realise how racist he is sounding? Does he understand that you are carrying your child and want to identify with your baby?? I’m white btw. My dh is white but not from the U.K. I could imagine how the conversation would go if I said dd was exclusively British.

There is a girl in dds class. She’s 1/4 Chinese. She definitely has some facial traits. I’ve no idea how her parents identify her on forms although I imagine it would be mixed. She is definitely linked to her ancestry.

floribunda18 Tue 12-Mar-19 05:56:17

I don't really understand the concept of race, we are all one race and all have mixed heritage. Fair enough to monitor ethnicity for equal opportunities and diversity purposes, but I don't like terms like "mixed" and "of colour". It seems othering. We are all mixed and a colour.

BlackCatSleeping Tue 12-Mar-19 05:52:28

I don't think it's really necessary to write down your race on any forms. It's not like the US where it seems to be more a standard question.

Be proud of that quarter Chinese though.

brookshelley Tue 12-Mar-19 05:38:38

DH argument was where do you draw the line? What if our baby had children with a white person would they be mixed etc? He thinks of mixed as being half and half. I sort of understand but I'm sticking with my I'm mixed, baby is mixed logic!

This is so idiotic. Your DCs will be able to identify themselves as they wish. If you pass on your Chinese heritage they may feel Chinese no matter what they look like.

No offense - and I say this as a BME person married to a white man - I think your DH is struggling with the reality of having a child who isn't 100% white and this is his weird way of expressing it. You need to have a conversation about racial issues before this baby is born.

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