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Would my baby be considered Mixed?

(132 Posts)
CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:32:54

I am mixed race, my husband is 100% white. Our baby would therefore be 75% white.

I think if I'm mixed, my child would obviously be mixed too. My husband disagrees. He thinks that our baby should just be classed as white (on forms etc).

Our baby most likely won't look particularly non white, some people don't always realise that I am mixed. But I am, and somehow it feels wrong to just write that part of me off?

It got a bit heated when we were discussing it again earlier, and I thought some outside opinions would help!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 11-Mar-19 22:34:45

I don’t think it matters, but if being of a mixed heritage qualified your child to apply for a scholarship or something then yes, I’d say they were mixed.

Sengah Mon 11-Mar-19 22:39:23

Yes they will be mixed race because it is a fact of their heritage rather than what they look like. Although of course you can put what you like on forms. However in eg medical situations it is useful to know as some ethnicities are predisposed to certain medical conditions. Slightly off that your partner would be so insistent - is he not proud/accepting of this aspect of you and your child?

Stuckforthefourthtime Mon 11-Mar-19 22:40:53

My nieces and nephews are like this - our side of the family is mixed and my brother married a white woman. They classify their children as mixed, as the children get older they have had their self-classification change over time. One has little to do with her non white heritage, one has a lot of interest and has even started learning our mother tongue, my nephew is hard to tell as he's still young, but he is the only one who is obviously mixed race so would be unlikely to self classify as white on any form.

Anyway, in short I'd say mixed, your husband doesn't get to write off your heritage, and in your place I'd be pissed off too.

CoachBombay Mon 11-Mar-19 22:41:44

My DS is a third generation mixed race like your child will be. He's classed as mixed race, because, well he is.

DS has some of his fathers Carribbean features so the mix is pretty clear to see. Also don't forget you child could come out a darker mixed race than you, it's all a "game of pick and mix genes" as a genetic councillor told us 😂. You could also have siblings that look completely different!

You would be denying your child part of their grandparents heritage to say they were "white". Let them know their full heritage. Our son loves to talk about his "Ja'macca" family 😂 he is 4 in his defence.

Ohyesiam Mon 11-Mar-19 22:41:47

Of course your child will be mix d race. It’s genetics that decide that, not looks. Your husband lacks insight.

Gomyownway Mon 11-Mar-19 22:42:59

Race is not a genetic fact.

TwitterQueen1 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:10

You know you don't have to answer this question when it appears somewhere don't you? I do understand that you want to recognise your heritage and not dismiss it so I probably wouldn't answer it. TBH I think it's up to you but that doesn't help does it.... I'm veering towards 'mixed' if you really want to choose....

Ribbonsonabox Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:37

Yes I think mixed race because it's important your baby doesn't loose their heritage! It would be wrong to label your baby as white and ignore your family. I'd be angry too. Why is your partner so insistent?

SluggishSnail Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:37

What is the other 25%?
Not wanting to be insensitive, but if it's (for example) Polish, it's not the same as (for example) Ghanain, with respect to how 'mixed' is perceived, which is often about skin tone, not culture.

Camomila Mon 11-Mar-19 22:46:25

It’s interesting, I have friends that have one BME grandparent but consider themselves White and might mention ‘oh yeah, but my gran’s from X’ But Others would describe themselves as mixed race.

However they are adults, for a child id put down mixed race I think - and definitely for anything medical.

AlphaNumericalSequence Mon 11-Mar-19 22:46:43

I agree with you, op. It seems wrong of your dh to expect you to erase your and your baby's Mixed heritage. I'd be pretty pissed off with him.

If I were you I would just go ahead and put Mixed on forms that you fill in, until your child is old enough to make the choice for him/herself.

TwoRoundabouts Mon 11-Mar-19 22:46:47

Depends on what your child looks like.

For example if I compare two people of mixed Hindu Indian and white British descent I know, one looks stereotypical white and the other looks stereotypical Indian.

To compare two people I know where both are 75% white British and 25% Hindu Indian, one looks stereotypically white while the other looks stereotypically what you expect someone of mixed Indian/white British to look like.

(Ok I admit in all cases they are siblings but that's the easiest example I can think of amongst my family and friends. )

Chocolatedeficitdisorder Mon 11-Mar-19 22:47:22

My DC are 25% Pakistani heritage from my late FIL. They're 75% white but look Asian, or at least middle-Eastern. They definitely identify as mixed.

Sparklybanana Mon 11-Mar-19 22:48:11

Does he think he’s helping lo by saying they’re white? I think you can put whatever you want on these forms but chose whichever one is pertinent or advantageous. Not worth fighting over.

Plus, you have no idea what they’ll look like. It’s not unheard of for twins to be one white and one black.

I think Trevor Noah has a sketch on this form filling conundrum.

Comefromaway Mon 11-Mar-19 22:49:12

I have a friend like that.

Her mum is mixed race and her dad is white. She looks white, there is no hint of her mum’s heritage and I think she classes herself as white. Her sister too looks totally white.

Her brother on the other hand looks totally different. There is no mistaking he is mixed race.

So I guess what I’m saying is yes, whilst they are little acknowledge their heritage on frims etc but as they grow older let them define how they see themselves.

Fiveredbricks Mon 11-Mar-19 22:52:06

I know mixed race twins, one looks identical in skin tone and features to her african mixed race mother, the other looks identical in tone and features to her white father. Though the twin who looks more like her father has mousy brown/blonde afro hair type and the twin who takes after her mother has loose dark waves. Their little brother is darker skinned than his mother but has wavy hair too.

Your children can look predominantly like one or the other of you, or a total mix... basically. It's down to them when they grow up what they wish to identify as on forms but I would put mixed race until they are old enough to decide, because as you say, they are/will be!

SleightOfMind Mon 11-Mar-19 22:54:14

I’m mixed and DH is white British.
I usually put N/A on forms where it’s not important but for scientific purposes always classify as mixed race.

Weird that your DH wants to whitewash your background though. That’s clearly the main issue here.

Bouchie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:55:14

My children are 25% (ish) Slovenian. I say White Other on any forms as the Slovenian bit is important to me (and now them).

TwoRoundabouts Mon 11-Mar-19 22:57:53

@SleighOfMind mmm I wonder if the OP's husband is 100% white.

Most people I know try and claim some other ethnic background or at least another nationality in their make up to sound interesting.

PeeGreen Mon 11-Mar-19 22:59:08

Depends what the mixed races are tbh. White/Thai & White will look whiter than White/African & White.

The posters saying that your child is genetically defined as mixed are wrong - nobody is 100% white (whatever that means). It depends on your family's identity, your own identity, appearance and other factors.

Someone like Shaun King, who identifies as black, could also identify as white. I don't think it's wrong per se.

CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 23:05:36

@SluggishSnail I am half Chinese. So whilst not massively obviously, it is somewhat noticeable.

I will most likely fill in all forms so I will probably just put down mixed or prefer not to say. I just wanted to see if I was being unreasonable getting so defensive!

DH argument was where do you draw the line? What if our baby had children with a white person would they be mixed etc? He thinks of mixed as being half and half. I sort of understand but I'm sticking with my I'm mixed, baby is mixed logic!

Thanks for the reassurance!

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda Mon 11-Mar-19 23:10:30

I like your DC am 75% white, but I still class myself as mixed race.

Often when people ask where I’m from 🙄 (as they think I’m spanish/portugese/Italian) l tell them I’m mixed race as I’m very proud of my mixed heritage.

IMO your DH is wrong

RUOKHUN Mon 11-Mar-19 23:11:48

I’m a quarter Chinese and i’ve never put mixed on any of my forms, even medical ones. Should I have been putting mixed race?

Gomyownway Mon 11-Mar-19 23:12:29

‘Half and half’ is a very simplistic view.

Race is a social construct at the end of the day, and so as others have said it does depend on how your baby looks and so ultimately how they are perceived.

They will be of mixed ethnicity though.

pencilpot99 Mon 11-Mar-19 23:12:41

My children are definitely mixed even tho’ they’re only 25% black African and the rest white. Their colouring is dark and they have Afro hair - could never say they were anything but mixed. Reckon your OH could be in for a surprise (depending on what the 25% is in your circumstances). Even if they don’t look mixed, the fact is, they are - just as much as my kids are - whether they look it or not.

pinkboa Mon 11-Mar-19 23:12:59

Your child is mixed...

As are my children and myself. DH is 100% English white man.

One of my children looks like me brown... the other looks white with green eyes. I've had to correct his medical records because they had it down as white... he is not white he is mixed and I don't get it because how and why would a black woman be breastfeeding a white baby 😐.

GabsAlot Mon 11-Mar-19 23:15:02

but theyh wont be white will they they'll chinese mixed race-why is he so against it it doesnt mean half and half

Gomyownway Mon 11-Mar-19 23:15:36

RUOKHUN no, I’m confused why people think your race has any impact on your health.

On a socialeconomic level, sure. But that shouldn’t apply to those who ‘look’ white.

Things like sickle cell anemia and so forth are about genetics and family history. Not just because you happen to have non-white skin.

PeeGreen Mon 11-Mar-19 23:28:33

Chloe Bennet is half-Chinese; her family name is Wang but she changed it. East Asian & White isn't as obvious as black African and white can be.

FWIW there are other issues I think in that a lot of white men perceived Asian features as feminine, so if your baby is a boy (?) then that may weigh on things a bit.

PeeGreen Mon 11-Mar-19 23:37:23

I think also there's a different issue in terms of your own cultural identity. I know some mixed families who go to SE Asia every year with their children and their children have a cultural identity in that respect, but it's not as strong perhaps as if they lived in SE Asia.

And I think if you are the child of a Chinese-born parent, say, then clearly that heritage is strong in your own childhood and childhood experiences and so on, but for your children where you perhaps are culturally mostly British that's clearly a far weaker influence.

But obviously that's not much to do with your husband?

PickAChew Mon 11-Mar-19 23:43:45

You should tell your DH he sounds like a goadyfucker.

Merryoldgoat Mon 11-Mar-19 23:45:28

I had this exact conversation with my DH recently. I’m mixed (white and Caribbean) but look more European (people think I’m Greek or Spanish usually) and my husband is white. Our baby is pale than my husband, blue eyed and blond. I’m still ticking the ‘mixed’ box but it does feel a bit strange given the way he looks.

TheSchumanPlan Mon 11-Mar-19 23:46:14

It’s a difficult one.

I know quite a few black people who have one white grandparent, but none of them describe themselves as ‘mixed’ - they all see themselves as just black.

Musti Mon 11-Mar-19 23:53:40

I don't think it matters but I would say that your baby will be mixed. I've friends with the same mix as yours and their children some look white and some look mixed race. I also know a 50/50 mixed east Asian and white who is round eyed and blonde curly haired. Still not sure why we have to classify and tick boxes.

NooNooHead1981 Mon 11-Mar-19 23:54:10

Hello OP, I am half Chinese like you. My DH is white. I identify as mixed race, and my DD who is 8 was having a very interesting conversation with her friends at school, as she had told them she was a quarter Chinese (bless her!) 😍 but they didn’t believe her as they found it hard to believe I was of mixed race... 🤔😦

I’m proud of how much she valued her mixed race heritage despite being ‘only’ a quarter Chinese. It is obviously something that is very important to her, and I think she found it a bit hurtful that her friends didn’t believe it or take her seriously.

I’m adopted too, and I find that heritage and mixed race are still very important to me, despite being brought up in a white British home and upbringing. I find it important to disclose my ethnicity in medical history too, as it can mean I am more susceptible to certain conditions (I think Asians are more likely to get gestational diabetes - I have had this twice).

My DH has no issue with my background. I think it is a shame that your DH wants to disregard it as unimportant.

CatchingBabies Mon 11-Mar-19 23:55:49

Your child will be mixed race despite if they look Asian or not. In terms of where does it cut off, I’m a midwife and when we fill out family origin forms (to establish those at greater risk of thalasemia etc.) a parent or grandparents ethnicity counts.

So going by that your child is mixed race, their child (if the other parent is 100% white) is also mixed race and their child (again if 100% white) would simply be classed as white.

What that is based on I have no idea.

I don’t think it really matters what the child looks like or what is even necessary factually correct however, your heritage is important to you and you want to pass that on to your child.

Bellasorellaa Mon 11-Mar-19 23:56:06

My niece is like this she is tanned and looks mixed
Look at Halle Berry kids they don’t look white
Your kids are mixed

NooNooHead1981 Mon 11-Mar-19 23:58:48

My birth surname would have been Pang, which is very obviously Chinese. I’m sure if I had been called that, I wouldn’t have had an issue with it, but my adopted name was quite an unusual British one that people always seemed to notice / remember. My married name now is quite boring and fairly common, but I much prefer it to my maiden name!

NannyRed Tue 12-Mar-19 00:00:15

You’re mixed race, your child is mixed race, regardless of what he looks like.
You cannot give birth to a white child, it will be mixed.

OhDiddums Tue 12-Mar-19 00:03:11

Yes your child would be mixed. I'm 3/4 white and 1/4 black. I'm mixed not white or black.

NooNooHead1981 Tue 12-Mar-19 00:04:03

Why does your DH not think you are having a mixed race child if you are mixed race? My DC are both mixed race as they are a quarter Chinese. I would probably put them down as mixed in a health form category tick box, but as a PP has said, officially they are white despite having mixed race blood.

IamPickleRick Tue 12-Mar-19 00:07:35

I say that mine are mixed heritage but both are considered Caucasian. So if there are limited options for filling out forms etc, I’ll put mixed white.

If there are more in-depth options I tick those boxes.

You can’t go simply on what they look like, one of mine looks exactly like me and is so pale he is see through, and one looks exactly like his dad and is completely olive.

Ansumpasty Tue 12-Mar-19 00:09:50

It’s a hard one as I agree with others that it’s almost what you look like that decides. Also, where is the line drawn...when you 0.5% ‘mixed’?
I know someone who is 25% mixed race and yet looks whiter that white, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Then there is Tamera Mowrey’s daughter. She is mixed race herself and is married to a white man, yet the daughter looks as African American as someone who has 2 African American parents.
Theses forms are outdated- more and more people are blurring the lines and there isn’t a need for the box ticking.

I always wonder what those people with one blue and one brown eye tick when it comes to eye colour...

MumUnderTheMoon Tue 12-Mar-19 00:12:04

Mixed race because they are and you are and your can't write off one of your parents and their race and the importance of cultural identity it would be very wrong of your dh to try.

MumUnderTheMoon Tue 12-Mar-19 00:12:33

Posted to soon. Race and culture are about more than just how you look.

x2boys Tue 12-Mar-19 00:12:41

I used to be friends with sisters who were mixed race one sister appeared completely white very pale skinned red hair ,the other sister was dark skinned with afro type hair their dad had a white parent and black parent and also had dark skin and afro type hair they both were mixed obviously ,in spite of appearance ,genetics can be deceptive.

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 12-Mar-19 00:17:39

DD has the same mix, exDH is half and half, I am white. We always put that DD is mixed as she is, and so will yours be.

Worries me slightly that your DD is so objectionable to your DD being mixed race.

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 12-Mar-19 00:18:10

Worries me slightly that your DH that should be

FunkyKingston Tue 12-Mar-19 00:22:56

I don't think it matters but I would say that your baby will be mixed. I've friends with the same mix as yours and their children some look white and some look mixed race

How someone appears shouldn't really effect how they think of themselves, but in a society where bigotry and racism still exist, if they they appear to be white, they will be treated as such by a society and less likely to face discrimination when it comes to employment, housing and harassment by the police. However a sibling who is visibly of dual heritage would not benefit from white privilege in the same way and will in all liklihood be regarded as and treated as black/Chinese/Indian by society at large.

I remember when i worked for a youth offending team, it appeared that mixed race young people committed almost no crime despite making up a significant proportion of the city's population.

It finally came to light that despite clear instructions to the contrary the police officer recording the ethnicity of a young person they'd arrested would make their own judgement on ethnicity by looking at the young person rather themselves.

At the time the cops seemingly recorded all mixed white/African-Caribbean young people as black, despite them often being interviewed with their white parent acting as appropriate adult. The day a young person from a north African background was arrested blew this copper's tiny mind as they couldn't fit into the white/black/asian schemata they'd constructed in their head so wrote down 'looks like a white boy with dark skin' in the 'other ethnicity' box.

Daft racists.

KatesMott Tue 12-Mar-19 00:24:27

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder Interesting, I have exactly the same heritage- Pakistani grandfather on my mums side- I’m fair skinned, blue eyed and blonde haired. I’ve never thought to identify as anything other than white and would feel uncomfortable as if I was appropriating if I identified otherwise. I wonder if it does have more to do with outward physical appearance how you eventually end up identifying- which in itself opens up a raft of questions about perception, both of yourself and by others

cubesofjelly Tue 12-Mar-19 00:31:51

I’ve always gone on the basis of whether the race is fairly prominent in the family history, which I’ve always taken to be up to grandparents. When you’re pregnant you’re asked various medical history questions and the ‘close family’ questions include grandparents (as in, grandparents of the baby, ie your parents).

I’m white and DH is mixed race (one white parent, one Indo-Caribbean parent). On any forms we put down that the DCs are ‘mixed other’ (as this is usually the applicable option). If it’s free text or there are a lot of options we simply specify their heritage.

This feels important to me for a couple of reasons. Practically speaking, because medical professionals are alert to conditions that are more common among different ethnicities, such as diabetes and glaucoma in patients with South Asian heritage, so I think it’s important their ethnicity is properly recorded.

Personally and culturally, because their dad is not white British, and also happened to grow up with the Indo-Caribbean side of his family and not the white British side. This is evidenced in day to day things, like the food that we cook and eat and the family stories. It would just feel weird to say my children are white British when not only are they genetically not, but culturally they are growing up in a household which naturally is made up in part by their father’s cultural heritage and they are frequently in the company of their extended Indo-Caribbean family. It would feel like we were pretending that doesn’t exist and that would just be odd confused

Stargazer888 Tue 12-Mar-19 00:43:36

I'm mixed but I look white. I never tick that I'm mixed. I'm not ashamed of it I just never saw the point given how white I look.

PeeGreen Tue 12-Mar-19 00:47:02

There are a few people who are 1/4 E/SE Asian and are 'white'

See Van Halen:

Rob Schneider

Mark Paul Gosselaar is (at least) 1/4 Indonesian

Zack Morris was WHITE.

Knitclubchatter Tue 12-Mar-19 01:33:54

Does mixed heritage specifically pertain to white British and black?
What about white British and another white background? Say Canadian where’s most family hx are British or French heritage?
I filled out the grandkids school (independent) applications and was confused.
Some had white other
But the distinction on the forms for Irish (who are generally white) confused me.
I presumed this has more to do with history and less to do with either family tree or genetics?

Unfinishedkitchen Tue 12-Mar-19 05:23:37

Part of the issue is that race doesn’t exist. There is no dividing line or cut off really. It’s a social construct based on how people look which is a tiny part of their genes.

However, that said, I find it quite worrying your DH wants to erase part of your heritage from his family.

MrsSchadenfreude Tue 12-Mar-19 05:30:05

I have a distant cousin who looks very clearly mixed race - she has dark skin and Afro hair. Both of her parents are white and as far as they knew had no other ethnic mix in their heritage. They looked into the family tree and my cousin’s great great great gran on her Dad’s side came from the Caribbean. So quite a long way back in the family history.

brookshelley Tue 12-Mar-19 05:38:38

DH argument was where do you draw the line? What if our baby had children with a white person would they be mixed etc? He thinks of mixed as being half and half. I sort of understand but I'm sticking with my I'm mixed, baby is mixed logic!

This is so idiotic. Your DCs will be able to identify themselves as they wish. If you pass on your Chinese heritage they may feel Chinese no matter what they look like.

No offense - and I say this as a BME person married to a white man - I think your DH is struggling with the reality of having a child who isn't 100% white and this is his weird way of expressing it. You need to have a conversation about racial issues before this baby is born.

BlackCatSleeping Tue 12-Mar-19 05:52:28

I don't think it's really necessary to write down your race on any forms. It's not like the US where it seems to be more a standard question.

Be proud of that quarter Chinese though.

floribunda18 Tue 12-Mar-19 05:56:17

I don't really understand the concept of race, we are all one race and all have mixed heritage. Fair enough to monitor ethnicity for equal opportunities and diversity purposes, but I don't like terms like "mixed" and "of colour". It seems othering. We are all mixed and a colour.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 12-Mar-19 06:00:44

Dh argument was where do you draw the line? What if our baby had children with a white person would they be missed etc?

How your child(ren) decide to identify their further hypothetical children or as adults themselves will be for them to decide. Not their father / grandfather. Your child(ren) are definitely mixed. I’m pretty incensed by your dh insisting otherwise.

Does he realise how racist he is sounding? Does he understand that you are carrying your child and want to identify with your baby?? I’m white btw. My dh is white but not from the U.K. I could imagine how the conversation would go if I said dd was exclusively British.

There is a girl in dds class. She’s 1/4 Chinese. She definitely has some facial traits. I’ve no idea how her parents identify her on forms although I imagine it would be mixed. She is definitely linked to her ancestry.

Bitlost Tue 12-Mar-19 06:02:51

Very hmm at posters believing that being mixed race can help you apply for a scholarship...

FixTheBone Tue 12-Mar-19 06:05:14

Genetically, its not as straightforward as it seems.

A child inherits half their DNA from you, half from the Dad, which half is down to chance, so in theory they could inherit 100% of your 'caucasian' DNA or 100% of your 'non-caucasian' DNA, in reality, and statisitically it's likely to be close to half, but a relatively small number of genes determine quite striking appearance phenotypes, so it only takes a few genes here or there to have very different looking children - hence some mixed race couples who have strikingly different looking children.

So in reality its about cultural upbringing. My dad is half indian, so If asked I tell people I'm between 0% and 50% indian, but most likely about a quarter.

nollaig16 Tue 12-Mar-19 06:07:50

just to answer the question of the previous poster re Irish. Irish/Scottish is it's own DNA grouping which is seperate to other types of white people just as there are many hundreds of different genetic groupings of white people. White doesn't equal English. I know because like Conan O'Brien I am 100% Irish/Scottish from DNA testing.

nollaig16 Tue 12-Mar-19 06:09:27

All our groupings developed 1000s of years ago in different places.

Namenic Tue 12-Mar-19 06:16:55

Put mixed for medical things as it affects whether they screen for certain conditions etc.

olderthanyouthink Tue 12-Mar-19 06:22:12

Not RTFT (too tired atm)

I'm half black and half white and DP is Lilly white. I put down mixed black and white for DD but I sort of think of her as a white baby because she's got blue eyes and for now anyway straight /wavy hair but she is noticeably more tanned than ell the white babies I've seen (she's 3 months so no sun tans yet, not that I'll put her in the sun to tan)

I think for social stuff her children if she has them with a white man would be white but maybe mention the bit of black for medical stuff just in case? Not sure how far different ethnicities health issues really go?

DustOffYourHighestHopes Tue 12-Mar-19 06:23:38

Your question is whether the child would be ‘considered’ (ie by others) to be mixed. The question is one of other people’s perceptions. That depends on what they look like.

However I think the more important question is how the child perceives themselves. I would hope that my descendants (if one quarter my heritage) would consider themselves to be mixed race. I would hope they took particular interest in the culture, art, history, cuisine etc of that country. I would hope they would visit it one day and feel that small sense of a jigsaw piece coming into place. And yes, I think someone who is a quarter Chinese would be considered mix race ‘enough’ for any particular awards/prizes/affirmative action issues. It’s the only duty of both parents to be positive and proud and vocal of this ‘quarter’ part of their genes. I would, quite frankly, be fucking furious if any child in law of mine said that my grandchild was white because they were only a quarter of my ethnicity.

bellinisurge Tue 12-Mar-19 06:28:34

This isn't apartheid era South Africa. What's with all the percentages, op?

Mummadeeze Tue 12-Mar-19 06:49:16

Those forms are hard to complete! I am a quarter from Luxembourg but always put white British as it has never occurred to me not to. My partner is a mix of Portuguese, Indian and African. So our DD is technically all those things and fits none of the boxes. I just tick mixed other. She calls herself mixed too. She could probably pass for white British in terms of her appearance but I wouldn’t hide her heritage or encourage her to as I don’t see any reason to. I do think it is a bit weird that your partner is trying to gloss over her Chinese heritage.

Tryingtoholdittogether Tue 12-Mar-19 06:51:19

Race is not a colour so yes they are mixed race....

My kids are half of one and half of another but blonde white and blue eyes but they are of mixed race.

olderthanyouthink Tue 12-Mar-19 06:55:05

bellinisurge I don't know about other people's experiences but being mixed I often get judged as to how black I am. "You don't sound black"/"you must love Nando's, black people love chicken"/"you don't hang around with the black group of girls"/"you don't dress or wear your hair like black people do" hmm

The percentages get used in both ways, of course I'm not as "black" as my cousins because I grew up with a white parent as well as a black parent (and I lived in a whiter area) and I'm half black so of course I'm blacker than my white friends... they've never set foot in a Pak's store but I get hair products from there.

Tryingtoholdittogether Tue 12-Mar-19 06:57:34

Especially on medical forms. For example when I am pregnant they ask where my dh is from so they can check if any other genetic tests need to be done to check for illness etc. Also some children with parents from other countries need different jabs or extra. So I would put it on medical forms 100%

Godowneasy Tue 12-Mar-19 06:59:29

This isn't apartheid era South Africa. What's with all the percentages, op?

Er... because it's the essence of her query.

DinosApple Tue 12-Mar-19 07:00:50

One half of my heritage is Anglo Indian.

Both one parent's parents and back beyond were mixed back to the late 18th early 19th century. There was a long history of European men who went to India and stayed, marrying Indian women. The surnames involved in my Anglo Indian heritage are only English and Irish.

Looks wise, my sibling looks Indian, but despite black hair I have pale skin (that burns and goes back to white!) and freckles.

But I feel a fraud ticking the mixed box, because I look white. confused

irnbruforlife Tue 12-Mar-19 07:01:25

I'm same as you op and I consider my dc mixed. Your dc may not look 100% white, it's obvious that my children are mixed race. Even tho I consider myself half Scottish half Chinese I had a ancestry DNA test for Xmas and apparently I'm 69% Chinese 😀 and only 23% Scottish and 8% few other things 😂

Nutmeg5 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:07:17

Put mixed for medical things as it affects whether they screen for certain conditions etc.
Agree, I did with my little boy when I was pregnant. I am white his dad is mixed but to be honest you can't tell our son is, apart from his hair which is afro now it was straight when he was born.

BlimeyCalmDown Tue 12-Mar-19 07:13:46

I'd be massively offended by your husband OP, why is he trying to deny your heritage? How rude and ignorant. Your children ARE mixed race whether he is in denial or not.

Nevergotobedfangry Tue 12-Mar-19 07:14:08

You are mixed therefore your child(ren) are mixed too. Genetics. DNA. Heritage.
My children are mixed. Although I am white and dp is black, DC are extremely lightskinned, we teach them (even though they are under 4yo) that they have both of us. They say they are light brown tbf. As they get older they will get to know more about both sides of the family. They can already point out on a map where we were born and their grandparents were born!

themilkmansrabbit Tue 12-Mar-19 07:14:49

For me, it's about my own sense of identity - not other people's perceptions.

My Jewish mother came to this country as a refugee when she was 10. Leaving her native country was the defining experience of her life. My father is not English, but from another part of the UK - which is culturally quite different. He didn't speak English till he went to school, So the influences on me as a child weren't 'English', although people treated me as I was English. (In appearance I take after my father - slightly unusual combination of hair/eye colour, but otherwise not noticeably 'different.') I tick the box 'white other'. My parents backgrounds - which have shaped me - are important.

NameChange607 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:20:56

For what it's worth, I used to work in NHS research and we definitely counted a quarter as "mixed race", both for genetic predispositions and to note heritage.

Camomila Tue 12-Mar-19 07:21:23

Just a point on the medical stuff...if your DC has an Italian/Cypriot/etc grandparent its still a good idea to put 'white other'
Some diseases are more common in Mediterranean people.

Eg. When DS had prolonged jaundice as a baby they thought he might have Gilberts disease as I have a Sicilian grandfather. Its not something I'd ever heard of (DS was fine, he just had physiological/ breastmilk jaundice)

Hazlenutpie Tue 12-Mar-19 07:22:55

Weird that your DH wants to whitewash your background though. That’s clearly the main issue here


HairyToity Tue 12-Mar-19 07:26:19

I have a Jamaican great grandmother and class myself as white. Jamaican granny was light skinned (multi generation mixed) and we've been white looking for generations.

There is a girl in my daughters class who is a 1/4 Indian. She is blond and blue eyed. Technically she is still mixed race, but you'd have to see her with her mum and Indian Grandad to know.

It's your call.

HairyToity Tue 12-Mar-19 07:28:01

My great granny died when I was a toddler, but apparently she could pass for white, so I don't know what the actual percentages would be.

gauntletthrown Tue 12-Mar-19 07:31:03

Friend is had Philippine.

Her two children with Mr 100% White are always known as white.

Charley50 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:39:26

My DS is 3/4 white English, 1/4 Mediterranean country, with no contact or cultural ties with that part of the family.

I still put white / other on forms.
I think your DH is out of order.

There is a blood disorder that only affects Mediterranean people, thallasemia (sic) afaik, and other conditions that only affect some genetic backgrounds, so heritage can be relevant genetically/ medically.

Bobbycat121 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:45:55

I am mixed race and my childrens father is black, I class them as mixed race (they are very light anyway) and put mixed on forms as they are mixed. I would feel weird putting black. So yes I would say your child is mixed.

Smoothieberry Tue 12-Mar-19 07:52:54

I am mixed black/white. My son's dad is white. We had this exact same discussion. It's one of the reasons I left him (amongst other things). Of course our son is mixed. Having 25% black in him absolutely makes him mixed. It's IMPORTANT - he's higher risk for certain illnesses for example. How dare he deny his son's heritage as well as mine?!

saffy1234 Tue 12-Mar-19 08:01:26

Hi OP my children have the exact same genetic mix,two are very pale but one is almost darker skinned than me.I class my children as mixed race x

contrary13 Tue 12-Mar-19 08:13:02

"... Also don't forget you child could come out a darker mixed race than you, it's all a "game of pick and mix genes" as a genetic councillor told us."

^ This ^

My daughter's biological "father" (they've never met) is mixed - which means that, technically, the child he and I created, is also. However, 20 odd years ago, everyone told me that she's white-British, and that's how she has always been classified on forms. My son's father is white, and he raised her from birth, pretty much, and she passes as caucasian. Her boyfriend is also caucasian... but I've had to warn her quite recently that if she's thinking about having babies with him (long-term relationship, and they're at an age where all of their friends are reproducing themselves), she needs to tell him that her biological paternal grandmother is of African heritage. There is every chance that any baby she has, might have a darker skin tone than theirs, and/or features which aren't caucasian. I don't want her being accused of having had an affair if/when she hasn't, after all... particularly not with a newborn in the vicinity.

In my opinion, because you're mixed, then your daughter will be, too - even if only by 1/4 as opposed to 1/2 of her genetic make-up. And your husband/his family need to be prepared for your baby to display facial features and/or a skintone which are not caucasian, whether upon birth, or shortly afterwards. I know that, however your baby looks, they will be loved - but how they look may well be a shock to your husband/his family for a little while. Be prepared for that possibility.

And good luck flowers

corythatwas Tue 12-Mar-19 08:18:54

I would be very wary about making your mind up on something as frivolous as seeing what your baby looks like.

Apart from the obvious question of genetic illnesses which has been rightly stressed by other posters, it's treating its heritage like something you try to cover up if you can. And if the baby then has a sibling that features the other side of the family it could be very difficult. Or if the baby grows into a young child that looks more like one side of the family than they did as a baby.

lisasimpsonssaxophone Tue 12-Mar-19 08:35:12

This is interesting. I’m as white-British as they come (at least as far as I know) but my partner is a quarter Asian just like your baby. However, his family didn’t actually know this until he was an adult. He ‘looks’ white, he grew up thinking of himself as white rather than mixed, and today I think he still just says that he’s white unless he gets into a deeper conversation about it when he might then mention having an Asian grandparent.

On the other hand, one of my friends is married to a man who is half Asian. Their kids are being raised to know all about their heritage and culture and would definitely (I assume) identity as mixed race.

Basically I don’t see why it’s something you have to ‘decide’ for your daughter. She might look white, but she has a Chinese grandparent. That’s a fact. I’d be reluctant to talk about ‘classing’ a child as anything. If it’s relevant info on a form (medical etc) then you put it there. It doesn’t seem like something that you, as her parents should be ‘deciding’ for her.

SoloD Tue 12-Mar-19 08:46:27

If asked the race, just say human. we are after all part of the human race.

Mixed race, well that would be things like centaurs or mermaids

cucumbergin Tue 12-Mar-19 09:27:16

biscuit for SoloD

Busybusybust Tue 12-Mar-19 09:30:37

Does it matter?

OffToBedhampton Tue 12-Mar-19 10:25:55

OP, I think you can choose what to identify baby as.

My DC are mixed race. Their Dad (XH) is mixed race none of which is White British and he is obviously African & Black European. He and his family identify as White British due to their experiences and his as a full boarder in UK private school aged 7 years onwards who disowned his visits home to Africa once a year to see his parents. He insisted his DC were White British (as I am).

I only changed them to Mixed race after we divorced when DC were young, to recognise their cultural heritage - I'd gotten a lot of "their dad isn't English, is he?" and also "but two look white, except DD2" despite their darker skin, and middle DDs typical mixed race relaxed afro which requires different care.

They are simply mixed race and I didn't feel it fair on them to let them be whitewashed (after xdgf & xdf died as waited til then out of respect of their emotive experiences)

DC choose now. One sometimes says he's White British after he's seen his (fairly absent) Dad (who insists all his DC are White British) but the other two celebrate being Mixed race and their cultural heritage. It's particularly important to DD2. I guess they feel safer than their Dad did growing up, to recognise their mixed ethnicity.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Tue 12-Mar-19 10:32:40

I would say your child is white if it looks white and is 75% white.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Tue 12-Mar-19 10:40:29

And I say this as someone who is a quarter black. I look completely white.I would never tick mixed because I'm not.

Stuckforthefourthtime Tue 12-Mar-19 10:42:56

I would say your child is white if it looks white and is 75% white

Not necessarily. Two of my DCs could pass for Italian or other southern European - but at home we live in a more 'foreign' way, with non British food and in many ways culture. They have experienced the prejudice sometimes shown to their mixed race parents (not least the number of times people assume I'm their nanny!). Do they have to count themselves as white but their brothers get to be mixed?

I do think this kind of question is better addressed to a forum that isn't as overwhelmingly white as Mumsnet.

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