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Would my baby be considered Mixed?

(132 Posts)
CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:32:54

I am mixed race, my husband is 100% white. Our baby would therefore be 75% white.

I think if I'm mixed, my child would obviously be mixed too. My husband disagrees. He thinks that our baby should just be classed as white (on forms etc).

Our baby most likely won't look particularly non white, some people don't always realise that I am mixed. But I am, and somehow it feels wrong to just write that part of me off?

It got a bit heated when we were discussing it again earlier, and I thought some outside opinions would help!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 11-Mar-19 22:34:45

I don’t think it matters, but if being of a mixed heritage qualified your child to apply for a scholarship or something then yes, I’d say they were mixed.

Sengah Mon 11-Mar-19 22:39:23

Yes they will be mixed race because it is a fact of their heritage rather than what they look like. Although of course you can put what you like on forms. However in eg medical situations it is useful to know as some ethnicities are predisposed to certain medical conditions. Slightly off that your partner would be so insistent - is he not proud/accepting of this aspect of you and your child?

Stuckforthefourthtime Mon 11-Mar-19 22:40:53

My nieces and nephews are like this - our side of the family is mixed and my brother married a white woman. They classify their children as mixed, as the children get older they have had their self-classification change over time. One has little to do with her non white heritage, one has a lot of interest and has even started learning our mother tongue, my nephew is hard to tell as he's still young, but he is the only one who is obviously mixed race so would be unlikely to self classify as white on any form.

Anyway, in short I'd say mixed, your husband doesn't get to write off your heritage, and in your place I'd be pissed off too.

CoachBombay Mon 11-Mar-19 22:41:44

My DS is a third generation mixed race like your child will be. He's classed as mixed race, because, well he is.

DS has some of his fathers Carribbean features so the mix is pretty clear to see. Also don't forget you child could come out a darker mixed race than you, it's all a "game of pick and mix genes" as a genetic councillor told us 😂. You could also have siblings that look completely different!

You would be denying your child part of their grandparents heritage to say they were "white". Let them know their full heritage. Our son loves to talk about his "Ja'macca" family 😂 he is 4 in his defence.

Ohyesiam Mon 11-Mar-19 22:41:47

Of course your child will be mix d race. It’s genetics that decide that, not looks. Your husband lacks insight.

Gomyownway Mon 11-Mar-19 22:42:59

Race is not a genetic fact.

TwitterQueen1 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:10

You know you don't have to answer this question when it appears somewhere don't you? I do understand that you want to recognise your heritage and not dismiss it so I probably wouldn't answer it. TBH I think it's up to you but that doesn't help does it.... I'm veering towards 'mixed' if you really want to choose....

Ribbonsonabox Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:37

Yes I think mixed race because it's important your baby doesn't loose their heritage! It would be wrong to label your baby as white and ignore your family. I'd be angry too. Why is your partner so insistent?

SluggishSnail Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:37

What is the other 25%?
Not wanting to be insensitive, but if it's (for example) Polish, it's not the same as (for example) Ghanain, with respect to how 'mixed' is perceived, which is often about skin tone, not culture.

Camomila Mon 11-Mar-19 22:46:25

It’s interesting, I have friends that have one BME grandparent but consider themselves White and might mention ‘oh yeah, but my gran’s from X’ But Others would describe themselves as mixed race.

However they are adults, for a child id put down mixed race I think - and definitely for anything medical.

AlphaNumericalSequence Mon 11-Mar-19 22:46:43

I agree with you, op. It seems wrong of your dh to expect you to erase your and your baby's Mixed heritage. I'd be pretty pissed off with him.

If I were you I would just go ahead and put Mixed on forms that you fill in, until your child is old enough to make the choice for him/herself.

TwoRoundabouts Mon 11-Mar-19 22:46:47

Depends on what your child looks like.

For example if I compare two people of mixed Hindu Indian and white British descent I know, one looks stereotypical white and the other looks stereotypical Indian.

To compare two people I know where both are 75% white British and 25% Hindu Indian, one looks stereotypically white while the other looks stereotypically what you expect someone of mixed Indian/white British to look like.

(Ok I admit in all cases they are siblings but that's the easiest example I can think of amongst my family and friends. )

Chocolatedeficitdisorder Mon 11-Mar-19 22:47:22

My DC are 25% Pakistani heritage from my late FIL. They're 75% white but look Asian, or at least middle-Eastern. They definitely identify as mixed.

Sparklybanana Mon 11-Mar-19 22:48:11

Does he think he’s helping lo by saying they’re white? I think you can put whatever you want on these forms but chose whichever one is pertinent or advantageous. Not worth fighting over.

Plus, you have no idea what they’ll look like. It’s not unheard of for twins to be one white and one black.

I think Trevor Noah has a sketch on this form filling conundrum.

Comefromaway Mon 11-Mar-19 22:49:12

I have a friend like that.

Her mum is mixed race and her dad is white. She looks white, there is no hint of her mum’s heritage and I think she classes herself as white. Her sister too looks totally white.

Her brother on the other hand looks totally different. There is no mistaking he is mixed race.

So I guess what I’m saying is yes, whilst they are little acknowledge their heritage on frims etc but as they grow older let them define how they see themselves.

Fiveredbricks Mon 11-Mar-19 22:52:06

I know mixed race twins, one looks identical in skin tone and features to her african mixed race mother, the other looks identical in tone and features to her white father. Though the twin who looks more like her father has mousy brown/blonde afro hair type and the twin who takes after her mother has loose dark waves. Their little brother is darker skinned than his mother but has wavy hair too.

Your children can look predominantly like one or the other of you, or a total mix... basically. It's down to them when they grow up what they wish to identify as on forms but I would put mixed race until they are old enough to decide, because as you say, they are/will be!

SleightOfMind Mon 11-Mar-19 22:54:14

I’m mixed and DH is white British.
I usually put N/A on forms where it’s not important but for scientific purposes always classify as mixed race.

Weird that your DH wants to whitewash your background though. That’s clearly the main issue here.

Bouchie Mon 11-Mar-19 22:55:14

My children are 25% (ish) Slovenian. I say White Other on any forms as the Slovenian bit is important to me (and now them).

TwoRoundabouts Mon 11-Mar-19 22:57:53

@SleighOfMind mmm I wonder if the OP's husband is 100% white.

Most people I know try and claim some other ethnic background or at least another nationality in their make up to sound interesting.

PeeGreen Mon 11-Mar-19 22:59:08

Depends what the mixed races are tbh. White/Thai & White will look whiter than White/African & White.

The posters saying that your child is genetically defined as mixed are wrong - nobody is 100% white (whatever that means). It depends on your family's identity, your own identity, appearance and other factors.

Someone like Shaun King, who identifies as black, could also identify as white. I don't think it's wrong per se.

CardboardAnnie Mon 11-Mar-19 23:05:36

@SluggishSnail I am half Chinese. So whilst not massively obviously, it is somewhat noticeable.

I will most likely fill in all forms so I will probably just put down mixed or prefer not to say. I just wanted to see if I was being unreasonable getting so defensive!

DH argument was where do you draw the line? What if our baby had children with a white person would they be mixed etc? He thinks of mixed as being half and half. I sort of understand but I'm sticking with my I'm mixed, baby is mixed logic!

Thanks for the reassurance!

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda Mon 11-Mar-19 23:10:30

I like your DC am 75% white, but I still class myself as mixed race.

Often when people ask where I’m from 🙄 (as they think I’m spanish/portugese/Italian) l tell them I’m mixed race as I’m very proud of my mixed heritage.

IMO your DH is wrong

RUOKHUN Mon 11-Mar-19 23:11:48

I’m a quarter Chinese and i’ve never put mixed on any of my forms, even medical ones. Should I have been putting mixed race?

Gomyownway Mon 11-Mar-19 23:12:29

‘Half and half’ is a very simplistic view.

Race is a social construct at the end of the day, and so as others have said it does depend on how your baby looks and so ultimately how they are perceived.

They will be of mixed ethnicity though.

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