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To not understand the problem?

(42 Posts)
alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 22:13:14

Me and OH have been very fortunate that my parents have purchased a very lovely pram for our first DC. They were happy to do this as they had been saving for some time and this is their first grandchild.

Visited parents today and DB was there. Was told by DM about the pram as he had been away for the weekend and he kicked up a fuss asking what it is me and DP have actually bought for DS and are we going to expect everything to be gifted to us.

We've purchased all of his clothes, nappies etc and all the other bits needed. We have been lucky that our pram and cot had been bought by family for us. We weren't grabby and we didn't expect any of it.

AIBU to ask why he's acting like this? confused

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 22:14:27

Sounds like there is already a baby spitting his dummy out in your family op!!

Cranky17 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:15:45

Oh he’s just a jealous don’t worry about it or give him air time

Bloodybridget Mon 11-Mar-19 22:16:03

Can't imagine. Surely lots of grandparents buy a big gift for a new grandchild if they can afford it - certainly in my family that's the case. What a shame. How did your DPs react?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 11-Mar-19 22:17:36

How old is DB? What are your family dynamics? An upset 14 yo feeling pushed out as opposed to an upset 34yo through some sibling jealousy is two different scenarios.

How do we know what he's thinking ? Are you the golden child ? is he the scape goated child ? Is his partner having fertility issues ?

EhlanaOfElenia Mon 11-Mar-19 22:18:37

Is he the 'baby' of the family? Is his position being usurped??!

Thindragon Mon 11-Mar-19 22:20:03

Did he have a baby and not get a pram?

alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 22:23:26

He's 26. To be honest growing up he was always the "golden child", I was always pushed out in a sense but have gotten closer to my mum since being pregnant.

He's childless might I add but has a long term girlfriend. They have expressed their desire not to have children until their late 30s as they want to travel first

DP said there was no need for his reaction as he would get the same if expecting a child

Gaolbird Mon 11-Mar-19 22:26:52

I'm not saying he's right, but can you seriously not understand why he might have this opinion? I'm betting that these two expensive items are not the only things you have ever been gifted, and there's a bit more of a back story to this behaviour. Are there other occasions where you have been given things? If he hasn't been treated similarly he'll feel it's a bit unfair, no matter how old he is. Can you afford more than him anyway, is he struggling for any reason? These things don't just come out of nowhere, they build up. Show a bit of empathy and try to see where he's coming from. There will be a reason, and I'd bet its not just related to a pram and a cot. (Although you are very lucky, these are expensive items!)

Whatsnewpussyhat Mon 11-Mar-19 22:27:48

He's just jealous that he isn't getting money spent on him.

Chocolate35 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:31:34

Sibling jealousy comes out at these times. My sister begrudged EVERYTHING my parents gave my children. Funnily enough she changed her tune when she had kids and got gifts for them. Ignore it, it’s childish and petty.

WorraLiberty Mon 11-Mar-19 22:34:05

AIBU to ask why he's acting like this? confused

YABU to ask us, but YANBU at all to ask him.

Why haven't you asked him?

alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 22:34:10

@Gaolbird no I cannot understand. My parents have never gifted me anything or given me financial help until now

I paid for my driving lessons, my own car along with insurance out of my own money that I worked for. Paid my first months rent and admin fees when I moved out on my own and my own furniture. Didn't receive a penny from them.

He was given £1500 at 18 years old and I got nothing

So no, there is no rational explanation for his reaction

MRex Mon 11-Mar-19 22:35:52

It's pathetic for a grown man to begrudge grandparents getting a gift for a baby, whatever the cost. If he was my sibling I'd ignore it or ask if he could have a word with himself being so silly as to get jealous of a baby that's not even born yet.

Redskyandrainbows67 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:36:27

Well the rational reaction was jealously!

alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 22:40:27

@WorraLiberty DM stepped in before I did and told him to stop being pathetic and not to think he shouldn't expect the same for his first DC.

He's very childish and has always goaded for a reaction out of me, even when we were kids.

I think I have bigger things to worry about than argue with someone who is clearly being a man child hmm

SuziQ10 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:49:57

Oh goodness. My parents gifted me a house when I had their first grandchild!!
They are wealthy and wouldn't see us renting with a baby. That's an excessive gift, not a pram.

He needs to get over it. How old is he, acting like a child.

category12 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:50:23

Probably he feels like his position as the golden child is threatened because you and your Mum are closer, so he's stropping.

alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 22:53:37

@category12 I suspect this is the case.

For many years I never got a look in and had a terrible relationship with my mother. However in recent years it seems the roles have reversed, I've become very close with her and he seems to have drifted and is awfully rude and disrespectful towards her. Very strange.

alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 22:55:04

Also might I add DB's girlfriend hasn't spoken to me hardly since I announced that I was pregnant and therefore moving out and getting my first home.

In fact both of them reacted badly and it caused a massive shitstorm.

Have since made amends with my brother but haven't had a relationship with her since then

HollowTalk Mon 11-Mar-19 22:55:09

Why don't you say, "Remember that £1500 you got? Well, I'm getting the first instalment now."

Tiptoetiptoetiptoe Mon 11-Mar-19 22:59:18

Your brother sounds simply charming, I imagine my sibling has said exactly the same in the past, but they’re smart enough not to say it directly to me.

I expect your parents are now starting to realise what a spoilt little brat they’ve raised.

When I was expecting my DC one lot of parents bought the cot as a gift, and the other the pram unit, we were and still are infinitely grateful.
I wish you a H&H pregnancy! flowers

NakedBrainStrollingInManhatten Mon 11-Mar-19 23:09:07

So you only moved out when you announced your pregnancy?

Im assuming in that case that you're very young. Do you think your brother may be worrying that your parents will end up doing a lot for the baby and you in terms of both physical and financial support?

WarpedGalaxy Mon 11-Mar-19 23:13:20

I don’t see what your DB’s problem is (or where Gaolbird is coming from either). I’d tell him to mind his own business, it’s up to your DPs what they give you. There’s nothing unusual in GPs buying one or more of the bigger equipment items for a new grandchild.

Same as Tiptoe, we were given the cot by one set of DP and the pram by the other. We were very grateful. And DH and I have bought one of the big items for each of my stepsons and my own dc when gc have come along and they’ve all been grateful too and none of them has quibbled at what we’ve bought for the others.

alwaysncxx Mon 11-Mar-19 23:18:52

@HollowTalk gringrin

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