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... have I been completely manipulated by a 10 year old? WWYD?

(116 Posts)
MessyMummy15 Mon 11-Mar-19 19:47:41

So I went to my sister in laws house this weekend and she has three children..
boy 13
Girl 11 and
Girl 7

Boy who's birthday is May told me that everyone in school has this particular phone case and he really wanted it for his birthday. I had a check online and it was £3 so I ordered it and told him it was gonna come before May but it was just a gift.

Everything fine. We all playing and laughing and having fun... Four hours pass and me, DH and kids go to leave. 13yo and 7yo come and hug us and say goodbye but 11 year old refuses to get off the couch and starts bursting into tears saying she isn't going to hug me or say goodbye because I'm horrible and it's not fair that her brother got something and not her.

I respond that two weeks ago I brought her a particular toy she had been looking for but didn't get anything for her brother and sister and they didn't complain
But she carries on crying and goes to her dad and essentially stamps her foot at him till he says to me "just buy her what she wants and I'll give you the money" I agree just to end the stupid situation as I'm half way out the door anyway

Then in the car on the way home she's sending me Ebay links for the "stuff she wants" telling me the best aunty etc etc... 😒

AIBU to be feel completely manipulated and that I shouldn't actually get her anything?

It's not about the money, the things she had chosen were kinda cheap anyway but I'm annoyed that she didn't just ask me when I ordered something for her brother but was fine all day till I was leaving and put on the most dramatic show in front of her mum and dad. I ALWAYS buy all the kids something when I see them anyways such as sweets or magazines etc

Should I just get over it and buy it considering she's only 11 or tell her dad straight that I don't think that behaviours warrants gifts?

Thanks if you read the whole way through...

MessyMummy15 Mon 11-Mar-19 19:48:43

Sorry typo in the title. Should say 11 year old...

dippywhentired Mon 11-Mar-19 19:50:25

She sounds like a spoilt brat and very immature. My 11 year old DD would never behave like that, and I certainly wouldn't be buying her anything after a tantrum!

firawla Mon 11-Mar-19 19:51:36

I wouldn’t get anything but also can’t believe her parents told you to just buy her what she wants. I’d be so embarrassed if my 10 year old behaved like this - it’s awful behaviour!

DreamingofItaly Mon 11-Mar-19 19:51:39

You've not been manipulated by her, her dad is letting her get away with appalling behaviour! Tell him no and don't buy her anything for a tantrum!

losingfaith Mon 11-Mar-19 19:51:44

11 is old enough to no better, so Yes you've been manipulated, but it isn't the child's fault. She has clearly learnt that her behaviour is ok and hasn't been given boundaries.

Ilove31415926535 Mon 11-Mar-19 19:51:46

She's 11. Old enough to understand that she got a gift last week, and now it's her Dbro's turn. If it were my 11 year old behaving that way, I certainly wouldn't have told you to get her the thing she wanted. She'd have been told to stop whining, and no notice taken of the foot stamping. Sounds like the parents need to toughen up.

Strugglingtodomybest Mon 11-Mar-19 19:52:04

No way would I buy her anything. I hate being manipulated and you, or rather her father, got played big time. I wouldn't go along with it myself and would let him know why.

YouTheCat Mon 11-Mar-19 19:53:56

Her parents sound lax. She'd be getting bugger all from me after that display and she'd be told exactly why as well.

icarriedaturnip Mon 11-Mar-19 19:54:13

Don’t buy her anything

Rubusfruticosus Mon 11-Mar-19 19:54:23

I wouldn't go along with it, her father can just buy her the things himself if he wants to.

hiddeneverything Mon 11-Mar-19 19:54:32

I wouldn't even let my four year old away with this. He knows his little bro is getting new shoes tomorrow, but that he was bought a pair two weeks ago so he won't be getting a pair, and, guess what? He's fine with that, as any child should be, especially at ELEVEN.

foundoutyet Mon 11-Mar-19 19:54:47

dad and girl ridiculous

DonPablo Mon 11-Mar-19 19:54:48

Well, now that's happened you have to choose how to proceed in the future.

Don't buy them individual gifts and different times. They all get something equivalent or none of them get anything is one option.

Second, stop buying stuff outside of birthdays and Christmas.

Third, carry in as you are in the hope that it'll calm down....

BrokenWing Mon 11-Mar-19 19:55:12

I wouldnt be buying her anything and telling her dad the same and he can order if he wants.

Dc tantrum when they learn it gets them stuff they want. When you make it clear it isn't happening they stop.

BartonHollow Mon 11-Mar-19 19:55:43

Utterly pathetic from the father and she sounds totally spoiled. YANBU.

Sanguineclamp Mon 11-Mar-19 19:56:37

I'm afraid it's not the child's fault if her father didn't immediately reprimand her for that behaviour and tell her to apologise at the time. I can't believe he asked you to buy the toy for her and he would pay; what is he teaching her?

ENormaSnob Mon 11-Mar-19 19:56:43

What a brat.

Sunflower1989 Mon 11-Mar-19 19:57:02

If you buy her a gift you will be rewarding her for having a tantrum. The Dad is not doing himself any favours caving in like that either. She is old enough to know better. Be strong. Say no!

MessyMummy15 Mon 11-Mar-19 20:03:18

Yeah see this is exactly how I am feeling. You are all agreeing with me.
To be honest all three children have been spoiled but this girl has a certain tendency to stamp her feet if she isn't getting her way.

As I already said I would get it when I was leaving, I wasn't sure if I should just get it to avoid an argument or stick up for what I believe in and tell her I won't be getting it... :/

Halo84 Mon 11-Mar-19 20:05:21

I think if you have already agreed, you should buy her the cheapest thing she asked for. Don’t go back on your word. The time to have taken a stand was when you were there.

Her behaviour is appalling and manipulative but it’s obvious she carries on because her father, perhaps both her parents, bend to her tantrums. It’s their/his fault, not hers.

In your shoes I would buy the other two something nicer, present all at once, and don’t try to reason with her in the future. She needs to hear no from you. She will get over it.

losingfaith Mon 11-Mar-19 20:11:24

If you do give the cash I'd make clear to her and the other kids that as a result of her behaviour moving forward they will only get a gift at Christmas or on their birthdays.

losingfaith Mon 11-Mar-19 20:11:41

*present not cash

Caselgarcia Mon 11-Mar-19 20:12:43

I don't think I would get her anything as she hasn't apologised for calling you horrible.

recrudescence Mon 11-Mar-19 20:12:57

The father is mainly at fault here. If he won’t take a tougher line then I would restrict gifts to Christmas and birthdays.

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