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Yet another petty thread.

(71 Posts)
Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 19:00:16

DP and I had a row so before I left the house I stripped the sheets off the bed so he would have to make it before he could get into it and then I drove through a toll I didn't have to to add it to his account.

So lay it on me guys. Once again let's talk about the latest petty things you've done.

I also welcome criticism of my relationship and commentary on how I couldn't possibly love DP as I treated him so terribly.

ElizabethMountbatten Mon 11-Mar-19 19:36:13

My husband whines about why people can't put things in the bin and instead put them on the side next to the bin. He's the worst one for it! So for a week I took a photograph of every kicked off pair of shoes and every discarded pair of socks, every towel he threw on the floor, every messy sink he left, every skid marked toilet, every abandoned cup and plate, every coffee cup ring and teabag splash, every shower of crumbs, every butter covered knife left on the side, all the rubbish he left lying about and every single piece of his rubbish that he put BY the bin and not in it.

And I made it into an iMovie, entitled it "The Work Of A Hypocrite" and sent it to him.

KittyVonCatsworth Mon 11-Mar-19 19:38:44

Put his phone at the furthest away point of the bedroom so he'd have to get out of bed to look for it to turn off the alarm that he didn't actually need on for 6am.

chuttypicks Mon 11-Mar-19 19:59:40

@ElizabethMountbatten You are a legend!!

Sicario Mon 11-Mar-19 19:59:49

Day after row. Made myself a really delicious supper, ate it and cleared everything away before he got back from work. He could smell it, but he couldn't find it. quietly polishes nails

ralphfromlordoftheflies Mon 11-Mar-19 20:02:21

Used the petrol until it was 1 mile to empty.

BlueMerchant Mon 11-Mar-19 20:03:55

Switched off alarm so he was late for work.

Bananalanacake Mon 11-Mar-19 20:04:04

You took a photo of a skid marked toiletshock grin

Henrysmycat Mon 11-Mar-19 20:06:19

We are not worthy ElizabethMountbatten! Bows

Treaclesweet Mon 11-Mar-19 20:06:30

Bought myself a delightful snack selection. Ate and then hid the leftovers so I didn't have to share. Had to scarf them down quietly the next day though cos we'd made up blush

icelollycraving Mon 11-Mar-19 20:07:27

My husband likes the scotch egg ball things from M&S. He was being an absolute dick about something so for dinner I cooked two with chips. I fashioned his dinner into basically a cock and balls with some mayo for extra jizzy authenticity. He didn’t get it, probably just thought it was an odd meal. I however was very amused.

Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 20:15:15

Damn it. DP just checkmated me and text to say he was going to the cinema. Now I'll have to put the sheets on or stay out later....

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Mon 11-Mar-19 20:20:07

I delete stuff he has recorded....but not whole series.

and I delete it from deleted too, I am nothing if not thorough.

Isntthatalwaystheway Mon 11-Mar-19 20:24:33

Synchronise putting the dishwasher and washing machine on just as I leave for my Nightshift! I got away with it for a few weeks until he started putting them both on again in perfect timing for when I arrived home angry

SurgeHopper Mon 11-Mar-19 20:25:30

Fuck me ElizabethMountbatten you're my hero shock

Livedandlearned Mon 11-Mar-19 20:28:03

@ElizabethMountbatten grin

Refilona Mon 11-Mar-19 20:30:02

This is the best thread I’ve ever read. I’ve read it all out loud to dh. He is now very scared.

GreyGardens88 Mon 11-Mar-19 20:31:09

@kittyvoncatsworth I'm not sure, he probably felt amazing when he realised he didn't have to be up and got back into the warm bed to go back to sleep.I know i would

Frouby Mon 11-Mar-19 20:36:26

Elizabeth I have often wanted to do this, but keep forgetting and don't know how to do the movie thing. I was going to make an album then threaten to share it on fb......

Anyway. Dh goes to bed early on a sunday to 'sleep' for work monday morning. The early night was getting earlier and earlier until it was 4pm so I set reminders for random stuff on the upstairs skybox for every 15 minutes or so.

We also have a deal that if I do a full sunday roast he does the ironing on a sunday. On his weeks to iron I chuck everything in the ironing pile, tops, jeans, kids uniform, tshirts etc.

On my weeks I just iron the kids uniforms and a few of my tops. I hide the rest in the bedding cupboard and shove it on his pile the week after.

I also make sure I have 2 cold beers hidden in the veg drawer if we are having beers and I have forgotten to put them in the fridge early enough and there are a couple of cold ones left.

itstrue Mon 11-Mar-19 20:36:52

My DH is a creature of habit. He likes to park in the same spaces, go to the same petrol stations and buy exactly what he has brought before. He also doesn't like to waste money and steers away from the finer things in life.

One day the jug broke and he was being a twat to me. So I went and brought a new jug. I could have brought one the same as we have had previously but instead I brought a fancy one where you can change the temp by pushing different buttons. The jug stays on the setting that was last selected and of course he's determined the best setting.

Then it's a quite simple act of petty revenge. I just boil the jug and change the setting and wait for the sigh of frustration as it's not on the setting he wants!

Very petty I know!

BartonHollow Mon 11-Mar-19 20:45:42

These petty threads always reveal at least one person you hope never to meet in real life, on the first one I remember reading there were two

However, in this instance @ElizabethMountbatten is a justly usernamed QUEEN 🔥👑

star

Samind Mon 11-Mar-19 20:50:13

OP can you not pretend to fall asleep on the sofa just to see if he makes it? Set the scene to make it realistic. Half drunk cup of tea, tissues, blanket and empty chocolate wrapper 😂😂😂 This thread is hilarious and I'm learning from each one 🤫

nombrecambio Mon 11-Mar-19 20:51:37

@ElizabethMountbatten you are a hero.

Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 20:54:45

@ElizabethMountbatten I bow to you also and seek your guidance on this sheets matter

NoShitHemlock Mon 11-Mar-19 20:57:21

Ladies I bow down to your awesomeness. Especially you ElizabethMountbatten grin

TheMoistvonlipwig Mon 11-Mar-19 21:03:02

I ate cake for breakfast this morning just so there was none left for DH blush he did deserve it though.

ElizabethMountbatten Mon 11-Mar-19 21:03:29

@Lalapaluzza with regards to the sheets, if I was utterly determined not to put them on myself, there are a few options. If he had seriously pissed me off, I'd probably roll myself up in the duvet like a selfish yet justified sausage and fall asleep like that- no duvet and no sheets for DH! Then he'd either have to wake me up and I'd be annoyed because of it, or he'd have to wrap himself in the sheets to sleep. Or I'd take the duvet to the sofa and sleep wrapped up in it there, claiming to have been watching a film and waiting for him. Then he would have to put the sheets on and find some kind of blanket. Or I'd take myself upstairs with the duvet once he had put the bed sheet on. Plenty of ways not to back down here!

Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 21:22:19

I just remembered he is up for work at six and I am not up till eight. I will go home and wait it out...

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Mon 11-Mar-19 21:27:58

Fuckers all of you...I am in awe!🤣🤣🤣

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit Mon 11-Mar-19 21:34:00

When the battery was going in my car key, I swapped DH's for mine. He had to go to the garage and pay a fortune to get the battery replaced. He was most annoyed when he had to do it again a few months later when his "new" key needed the battery changing again - after I'd swapped them back again of course.

cocodash Mon 11-Mar-19 21:38:03

I got fed up of coming home from work and finding DH sitting playing Xbox whole the house is in chaos that I have on more than one occasion took the Xbox controllers to work with me

He quickly learned to do housework THEN put on the Xbox.

SapphireSeptember Mon 11-Mar-19 21:50:26

Ex wouldn't let me buy a new duvet after it had ripped from being put in the washing machine, said we 'couldn't afford it.' (We could.) It ended up being left in a black bag at his parents' house, and on the first night we stayed in our new flat he went out, so I went round to Sainsbo's and bought a new one (and a shed load of chocolate for myself.) That ended up being my MO, wait for him to bugger off out then nip to the shops to lay in a goodly supply of nosh. grin

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat Mon 11-Mar-19 21:50:59

"a selfish yet justified sausage" grin

Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 22:05:37

The bastard. He put clean sheets on before he left. Now I look twice as petty...

ADHMeeee Mon 11-Mar-19 22:06:06

@ElizabethMountbatten

My husband whines about why people can't put things in the bin... And I made it into an iMovie, entitled it "The Work Of A Hypocrite" and sent it to him.

OMG.
I am not worthy.
My OH complains about the same things but does them.
Admittedly we've cohabited a short time and it takes a while to get into the groove, plus I have two kids he has taken on (and we know how messy and icky kids are).
But god, the petty bickering we have done.

I guess you could say what I did today was pretty good. I did something for myself. I deserve it. We were on the list of approved regimes for a dog but the criteria is very specific and the people we are registered with just don't get many dogs which fit our criteria in, often.
Yesterday I discovered our local rescue had taken in a dog which fitted the criteria, down to being an older dog, a small one. I mentioned it to OH and he thought it looked ugly. He's also still sore we weren't approved for a bigger dog (we are in a flat).
Soooooooo basically I came home with this little guy, he is 12 or 13, he's been renamed Fraggle because he looked like a Fraggle or even Fizzgig from Dark Crystal. The vet said he looked more Fraggle than Fizzgig, going by pictures. So technically she named him.
OH was like, oh, I see you've brought it home. Argh get it off the sofa!
He has severe dental issues so he is booked in for an op first thing in the morning, but OMG his breath could kill a small human. Can't wait til he's had the scale and polish, he might need some removing too.

So, expensive start and OH has to pay. He said he would buy me a dog and I don't have any income. I bought him with money I saved but the vets bill is on OH.

(he very obviously likes him, barring the smell, and he says he is happy that I'm more perky again - long-term depressive state and Fraggle gives me a proper reason to not sleep my days away).

Disclaimer it is not advised to bring random animals or children home to keep, without checking with one's OH first AHEM

Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 22:06:53

@cocodash this is amazing but I'm all seriousness he would legit leave me if I tried it

Bishalisha Mon 11-Mar-19 22:07:17

Heavily pregnant. Wouldn’t let me use his beard trimmers to tidy up my bush. Trimmed my toenails over his pillow.

ADHMeeee Mon 11-Mar-19 22:08:20

Rehomers, not regimes.
Also, I'm the one who does the majority of the housework and mental load and everything. So it's not like any mess the dog makes won't be cleared up by me anyway 😂

ADHMeeee Mon 11-Mar-19 22:09:20

@Bishalisha mine does his toenails anywhere he feels like it, maybe I should try that in reverse and use his new expensive beard trimmer for my, err, bears

ADHMeeee Mon 11-Mar-19 22:09:42

BEARD FFS

TheDarkPassenger Mon 11-Mar-19 22:09:48

A few years ago my partner was shoving his clothes on the floor and not in the washing basket, I got so sick of picking them up I just started kicking them under the bed. He ended up with no pants and no shirts for work.. now he helps with the washing and irons his own shirts and suits.

And he’s fucking shite at separating colours so I’ve banned him back off washing. I know I know he probably just can’t be arsed but I’ve got a routine going now and I’m not as stressed now the kids are bigger grin

Lalapaluzza Mon 11-Mar-19 22:12:34

@Bishalisha I'm actually crying grin

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 22:13:10

If any of our ddogs dig up the garden /break something I always tell dh it was 'his' ddog then he has to clean up /replace.
My ddogs would never misbehave....

brizzlemint Mon 11-Mar-19 22:13:32

All this pettiness!! I left mine and now have a house just how I want it and a lovely bed with ethnically sourced feather duvet and Egyptian cotton linen all to myself whereas he lives in a shitty bed sit. grin

Whatsnewpussyhat Mon 11-Mar-19 22:17:19

Did the iMovie work though Elizabeth or does he still do all those things?

Offendedmummy Mon 11-Mar-19 22:17:26

Child lock every single channel on sky, then changed the pin! He couldn’t watch tv all night! Took ages, but soooo worth it!! smile

AsparagusSoup Mon 11-Mar-19 22:22:23

ElizabethMountbatten 😂😂

Osirus Mon 11-Mar-19 22:24:45

I hated my lodger so fed the last of the milk to the cat so she didn’t have any for her cereal. Don’t worry, my cat was one of the few who had the ability to digest milk and it helped her live for longer as she had food issues! The cat’s bowl was overflowing.

I cringe at it now.

Sickofthemoaning Mon 11-Mar-19 22:25:04

This is a hilarious thread, all this bullying controlling gaslighting behaviour. You should all be proud of yourselves!!!! How about treating yourselves and your partners with respect?

Triglesoffy Mon 11-Mar-19 22:26:18

I put itching powder in his boxers.

Triglesoffy Mon 11-Mar-19 22:27:28

biscuit

Siameasy Mon 11-Mar-19 22:30:22

I was making sausage casserole last night for today lunch and tomor (at home with DC)
“I’d like some of that to take to work tomor”
Me - ffs
I purposely added extra cayenne and olives which he hates
I then declared it too hot for him and oh there’s so many olives you won’t like it.
Wouldn’t be put off and later declared it not hot and now eats olives
Ffs
I’m not normally passive aggressive but he will go a whole day eating nothing so I felt obliged

mrsmuddlepies Mon 11-Mar-19 22:32:04

These are probably the same posters who howl with laughter when they manage to gaslight a MIL into thinking they have Alzheimer's. Or the poster who thought it was a hoot to drive next door's dog 50 miles down the motorway before abandoning it.

Siameasy Mon 11-Mar-19 22:38:29

NB He hadn’t actually done anything to annoy me or motivate me into not sharing just didn’t feel like it

LordNibbler Mon 11-Mar-19 22:41:31

Jesus, some people need to take a chill pill.

k1233 Mon 11-Mar-19 22:43:32

One partner I lived with was incapable of putting his dirty clothes into the open laundry basket. They were always on the floor around the basket. All he needed to do was move his hand an inch so they went in the basket. Despite being asked numerous times he didn't change. So I started only washing what was actually in the basket. That was effective grin With this guy, he was lazy around the house. So much so that I did absolutely nothing - no dishes, cleaning etc - for an extended period to make the point that if I didn't do it, nothing got done. Worked well once there were no plates and cups to use.

As a reverse, I HATE vacuuming. Despise it. These days I refuse to do all the housework, so with this particular partner we'd do housework on a Saturday morning. Well, he complained about my lackluster vacuuming, not doing behind doors etc I'm not one to miss an opportunity, so another couple of weeks of dodgy vacuum skills and I wasn't allowed to vacuum any more. Win!!

Actually with that guy we had the best arrangements. One person would shop, cook, clean kitchen one week while the other looked after pets, then we'd swap. It was so good not to have to cook for a week. Other chores were shared evenly on the weekends - even though I got out of the vacuuming I did something else.

mrsmuddlepies Mon 11-Mar-19 22:48:44

Really, Lord Nibbler? Would you think it a real laugh if someone tricked you into thinking you had a terminal illness? Or played abusive games on you?
I save these threads to remind myself how very nasty some posters can be. I forwarded the Alzheimer's gas lighting gag to the Alzheimer's Society.
These gags always seem malicious and spiteful to me.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere Mon 11-Mar-19 22:55:31

If my husband and I are both making breakfast at the same time I wait until he goes to the fridge to get the milk and hide his bowl of cereal before he turns back. And I lie straight faced and tell him that he hasn't started making his cereal and even, if I'm feeling nice, pass him a clean bowl.

LordPickle Mon 11-Mar-19 23:04:28

@ElizabethMountbatten You are my hero grin

IDrinkAndISewThings Mon 11-Mar-19 23:04:40

Shamelessly placemarking for inspiration in times requiring vengeance!

DancesTheSummer Mon 11-Mar-19 23:13:38

I fell out with my brother last week, we don't live together. But I told his Alexa to wake him up at 2.30am in the morning.

I did get a text with a barrage of abuse about it. So I did it again next time I went round (he lives with my mum so I'm there a couple of times a week).

grin

SomethingOnce Mon 11-Mar-19 23:17:27

Will the movie be premiering on the thread, Elizabeth? It’ll be like Cannes, just without the glamour.

Holidaycountdown Tue 12-Mar-19 00:14:45

I am slowly filling his bedside drawers with all the empty loo roll holders he leaves on or next to the bathroom bin...up to about 8 now...he is yet to notice 😂

GoFiguire Tue 12-Mar-19 06:48:13

I see the Fun police are out.

EnglishRose13 Tue 12-Mar-19 07:04:55

I purposely load the dishwasher incorrectly.

If he asked me to pass him something, I move it further away.

I dunk my biscuits in his tea!

icelollycraving Tue 12-Mar-19 08:12:35

I had just unloaded the dishwasher. He put his cup on the worktop. I shouted out that he can put it straight in the dishwasher. He didn’t ,so I took a picture of the cup and edited it to say supertwat on the cup instead of superdad and just WhatsApped it to him.

Sicario Tue 12-Mar-19 09:33:59

A friend of mine used to rub her DH's toothbrush on the carpet then put it back. They had a really stinky dog.

LordNibbler Tue 12-Mar-19 10:43:47

@mrsmuddlepies and yet I don't see anyone here doing those things.
Why do you read a thread you obviously find painful and don't enjoy?

BarbaraofSevillle Tue 12-Mar-19 10:52:08

Not a DP but an irritating work colleague. We used the same pool car and I used to replace the radio stations that he saved with ones that he hated. I didn't even listen to the radio myself, I used to listen to podcasts on my phone.

I also 'forgot' to fill it up with petrol after I'd used it. I never left it empty, but we were supposed to top it up, if it was less than half full, but he was a bit of a martyr and would go to the petrol station even if he had used hardly any, whereas I'm more a 'fill it up when it actually needs filling up' sort of person, so because I knew it annoyed him if it was 5/8 full when he used the car, I used to leave it like that.

MrsBobBlackadder Tue 12-Mar-19 21:27:06

@Holidaycountdown I've been putting the 'forgotten' toilet roll inserts in the side pockets of DH's work bag... it amuses me greatly that he's been carrying them to and from work everyday without noticing wink

Holidaycountdown Thu 14-Mar-19 02:28:00

@MrsBobBlackadder Genius....his fishing bags will be next if I run out of space before I get caught!

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