AIBU to be upset....p.s it really is not about the donut!

[Wantmyflipflops]

Hi again...feeling slightly happy that I have something else to post about so quickly. Please bear with me as I have complete baby brain but do not want to drip feed....especially since I know you will all be so riveted by my story. (I am aware this is a little dramatic).

DH is a great dad, really hands on and will move heaven and earth for his girls but his husband skills get about a 7/10. Up until recently I have put all my my frustration down to pregnancy hormones...or as I call them 'breathe and I kill you' hormones. But baby is 10 weeks now and I suspect that he is just being a bit of a dick...

So here is where it gets pretty petty, but for some reason it was the final straw and I sprawled on the bed crying like a 16 year old who has just been dumped.

He ate all the donuts....(I know you are all feeling my pain).

Now there were 12, and they were an indulgent buy being Krispy Kreme...my DD (4) licked the icing off a couple and put a soggy leftover in my mouth but apart from that the greedy sod scoffed 10 (YES TEN) bloody donuts and didn't for one second consider me..

So yes I know it is just a bloody donut and I should get over it but I think this was a bit of a final straw and I ashamed to sat that this happened yesterday and I still not talking to him.

AIBU? Surely this is about considering the other person. I am 10 weeks PP after horrendous bladder trauma and blood loss from a csection and I still do everything (And I really don't mind that I do based on the fact that I know it is done properly). But I tend to be overlooked by DH and just don't fell like he really gets exactly how much I do..

So tomorrow I am not going to clean, cook, walk the dog, sort out his invoices, make the bed or do his bloody lunch. I am not going to clean the playroom that the DD 4 will have demolished in the hour before nursery and I am defo not going to have his dinner ready for when he gets home.

Just texted a friend to see if she is free for coffee and Gladys (my awesome next door neighbour) is going to have DD 4 for the afternoon. I have his credit card and think I will go out and buy my own bloody valentines and anniversary present.

Then when he walks in from work he will get a true representation of what I actually do normally do whilst he is pretending to work and probably eating everyone's bloody donuts...

[BollocksToBrexit]

YANBU

Kill him and hide the body.

But seriously that's an utterly selfish, doesn't give a shit thing to do. My DH wouldn't touch them without offering them to me first (and vice versa).

[AlwaysCheddar]

Eating 10 Krispy Kreme donuts in one day is excessive.... though I could do 4!! Imagine how many calories he’s eaten! He is a selfish and gluttonous pig.

[Houseonahill]

I get that it's the straw that broke the camel's back and I would be upset about this too (you're right it's not just the donut) but I think you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about how much it upset you and why rather than just not talking to him and having a one man protest. Not talking to someone for 24 hours is just immature and not going to get you anywhere because it will piss him off and then he won't be willing to see it from your POV because he'll be pissed off too.

[Youandwhosearmy]

Greedy bastard!!

He has got some of his family's traits then? I remember your last thread. Kill him.

[PotteringAlong]

Have you done a previous post where I might have fallen in love with Gladys? I might love her more again now

[AssassinatedBeauty]

Being a great dad means treating women like equals and doing his fair share round the house. And remembering that you are still in the recovery stage after a bad birth and c section.

You're right that it isn't about the donuts, it's about how he treats you in your relationship.

[Aquamarine1029]

Like you said, this isn't really about the donuts. It's about him being a greedy, selfish pig who clearly doesn't give a single thought about you. What a twat. BTW, eating 10 donuts in a day is fucking disgusting. He sounds vile.

[PutyourtoponTrevor]

Bang out of order that he ate 10 donuts but please don't punish the dog by not walking it

[Wantmyflipflops]

Thanks ladies...he is a sports coach and ridiculously active and I did buy them on Saturday but I totally agree that 5 a day was excessive and really selfish...it is a family trait so I am not surprised.

I know I am being childish in not talking to him and I have been grunting the odd yes and no but at the moment I am less likely to talk to him and more likely to start doing that ugly cry with the tears and snot merging in to one and looking like a child who is told the ice cream van has run out of ice cream.

[Sparklesocks]

I get it OP, it’s not that he ate all the doughnuts - it’s that he didn’t think Wantmyflipflops will want some and think about you. It’s a small thing, but still quite illuminating about how he sees his needs trumping yours. And that’s on top of all the cooking and cleaning you do and everything else.
I think when you feel less angry you need to have a proper chat with him about it all though, you can’t keep doing it all alone (doughnuts or not!) and he needs to pull his weight. He’s not one of your kids, he needs to contribute more to the running of the house.

[Singlenotsingle]

Order some more and he GETS NONE! (I know, it's not all about the donuts!)

[MammaMia19]

Eating ten doughnuts in one day is actually disgusting! Especially krispy kremes they are so sickly! Selfish and greedy, he should replace them. It also sounds like you are doing more than your fair share in the house, you need to sit him down and have words he doesn't sound very considerate or respectful

[Soubriquet]

Good for you!

Maybe he will stop taking for granted when he realises how much you do

[ThereWillBeAdequateFood]

Even if it was just about the donuts yanbu. Absolute bastard. Also how do you eat 10 Krispy Cremes, I’m a total pig and I have a sweet tooth but there’s no way I could do that. It’s about 3000 calories of pure donut.

[Wantmyflipflops]

LOL love some of the comments, and rest assured I will actually walk the dog!! I am not that cruel. I think she is my supporter at the moment as she didn't get a donut either lol.

[Wantmyflipflops]

Just to clarify, it was over 2 days and he coaches for 8 hours at a time so not unusual for his calorie intake to be high...just didn't need to be all the donuts... ha ha

[Russell19]

Leave a note on the door saying 'house is on lockdown until the donuts are replaced' Lock the door and leave the key in so he can't get in until he goes and buys more krispy creme. (And the good flavours)

[Wantmyflipflops]

@Russell19 oh I am sooo going to do that!!!

[DontdoitDoris]

Is this the arsehole DH who let your Bil eat your dinner and his DC trash the playroom while MIL looked on?
LTFB !

[RandomMess]

Hmmmm I think a 7/10 for being a partner is over egging him!

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

My patio needs relaying so you can bury him at my house.

[FrowningFlamingo]

Why did you not just eat some though? Not saying it's right he ate them but you said it was over a couple of days, surely if you wanted to eat them you could have?

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

I would definitely talk to him about the wider issues...otherwise thé main thing he takes out of all this might just be 'flip-flops really loves doughnuts!'

Seriously the only thing I was doing 10 weeks pp was keeping the baby alive. Literally everything else was shared

[Wantmyflipflops]

OK he is a 6.5 I gave him an extra 0.5 because he makes a pretty good coffee...

I don't want to portray him as an ogre, he is a dick sometimes but he does support me with ANYTHING I want to do in life, he was there for me during some pretty traumatic times and he makes me laugh..

Unfortunately for him he comes from a severely selfish family and some of it has rubbed off on him.

I think he just thinks it is about the donuts which is why I should probably talk to him about it, but I do feel better that all you lovely people get that it really was not about them...

Might be a little bit of an excessive reason to leave him though lol.

[Wantmyflipflops]

@FrowningFlamingo come on...you are my husband arn't you pmsl.

This is exactly word for word what he said to me as his defense.

On the Saturday I was feeling a bit off and didn't each a huge amount. On the Sunday we had a lovely meal and then by the time I went to get one with my coffee he admitted sheepishly they were all gone.