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To ask how to stop worrying so much.

(15 Posts)
Harleyisme Mon 11-Mar-19 16:36:05

We bought our own house in August. Not long after had a roof leak which we fixed but need to replace the roof in next few years i can't help panic its going to leak again or fail on and that we will never be able to fix it. I feel stupid it happened i feel that maybe buying a house wasnt right for us. I feel stupid and daft.

I have 2 sen children ones 14 in year 10. He barely goes to school as hes so anxious. I am struggling to get him any support as services keep refusing to take him on. I worey whats going to happen when hes 16 when he won't even leave the house now.

My other sen dc is 5 no diagnosis yet. Still in nappies. Struggling at school full of anxiety.
I also have a dc whos 4 who i feel doesn't get the attention he should do as i am dealing with some sort of issue or meltdown with the other 2.

I worry i let my dh down as i dont work and he works loads so i can stay at home.

How do i stop bloody worrying all the time. Dh just says to not worry it will all work out but i can't i feel so stupid i can't.

Fatted Mon 11-Mar-19 16:37:50

You mention both your children have anxiety. Have you considered you may also have it yourself? Have you sought any help, either medical or counseling? That might be a good place to start.

Harleyisme Mon 11-Mar-19 16:42:14

I do suffer anxiety i have done for a longtime i have until about 6 weeks ago handled it well. I have health anxiety too and have been trying to pluck upnthe courage to go to the doctors.

Malibucyprus Mon 11-Mar-19 16:45:39

I suffer with anxiety and I worry about everything. 3 months into CBT and one of the best things I’ve learnt is to recognise the difference between practical and hypothetical worries. Hypothetical worries are totally pointlesss, and I try not to give them too much headspace nowadays.

I also have “worry time” which for me is 4-4.30 daily, I have to sit down and give my worries all of my attention. Sounds silly but it works, if a worry pops into my head at 10am I have to put it away until 4pm and so on. I also keep a worry diary and mark them as practical or not.

I never thought any of this would work for me, but it really has. I’m still a worrier but they no longer consume my whole day!

Harleyisme Mon 11-Mar-19 16:53:57

I have just looked at my local mind matters service which says you can self refer to which i might do. Can you self refer to these sort lf things without the gp telling you to. I know you do self refer as my dads gp told him too do so.

Asta19 Mon 11-Mar-19 17:13:42

Malibucyprus has some really good ideas. I do think it's important to make a distinction between valid worries and vague ones. You may think that your children's future is a valid worry, but it's actually a vague one. Any number of things can happen in the future. My DS has ASD and at 14 he was out of school, never left the house etc. I won't tell you things were great at 16 either but now, in his late 20s he has an amazing job and a fantastic life. A child's future isn't determined at 16 or 18 or older. Things can always change, and they often do. Worrying now will have no impact on that either way. It is literally wasted energy.

Ditto things like the roof. You worrying isn't going to make the roof less or more likely to leak. You know it needs replacing at some point and it will be.

Whenever I have worries I first ask myself, is this a genuine situation that needs sorting or is it something I have no control over. If I have no control over it I dismiss it. If it's something that needs sorting, I either sort it out, seek help to sort it out or, if it can't be solved immediately, park it until it can. It's taken me time to get to this point. But the more you practice it the easier it becomes. Writing things down can help you decide what worries come under what heading and what you can do about each one, if anything.

Harleyisme Mon 11-Mar-19 17:27:09

I know alot of my worries are irrelevant and silly. I try to tell myself this i just dont know how to move on and stop my mind from wondering.

I have done it i have self refered to mind matters.

Malibucyprus Mon 11-Mar-19 17:40:38

My CBT course is via an online NHS self referral. I started off completing the tasks on the app (I’ll be honest they didn’t help me) but was offered telephone sessions after a few weeks, and I now have fortnightly phone calls with a therapist, and she really has helped me.

Good luck 🙂

Asta19 Mon 11-Mar-19 17:46:13

That's good OP, good luck flowers

GodolphianArabian Mon 11-Mar-19 17:48:29

I suffer from anxiety and I've found changing my diet has helped enormously. I now eat much more fruit and vegetables and have cut out refined carbohydrates. A lot of my worries have seemingly evaporated and my sleep has improved. Its honestly been the best thing for me and worth a try.

cryingandcrap Mon 11-Mar-19 17:49:53

I worry too. Every day I am going to be sacked or something awful is going to happen, it's exhausting.

Harleyisme Mon 11-Mar-19 18:00:07

Thank you for the good lucks.

Crying it is and am fed up of being exhausted all the time.

stacktherocks Tue 12-Mar-19 08:33:45

Hey OP, sorry I’m a bit late (saw your post last night but was too tired so I kept it open for this morning!)

People have recommended CBT and a few specific techniques such as worry time so I wanted to give you the link to a really good self help CBT course for excessive worry. It’s free, just print out a module at a time and work through it. It helps you to understand what excessive worry is, why it’s a problem, and how to reduce it and gives you a deeper understanding of yourself. It’s aimed at newbies to CBT and if you decide to apply for therapy and there’s a waiting list you can be helping yourself in the meantime (and what you learn will come in useful in therapy).

Here’s the link, under ‘workbook what, me worry!?’:

You could also start now by just reading this sheet and seeing if any of it rings true for you. If it does then you know you’re on the right track

Good luck, and if you need any help or advice or just wanna check in post here, I’ll probably see it under my recent posts smile

FarBeyonddispair Tue 12-Mar-19 08:51:27

OP. It sounds like your eldest ds could do with intervention now. Is there any way you could get him seen privately then at least he could immediately begin steps to getting well, and the support will probably help ease at least a little worry from you.

Harleyisme Tue 12-Mar-19 16:35:40

Thank you stacktherocks i will take a look.

Farbeyond i wish we could afford to go private for him but we can't. I am seeing the docotor again tomorrow about getting him support and where they will be refering him to next.

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