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To think this woman is rude?

(77 Posts)
redrobin212 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:10:26

So this morning as I was walking back up the road (quiet cul de sac) after taking my children to school, my neighbour who lives at the top (late 60's, Head of the neighbourhood, chief gossiper) opens her window and shouts to me "When's your baby due?"

I'm NOT pregnant.
I'm slightly over weight (but only slightly and have actually LOST weight recently).
I just answered "I'm not having a baby".

She then put her hand to her mouth in exaggerated shock, and said "Oh. Really? We all thought you were!" Then she added with a laugh, "You've just put weight on then have you!"

I didn't say anything and went into the house.
I'm guessing she's drawn that conclusion because I've recently started wearing tunic style dresses with think black tights (not maternity ones obviously but she wouldn't know that) just because I feel comfortable in them (I don't feel right in jeans or trousers. That's just my preference).
I'm not going to change the way I dress as that's the style I feel happy/ comfortable with.

I have so much going on at the moment and currently having counselling as I suffer from depression and panic attacks, so I am trying to brush this one under the carpet as it really is a minor issue in the grand scheme of things.

I just wondered if anyone else had ever been in this situation (where someone asked if you were pregnant and when you were not) and how you dealt with it.
I know I would never dream of asking another woman when her baby was due unless I was 100% certain she was having one!

After I came back into the house, I saw her doing her rounds, going around all the houses (I'm guessing to tell them the news that I'm not pregnant after all and "just put weight on").

For the record I'm 43 and a single mum.
Full time carer to my youngest who is severely disabled.
No reason for anyone to jump to the conclusion I would be having another baby (apart from the tunic dresses which I refuse to give up wearing as I love them).

Confusedbeetle Mon 11-Mar-19 13:12:27

rude

ILoveBray Mon 11-Mar-19 13:13:42

People can be horrible.

I will never make any comments about someone being pregnant unless I am 100% sure they are.

I've had this happen to me twice, and it is shit.

Don't stop wearing your tunics just because of this thoughtless woman flowers

nancy75 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:13:45

Just keep in mind some people are arseholes & this delightful woman would appear to be one of them!
Wear whatever makes you happy & feel pleased that you are a better person than her.

Grimbles Mon 11-Mar-19 13:13:53

In what way is it not rude?

PBo83 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:14:00

Possibly a bit rude (albeit potentially well-meaning) but more likely a poor assumption or she'd heard inaccurate gossip than anything malicious.

10IAR Mon 11-Mar-19 13:14:41

She's worse than rude, she's a nasty, spiteful and snide woman.

I'm sorry she was so hurtful. I have a severely swollen stomach due to IBS and I've been asked but never in such a horrible and humiliating way.

I will say that the way she spoke to you says far more about her than it does you. Hopefully karma gets her!

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 13:15:31

We have a similar ndn who loves reminding all our neighbours we only rent our house!! Spouts on how much money he has spent on his.
Actually found out most of the upgrades were done by the previous owner!!
I still speak to any nice ddog owning neighbours and just ignore ndn!!
Don't worry op, all you street will know she is also batshit!!

DailyMailFuckRightOff Mon 11-Mar-19 13:17:31

Oooh, so rude! Start a few rumours of your own off.... ‘Mrs gossip was telling me just the other day that she’s found a really good remedy for her nits’.

thesnapandfartisinfallible Mon 11-Mar-19 13:17:43

Actually I've been playing this game called cunt=cake where you have to eat a cake every time you talk to a cunt. Living next door to you...well you can imagine!

Treaclesweet Mon 11-Mar-19 13:18:41

Beyond rude. What a spiteful cunt.

AuntMarch Mon 11-Mar-19 13:19:39

I was offered a seat on the bus once. When I declined he said I should sit in my condition. Then went on to argue with me when I said I wasn't pregnant! I ended up saying "don't you think you should just stop talking?"

It is/was very rude. But you aren't the only one to experience it, don't let it get you down!

LeesPostersAreInFrames Mon 11-Mar-19 13:22:51

I have been. It hurt and still does. I'm fat, and I have a big belly (gut issues). A stranger at a festival toilet que asked when the baby was due. They meant it in a lovely kind making conversation way, but it didn't land well. To her I laughed and said something about not being pregnant just fat, but it did upset me internally. She reacted in a really light way about having recently had a baby herself, which kinda surprised me; if I'd have made that faux pas I would have been MORTIFIED.

Your neighbour sounds crazy and at best thoughtless and worst cruel. That's not normal behaviour.

I'm sorry you've been given this to deal with, especially having recently lost a baby and lost weight too. Know that what you're neighbour said was much more about their shittiness than you. flowers I wouldn't give her any more than the time of day. Xxx

Cyberworrier Mon 11-Mar-19 13:24:26

How horrible OP. I am always astonished at the number of people who similar things have happened to!!! It really is a reflection on her, not you. Please don’t start imagining/worrying about her gossiping about you. Or if you do imagine, imagine her coming to your house and starting to slag off another neighbour. YOu would think she is completely awful and not believe a word-and avoid her in the future. If you do have to speak to her , if she asks any personal questions, shut down the conversation “I’m not comfortable talking about this, bye”. If she asks, say “You do realise that is a very personal question, I’m not comfortable in this conversation and I’m leaving.”

Pinklittle Mon 11-Mar-19 13:25:28

Someone asked me when the baby was due while I was pushing my 3 month old in her pram!!! Some people are so rude, really pissed me off at the time and still does tbh, sorry this has happened OP x

woodhill Mon 11-Mar-19 13:26:04

What a nasty women. Don't understand why someone takes delight in bullying someone else. Hope one of the people she tells calls her out on this.

SnipSnipMrBurgess Mon 11-Mar-19 13:33:37

You see I would knock on her door and tell her she is really rude. Call her out on it. What an absolute bitch.

PiebaldHamster Mon 11-Mar-19 13:37:54

Rude, bitchy thing to say. I love it now my hair is grey and I have wrinkles, no one ever assumes I'm pregnant.

Hoggytat Mon 11-Mar-19 13:41:46

This is not to do with what you wear, it has everything to do with a person who wanted to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down.

She tried that again shut that shit down e.g. "No I'm not pregnant, you've asked me that already, have you been to see about your forgetfulness?" or ask her if she feels good putting others down or simply tell her she's being rude.

Don't overthink things. You're fine as you are. She's the one with the issues,

Namechangedbecauseiwantto Mon 11-Mar-19 13:43:29

@snipsnip
Why give her the satisfaction, just let it go...

outpinked Mon 11-Mar-19 13:46:10

She’s a nasty piece of work. I had a baby four months ago and am struggling with my confidence/self esteem so I would genuinely go home and cry if someone said this.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 13:47:00

WOW! You clearly have some lovely neighbours! Let it go, she is the twat! Is she perfect, I doubt it......

thedisorganisedmum Mon 11-Mar-19 13:49:27

I agree with above, it's not rude, it's just nasty.

Horrible people are only that way because they are unhappy and jealous, happy people do not go round spreading misery. It's entirely her problem, not yours.

Well done on losing weight. If you are not happy with your own body, just keep going and ignore her. The woman has issues!

MissClareRemembers Mon 11-Mar-19 13:56:23

So unpleasant. You just don’t ask that question.

It’s happened to me 3 times since having DCs.

First in a lift when DC 1 was about 10 months. A woman looked me up and down and said “you’ll have your hands full!” Took me a minute or two before I realised she thought I wa pregnant.

Second: at a playgroup with DC2 and the leader ‘advised’ me I didn’t have to take part in a particular activity if I wasn’t up for it. Again, took me a minute or two...

Third: sat down to have my nails done and the technician asked when I was due.

angry

To be fair, I did have separated stomach muscles from pregnancy so I had a bit of a bumped sorts. Gutting though.

CaseofEllen Mon 11-Mar-19 13:57:43

Haven't experienced the pregnancy comment but do have a bitchy neighbour or two down our cul de sac. They live for the drama (that they've created hmm) and spend half the week bitching. If that gives them satisfaction then 🤷🏻‍♀️ you keep wearing your tunic dresses proudly!

Kaddm Mon 11-Mar-19 13:58:32

She was very nasty. Even if she had made a mistake, what she followed up with was outrageous.
Ignore her.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 13:58:58

Seriously OP, tell her to Fuck. Right. Off....

BadBear Mon 11-Mar-19 13:59:30

I used to be a chubby kid, and comments like this stay with you forever so don't brush it under the carpet. I know how hurtful it can be. Acknowledge that she is a twat and move on.

You are working on your health (both mental and physical), she is horrible person who doesn't care about others and has bad manners. You don't have to be polite or even say hello next time you see her. Cut negative people like her out of your life.

Sarahjconnor Mon 11-Mar-19 14:00:48

Ask around if anyone else is concerned about her erratic behaviour, could be a sign of dementia or just confusion in old age, she needs someone to watch out for her. Mention it repeatedly with great concern and care. Smile at her sympathetically and speak to her like you would someone with advanced dementia. That'll sort it grin

cmereiwantcha Mon 11-Mar-19 14:01:36

There's only one response to a comment like this, inspired by cricket sledging...

'Yeah, every time I shag your husband he gives me a biscuit'.
biscuit

RuggerHug Mon 11-Mar-19 14:03:01

Next time she goes on holidays wait til she's back and say 'Oh you're here, we all thought you'd gone to a nursing home'.

EarringsandLipstick Mon 11-Mar-19 14:04:51

I'm so sorry. That's really really nasty. It really is HER issue and speaks to the kind of person she is. Nothing to do with what you are wearing or size or shape you are.
Especially as you mention you are a single parent, and clearly have a lot to deal with with your child with disabilities, there's just no way it's an innocent mistake.
I'd feel crap hearing that, no matter what I told myself but try not to dwell on her nastiness, if you can flowers

jaseyraex Mon 11-Mar-19 14:07:40

Horrible woman! When she says they all thought you were, what she means is she's the one going around telling people you are. Tell her to piss off next time she says something gossipy.

I was 38 weeks pregnant when we moved in to our current house (very obviously pregnant, had an 11lb baby in there) and my new neighbour still faked shock and said oh I didn't realise you were pregnant congratulations! when I mentioned my due date grin lovely lady so she is.

On the other hand after I had DS1 we were on the bus to the hospital (DS1 was in neonatal unit for some time) and some random man asked when I was due. He laughed hysterically when I said I'd already had the baby and gave me a back handed apology saying 'sorry but you still look a bit pregnant don't you'. Thought DH was going to floor him.

MzHz Mon 11-Mar-19 14:10:02

You have to ask op!? She’s an utter witch!

If she ever so much as looks in your direction again, please do tell her to ftfo?

I’d go with “you know what? I can lose weight, or gain weight, it’s neither here nor there, but no matter what you do, you’ll always be a poisonous bitch”

PuppyMonkey Mon 11-Mar-19 14:15:09

It’s one thing her asking if you were pregnant but I’m shock and a bit confused that she SHOUTED THIS OUT THE WINDOW.

What a fruit loop.

Which is probably what your neighbours really think of her tbh OP, try not to let her upset you.

downcasteyes Mon 11-Mar-19 14:16:59

Utter, utter cow.

Next time you see her, ask after her health and say that you heard through the grapevine that she had antibiotic resistant gonorrhea.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 11-Mar-19 14:19:11

If you had the nerve...

You - knock knock
Her - Hello what do you want?
You - Well just to check you are ok really
Her - ?
You - Well you were so weirdly rude this morning. Not like you, I've always thought you were a really nice woman. Was there something wrong? Do you feel ok?
Her - !
You - If you ever need someone to talk to just come over. You've been looking as if you've got a lot on your plate recently, you know not really looking your best but I didn't want to say anything.
Her -!!!
You - Don't worry about this morning by the way. I don't think anyone else saw you. It did make me laugh by the way, reminded me of my old granny who would come out with stuff like that, sitting there with no teeth making rude comments! Of course - that was before she had to be taken away.
Her - !!!!!!!
You - Anyway I'm sure it isn't anything like that, not implying anything, I just thought you sounded stressed. (quick arm squeeze) anyway you know where I am hun eh?

grin

WhentheRabbitsWentWild Mon 11-Mar-19 14:19:29

She was Rude .

Its like a lady who lived where I once lived, lol . She said some see it as rude, she sees herself as being honest and up front .
As an example I passed her on the stairwell once .
Her . You look very nice today E
Me . Thanks L , kind of you to say
Her. You do look sort of scruffy some days

Haha . Other than her frankness she was a lovely lady.

Your neighbour however, especially with the fake stifled giggle etc, was being a bitch.

Weathermonger Mon 11-Mar-19 14:19:58

Please, please, please don't let her bother you. Don't give her any more headspace. As a voluptuous (and yes I prefer that to overweight) woman I have been asked that in the past, but not any more (I'm too old). I wish at the time I'd had some cutting reply but I didn't. Your neighbour is a bitch, ignore her best you can

WhentheRabbitsWentWild Mon 11-Mar-19 14:20:36

Hand to the mouth rather .

FrogsAreMean Mon 11-Mar-19 14:22:24

PBo83
"Possibly a bit rude (albeit potentially well-meaning) but more likely a poor assumption or she'd heard inaccurate gossip than anything malicious."

PBo83 - I was just wondering whether you read the same opening post from redrobin212 as the rest of us did?

OP please don't let this old crow and her bitchy comment get to you.

Bookworm4 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:22:49

Your reply should have been 'when are you going to stop being a cunt?'

Uptheshard Mon 11-Mar-19 14:26:27

Bitch! Yes this happened to me last summer. Was in my garden gardening. Particularly bloated that day. Def not Preg.

'OHH'!!!' shouts the upstairs flat neighbour ' YOU ARE LARGE IN FRONT!!? BABY?' Whilst doing baby signs with hands.

Quickly I replied back ' NO, AM JUST FAT'. That shut her up, nosey cow.

Laughed at her ignorance and astounding rudeness afterwards!!

tealandteal Mon 11-Mar-19 14:27:29

This is very rude. She didn't run in to you and say Congratulations because she actually thought you were expecting. She approached you to get some gossip or to deliberately make you feel bad. Ignore her.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 11-Mar-19 14:33:36

Rude cow!!!

Unfortunately, some people are just like this. Everyone else in the neighbourhood probably feels the same way about her as you do.

Just keep on being you and ignore her.

BeakyPlinder Mon 11-Mar-19 14:35:24

How rude, try and just ignore her and definitely keep wearing what you like. thanks

Recently a man offered me his seat on the tube and I said no I'm fine thanks, getting off in a minute and he said your entitled to the priority seat and pointed to the picture of a pregnant woman...I just said no I'm fine, still stung a bit!

gamerchick Mon 11-Mar-19 14:36:26

How can you not play with her? I don't think I'd be able to resist. Put her in the spotlight for a change.

CaptainMyCaptain Mon 11-Mar-19 14:37:07

I had the opposite happen to me. A male neighbour mentioned that I had put on weight when I was actually 6 months pregnant. Why people feel entitled to comment on either pregnancy or weight I don't know.

MadameDD Mon 11-Mar-19 14:38:35

she is rude and a nosey cow!

A few years ago before I was pregnant I'd 'put on weight' not a huge amount but enough that there was a stomach. On the tube once a woman offered to give up her seat for me because she thought I was pregnant - hence me legging it to the gym and wearing Spanx more!

DarlingNikita Mon 11-Mar-19 14:41:35

Rude and clearly has no life – as must be the case for all your neighbours if they've all been talking about you and are eagerly awaiting her going round to update them all.

Fuck em all.

Cel982 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:44:53

Possibly a bit rude (albeit potentially well-meaning)

Gosh, PB, I'd love to hear what you consider to be really rude!

kaytee87 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:44:54

If you had the nerve...
*
You - knock knock
Her - Hello what do you want?
You - Well just to check you are ok really
Her - ?
You - Well you were so weirdly rude this morning. Not like you, I've always thought you were a really nice woman. Was there something wrong? Do you feel ok?
Her - !
You - If you ever need someone to talk to just come over. You've been looking as if you've got a lot on your plate recently, you know not really looking your best but I didn't want to say anything.
Her -!!!
You - Don't worry about this morning by the way. I don't think anyone else saw you. It did make me laugh by the way, reminded me of my old granny who would come out with stuff like that, sitting there with no teeth making rude comments! Of course - that was before she had to be taken away.
Her - !!!!!!!
You - Anyway I'm sure it isn't anything like that, not implying anything, I just thought you sounded stressed. (quick arm squeeze) anyway you know where I am hun eh?*

Brilliant grin

kaytee87 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:45:23

Op she's an absolute cunt. Ignore her.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo Mon 11-Mar-19 14:45:28

It's not normal to be so socially uninhibited you shout things like this out of your window. She's pitiable. Focus on that and make less of the assumption of pregnancy and what you think it says about your weight (I am slim all over but have a tummy and I do look 'possibly pregnant' in some clothes. But it's not a deficit and a flat stomach isn't an achievement).

Birdsgottafly Mon 11-Mar-19 14:46:14

If she goes to smugly fire another round at you, pretend you were flattered that she thought you were young enough to be having another.

The likes of her hate it if you can turn around their insults.

PhilipSteak Mon 11-Mar-19 14:47:37

fizzy perfect! Do it OP.
What a horrible, nasty cow. And putting manners on other people whilst shouting out of the windowshock
Honestly you are well Within your rights to say something very sharp back to her if she tries to put you down again - do not put up with it. It’s bullying of the first order
It’s made me feel really sad for you flowershaving so much to deal with and a nasty old busybody like her pestering you to boot.

howrudeforme Mon 11-Mar-19 14:51:34

Wow! Some people eh?

Reminds me of an incident a few years back. A woman comes flying into our office, takes one look at my colleague ‘congratulations, two kids are better than one and you’ll find the next one easier - you look well on it - you must be due in a few months’ - breezes out.

Colleague wasn’t pregnant.

Happynow001 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:52:19

Rude old bat - please don't give her any headspace. also feel free to totally ignore her from now on - she doesn't sound like someone you need to give any energy to!

lisamac28 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:54:33

She knows you're not pregnant, she only said that to be bitchy.

Next time you see her ask her when her birthday is, is she doing anything nice to celebrate her 80th birthday????

Happynow001 Mon 11-Mar-19 14:56:08

* Recently a man offered me his seat on the tube and I said no I'm fine thanks, getting off in a minute and he said your entitled to the priority seat and pointed to the picture of a pregnant woman...I just said no I'm fine, still stung a bit!* I get offered a seat so infrequently on public transport that nowadays I just smile, thank them and enjoy taking the weight off. They get to feel good and I avoid being squashed by the other people standing. Win! Win! And I'm definitely not pregnant! 😀

fuzzyduck1 Mon 11-Mar-19 15:00:59

Rude!

Next time you see her say oh I thought you died!

Serin Mon 11-Mar-19 15:01:37

Appalling.
Ignore her OP, ignore her for the rest of her life.
angry

cleanasawhistle Mon 11-Mar-19 15:02:18

Some great replies here to put her in her place.....people only ever get away with this sort of rudeness because noone calls them on it.
Hate it when others say oh its just their way ,take no notice....

I have decided to call out a couple of people out on Wednesday at a local group I go to....they sit snigger and make fun of some others in the room.....I will say do you want to share with the whole room what you have just said

calpop Mon 11-Mar-19 15:08:39

This happnned to me once, bitchy woman being snide and I said - oh no, I've got Ovarian Cancer to make her feel guilty. She did look very shocked.

Mysteriousbee Mon 11-Mar-19 15:11:29

Rude and spiteful. Sounds like the only way she can feel good about herself is to make someone else feel bad. It’s hard not to take it to heart but try as hard as you can to ignore her. She sounds a mean, unpleasant gossipy woman.

itsbritneybiatches Mon 11-Mar-19 15:26:33

Give her this

InsertFunnyUsername Mon 11-Mar-19 15:28:53

"oh so you arent dead? We all thought you were harhar"

Joking maybe grin

She was meaning to be rude, because you wouldnt follow up with how she did if the person responds they arent pregnant, you would want the ground to swallow you up! And tbh OP i doubt anyone else thinks it, more than likely just her being a bitch!

t1mum3 Mon 11-Mar-19 15:33:09

Definitely the tunic. Thinking about it, it has only happened to me (two or three times) when I've been wearing "pregnancy" style clothes and it's been irrespective of my size or age then. Still bloody rude. And don't stop wearing the tunics. They are extremely comfortable.

Someone did tell me they thought I was "very brave having another one so quickly" when I was holding my two week old baby in my arms.... Um yes, I managed to get myself 7 month pregnant whilst pregnant.... hmm Just goes to show people really do say stupid things.

LHMB Mon 11-Mar-19 15:34:57

Some really great responses suggested on this thread.
Nasty rude old cow! Really angers me how so many people are so nasty these days, humans really are bloody horrible!

Overtheborder Mon 11-Mar-19 15:47:45

The year after I got married, I gained about 3 stone.

I lost it after joining weight watchers.

I hadn't any children at that time, but I hadn't been in a local shop in some time and popped in for some milk.

The lady behind the till was lovely and friendly and asked how I was and how well I was looking....

The next day she said to my sister "I saw Border yestersay and she looks a million dollars, but I forgot to ask her if it was a boy or a girl she had!"

My sister told me!! I cried. She said she was telling me to press home how far I had come, but it hurt me rather than flattered me.

LHMB Mon 11-Mar-19 15:54:01

Overtheborder that would have upset me too

LetheBiscuit Mon 11-Mar-19 15:55:55

Just saying "when are you due" would be one thing. Silly, but possibly a mistake. Her responses are really telling though... Making it sound like everyone's gossiping about you, then saying you've put on weight... What a horrid woman.

Tara336 Mon 11-Mar-19 15:56:22

An ex colleague of mine told lots of people I was pregnant (I wasn’t) when I decided to wear a couple of loose dresses to work, I just happened to like them and they were comfy sitting at a desk all day. I was stunned when someone came up to me and congratulated me as ex colleague had told her I was pregnant. I’m afraid I didn’t deal with it well and shouted at her in front of everyone, but she was kind of person who deserved it as she had a nasty streak and never let the truth get in the way of a good story

burritofan Mon 11-Mar-19 15:59:19

Write "cunt" on her lawn in weed killer.

AngryWolf Mon 11-Mar-19 16:19:18

Rude, rude, rude. Tell her to fuck off!

BlackPrism Mon 11-Mar-19 17:30:59

I've been asked when I'm due before ... I'm a size 8 😂😂😂😂 I have IBS and I can tell you it was pure gas buildup.

Makes you feel like shit though so thankswinekeep on keeping on

PerpendicularVincent Mon 11-Mar-19 17:56:38

She must have a very small world if she goes round to the neighbours telling them that you aren't pregnant.

Ignore her and be grateful that you aren't rude and pathetic like she is grin

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