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I flipped out on DH and now I feel like the bad guy

(144 Posts)
detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 12:41:46

Yesterday I flipped out and intended to throw DH out over a very VERY unreasonable falling out.

He had asked me to not do something earlier in the year which upset him cos I was an arse and I did it, I wanted to explain why I had done it but he didn't want to listen cos he was upset and ended up leaving the house.

I got angry because I felt he doesn't listen the first, second or third time after I tell him not to do stuff and he was BU for not realising I was human and that was my first mistake.

I got really, really angry.

I felt justified to lock him out when he went out of the house.

Initially I used to do the walking out and he scolded me that he didn't like it and I stopped, but then did it yesterday and it pissed me off!

He knocked for ages and I left him there and packed his things and told him he was BU and he needed to leave.

I finally came to my senses and I have been apologising that I overreacted but he seems so hurt that I did that and it keeps coming up over and over again.

The issue is soooo minor but ended up being a major problem

This is our first BIG fight in 7 years sad

I'm not sure what to do to make it up to him.

Help?

(Please be kind :/)

Drogosnextwife Mon 11-Mar-19 13:20:07

What are these things she influences you into? Are you a child? We need to know what these things are before we can have an opinion on whether your dh is unreasonable for not wanting you around this person.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 13:25:00

Are you two quite young? It sounds immature, stupid behaviour to me. You 'pleaded' with him (about anything)?? He thinks this friend influences your behaviour?? Jeezo, You two need to grow up.....

MadAboutWands Mon 11-Mar-19 13:26:03

I got angry because I felt he doesn't listen the first, second or third time after I tell him not to do stuff

So I think you know you over reacted.
But that line stands out to me.
It sounds like you basically thought ‘fuck that. He never listens to what I ask him not to do so I’ll do whatever I want to’.
And then when he was upset you hadn’t townthw line, everything blew up.

My advice would Be to contact him, apologise for your part (but just yours) and propose him to go and have couple counselling.
You have some anger management issue there. Butbtherebalso seem to be big issues with boundaries and respect in your relationhsip (both sides) which will not help re managing anger and frustration.

burritofan Mon 11-Mar-19 13:26:06

You both sound unreasonable but I'm still not entirely clear on the timeline or who did what.

He doesn't get to keep you from seeing or speaking to anyone. You don't get to lock him out of the house (?!). How old are you both?

diabeticsanon Mon 11-Mar-19 13:26:09

you two sound very immature and you have dc in the mix, this behaviour isn't good on either side. you need to think if you should really be together, these out bursts and dramas are not the stuff of happy relationships or lasting marriages.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 13:33:51

You 'tell' him to do stuff? He is a grown man.....

detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 13:36:28

About being right for each other...

7 years and this is our first big fight and it is because of ME sad

He is AN AMAZING MAN. I promise I'm not a bad person sad I don't control him, he doesn't control me sad I have no idea why I flipped

Noonooyou Mon 11-Mar-19 13:37:12

What are the influences?

detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 13:38:42

burritofan Im 28 and he's 29 sad he's my best friend. I just acted all petty.

He's got a quiet personality and so have I but between us, I'm the crazier of the two

7Pip Mon 11-Mar-19 13:39:09

Well apologise and don't do it again.

Cranky17 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:39:27

My ex used to lock me out, I used to knock and he’d ignore my pleas to be be let back in. The children would be able to hear, so I would stop knocking so not to distress them. And wait till he decided to let me back in.
I left him after I picked my dignity off the floor.

Shoxfordian Mon 11-Mar-19 13:39:32

Telling you who you can see is controlling

Crunchymum Mon 11-Mar-19 13:39:55

What behaviours is he concerned about OP? What has he specifically objected to with regards to this friend?

Shoxfordian Mon 11-Mar-19 13:40:09

Apologise for what? Speaking to a friend. Why should the op apologise for that?!

Wolfiefan Mon 11-Mar-19 13:40:27

Amazing men don’t stop their partners seeing friends.
Your behaviour was appalling and this all sounds so unhealthy.

Cranky17 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:40:45

Also one he’d done it once I knew the potential was always there.. it’s such a control concern

detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 13:40:46

It sounds like you basically thought ‘fuck that. He never listens to what I ask him not to do so I’ll do whatever I want to’.
And then when he was upset you hadn’t townthw line, everything blew up.

@MadAboutWands That's exactly what happened. We are usually both laid back and quiet but between us two, I'm more outspoken. I just flipped, no idea why

stacktherocks Mon 11-Mar-19 13:41:36

7 years and this is our first big fight and it is because of ME sad

So why were you walking out, multiple times, over minor fights in the relationship over the past seven years?

IvanaPee Mon 11-Mar-19 13:42:04

You either never fight, or you fight enough to take turns storming out.

Might I suggest you both just grow up and stay put?

Also; what influences?

MiddleClassProblem Mon 11-Mar-19 13:42:41

It depends for me on how she’s a bad influence. If you do coke around her or whatever, he’s every right to say don’t see her.

If you just act a bit giddy and different around her he can’t say don’t see her (but can ask why you are being different).

detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 13:43:36

@Shoxfordian I totally understand that, I understood why he was not comfortable with her, he did not tell me I should not talk to her as such, he expressed his concerns and I was the one told him I would keep my distance just to assure him. He felt I had lied to him and did not keep my distance at all but that was not the case.

Wolfiefan Mon 11-Mar-19 13:44:56

OP won’t you say what his issue is with her as you know he’s BU?

Shoxfordian Mon 11-Mar-19 13:45:24

Why did you feel you had to keep your distance though? He's treating you like a kid who's easily influenced into naughty behaviour not like an adult. What kind of rules do you give him? It is controlling behaviour op. He sounds controlling to me.

detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 13:46:02

@stacktherocks so basically, my technique when we first met was before any little argument started (like "why did you not do the dishes?" argument), I would quickly exit the place before it turned to a fight but he was not ok with it and over the course of time, I stopped walking out. I hope that clears things.

cc @IvanaPee

IvanaPee Mon 11-Mar-19 13:47:47

This is so weird.

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