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I flipped out on DH and now I feel like the bad guy

(144 Posts)
detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 12:41:46

Yesterday I flipped out and intended to throw DH out over a very VERY unreasonable falling out.

He had asked me to not do something earlier in the year which upset him cos I was an arse and I did it, I wanted to explain why I had done it but he didn't want to listen cos he was upset and ended up leaving the house.

I got angry because I felt he doesn't listen the first, second or third time after I tell him not to do stuff and he was BU for not realising I was human and that was my first mistake.

I got really, really angry.

I felt justified to lock him out when he went out of the house.

Initially I used to do the walking out and he scolded me that he didn't like it and I stopped, but then did it yesterday and it pissed me off!

He knocked for ages and I left him there and packed his things and told him he was BU and he needed to leave.

I finally came to my senses and I have been apologising that I overreacted but he seems so hurt that I did that and it keeps coming up over and over again.

The issue is soooo minor but ended up being a major problem

This is our first BIG fight in 7 years sad

I'm not sure what to do to make it up to him.

Help?

(Please be kind :/)

Shoxfordian Mon 11-Mar-19 12:44:45

What is it that he doesn't want you to do?
Sounds like you're not good for each other

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 11-Mar-19 12:46:54

You locked him out of his own house ? grow the fuck up.

BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones Mon 11-Mar-19 12:48:16

Sounds like some counselling to help you find a way to deal with arguments wouldn't go amiss.

You handled it really badly.

gamerchick Mon 11-Mar-19 12:48:30

Really hope there are no kids witnessing this behaviour. Seriously man, if you're at the walking/locking out stage then it's time to go your seperate ways.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 11-Mar-19 12:50:07

You locked him out of his house?! That’s a pretty major overreaction.

You sound very dramatic and it sort of doesn’t depend on what the initial issue was, you haven’t behaved well by packing his stuff up and trying to kick him out because he didn’t want to listen to your excuses for “being an arse” and doing something he’d asked you not to do.

10IAR Mon 11-Mar-19 12:50:25

You both sound very young, and it's weird that you're telling each other what to do.

Without context or background it's hard to say what or who is unreasonable. But you do sound utterly incompatible.

Bigonesmallone3 Mon 11-Mar-19 12:50:38

Very vague story, hard to have an opinion!

Sound petty tho

AgentPeggyCarter Mon 11-Mar-19 12:54:57

You sound like you ARE the bad guy. Unless it's about something really serious / controlling that he asked you not to do, this is a massive overreaction.

Are you sure you're suited for each other OP?

LoudBatPerson Mon 11-Mar-19 12:59:19

Without knowing what you did that upset him it is hard to really give an opinion.

You do both sound quite you g, is this your first serious relationship?

Locking someone out for their own house is really not on (unless they pose a threat to you).

Also why are you repeatedly brining this up if your partner has made it clear he is not ready to talk about it yet?

detoke Mon 11-Mar-19 13:01:01

Ok let me shed the background info

I have a friend that he isn't fond of and has told me at the start of the year that he is not comfortable around her and that he feels she influences some of my behaviours and I promised him I would keep my distance. (We've been together for 7 years and Married for 1, with a 3YO but Ive only known her for 2).

She called me 2 days ago that she needed advice on what to do and did not know who else to tell about it, she was going through a hell of a lot so I called her yesterday to ask if she's feeling better. Whilst in the middle of the call yesterday, he came in and I put the phone down.
He was upset. I started trying to justify that I only started talking to her 2 days ago but he got really annoyed and just left the house.

I admit I really overreacted, I've been pleading with him and making promises that it would never happen again, he's just really hurt.

I would never leave him, I love him so much, I just want to show him.

I've never done that before, don't know why it happened. I was bringing up so many silly issues about how he doesn't listen with chores and stuff to defend myself.

BTW My DD was with my mum when this happened.

Bigonesmallone3 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:03:25

You shouldn't of locked him out and you shouldn't of agreed not to speak to this person if you still intended to.

He has no right to tell u who u can and cannot talk to.

As I said before it is all very petty and you probably both just need a bit of space.

Frecklesonmyarm Mon 11-Mar-19 13:05:09

What behaviours is she influencing?

Have you been behaving poorly since you became friends with her?

Though that's not her fault. Your behaviour is your problem.

You both sound ridiculous. But you dont have a right to lock him out of his home. That's not your house. Its shared.

lunar1 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:06:32

You sound like a child. Being locked out of my home like that would be a complete deal breaker for me.

Sindragosan Mon 11-Mar-19 13:06:49

What do you mean by influences your behaviour? Stresses you out? Encourages excessive spending? Or does he just not like you having friends and wants to isolate you? Hard to say who is being unreasonable without details, but as pp said, don't promise anything you might not keep.

10IAR Mon 11-Mar-19 13:06:50

He shouldn't tell you who you can and can't be friends with.

You shouldn't go behind his back and hide it from him.

You massively overreacted and were out of line.

ShirleyPhallus Mon 11-Mar-19 13:06:54

What behaviours does she influence?

moosesormeece Mon 11-Mar-19 13:07:21

he feels she influences some of my behaviours

Does he think he's your dad?

I mean, locking him out is not the most mature response to an argument but I don't think I'd be able to take the high road if DH started telling me who I could and couldn't be friends with.

Fiveredbricks Mon 11-Mar-19 13:09:24

Care to give us a big drip feed OP? Is she feeding you cake or is she giving you crack? What...

Enb76 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:11:51

You overreacted but he cannot tell you who you can and cannot be friends with.

I'm not sure he's a keeper.

MaMaMaMySharona Mon 11-Mar-19 13:14:46

OP isn't asking whether or not she was BU - she knows she was and has already attempted to apologise to her DH - she's asking for advice on what to do now.

OP, I would send a message to explain yourself properly where there's no chance of interruptions or tempers. Explain how the situation came about, why you didn't tell him and then why you got so angry. Tell him you overreacted and you feel awful.

Missingstreetlife Mon 11-Mar-19 13:15:12

For goodness sake get over yourselves. Cook a nice dinner and don't be silly in future.

Shoxfordian Mon 11-Mar-19 13:17:07

He's completely out of order to say you shouldn't see your friend. Why do you let him control you like this?

stacktherocks Mon 11-Mar-19 13:17:29

We've been together for 7 years

This is our first BIG fight in 7 years

Initially I used to do the walking out and he scolded me that he didn't like it

So you’ve had so many serious fights that you can even identify a pattern where you ‘used to do the walking out’ (like it’s a routine thing), yet now he’s walked out on you it’s suddenly the only big fight in the duration of your entire relationship?

You sound unhinged. What the actual fuck.

A partner who tried to lock me out of my own home due to an argument would regret letting me back in as I’d pack my bags and be gone and it’d be over. Locking him out is so disturbingly controlling, and you seem to have no control over your own emotions, that I’m finding it hard to believe this is all completely accurate.

NCforthis2019 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:18:22

You (an adult) locked him out of the house?! Grow the fuck up, please let there be no children witnessing this.

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