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MIL is full of shit

(112 Posts)
slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 10:21:30

In the last few days I have heard...

1. Calling a man “gay” (for not liking sport) is not homophobic.

2. You shouldn’t eat dry crackers when you feel nauseous because it will dehydrate you.

3. Wearing clothes to cover a burn (such as a glove if you have burnt you hand) means it won’t hurt if you put your hand in water to wash up or have a bath.

This is all shit isn’t it?

TheSandman Thu 14-Mar-19 11:14:56

BertrandRussell Wed 13-Mar-19 11:46:41

Using “gay” as an insult is not generally a thing older people do. In my experience it usually stops at about 15!

True. And used like that it is a relatively recent use of the word. At least in general usage - so she has learnt it recently.

The use of the word 'gay' to mean homosexual is a lot older than I'd assumed. Growing up in the 70s it felt like a newly coined or reclaimed word. There was a lot of that in the 'Gay Lib', 'Women's Lib' movements (How quaint those terms seem now). But I recently came across it being used to mean homosexual men in Nail Kent's The Divided Path written in 1949.

TheSandman Thu 14-Mar-19 11:06:08

Older people can change their minds. (And have liberal attitudes). I'm 60, my mum is 80. She was full of ire about Shamima Begum (this was before she lost her child). I know this is not the thread for rehearsing that argument but I was for letting the stupid girl come back and face whatever consequences were coming to her. My mum was of the 'let her rot' persuasion. We had a right old ding dong with me pointing out that, had Ms Begum been blonde and blue-eyed and Daily Moan had a picture of her in a bikini it would have been a 'kidnap and abuse by dirty foreigners' story, and the woman did what she did when she was a teenage girl - would she condemn her own teenage GD for one stupid decision?

It got quite heated.

Next day she apologised and agreed that she'd been wrong and just knee-jerking.

Blondebakingmumma Wed 13-Mar-19 12:42:11

Are not

Blondebakingmumma Wed 13-Mar-19 12:40:52

I’d be reluctant to go NC just yet. I’d try to find your voice and be vocal. Also give her a heads up that the homophobia and intolerance to disabled persons will not be tolerated and save it for when not around dc.

“Grandma is being rude and what she just said is wrong and very inappropriate. We accept everyone no matter what their sexuality and sexuality does not determine sports ability”

“We do not speak badly about people in our community who need our lobe, compassion and support. Being lucky enough to be fit and healthy we have a civic responsibility to those who do not”

“NO! Dc do not put your burnt hand into the hot water because it will really hurt!”

Speak up. If it causes a falling out, who cares

BertrandRussell Wed 13-Mar-19 11:46:41

Using “gay” as an insult is not generally a thing older people do. In my experience it usually stops at about 15!

Sparkerparker Wed 13-Mar-19 11:41:32

She is full of sh*t but worse than that she is an out and out bigot.

PostmanPatIsIncompetent Wed 13-Mar-19 10:30:13

You know, kind of beside the point about your MIL who sounds annoying AF but I don't buy the "give her a pass for being older" point any more. How old's your MIL - probably in her 60s, as you have young DC? Maybe younger? She would have been a young child or a teenager in the 60s/70s, when the civil rights movement was mainstreamed (including legalising homosexuality) had her own children in the 80s/90s, where I can clearly recall a lot of popular discussion about individual rights and the importance of language. It's not like she grew up in that different a world; people born in the 1950/60s don't get a free pass for being homophobic/racist/sloppy with language when awareness and social norms around those things changed when they were children themselves.

I understood my grandparents had grown up in a different world but they were born in 1908 and 1912. We shouldn't keep making excuses for people cause they're "old" (I mean I'm 43, where's my free pass to be a dick?! I'd quite like one...)

BertrandRussell Wed 13-Mar-19 09:48:18

Using gay as an insult is completely unacceptable.

I have heard equally-if not more- bonkers health advice on here every day.

Cockadoodledooo Wed 13-Mar-19 09:45:23

Tixywixy in our case certainly not. Both sets of parents have in the past expressed questionable views, however their reactions when challenged were vastly different. My children are happy to question things said by my parents, but wouldn't dare to with the in laws because of the fuss (particularly from fil) it creates. Dh himself much prefers spending time with my parents than his own.
I'm not sure I'd describe either of my in laws as 'full of shit', but I'm afraid I'm rather glad we don't have to see them on a regular basis. If my children expressed a wish to see them then we'd facilitate it somehow (we live some distance away), but the fact is they don't, due to how they are treated when they do visit.

manicmij Wed 13-Mar-19 09:27:18

Not knowing MILs age, seems she is in a time warp, not moving on in language and scientific progressions.

KooMoo Wed 13-Mar-19 09:06:25

Had to reregister as couldn’t get into account.

I’m with Thingybob and feel for you to say MIL is full of shit is being totally disrespectful towards the grandmother of your children.

Your wording is deliberate. Your MILs is being unconsciously ignorant. There is a difference.

ChickenNuggetsChipsAndBeans Wed 13-Mar-19 06:46:35

YABU

Why not teach your children that sometimes grownups say things that are wrong. They will come into contact with adults who spout a load of shit and they will need to learn how to respond to that.

Tixywixy Wed 13-Mar-19 04:40:22

I completely support your decision OP but I am wondering about whether people excuse things more of their own parents than they would of their in laws. It's just illogical to think that women with sons are more bigoted/annoying/controlling than women with daughters. And yet you rarely hear on here of women cutting off their own family for bigotry or just being annoying (abuse, yes). So are women allowing their children to be exposed to things from their own parents that they wouldn't put up with from in-laws?

Just to confirm I would have no intention of behaving like this mother in law with my own dils btw!

Catsinthecupboard Wed 13-Mar-19 03:25:53

I think that parents have a much bigger influence on children than grandparents.

Both my mil and father had stupid attitudes but also had good points.

When we left respective homes, dh, dc and i would discuss things we disagreed with that had been said. We explained that it was old thinking and not acceptable now but changing old minds was difficult. We love people no matter their faults if they are family...and not dangerous.

A niece laughing at a coarse and ignorant remark would have been stopped by me bc i feel strongly that there but for the Grace of God, etc. Everyone is afflicted in some way. A wheelchair bound person could certainly have better manners than those relatives.

Calling my dc names wouldn't have been acceptable.

Regarding the rest, hands/burns, crackers. Ignore her.

Grandparents are important and most mothers of ds reading this will be a mil someday. You really need to teach your dc how you want to be treated by them when they marry. NC isn't my choice.

Ticketybootoo Tue 12-Mar-19 21:29:26

Absolutely full of it ! I agree grin

Cockadoodledooo Tue 12-Mar-19 18:14:13

Thingybob
Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.

Um. It kinda does, because it means they're bigoted, and I wouldn't expose my children to that. You're obviously free to think/feel what you want (though homophobia is wrong wrong wrong) , but you're absolutely not free to impose that on me or my children. As my in laws have been told.

Usuallyinthemiddle Tue 12-Mar-19 17:58:39

Yes, they are going to come across bigots and pillock in life. Whereupon you'll either correct them or not see them again or both.
You can't sustain a GP relationship where you call them out on their hideous bigotry every time you see them. Good for you, OP. flowers

SapatSea Mon 11-Mar-19 22:48:09

Fantastic

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 17:29:37

I came on here for a moan but this thread had changed my life! I am no longer seeing MIL and neither are my DC. DH has been informed and accepted it. I will not put up with her ignorance and nastiness any longer or expose my children to it.

Views like Thingybob’s and MIl’s are harmful. Calling someone gay is not a “small difference”. Ridiculing disabled people is not a small difference either. (One is SIL’s children always giggles when she sees someone in a mobility scooter because MIl told her they wet themselves and had to wear nappies.)

My children are not being brought up with this woman to behave like that.

Lweji Mon 11-Mar-19 15:59:59

On a side note, though, when I was pregnant the best thing for my nausea was regular sips of water and keeping my stomach cool.

But dry crackers don't dehydrate.

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 15:56:03

Oh and FWIW, I totally side with you over the cream cracker. Eat whatever you fancy

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 15:47:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SuziQ10 Mon 11-Mar-19 15:32:03

I no longer see MIL.
I am comfortable with that decision. My OH is upset about it, but I'm upset that my OH has a mother who is the way she is, so we've put that to one side.

He sees her frequently but I no longer feel like I have to. I just don't get on with her and I'm not going to continuously put myself in an uncomfortable position having to see her. I've seen her briefly at social things and exchanged greetings and that's it. I am a lot happier. 2+ years now.

Lweji Mon 11-Mar-19 15:20:59

Next time, take some laxative in your handbag and when she comes out with something like that, hand it over to her.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 15:15:38

LeesPostersAreInFrames She was trying to ban me from eating a cracker (morning sickness).

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