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MIL is full of shit

(112 Posts)
slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 10:21:30

In the last few days I have heard...

1. Calling a man “gay” (for not liking sport) is not homophobic.

2. You shouldn’t eat dry crackers when you feel nauseous because it will dehydrate you.

3. Wearing clothes to cover a burn (such as a glove if you have burnt you hand) means it won’t hurt if you put your hand in water to wash up or have a bath.

This is all shit isn’t it?

TixieLix Mon 11-Mar-19 10:33:09

Although being homosexual is fine, using the word 'gay' in a derogatory manner is very offensive. I assume this was directed at a man? Why does she feel it is compulsory for men to like sports?

A glove won't stop pain if you put a burnt hand in hot water, as it's the heat that will hurt, not the wetness.

Dry crackers themselves won't dehydrate you. Not drinking water dehydrates you.

Your MIL sounds a bit dim.

Singlenotsingle Mon 11-Mar-19 10:39:50

I would waste my time or energy engaging with such silly ideas. You can't even call it a generational thing. I'm a MIL, probably older than yours, but can't agree with any of that foolishness. Are you sure she's not winding you up?

Singlenotsingle Mon 11-Mar-19 10:40:16

would NOT

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 10:42:43

Ime you just can't argue with stupid.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 10:45:36

She sounds clueless for sure.
The only comment I would pull her up on is the gay one. The others I would roll my eyes.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 11-Mar-19 10:48:59

Words evolve - especially 'gay' .

Generalized pejorative use

When used with a derisive attitude (e.g., "that was so gay"), the word gay is pejorative. While retaining its other meanings, its use among young people as a general term of disparagement is common.[6][40] This pejorative usage has its origins in the late 1970s, with the word gaining a pejorative sense by association with the previous meaning: homosexuality was seen as inferior or undesirable.[41] Beginning in the 1980s, and especially in the late 1990s, the usage as a generic insult became common among young people.[6]

adjective: gay; comparative adjective: gayer; superlative adjective: gayest

(of a person) homosexual (used especially of a man).
"the city's gay and lesbian people"
relating to or used by homosexuals.
"a gay bar"
light-hearted and carefree.
"Nan had a gay disposition and a very pretty face"
synonyms:cheerful, cheery, merry, jolly, light-hearted, mirthful, jovial, glad, happy, bright, in good spirits, in high spirits, joyful, elated, exuberant, animated, lively, sprightly, vivacious, buoyant, bouncy, bubbly, perky, effervescent, playful, frolicsome; More
informalchirpy, on top of the world, as happy as a sandboy;
informalas happy as a clam
"her children all looked chubby and gay"
brightly coloured; showy.
"a gay profusion of purple and pink sweet peas"
synonyms:bright, brightly coloured, vivid, brilliant, rich, vibrant; More
richly coloured, many-coloured, multicoloured;
flamboyant, gaudy
"the windows sported gay checked curtains"
foolish, stupid, or unimpressive.
"he thinks the obsession with celebrity is totally gay"

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Mar-19 10:50:17

The first one I'd pull her up on, especially if there are children about.

The second one I'd ignore. She doesn't have to eat them and has no control over you.

The last one I'd only correct if she was convincing someone else to say wash up with a burnt hand in a glove. If it's her, let her crack on.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 10:52:09

I did call her on the homophobic comment and it caused a huge row.

Other gems include all disabled people pretend their disability is worse than it is and children that get tuition for exams are cheats. 😐

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 10:54:04

The gay comment was definitely meant as a slur all round. Her defence was “everybody says it”.

Sparklesocks Mon 11-Mar-19 10:54:42

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking just because it might be ‘common’ doesn’t mean it’s ok.

DoneLikeAKipper Mon 11-Mar-19 10:56:08

Words evolve - especially 'gay'

Yes, that’s certainly true. However, as is defined in black and white:

foolish, stupid, or unimpressive.
"he thinks the obsession with celebrity is totally gay"

It’s an offensive way of describing anything. Much like saying ‘stop being such a girl’ - being gay or female does not equate to weakness or negativity, so should not be used to describe those things.

Ultimately, obviously the MiL is wrong in her thinking.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 10:57:20

She sounds pretty awful, how often do you see her?

diabeticsanon Mon 11-Mar-19 10:57:36

everyone doesn't say it, heck she sounds totally ignorant and out of touch. best called out on the offensive stuff and ignored on the nonsense.

GottaGetUp Mon 11-Mar-19 10:58:52

PlainSpeaking, if the word gay had completely evolved to mean rubbish/stupid, and nobody ever used it to mean homosexual, or even remembered that it had ever meant homosexual, then you might have a point. But if for some people the word can mean homosexual and rubbish at the same time, then those people are homophobic.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 11:01:16

GottaGetUp Very well put.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 11:04:01

GreatDuckCookery More often than I’d like but luckily only half a dozen times a year. Trouble is all these comments are one trip’s worth. Next time they’ll be a whole new set of crap to encounter.

FizzyGreenWater Mon 11-Mar-19 11:04:38

'They don't say it around my kids. If they do, they don't see my kids'


3boysandabump Mon 11-Mar-19 11:06:55

My 7 year old has started to say something is gay instead of stupid. Really annoying and I pull him up on it every single time. I'm really hoping I will have drummed it into him that it's not ok before he's old enough to be anybody's in law.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 11-Mar-19 11:11:24

Urgh, she sounds awful. How old are the kids? Can you train them to bat her batshot back?

Nanny why do men who don't like sport have go have a boyfriend? Nanny you're silly, Bobby's Daddy is gay and he likes football

Nan, that's not right, there's no link between sexuality and sport, just look at Tom Daley. Or are you trying to use gay as an insult?

FizzyGreenWater Mon 11-Mar-19 11:13:55

'MIL you are so full of shit'

'How dare you speak to me like that!'

'What? Everyone says it' smile

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 11:16:47

Skip the next visit OP and send DH on his own.

RomanyQueen1 Mon 11-Mar-19 11:22:17

Erm, what's so wrong about covering your hands after a burn.
This one is true, hot water makes it burn more.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 11:25:35

RomanyQueen1 Child burnt hand on the oven, MIL put a wooden glove on the hand so they could wash up 🙄. Child screamed in pain. It doesn’t work.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 11:26:54

Woolen not wooden!

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 11:27:49

My (soon-to-be-ex) MIL is a nutter. She doesnt like gay people, foreign people, actually virtually any people, and has very strange views about most things - and is extremely vocal about them. I am divorcing her son for cheating but sooo not sorry I never have to see her again either!

RomanyQueen1 Mon 11-Mar-19 11:28:45

Woolen glove grin I can see your point.
I have had success with rubber gloves but the burn had been treated first.

mummyp3e3 Mon 11-Mar-19 11:31:47

Definitely full of shit grin

gnushoes Mon 11-Mar-19 11:33:10

Bet she voted Leave.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 11:38:08

Bet she voted Leave grin I was going to say that but thought better not. Bet she did though.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 11:39:28

She voted leave!

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 11:40:46

Of course she did grin

NWQM Mon 11-Mar-19 11:45:19

I'd be voting leave too...from spending too much time with her

Freyanna Mon 11-Mar-19 11:47:36

You can't argue with stupid.

I said I didn't like a certain 'celebrity' MIL likes because he used to beat up his ex wife.

MIL response 'She must have deserved it then'.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 11:56:38

My soon-to-be-ex MIL voted Leave (without having a sodding clue what it means - she just doesn't want 'foreigners over here') and also votes Tory - yet more reasons for my never wanting to see her again....

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 11:58:30

As an older person I'll defend your MIL.

The gay thing is easy to slip out as language has evolved so fast and I have to bite my lip too in response to pampered grandchildren whinging about something. A few years back I could have told them to stop behaving like 'a big girls blouse' but that expression is not PC either.

And was it her no nonsense approach that also led to the other two issues you have with her?

Did she suggest wearing gloves because the child was making a huge fuss over a small burn and using it as an excuse to not wash up?

Was the no dry crackers in response to a child feeling so sick that they couldn't possibly eat the meal she had prepared but wanted an alternative that they liked?

Lots of people my age get frustrated at how younger Mums tiptoe around their children and we won't join in with indulging the childrens ever whim. Maybe I'm wrong and she was just being bloody minded but even if that is the case you should still show her some respect as the grandmother to your children.

Nickpan Mon 11-Mar-19 12:02:02

Please keep a blog for us, "BS my MIL says"

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 12:04:07

Thingybob You sound just like her. “just slips out”, “huge fuss small burn”, “tiptoe around children”.

And no I won’t show her any respect she is a nasty cruel person and you have shown me that she will probably never change and so I will have nothing g to do with her because I don’t want to be around homophobic bigoted ignorant fools. Thank you. smile

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 12:04:49

@Nickpan, I wish I had thought of that before - her views are so crazy its hilarious!

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 12:05:39

Nothing to do with age thingybob, she’s just dim.

Confusedbeetle Mon 11-Mar-19 12:08:43

Just because she says sill or offensive things doesnt make her full of shit

StrawberryFilter Mon 11-Mar-19 12:09:21

OP thingybob was not being at all unreasonable and you really didn't need to be quite so rude to her. I'm a bit taken aback at your nasty reply tbh - it says a lot more about you than about your MIL. Yes I'm sure your MIL drives you mad (so does mine) but we don't get to choose our families so you're going to have to learn a bit more of the tolerance you seem to value so much.

Confusedbeetle Mon 11-Mar-19 12:10:05

"Bet she voted leave"

AAAAARGH! Now who's full of shit?

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 12:11:44

StrawberryFilter There was no small burn, huge fuss, that poster has simply made things up to justify her position of wanting to call people names and control. There’s no kindness in her post. My MIL is the same and I have realised she will never change, so I’m done.

TheNoodlesIncident Mon 11-Mar-19 12:12:14

you should still show her some respect as the grandmother to your children.

Like hell! She deserves respect when she's earned it, not just because her children have had children themselves!

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 12:13:05

Lol so I called it right slidepuzzle?

With regards to not wanting contact then make your excuses but what about your children, shouldn't they see they their grandparents? And what about your Hubby, it's not going to help with your relationship if you call his mother 'full of shit' and a 'nasty, cruel person'

PS I voted leave!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Mon 11-Mar-19 12:14:11

Sounds like she red my MIL's playbook.
My MIL likes to cut articles out of the daily mail and send them to me. I particularly liked the one she sent me recently that vegetarians have just as much subcutaneous fat as meat eaters. Hmmm.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 12:14:12

Respect is earned.
My exmil hated gays.
Wonder if she has told my gay ds that??

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 11-Mar-19 12:15:27

PS I voted leave!

That’s nothing to be shouting about!

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 12:15:40

And to StrawberryFilter and Slidepuzzle

My post wasn't meant in an unkind way but just trying to look at it from MIL perspective

Lweji Mon 11-Mar-19 12:16:39

She did what to child?!

She's homophobic and stupid.

TheNoodlesIncident Mon 11-Mar-19 12:16:49

One thing on here that is so annoying is the way some posters will ignore any facts that don't suit their narrative and extrapolate a whole raft of stuff that the OPs didn't say to justify their theory. Maddening!

Whisky2014 Mon 11-Mar-19 12:24:17

@Thingybob No, you didn't call it right. You sound really horrible and make up excuses for being horrible to people. Well done..

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 12:25:04

OMG @Duckbilled, mine used to do that with me - I would get up to letters through the mail box that were clippings from the Daily Fail which she obviously totally believed and agreed with. I got to the stage where I just laughed about it. Since binning her son (for cheating) I havent had a problem....!

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 12:28:03

but what about your children, shouldn't they see they their grandparents?

No, I don’t want them growing up with the same views she has. SIL’s children already use “gay” as a form of abuse, even the 7 year old. Her views on disable people “making it up” sickens me and my mother is in a wheelchair, my children could repeat those views to her and break her heart.

DH says it’s up to me.

onalongsabbatical Mon 11-Mar-19 12:28:58

@Thingybob I too am an older person and a MIL and you are talking serious bollocks.

SapatSea Mon 11-Mar-19 12:29:29

All sh*t.

My MIL insisted her cold sore kisses couldn't hurt DD when she was a baby and had eczema eveywhere. Another choice piece of wisdom was that breast milk was "too rich" for babies, that is why she bottle fed as should I.

Basically anything I said or did she would spout the opposite.

Stand your ground, do it your way and go no or low contact

justasking111 Mon 11-Mar-19 12:32:02


JingsMahBucket Mon 11-Mar-19 12:33:45

@slidepuzzle (love the name, it brought back memories!), glad you have your wits about you and your husband supports you. Don’t let a regressive twit around your children if you don’t have to!

DelurkingAJ Mon 11-Mar-19 12:36:37

It’s NOT age related! My DGM would have been 106 this year and commented to me in the 1990s that she missed the old meaning of gay but that she didn’t use it because it could cause offence!

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 12:36:52

SapatSea Yep I got the “breast milk is too fatty” line and that I couldn’t store it in the fridge because it would “separate” and be off!

flumpybear Mon 11-Mar-19 12:40:54

Your MIL is an idiot

Gay thjng - eeerrr it's been offensive for years!!

Woolley glove - 👀🙄 who in their right mind .... seriously!! A Marigold glove, possibly I could see thisnas an experiment to see, fucking woollen glove though ... Jesus!!

I can't even remember the other thjng !! ...

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 12:42:00

The same exmil told me my ds's had to have a nappy /pants on at all times or they would get sexual feelings.

flumpybear Mon 11-Mar-19 12:42:04

oh yes, Dry crackers and dehydration .... I suspect you'd need water if eating them quickly particularly if a bit salty but no, lack of water = dehydration

justasking111 Mon 11-Mar-19 12:46:27

I think it behoves any DM or MIL to keep up with how children are raised now compared to "In my day". We know more about the science between breast feeding, co-sleeping, which way to lay baby in cot, how to dress them, when to wean. I admit official advice given to midwives, health visitors has swung wildly over the years but there is a core of scientific facts to support things.

Purplecatshopaholic Mon 11-Mar-19 12:49:20

Why should kids see their GPs if they are complete fuckwits?? I remember the time my MIL was looking after my BIL's 2 kids and without asking, took them to get their hair cut. My niece had long hair and it was all cut off. I think understandably my SIL went mental and they did not speak for many months.

pigsDOfly Mon 11-Mar-19 12:52:42

Thingbob No you didn't call it right. I'm an older person and a MIL and I can assure you words do not 'slip' out of my mouth and never in my life have I used any homophobic expressions as insults.

These sort of excuses for ignorance and nastiness, and a tenancy towards reading the Daily Mail, are not age not driven, they're driven by ignorance and stupidity.

PS: I voted remain.

MadAboutWands Mon 11-Mar-19 12:55:29

but what about your children, shouldn't they see they their grandparents?
As a child I went to see my grandparents or rather I was made to go and see them. Both narcissistic and manipulative people.
And you know what? They were like with my dad and they were like this with me too. I hated it and had the same issue than my dad with them. Except that, as a child, I couldn’t explain why and certainly didn’t feel I couod say ‘I didn’t like grandma’. I was just uncomfortable each time we were at their house.
So shouldn’t chikdren see their grandparents? Well if it’s for them to see people who are nasty or manipulative etc... nope. I don’t think it’s worth it as they will be exactly the same around or towards said grandchildren. Except they wont be able to defend themselves.

Spiritinabody Mon 11-Mar-19 13:00:26


Your post clearly wasn't meant in an unkind way. You sound like a kind and sensible person who tries to view things from different perspectives before coming to a conclusion.

oohyoudevilyou Mon 11-Mar-19 13:01:00

People talk a load of shit don't they? I ignore it, whether it comes from Mil, friends or the media. I defend my right to talk shit of the great things about living in a society like ours is that we can use our own judgement to decide what is right and wrong.

DorothyZbornak Mon 11-Mar-19 13:13:29

She sounds like my mother. Thick as shit and a Daily Mail reader.

Tixywixy Mon 11-Mar-19 13:21:16

I'm an older person and completely disagree with Thingybob. It really , really isn't hard to keep up with what is offensive and not offensive.

I can't stand people who spout all kinds of shit as if it's an incontrovertible truth. Your MIL sounds like one of those.

PS I voted Remain and don't read the Daily Fail.

HoustonBess Mon 11-Mar-19 13:30:28


It's funny how you have to show respect to grandmothers but showing respect to how children feel is tiptoeing and pampering...

Why should you bother tiptoeing around grandmothers' feelings when they act like rude arses?

FudgeBrownie2019 Mon 11-Mar-19 13:37:03

but what about your children, shouldn't they see they their grandparents?

Grandparents don't have an automatic right to their Grandchildren. And if those Grandparents are going to teach the grandchildren to be small-minded bigots, it's perfectly acceptable for parents to refuse or reduce contact.

I've banned MIL's DP from spending time with/around our DC. He did something I find unforgivable and he's no longer part of our lives. Of course it's made life more tricky for MIL and for her DP, but if someone is a prick, they shouldn't be around DC.

AllInADay Mon 11-Mar-19 13:38:43

Oh dear. It sounds as if mother-in-laws are coming in for a bit of a bashing. I used to bite my tongue at some of my mother-in-law's comments but there were times in my life when she really helped me out in terrible situations and I'll be forever grateful to her and felt sorry, in retrospect for much of what I muttered about her. I was so upset when she died and how she suffered before her death.

I'm a mother-in-law myself now and you find that you are now dealing with a unified front with your son/daughter and their wife/husband. I'm conscious that I must say or do some things that are odd. I also expect that they find me a pain, because they are in that stage of their lives, just like I was. I get upset by some of their comments back, but I've learned to keep quiet when that happens, having seen it from all sides.

BlueMerchant Mon 11-Mar-19 13:42:24

Totally agree with the title of your post- yes, MIL is full of shit. In my experience at lot of them are. Don't lower yourself or your family into associating with shit.

Strixaluco Mon 11-Mar-19 13:43:46

HoustonBess is spot on. I've never understood why people think you suddenly become entitled to respect on your 18th birthday and automatically keep it indefinitely thereafter, whether or not you have earned it.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Mon 11-Mar-19 14:06:54

My dc don't see any dgps.
They are thriving!!

JingsMahBucket Mon 11-Mar-19 14:26:31

Oh dear. It sounds as if mother-in-laws are coming in for a bit of a bashing.

Nope, just the bigoted ones who are stupid enough to think that “breast milk is too fatty for babies so feed them formula instead”. If you’re not a bigot or stupid, then you should be feeling just fine. smile

Fluffyears Mon 11-Mar-19 14:28:09

Mil said recently that only gay men get HIV/AIDS. I said everyone includibg heterosexuals can get it and she said ‘ach no it’s something only gay men get!’

pigsDOfly Mon 11-Mar-19 14:46:39

AllinADay. MIL bashing does tend to be something of a sport on MN.

However, having said that I suspect that the bigoted MIL were ignorant and bigoted when they were younger and it's got absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they are MIL or older.

I'm sure that in years to come, if MN is still going, there will be similar threads started by the DIL of the generation that is posting on here now about their MIL.

There are ignorant bigots, and people who refuse to move with the times in all generations unfortunately, but it's probably not until they are older and have someone like a DIL posting on a forum like MN that anyone really talks about it, and given that the relationship between MIL and DIL can often be a tricky one there are always plenty of DIL pleased to take the opportunity to do so.

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 14:49:54

Thanks for your support Spiritinabody

Gosh I'm taken back by how many in here would sever all ties with a grandparent over what appear to be quite small differences. Yes I know that homophobia is unacceptable these days but whether we like it or not there are still many older people that think differently so shouldn't you younger people calmly disagree and hopefully challenge their point of view rather than break off all contact?

As for a grandparents rights, I agree they don't have any but don't children have a right to a relationship with their close relatives whenever possible? Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.

Children will eventually be exposed to all sorts of differing views unless you ban them from ever coming into contact with a Brexiteer, a Daily Mail reader, anyone from a different social Class, religion or culture. Then as they grow up they will develop their own opinions and will start to challenge and disagree with their parents. Would you then want them to then cut all contact with you?

LeesPostersAreInFrames Mon 11-Mar-19 14:59:46

She's a twat.

The cream cracker thing she might have a kinda point on, though. If you eat a dry cracker, it's going to absorb liquid in your GIT and whenever whatever is left of it passes out as poo, it's not bone dry, poo has water content. Therefore eating a dry cracker is going to absorb some of the water in your gut that could be absorbed by your body instead. However it can't take water out of your body and dehydrate you, it can only prevent some of the water you have eaten/drunk from hydrating you. Easily made not a thing by having a few extra sips of water.

really I have no idea why I focused on that instead of the homophobic awfulness except that other people have covered that

DuckbilledSplatterPuff Mon 11-Mar-19 15:08:28

Are we related Purple? Similar haircut happening! LOL!

Some people have lovely MILS and they are very lucky.. and yes we will all be MILS one day.
Unfortunately the only way I can cope with mine is to use her behaviour towards me as an example of how not to treat people.. I focus on trying not to let her get to me. and so I do enjoy an occasional chuckle at threads like these.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 15:10:44

Yes I know that homophobia is unacceptable these days... hmmshock

It was always unacceptable.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 15:13:46

don't children have a right to a relationship with their close relatives whenever possible? Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.


She calls her grandchildren and son in law gay.

neveragainbob Mon 11-Mar-19 15:14:30

Thingybob, your true colours are showing.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 15:15:38

LeesPostersAreInFrames She was trying to ban me from eating a cracker (morning sickness).

Lweji Mon 11-Mar-19 15:20:59

Next time, take some laxative in your handbag and when she comes out with something like that, hand it over to her.

SuziQ10 Mon 11-Mar-19 15:32:03

I no longer see MIL.
I am comfortable with that decision. My OH is upset about it, but I'm upset that my OH has a mother who is the way she is, so we've put that to one side.

He sees her frequently but I no longer feel like I have to. I just don't get on with her and I'm not going to continuously put myself in an uncomfortable position having to see her. I've seen her briefly at social things and exchanged greetings and that's it. I am a lot happier. 2+ years now.

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 15:47:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thingybob Mon 11-Mar-19 15:56:03

Oh and FWIW, I totally side with you over the cream cracker. Eat whatever you fancy

Lweji Mon 11-Mar-19 15:59:59

On a side note, though, when I was pregnant the best thing for my nausea was regular sips of water and keeping my stomach cool.

But dry crackers don't dehydrate.

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 17:29:37

I came on here for a moan but this thread had changed my life! I am no longer seeing MIL and neither are my DC. DH has been informed and accepted it. I will not put up with her ignorance and nastiness any longer or expose my children to it.

Views like Thingybob’s and MIl’s are harmful. Calling someone gay is not a “small difference”. Ridiculing disabled people is not a small difference either. (One is SIL’s children always giggles when she sees someone in a mobility scooter because MIl told her they wet themselves and had to wear nappies.)

My children are not being brought up with this woman to behave like that.

SapatSea Mon 11-Mar-19 22:48:09


Usuallyinthemiddle Tue 12-Mar-19 17:58:39

Yes, they are going to come across bigots and pillock in life. Whereupon you'll either correct them or not see them again or both.
You can't sustain a GP relationship where you call them out on their hideous bigotry every time you see them. Good for you, OP. flowers

Cockadoodledooo Tue 12-Mar-19 18:14:13

Being homophobic (or any other phobic) doesn't mean that someone cannot be a loving, caring grandparent.

Um. It kinda does, because it means they're bigoted, and I wouldn't expose my children to that. You're obviously free to think/feel what you want (though homophobia is wrong wrong wrong) , but you're absolutely not free to impose that on me or my children. As my in laws have been told.

Ticketybootoo Tue 12-Mar-19 21:29:26

Absolutely full of it ! I agree grin

Catsinthecupboard Wed 13-Mar-19 03:25:53

I think that parents have a much bigger influence on children than grandparents.

Both my mil and father had stupid attitudes but also had good points.

When we left respective homes, dh, dc and i would discuss things we disagreed with that had been said. We explained that it was old thinking and not acceptable now but changing old minds was difficult. We love people no matter their faults if they are family...and not dangerous.

A niece laughing at a coarse and ignorant remark would have been stopped by me bc i feel strongly that there but for the Grace of God, etc. Everyone is afflicted in some way. A wheelchair bound person could certainly have better manners than those relatives.

Calling my dc names wouldn't have been acceptable.

Regarding the rest, hands/burns, crackers. Ignore her.

Grandparents are important and most mothers of ds reading this will be a mil someday. You really need to teach your dc how you want to be treated by them when they marry. NC isn't my choice.

Tixywixy Wed 13-Mar-19 04:40:22

I completely support your decision OP but I am wondering about whether people excuse things more of their own parents than they would of their in laws. It's just illogical to think that women with sons are more bigoted/annoying/controlling than women with daughters. And yet you rarely hear on here of women cutting off their own family for bigotry or just being annoying (abuse, yes). So are women allowing their children to be exposed to things from their own parents that they wouldn't put up with from in-laws?

Just to confirm I would have no intention of behaving like this mother in law with my own dils btw!

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