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To think OH should take the day of?

(68 Posts)
caute Mon 11-Mar-19 05:53:11

I'm very ill drowsy and tired and a really bad migraine every time I bend down my head goes so dizzy I feel like I'm going to collapse. I don't feel safe driving like this. Ds needs to go to nursery and I need to go to the doctors and the hospital for a blood test. I've been ill for a while now but It's getting much worse.

He said he will drop me at my mums but that is no help because my mum can't drive.

Mmmmbrekkie Mon 11-Mar-19 07:23:52

He drops dd at nursery

Have you got an app for docs or hospital? Or are you planning to book? If the latter, very unlikely you will get for today! If you already have app, then get taxi.

If dd only in for half day, dh arranges that she in for full day and then he collects.

wowfudge Mon 11-Mar-19 07:24:53

@Decormad if your DH is getting daily migraines for that length of time that is really worrying. Does he have prescription medicine for them and take a preventative? I am a migraine sufferer and they are really debilitating even though I carry on when I have one. I don't think I could cope with them daily for 18 months.

ArgyMargy Mon 11-Mar-19 07:27:27

Having migraines since November is not 18 months. I suspect he just has headaches.

CaptainCabinets Mon 11-Mar-19 07:33:28

@caute are you having a sickle cell crisis? If so that’s a bit different to a migraine so might’ve been helpful to mention it in your OP! Surely your DP can take your child to nursery on his way to work, and drop you at your Mum’s so you and she can take a taxi to the GP? Your DP can always leave work if he needs to, i.e. if you need to be admitted to hospital.

RMogs Mon 11-Mar-19 07:34:48

We rely on DH wage. He actually offered to take the day off on Friday after I had been ill for a day and a half already with a migraine. I sent him in.
Yes it was difficult, especially with a 19 month old who has discovered the joy in climbing, but although we could have managed without losing the days wage, at the same time, my migraines are a monthly occurrence, and I was already having to take the night off work due to it.
If you can manage (and by manage I mean literally cling on until he gets home) then I wouldn't expect him to stay off.
However,that being said, he does use annual leave when I have a hospital appointment as with how far we live from hospital, and the delays with late appointments means he needs to have DS. If you had known about your appointment in advance, that is when I would have asked for help, but DS isn't in nursery.
Time off for a migraine when you can cope but it's easier not too wouldn't really be a priority for me.
Hope you feel better soon

Bigearringsbigsmile Mon 11-Mar-19 07:36:21

Argymargy, she said a year last November.
Who made you the Oracle on everything????

Decormad38 Mon 11-Mar-19 07:43:01

@wowfudge yes hes on super strong meds now that are giving him multiple side effects. Hes had 3 MRI scans. An ongoing nightmare of chronic pain!

UnspiritualHome Mon 11-Mar-19 07:46:17

I don’t think he should take a day off because you have a migraine! My dh has had a migraine every day since a year last November. We would have lost our jobs with that approach

If your DH has been able to work despite having migraines every day, he hasn't been having migraines.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 11-Mar-19 07:48:16

Has he been taking a lot of time off recently? Is his job secure?

Decormad38 Mon 11-Mar-19 07:50:55

@UnspiritualHome tell that to the neurologist he is now under for it! The point I was making is that expecting her dh to take a day off after one day of it seems over the top.

Willow2017 Mon 11-Mar-19 07:54:39

Good god op is ill, too ill to drive, has a baby and has 2 medical appointments but her supposed 'partner' is far too 'important' to help her out?

I love all the "just get a taxi" thats spouted on here every time someone is ill. My nearest hospital is 40 miles away. Taxi is not an option and buses are few and far between and take 2 hours either way. Not everyone lives in cities.

Its not much to ask your partner to step up once in a while is it?

Being a single parent has no bearing on ops situation. She isnt a single parent she has someone who supposedly loves her and should want to.support her. Why is her dp more important than she is?

wowfudge Mon 11-Mar-19 07:56:47

@Unspiritual everyone's migraines are different. I prefer to get on with things, go to work, etc as lying in a darkened room with one is my idea of hell. However I think the pp's husband may be suffering from something other than migraine to have headaches so severely for a prolonged period of time.

EmeraldShamrock Mon 11-Mar-19 08:00:33

Can your mum take you in a taxi.
Let him take DS, drop you to your mum.
You know his work set up, I know I couldn't take it off unless it was an emergency, neither can DP both jobs use minimum staff cover.

UnspiritualHome Mon 11-Mar-19 08:02:20

OP's husband is taking the day off, people. She doesn't need further advice on this.

SapatSea Mon 11-Mar-19 08:03:52

caute I hope you are okay. I'm glad your DP has taken the day off, sometimes you need support even if you aren't at death's door. Also with a long term condition rather than getting "used to it" occasionally I find I get panicked and need some reassurance and support as my energy and rsolve have been worn down.

Pinkbells Mon 11-Mar-19 08:04:46

Can he take your son to nursery and you to your mum's then you and your mum get a taxi to the hospital?

blueskiesovertheforest Mon 11-Mar-19 08:08:46

caute glad to hear he's taking the day off.

There are no rewards for martyring yourself unnecessarily, and not asking your partner for help wouldn't do any good to single mothers or men with neurological conditions, it's totally and utterly irrelevant in this specific moment whether others can out suffer you without taking a day off.

I spent years doing every night waking with my 3 kids, your usual breastfed babies with dc1 and 2 but dc3 woke every hour long after I'd stopped breastfeeding and well into preschool age, and I had the older kids too up all day of course. I spared DH the night waking because I thought there's no point us both being exhausted and he had a long commute and I only worked a few hours per week, locally. Does he remember this with any sort of gratitude? Nope, he thinks I must be exaggerating how bad it was because I never asked for help.

Ask for help. There are no medals.

Lou670 Mon 11-Mar-19 08:17:10

I am actually surprised that as you stated are 'ill, tired and drowsy' along with a very bad migraine, that you can actually type on here. I don't think I could feeling like that.

With regard to getting your child to nursery. Would it be the end of the world if he had to miss one day? Could a mum of a child attending the same nursery collect him on her way for you? Can a neighbour quickly drop him of for you? If you are that bad that you feel you are going to fall over when you move then I would advise against going out to see the GP and insist they come out to you on a home visit.

As your mum cannot drive and you feel unable to then could you get to the hospital by public transport or a taxi? This would be cheaper than you partner losing a day in wages/holiday leave.

I think the above posting of how do single mums cope was just pointing out that some people do not have a choice as they have noone around to help. They then (in the situation you are now in) just do the bear minimum until they feel more able to do more.

The blood test surely can wait another day and if you get the blood test done at the hospital in the path lab then you can just turn up when you want and wait in turn. I would call the GP out if you are feeling as bad as you say you are. If your partner was working away from home (as mine does) then there would not be the option there as to whether he could help or not.

blueskiesovertheforest Mon 11-Mar-19 08:18:12

Get a taxi is the new cancel the cheque - what a novel and innovative idea from all those unable to read the thread before posting their unique brainwave...

I once tried to get a taxi spontaneously from where I live because my car wouldn't start on a Monday morning... After ringing every possible taxi number and being told no availability within the next couple of hours I had to ask a neighbor for a lift. As others have pointed out taxis aren't an option in many rural areas unless pre-booked, and not everyone lives near a hospital - £60 one way fares are realistic in some areas.

MondayMorningBluesy Mon 11-Mar-19 08:30:20

There are some bloody stupid answers here.

Have any of you got any IDEA what a migraine is like? I get migraine and can't get out of bed or bear light. the idea of getting a taxi for a blood test while feeling dizzy would be out of the question.

Equally, my DH would not hesitate to take time off work- or rather work from home, which is an option for him, were I really unwell.

At the very least he'd have got the DCs to nursery.

@caute You are not in a fit state to go anywhere. Cancel your drs appt. I am not sure if you have an appt or mean you WILL need to see a dr and have a blood test OR if these appts are for today.

Worst case is your child will have to miss nursery for a day unless your DP or a friend can take them.

MondayMorningBluesy Mon 11-Mar-19 08:31:32

Oh, missed your update. sounds as if ti's sorted.

Lou670 Mon 11-Mar-19 08:32:15

Who lives 60 miles away from the nearest hospital? Unless of course she is going to a hospital that specialises in the illness she has. I would not (when having young children) live 60 miles away from a hospital.

My nearest hospital is 3 miles away from me. I am however attending at the moment a hospital that is an hours drive away from me. This is because I am attending (today actually) a specialist burns unit as I was involved in a fire and my face is covered in skin grafts.

As the poster has stated that she has been ill for some time, therefore it was a possibility that she could have been (and now is) quite ill today. As she cannot get to the hospital alone then surely there should have been some back up plan arranged?

Damntheman Mon 11-Mar-19 08:39:59

I am actually surprised that as you stated are 'ill, tired and drowsy' along with a very bad migraine, that you can actually type on here. I don't think I could feeling like that.

Eyeroll.. Just because YOU couldn't manage it, doesn't mean nobody else can. Judging how sick a person does or does not feel based on how able they are to type on an internet forum is bullshit, and cold AF. Don't do it! OP says she's feeling dreadful - this means she's feeling dreadful. There's no behaviour meter for how dreadful one can possibly feel if one is still able to type on a phone in bed, get over it.

MrMeSeeks Mon 11-Mar-19 08:43:50

If your DH has been able to work despite having migraines every day, he hasn't been having migraines.

Odfod.
Everyones migraines are not the same! At one point i was having them nearly everyday for months, if i’d have missed work everytime i’d have lost my job!
Oh and yes my consultant agreed it was migraines hmm

Lou670 Mon 11-Mar-19 08:46:32

There is a 'behaviour meter' as you name it when a duty doctor rings up to assess whether or not a patient requires a home visit or whether or not they are deemed as fit to attend the surgery. The doctor will endeavour to make a home visit should the patient be unable to move.

This is not the case with the poster as she has stated that she is well enough to attend a hospital appointment. Even with getting a lift to the hospital you still then have to walk to the relevant department/ward/path lab. I am wondering how far away the child's nursery is?

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