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AIBU to think there's something wrong with me?

(1 Post)
WillAllBeWell Sun 10-Mar-19 20:58:35

Hi all,

Not really sure if how I feel is normal and anyone else has experienced similar.

On paper I have everything going for me. 25, good job and career prospects, live in a nice flat, lots of good friends and have been seeing someone lovely for about six months (a real breath of fresh air after an emotionally abusive relationship that ended early last year, and given this taking things slowly with new relationship).

Sometimes I look at the life I've built and the lovely people I know and feel very proud of myself, other times I feel so terribly lonely and caught up with my thoughts. My friends would say I am a consistently positive, independent person but when I am left to my own devices I feel the opposite.

I live alone and do my best to stay social, go to the gym and fill my time because I panic worrying my life will become work/sleep/repeat and I'll be terribly alone if I'm not consistently making the effort socially. I feel tired because I am running around meeting up with friends whilst juggling my job and other commitments. Sometimes I feel like I'm just organising things so I don't have to be alone, I see my bf twice a week and am very conscious not to be clingy and maintain my own social life separate to him (do not want to be too dependent on him as this is not healthy or attractive either way round).

Essentially, I sometimes feel like I'm going through the motions trying to "get through" life and waiting for the day it all gets better - not that I know what that looks like really - and whilst I do enjoy my friends and bf immensely, i almost feel like I get separation anxiety from them once the day or night is over. I've been anxious at work and feel so low on Sundays knowing I won't be with my friends or bf again for a few days. Some of these issues could be solved by living with someone but I am stuck in my place for two years and would like to deal with these feelings myself rather than anyone else.

I'm known for being independent and usually really enjoy my own company, I am struggling with these emotions and worrying I might be depressed? Am I just spoilt?

Apologies if this doesn't make sense and realise this is quite a long post. Any words of wisdom from MNetters would be much appreciated xxx

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