Freaking out a bit (Trigger warning, breast lump)

[ForkingBullshirt]

So I have what feels like a lump/thickening in my breast that I found 2 weeks ago. I have an appointment at a breast clinic this week coming, but as time goes on I'm becoming convinced I have cancer...I know it sounds stupid but I can feel it even when I'm not touching it. Its almost like I can feel it inside me if that makes any sense, it's not a pain as such but it feels like a dull ache. It's very hard to explain!
The sensible part of me thinks that this is because I'm hyper aware of it and it's my mind playing tricks. The rest of me has convinced myself I have cancer.
I'm also unbelievably tired. This isn't usual. I'm busy most of the time as a lp and I'm also a ft student but I'm suddenly so tired I'm falling asleep in the day. 2 days this week my 8 year old has had to wake me up to make him dinner! This is not normal.

In my head this is another sign that this is something bad.
I have no one to talk to about this stuff. My mums health isnt great and I dont want her to worry. I also don't want to sound melodramatic!
I know the most likely outcome is that it's nothing but I'm feeling scared.

So I suppose my aibu is am I being stupid?!

[CurlyMango]

No not at all stupid. Worried, concerned and great you have an appointment.

On a slightly strange note do you feel queasy at all......

Best

[ForkingBullshirt]

No queasy feelings...I'm definitely not pregnant! If i was it would be the second coming 😂

[bobstersmum]

You are not being stupid, anyone would worry about that.
You will hopefully find out soon and put your mind to rest. Best of luck I hope its nothing op.

[flumpybear]

Good thing is you're going to the breast clinic.
That feeling of the lump inside you is anxiety - I get this all the time as I worry about health literally all the time - it's a thing I've developed since having kids

Thirdly, deep down you know inside you they it's most unlikely to be anything sinister, you must get it checked, but it's far more likely to be a fatty lump, cyst etc

If you split your breast into four quadrants, top nearest your under arm being q1. Under that q2 inside towards centre of your body but downwards being q3 and top of breast closest to centre of your body being q4 - which part of your breast is the lump in?

[CurlyMango]

No not thinking pregnant. Just wondered if there were other things.

Do let us know what happens at your appointment or after it.

[ForkingBullshirt]

The lump is in the top near the top of my armpit.
I'm generally a sensible person so I know that it's most likely nothing but my sensible side seems to have gone on holiday...

[ForkingBullshirt]

Thank you. It's silly, but just putting down here that I'm scared is helping.
I will update after my appointment

[Rainatnight]

I'm in exactly the same position at the moment and doing my best not to freak out. I have generally lumpy boobs so it's hard to tell a new lump from what's normally there but my GP thought she could feel something too so referred me to be on the safe side.

My appt is 18 March. When's yours? We could do a handhold!

[FloatingthroughSpace]

Excessive tiredness is an anxiety/ stress response. It's fight, flight, freeze, or flop. I flop, just want to sleep when I am worried or stressed.

Good luck, I hope it's nothing.

[ForkingBullshirt]

Rainatnight I'm sorry you're going through this as well. I think it's the not knowing and guessing that's the worst.
My appointment is on the 16th.

My gp also felt it straight away. She purposely didn't ask where I'd felt it but she almost made a beeline for it and felt it instantly.

[ForkingBullshirt]

I did wonder if the worry was making me more tired than usual.
It's funny though because the last 2 weeks I've hardly thought about it (consciously anyway), but as the appointment gets closer it's like I've gone into panic mode.

[moanymoaner]

I can't imagine how you're feeling and no amount of anyone telling you not to worry will help but I want to wish to luck and hope it's just cyst or something xx

[ForkingBullshirt]

Thank you so much for the supportive messages.
I really do appreciate them.

[CurlyMango]

Let’s hand hold together, mine is on the 18th also

[ForkingBullshirt]

Hand holds all round it seems.
It's a bit rubbish but I'm very glad I posted this.

[Cocolepew]

In a word no, of course you're not being silly. I'm in the same boat too.
I think because I'm hyper aware of there being something there its constantly on my mind , usually sub consciously.
Best of luck to you and Rainatnight

[Cocolepew]

Xpost and to you Curly

[Raspberry10]

Have you got someone to go to the appointment with you as moral support? I had something very similar a few years ago, in exactly the same place, and it did help to have someone with me as a distraction.

If it helps this is what happened to me. They took some bloods, checked the breast by sight, then felt for the lump, and then a mammogram. They thought it was probably a cyst so gave me an ultrasound and then drained it by needle aspiration. It didn’t hurt at all and the annoying pressure in my breast was instantly gone. Hoping yours is something as simple, but I know how terrified you must feel at the moment

[WillGymForPizza]

I'm also waiting to be seen by the breast clinic. My appointment is not for another fortnight. My GP didn't seem at all worried, but said he'd refer me anyway. I suspect because I'm younger and still having periods, and have no family history of BC etc that it wasn't an urgent referral, but over the past fortnight my mental has really deteriorated and I feel totally detached and consumed by worry. I can't focus on anything. I also keep seeing cancer related stuff everywhere, I know it was probably always there but I'm hyper aware of it now.

I think it's incrediably cruel to make women wait so long to be seen. We automatically jump to the worst possible outcome and it seems from this thread and others that we all go out of minds with worry

Really I just want it all over. Either way I just want to know what it is. I just can't rest.

[Inkstainedmags]

YANBU. The waiting is the absolute worst part. Your mind will go straight to the worst case scenario every time. Also, the anxious thinking is exhausting so it makes sense you feel tired.

I second the advice to bring someone with you to the breast clinic. Hopefully you'll get the all clear but I went alone and in my case it turned out to be cancer and being alone was horrible.

Hugs to you. Been there, remember those awful feelings. If it helps to hear positive stories, eight years later I'm still here, totally healthy and mum to a toddler despite aggressive chemo that a fertility specialist said would end any chances of conceiving. Breast cancer treatment is extremely successful these days.

[roisinagusniamh]

Flumpybear, why have you asked the op which quarter of her breast is the lump in?

[ForkingBullshirt]

Sorry for not replying last night, I fell asleep in front of the tv!

I'll be going to my appointment on my own but hopefully it'll be ok.
Inkstained I'm so sorry you went through that but what a happy ending!

Good luck to everyone waiting for clinic appointments.

[Rainatnight]

I'm going on my own too. I'm normally very sociable and actually feel v comfortable leaning on people generally but for something super stressful like that I'm better off alone with a book without trying to be polite to anyone!

[Rainatnight]

And thanks for the good wishes, much appreciated. Right back at everyone in the same circs.

[ForkingBullshirt]

That's my plan too. Whatever book (or uni work) I'm reading at the time.
I don't want to have to make small talk.