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To think I'm not a "young Mum"?

(210 Posts)
AlwaysFuckingTired94 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:39:05

Pregnant with DC1 at 22, had her at 23

Pregnant with DC2 at 23 and had her at 24.

Aibu to think this isn't young to have kids? It's definitely the average age to start a family where I grew up.

Keep getting referred to as a "young Mum" out and about, at toddler groups etc and it feels a tad patronising.

CountFosco Wed 13-Mar-19 23:03:23

The term elderly prima gravida is applied to all first time mothers over 25-ish according to my obstetric consultant, 20 years ago

I was (just) over 25 20 years ago and none of my Uni friends were having babies. Most of us weren't even married at that stage. We al seemed to get married in 2000 and have babies over the next 20 years.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 13-Mar-19 22:41:46

Young to me

Almost 44 when gave birth and now almost 46 with a nearl 2yr

DelilahfromDenmark Wed 13-Mar-19 21:05:44

Where I live you’d be a really young mum. Most people where I am are mid to late 30s when having their first.

NCforthis2019 Wed 13-Mar-19 20:52:42

I would say you were a young mum. I had my first at 30. No one I know in my friend circle had kids before 29. Doesn’t matter though.

XingMing Wed 13-Mar-19 20:49:48

The term elderly prima gravida is applied to all first time mothers over 25-ish according to my obstetric consultant, 20 years ago. I was 42 then. He reckoned 18 -25 was perfect biological age to have babies; I had to point out that socially and professionally it might not work.

soberfabulous Wed 13-Mar-19 19:17:30

I'm 20 years older than you with a 5 year old. You are young to me.

bananasandwicheseveryday Wed 13-Mar-19 18:33:31

I was in my mid 20s when I had dc1 and my hospital notes proclaimed me to be a geriatric mother! Nowadays, I'd be considered young! My mum and MIL were late teens when Dh and I were born. DC and DIL are mid twenties so are considered young parents among their peers.
I think it doesn't matter what age you are when you have your children, someone will always have an opinion and for some reason, they will think it acceptable to comment on it. Sadly, IME, those who do feel entitled to comment upon it are often doing it in a patronising way.

As long as you are happy, ignore the comments and just be a mum.

blueskiesovertheforest Wed 13-Mar-19 17:45:12

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/projects/young-mums-together Peer support group for "Young Mums" in London - for under 25 year olds.

SausageMashandOnionGravy Wed 13-Mar-19 17:45:03

You are young by today's standards, most women are well into their 30s before they have children. I was early-mid 30s when I had my 2 children and want another baby. I wish I'd started in my late 20s as I'm now feeling the pressure of the clock ticking as I creep towards late 30s.

Having children in your 20s is young-ish but in the long run you'll be the one laughing when your kids have left home and you are still in your 40s loving life!

Magicroundabout321 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:40:44

It's a great age to have kids! :-)

But yes, like others have said, a lot of people are already 30+, so it would seem young to them.

CountFosco Wed 13-Mar-19 17:35:03

Oh, and I wasn't classed as a geriatric mother until I had DS in my 40s.

CountFosco Wed 13-Mar-19 17:32:11

Definitely young because you had your child well below the average age to have a first child.

Can I just point out though to those saying it's the best time biologically, it's not always a case of younger is better. Teenage Mums have more complications during pregnancy than those in their 20s and 30s. And there's quite a few studies showing we don't fully mature mentally until 25. As can be shown by the high percentage of relationships that break down when people are young.

Although I wonder, would it be acceptable to keep referring to a woman who had her children at 35+ as an "old Mum"

When I had DD1 at 37 I was regularly called a young mum. While obviously it would be lovely to imagine that was due to me looking much younger than I was I think it's because a lot of people use the phrase 'young mum' to mean a mother of young children.

FuckertyBoo Wed 13-Mar-19 17:27:46

Yes, I think you probably would op! Try it and report back! Go, go, go grin.

AlwaysFuckingTired94 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:24:09

I wonder if I'd get a different answer on Netmums 🤭

Piddly2 Wed 13-Mar-19 17:16:14

I agreed she was young and backed up with a reason. What was the purpose to the op otherwise?

GoldenHour Wed 13-Mar-19 17:08:21

@Piddly2 an uninvited point of view. The op has said she doesn't see herself as a young mum, you have commented not on her age but on your perceived drawback on being a young mum. Nobody asked for opinions, it does come across as insulting whether you mean it to be or not.

Triskaidekaphilia Wed 13-Mar-19 17:06:11

I'm nearly 29 and expecting my first and it feels so late to me because I expected to start my family around 24-25 and be done by 30. At the same time I wouldn't think it was unusual or bad for someone to have their first at 40, so like PP said it's all relative. From my perspective I would think of a young mum as anyone under 20 because they'd be a teen when they got pregnant, but no judgement about that- some 20 year olds I know are more mature than a lot of 30 year olds I know!

Singlenotsingle Wed 13-Mar-19 17:06:05

Yes that's young. But you'll still be young and full of beans when the dc are off hand

AhhhHereItGoes Wed 13-Mar-19 17:00:11

I was 22 when fell pregnant with DD1 and 23 when she was born.

25 when was pregnant with DD2, 26 when she when she was born.

I think it's one of those things that depends on how the people around you are, likewise with what you define as old.

I'd say under 21 is fairly young. 21-35 average and 36+ older mother of a first time Mum.

Piddly2 Wed 13-Mar-19 16:54:23

It's not an insult though just a point of view.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 13-Mar-19 16:35:57

Probably by todays standards but It's not really an offensive thing to say though is it? (I was a similar age having mine btw)

Bobcatcornea Wed 13-Mar-19 16:33:24

I'm 27 and most of my friends haven't had babies yet. In fact the only ones who have had them at 16/17/18. Sorry but I'd definitely class you as a young Mum but not in a bad way. Is it really an issue unless somebody is saying it in a nasty or derogatory sense? I suppose it's better than being classed as a geriatric mother isn't it? Pretty sure that's what I'll be if / when we get around to it.

GoldenHour Wed 13-Mar-19 16:29:41

@Piddly2 it's comments like that that turn "young mum" into an insult. Unnecessary.

Bellasorellaa Wed 13-Mar-19 16:21:27

op are you a time traveller from the 1970's?

a young mum is anyone under 30 in 2019

welcome to the future were people live until 100

Moominfan Wed 13-Mar-19 15:40:44

Op I think it depends on where you live. We're in Nw and I was referred to as a an older parent at 30 confused I assumed that's when most people start

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