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To think I'm not a "young Mum"?

(210 Posts)
AlwaysFuckingTired94 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:39:05

Pregnant with DC1 at 22, had her at 23

Pregnant with DC2 at 23 and had her at 24.

Aibu to think this isn't young to have kids? It's definitely the average age to start a family where I grew up.

Keep getting referred to as a "young Mum" out and about, at toddler groups etc and it feels a tad patronising.

TillyTheTiger Sun 10-Mar-19 18:11:10

There are definitely more mothers over 40 than under 25 at the toddler groups I go to, so yes I would think of you as a young mum, but I certainly don't think of that as a negative thing, and wouldn't patronise you or consider you less capable than an older mum.

HeyNannyNanny Sun 10-Mar-19 18:11:38

@notanothernam I'm 27 right now, and really really hope that in 5 years time I won't be old!
I see what you're saying, perhaps I'd feel differently if I had them now.

BejamNostalgia Sun 10-Mar-19 18:12:10

As others said, the average age in 2015 was 28.8. It’s likely to be closer to 30 now. I think most people would class you as a young mum.

That doesn’t mean other women have it easier or get more approval for their pregnancies when they’re older. Many of us who’ve been referred to with the lovely moniker of ‘geriatric mother’ can tell you that. smile

Bitlost Sun 10-Mar-19 18:13:05

My midwives said I was young. I was 32!!!!! That’s because there are a lot of 40+ mums (and dads) where I live.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 10-Mar-19 18:13:21

Where I live A 24yo with two kids is the nanny not the mammy

Chocolate1984 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:13:27

You’d be young in our area. Most people have their first around 33 and last around 40.

KatnissKringle Sun 10-Mar-19 18:14:33

In my area, yes you're young. I had my first at 29 and considered myself average age compared to other mums at baby groups (and was the youngest in my NCT group). However, I have a friend who lives in a different county who had her first at 26 and second at 28 and said she felt positively geriatric at the baby clubs by her as all the mums were 20/21. So it very much depends!

Teateaandmoretea Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:20

Yabu because you are a young mum and would have been even in the previous generations I think.

Interestingly at work I feel like a young mum no one seems to have a baby till at least mid-30s.

Stop worrying about what other people think, they will still have toddlers when yours are grown up. Women I went to school/ uni with are still having babies and I really don't envy them

Pemba Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:37

You are in your twenties = young and you are a mum, therefore you are a young mum. It's not an insult you know!

And statistically you are now younger than the average as pps said. I wouldn't think you were too young to do a good job though. I really wouldn't worry about it.

InionEile Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:59

The average age of a first-time mother in the UK is 30 so, yes, you are a young mum, 7 years younger than average, in fact! It might be the norm for your area or friendship group but on average across the country, you're younger. Bit rude of people to comment, however, same as it would be rude for someone to tell a mum having her first kid at e.g. 38 that she is an older mum.

If I do meet someone who had their kids younger, I don't comment although I privately wonder how they could afford to start a family so young because I was broke when I was 23. I guess some women have older partners or have extended family around to help with childcare costs.

sleepalldays Sun 10-Mar-19 18:16:21

I think anyone under 27 really is considered young, as like PP's have said, most will have completed uni by 22/24 and be building their career.

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:17:34

@HeyNannyNanny no of course you won't be old, but I guess 22 is the younger end of the spectrum and 32 is towards the older end, with 14 and 40+ the "extreme" (used gently!) I guess when you've had kids at one time in your life the other can seem younger/older. That said I still know I was a young mum at 22! I'd have preferred 25 which is still young by today's standards. I've been with DH since school.

XingMing Sun 10-Mar-19 18:17:49

I thought I was quite young enough at 43, but around 30 seems to be considered normal.

MollyHuaCha Sun 10-Mar-19 18:18:15

Sounds young to me. People I know have their first child in their thirties.

Chillyegg Sun 10-Mar-19 18:18:48

I finished bi and got up the duff has my dd at 22 I couldn’t give a rats arse tbh what other people think. I e found that now I have a teaching job at the local village school everyone is super friendly 🤔

sewingbeezer Sun 10-Mar-19 18:19:14

It’s not patronising as it’s factual.
You’re a young mum compared to parents in my locality.
I had DS at 43 and looking around, I wouldn’t say I stand out at the school gates at all. I can’t think of anyone that looks under 30, to be honest.

marathonwomanintraining Sun 10-Mar-19 18:19:50

To me you are definitely a young mum. I had mine at 34 and 36. The youngest mum at my baby group was 27 and although she was married that was due a contraception failure! It's certainly not the norm in my social circles, and as people have said, you are now much younger than the "average" first time mum. So I'm not surprised that's what you're called.

Stormwhale Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:32

I had dd at 23. I felt like a young mum. I'm now pregnant with dc2, and I'm 28. I don't feel like a young mum this time, just average.

Kaykay06 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:33

I was 22 with my first, he’s now almost 18 and I’m 40, also have an almost 14 year old, 9 year old and 8 year old. I did feel quite young and self conscious with no1 but couldn’t care less now how old any other parents are tbh

blueskiesovertheforest Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:48

I was told young mum really means mum of young child/ ren, especially babies. Even more so "young family" - it's the children who are young (under ten maximum) - nobody actually cares how old the parents are.

As others have said, the average age to have a first baby is 29, so of course statistically anyone under that is younger than average, anyone older is older than average, so most people are "young" or "older" and can all enjoy being offended and indignant about it together...

PriscillaLydiaSellon Sun 10-Mar-19 18:22:39

I'd say it was young. I was 29 when I had DC1, and that was young compared to a fair few of my friends, who were well into their 30s when they had their first.

However, I absolutely don't mean it in a bad way, OP. If I could do it all again, I'd have them in my early 20s too. I think it's a brilliant age to have children. My mum and dad were were 21 when they had me (23 when they had DSis), and I loved having younger parents. Plus they're only late 60s now and I'm late 40s.

gamerwidow Sun 10-Mar-19 18:22:53

You are a young mum, I think the average age for a first time mum is 27.
It’s just a fact about your relative age compared to other mums though. Don’t treat it as a value judgement.

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:23:25

@blueskiesovertheforest it's interesting you say that as my children are now school aged and I'm in my 30s, I wouldn't call myself a young mum now and don't think anyone else would (though I'd say it in past tense) so I think it is a label you shake off.

YogaWannabe Sun 10-Mar-19 18:24:26

Same age as I was, of course it’s young. Depending on your circles it may be normal but generally it is of course young.
I really hope my DD waits, lives, travels and studies first tbh.

TickleMeEmo Sun 10-Mar-19 18:24:39

Area seems to be a factor... where I had DC1 I was constantly referred to as a young mum aged 26, moved area and now about to have DC2 aged 28 and I’m considered the older end of average.

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