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To think I'm not a "young Mum"?

(210 Posts)
AlwaysFuckingTired94 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:39:05

Pregnant with DC1 at 22, had her at 23

Pregnant with DC2 at 23 and had her at 24.

Aibu to think this isn't young to have kids? It's definitely the average age to start a family where I grew up.

Keep getting referred to as a "young Mum" out and about, at toddler groups etc and it feels a tad patronising.

Sparklesocks Sun 10-Mar-19 17:41:14

It’s all relative I suppose, people who have their kids in their 30s may see you as a young mum.

TheSchumanPlan Sun 10-Mar-19 17:42:01

Where I live, in my social circle, hardly anyone has kids before they’re 28 at the earliest - and most are over 30.

Most people I know were finishing university and starting their careers at the age of 22, and were not in a position to start a family.

So yes, I would consider you a young mum.

PristineCondition Sun 10-Mar-19 17:42:03

Take no notice. I had one at 16 and was called a young mum and one at 25 and called an older mum by some

I’m 33 now and would probably be called a geriatric mother if I have another😂

FudgeBrownie2019 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:44:32

I'm 37 and had my first at 24. At the time I didn't feel young, looking back I absolutely was.

My sister had her first at 16 and comparatively I wasn't young. But 24 is still young and although I wouldn't change a thing, coming straight from University into Motherhood was hard.

Nix32 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:44:40

Young for my circle of friends - we were all around 30 when we had our first.

Not young for my parents at school (I'm a teacher) - plenty of mums in their early 20s.

kaytee87 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:45:01

Yes, I'd consider you a young mum. You'd certainly be very young where I live. I had ds a couple of days before I turned 29 and I was on the younger side here.

I wouldn't actually refer to you as a young mum though. There wouldn't be any need to mention it.

weltenbummler Sun 10-Mar-19 17:45:10

biologically it is the ideal age to have kids. people who are characterising you as a "young mum" are doing so against their own social norms; for example average age of first time mothers in UK is now 30

EntirelyAnonymised Sun 10-Mar-19 17:45:13

You are young. According to the latest published statistics from ONS, the average age of a first time mother in the UK is 28.8 years old.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthsbyparentscharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2016

Obviously the local average ages will vary from area to area but nationally speaking, you are young.

thefirst48 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:45:41

Yeah I'd consider you a young mum too.

PatriciaHolm Sun 10-Mar-19 17:45:48

The average age of a first time mother in the U.K. is 29, so yes I say you are young.

We all have different outlooks on this determined in many cases by our social circles. I only know a handful of mums who had their first children in their early 20s; most of my friends were early 30s!

EntirelyAnonymised Sun 10-Mar-19 17:46:11

Apologies, those stats are only for England & Wales.

ApplestheHare Sun 10-Mar-19 17:46:59

You are a young mum thoughsmile

As pp said the average age for the UK is much higher.

outpinked Sun 10-Mar-19 17:47:10

Technically young because more and more women are waiting until their thirties or even forties nowadays.

A few decades ago you’d probably already have a full brood at your age and have started at 18/19 once you were married.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 10-Mar-19 17:47:38

Well you might think it but factually you are.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 10-Mar-19 17:47:47

*not think

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:47:54

Sounds young to me. Nothing wrong with it though.

SummerHouse Sun 10-Mar-19 17:49:01

I was 33 and 36 when I had mine and would find it annoying to be called an old mum.

SwimmingJustKeepSwimming Sun 10-Mar-19 17:49:54

I'd say young mum but I've moved to an area with a lot of younger mums so its the "norm" in our school.

I mean it IS young isnt it?

Fuckedoffmax Sun 10-Mar-19 17:50:39

I was 22 when I had my first, had 3 by 23. Thought nothing of it. By the time I had my 5th at 30 at felt ancient!
At the end of the day its personal choice and no one else's business

BirdieInTheHand Sun 10-Mar-19 17:51:56

It's all relative isn't it? I have a professional career and had three DC in mid 20s. We live in a very MC part of London and all the DC are at fee paying schools. We're seen as practically baby's by some of the other school parents grin.

I'm sure there's plenty of places where I'd be considered old, if not ancient!

DramaAlpaca Sun 10-Mar-19 17:53:01

You are a young mum, but there's nothing wrong with that.

monkeysox Sun 10-Mar-19 17:53:01

Most people who go to uni start work and buy a home before marriage and kids.
Due to how much things cost many wait until they have more security.

OddBoots Sun 10-Mar-19 17:53:33

Society has become so much more used to older mothers now that women becoming mothers at the age they used to in previous generations are seen as young. We have an odd miss-match between the ideal biological age and the ideal social age to have children. I'm glad we have a choice of some sorts these days but it does seem to have pushed it so those not waiting until they are older are seen as the odd ones.

3boysandabump Sun 10-Mar-19 17:54:30

I had my first at 22 & second at 23. I didn't consider myself to be a young mum at the time but having had subsequent dc at 27 & 30 I realise I was. It doesn't really matter though does it?

Wedgiecar58 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:56:34

I would say you are a young mum. Younger than you would be very young mum.

I will be 31 for my first and this seems to be the average for my circle.

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 17:56:55

I had my children from 22, yes it's a young age to have children these days. In my case we didn't yet own a house, my career wasn't established although I appreciate some do by this age. Thankfully we got there relatively quickly but doesn't change the fact we were young parents. I'm smug now with my school aged children and the ease that brings in so many aspects of our lives as our friends start having babies lol.

Groovee Sun 10-Mar-19 17:57:04

I had my 2 at 22 and 24 and was one of the youngest mums In both year groups. But many of the mums I met and am friends with were in their 30's when having children.

However in the ward when I had Dd, I was an old mum as the youngest was 14 and the next oldest was 18.

ImNotTheDramaLlamaHere Sun 10-Mar-19 17:57:10

It's all relative. 🤷🏼‍♀️

TwoRoundabouts Sun 10-Mar-19 17:57:48

You are a young mum in my social circle, my family and even workplace as you are well under 32.

However I personally don't class you are a young mum as you are over 18. I've had and have neighbours and acquaintances who had children between 16-19.

I'm saying this as an older mother who is considered average in her social circle, workplace and family.

It's all relative. However as you are under 25 and I'm over 40 medically we are regarded as such.

Oh and I look younger than my age so I get the "Well I had my kids older than you..." hmm

thedisorganisedmum Sun 10-Mar-19 17:58:07

Too young, of course not.

"young mum", well yes, you are. It's not patronising, it's factual.

HavelockVetinari Sun 10-Mar-19 17:58:50

It massively depends on your social circle and background. Working class people are much more likely to have DC at a younger age than middle class folk.

Around where I live it's very middle class, women are generally 30+ when they have their first.

Not too far away is a very deprived city where I'd be considered ancient as a first time mum (aged 32).

It's all horses for courses, no one way is 'better'. Having DC early means you'll still be young when they leave home and can enjoy yourself, having them later means you'll most likely have a career/more money.

Ellisandra Sun 10-Mar-19 17:59:44

Yes, you’re a young mum - you were pregnant at 22!
Whatever the stats are, that’s only 2 years older than a teen mum, so if 23 isn’t a young mum, then what is?!

HeyNannyNanny Sun 10-Mar-19 17:59:49

You're a young mum.
I plan to have kids in my early thirties.
If you consider early twenties as not young, that would make early thirties old...

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Sun 10-Mar-19 18:00:47

You're about a decade younger than all the mums I know!

VelvetPineapple Sun 10-Mar-19 18:00:57

It is quite young. At 22 most people have recently graduated and are trying to get their careers started and save a deposit to buy a house. In many cases they haven’t met their long term partners yet. As a pp said the average age is approaching 30. Although in socio-economically deprived areas women tend to have kids younger. Aren’t education and wealth inversely correlated with maternal age too?

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sun 10-Mar-19 18:01:30

I've just turned 30 and none of my social group have children yet (we're all aged between 28-33). However looking back at a lot of people I went to school with, a lot of them have got around 3-4 children and I feel old. I think it really depends on your social circles.

HavelockVetinari Sun 10-Mar-19 18:01:50

N.B. I'm not suggesting that being a younger mum means you're working class by the way, or that all older mums are middle class. Just that you would likely be perceived differently by the two groups.

Cornettoninja Sun 10-Mar-19 18:03:01

You’re young full stop. That’s awesome and I’m jealous and haggard grin

Sigh81 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:04:07

Everyone I know started having kids in their early 30s - but surely there's nothing wrong in being referred to as a young mum? There's another current thread where a lot of mums who are older saying they envy the energy of those who have small kids in their early 20s grin

TiredTodayZzzz Sun 10-Mar-19 18:04:09

Where I'm from its not young. I had my first at 20 and most of the parents in my daughter's class (age 7) are around my age or younger. There are parents in their 30s but majority of them have older children as well. There is one who must be late 40s/early 50s and she also has adult children. I had my second just after I turned 26 so when she's at school I will probably be one of the "older parents".

Funnily enough I went to the same school (my mum had me at 25) and when I was at school my mum was one of the youngest. I guess as time has gone on people are just having babies younger. Definitely a lot of very young parents around where I'm from.

I don't mean to cause offence but I come from a poor area which probably has a lot to do with it.

Noonooyou Sun 10-Mar-19 18:04:28

Yes I'd consider it young, but definitely not in a patronising way at all! I'm 26 and most of my friends my age haven't had a child yet. More and more people are waiting until 30s these days.

LipstickforFish Sun 10-Mar-19 18:04:31

I had DD at 29 and I was the youngest in our antenatal classes so I would say you were young!

Purpleartichoke Sun 10-Mar-19 18:04:47

You are young, but not so young as to be worrisome.

In my social circle, having a child before 30 is extremely rare. I have one friend who got pregnant at 24 and that was a birth controll failure. Even though they were out of school and married, they definitely didn’t plan on having a baby so early in their careers. Of course, this is why I kept running into coworkers at the reproductive endocrinologists office. Many of us needed a little help once we finally got around to having children.

Slowknitter Sun 10-Mar-19 18:05:17

I'd consider that very young. None of my friends or relatives had dc before early 30s.

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:06:10

@HeyNannyNanny I guess I do find early thirties "old" (using your word I would necessarily construct that as a sentence usually!) for starting a family as it's not my norm. Most people I know have at least 1 by 30 (is the average age 28/29?) I'm 31 now and just couldn't imagine starting again, I'd feel old but I appreciate that's because I've done it!!

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:07:16

*woudnt

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes Sun 10-Mar-19 18:07:21

Well yes you are a young mum because you are young and a mum!

feelingsinister Sun 10-Mar-19 18:10:02

Where I went to school you'd be almost geriatric but among my friends now, young.

Most haven't had kids until their mid 30s.

Lazypuppy Sun 10-Mar-19 18:10:08

YABU I'd say that's pretty much the definition of a young mum...early 20's.

TillyTheTiger Sun 10-Mar-19 18:11:10

There are definitely more mothers over 40 than under 25 at the toddler groups I go to, so yes I would think of you as a young mum, but I certainly don't think of that as a negative thing, and wouldn't patronise you or consider you less capable than an older mum.

HeyNannyNanny Sun 10-Mar-19 18:11:38

@notanothernam I'm 27 right now, and really really hope that in 5 years time I won't be old!
I see what you're saying, perhaps I'd feel differently if I had them now.

BejamNostalgia Sun 10-Mar-19 18:12:10

As others said, the average age in 2015 was 28.8. It’s likely to be closer to 30 now. I think most people would class you as a young mum.

That doesn’t mean other women have it easier or get more approval for their pregnancies when they’re older. Many of us who’ve been referred to with the lovely moniker of ‘geriatric mother’ can tell you that. smile

Bitlost Sun 10-Mar-19 18:13:05

My midwives said I was young. I was 32!!!!! That’s because there are a lot of 40+ mums (and dads) where I live.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 10-Mar-19 18:13:21

Where I live A 24yo with two kids is the nanny not the mammy

Chocolate1984 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:13:27

You’d be young in our area. Most people have their first around 33 and last around 40.

KatnissKringle Sun 10-Mar-19 18:14:33

In my area, yes you're young. I had my first at 29 and considered myself average age compared to other mums at baby groups (and was the youngest in my NCT group). However, I have a friend who lives in a different county who had her first at 26 and second at 28 and said she felt positively geriatric at the baby clubs by her as all the mums were 20/21. So it very much depends!

Teateaandmoretea Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:20

Yabu because you are a young mum and would have been even in the previous generations I think.

Interestingly at work I feel like a young mum no one seems to have a baby till at least mid-30s.

Stop worrying about what other people think, they will still have toddlers when yours are grown up. Women I went to school/ uni with are still having babies and I really don't envy them

Pemba Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:37

You are in your twenties = young and you are a mum, therefore you are a young mum. It's not an insult you know!

And statistically you are now younger than the average as pps said. I wouldn't think you were too young to do a good job though. I really wouldn't worry about it.

InionEile Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:59

The average age of a first-time mother in the UK is 30 so, yes, you are a young mum, 7 years younger than average, in fact! It might be the norm for your area or friendship group but on average across the country, you're younger. Bit rude of people to comment, however, same as it would be rude for someone to tell a mum having her first kid at e.g. 38 that she is an older mum.

If I do meet someone who had their kids younger, I don't comment although I privately wonder how they could afford to start a family so young because I was broke when I was 23. I guess some women have older partners or have extended family around to help with childcare costs.

sleepalldays Sun 10-Mar-19 18:16:21

I think anyone under 27 really is considered young, as like PP's have said, most will have completed uni by 22/24 and be building their career.

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:17:34

@HeyNannyNanny no of course you won't be old, but I guess 22 is the younger end of the spectrum and 32 is towards the older end, with 14 and 40+ the "extreme" (used gently!) I guess when you've had kids at one time in your life the other can seem younger/older. That said I still know I was a young mum at 22! I'd have preferred 25 which is still young by today's standards. I've been with DH since school.

XingMing Sun 10-Mar-19 18:17:49

I thought I was quite young enough at 43, but around 30 seems to be considered normal.

MollyHuaCha Sun 10-Mar-19 18:18:15

Sounds young to me. People I know have their first child in their thirties.

Chillyegg Sun 10-Mar-19 18:18:48

I finished bi and got up the duff has my dd at 22 I couldn’t give a rats arse tbh what other people think. I e found that now I have a teaching job at the local village school everyone is super friendly 🤔

sewingbeezer Sun 10-Mar-19 18:19:14

It’s not patronising as it’s factual.
You’re a young mum compared to parents in my locality.
I had DS at 43 and looking around, I wouldn’t say I stand out at the school gates at all. I can’t think of anyone that looks under 30, to be honest.

marathonwomanintraining Sun 10-Mar-19 18:19:50

To me you are definitely a young mum. I had mine at 34 and 36. The youngest mum at my baby group was 27 and although she was married that was due a contraception failure! It's certainly not the norm in my social circles, and as people have said, you are now much younger than the "average" first time mum. So I'm not surprised that's what you're called.

Stormwhale Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:32

I had dd at 23. I felt like a young mum. I'm now pregnant with dc2, and I'm 28. I don't feel like a young mum this time, just average.

Kaykay06 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:33

I was 22 with my first, he’s now almost 18 and I’m 40, also have an almost 14 year old, 9 year old and 8 year old. I did feel quite young and self conscious with no1 but couldn’t care less now how old any other parents are tbh

blueskiesovertheforest Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:48

I was told young mum really means mum of young child/ ren, especially babies. Even more so "young family" - it's the children who are young (under ten maximum) - nobody actually cares how old the parents are.

As others have said, the average age to have a first baby is 29, so of course statistically anyone under that is younger than average, anyone older is older than average, so most people are "young" or "older" and can all enjoy being offended and indignant about it together...

PriscillaLydiaSellon Sun 10-Mar-19 18:22:39

I'd say it was young. I was 29 when I had DC1, and that was young compared to a fair few of my friends, who were well into their 30s when they had their first.

However, I absolutely don't mean it in a bad way, OP. If I could do it all again, I'd have them in my early 20s too. I think it's a brilliant age to have children. My mum and dad were were 21 when they had me (23 when they had DSis), and I loved having younger parents. Plus they're only late 60s now and I'm late 40s.

gamerwidow Sun 10-Mar-19 18:22:53

You are a young mum, I think the average age for a first time mum is 27.
It’s just a fact about your relative age compared to other mums though. Don’t treat it as a value judgement.

notanothernam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:23:25

@blueskiesovertheforest it's interesting you say that as my children are now school aged and I'm in my 30s, I wouldn't call myself a young mum now and don't think anyone else would (though I'd say it in past tense) so I think it is a label you shake off.

YogaWannabe Sun 10-Mar-19 18:24:26

Same age as I was, of course it’s young. Depending on your circles it may be normal but generally it is of course young.
I really hope my DD waits, lives, travels and studies first tbh.

TickleMeEmo Sun 10-Mar-19 18:24:39

Area seems to be a factor... where I had DC1 I was constantly referred to as a young mum aged 26, moved area and now about to have DC2 aged 28 and I’m considered the older end of average.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Sun 10-Mar-19 18:26:48

I had mine in my thirties as did most of my peers. Personally I think twenties is preferable, but they’re nice whenever they turn up.grin

Littleraindrop15 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:26:49

I'm having my first at 28 and I consider that young!

Furrydogmum Sun 10-Mar-19 18:27:13

I was 22 and 26 now 43 - my older son says none of his friends have parents under 50.. I look in the mirror and I'm definitely not young!! Enjoy being a young mum before your dcs age you 😉

polkadotpixie Sun 10-Mar-19 18:27:34

I was 33 when I got pregnant with DS. The midwife told me I was a young Mum 😂 I laughed and she said, no honestly I was one of the youngest she currently had so I think it very much depends on the area

Fraxion Sun 10-Mar-19 18:30:59

You’re young full stop. That’s awesome and I’m jealous and haggard grin

grin. Yes you are a young mum but it doesn't matter as long as you're a good mum which I'm sure you are.

Orangecake123 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:31:14

My grandmother was married at 14 and had her first child at 15.Times are changing, but I still was a child at 23, so it's young for me.

I'm 27 and still studying, no time to make a baby and a lot of my friends are still childless.

clairemcnam Sun 10-Mar-19 18:33:11

People keep saying the norm for young adults is to go university. In England 28% of young adults in England go to University. This is the middle class experience.

rainbowlou Sun 10-Mar-19 18:33:39

I didn’t feel like a young mum at 23, but now my eldest is 18 and a lot of my friends and relatives my age have 2-3 year olds I wonder if I probably was to other people?
It doesn’t bother me what others think though, it was the right time for me

Flatwhite32 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:35:39

I'd say you are, but that's fine! I had my first at 32, but didn't meet DH until I was 28. I wouldn't have wanted kids earlier though as I wanted to establish my career, but that's personal choice. I say do whatever makes you happy! My mum had me at 25, but it was more common to have kids in your 20s, particularly early 20s, in the 1980s.

HappyAndYouKnowItGlugTheWine Sun 10-Mar-19 18:38:41

Would be pretty young where I'm from. I had DC1 at 27 and was by far the youngest in my NcT crew and at baby groups where everyone was around 32+ with a big proportion being 38+

Ragwort Sun 10-Mar-19 18:42:00

Yes I think you are a ‘young mum’, but so what, why do you feel the term is offensive? Do you consider me an ‘old mum’ because I had my DS when I was 43? It doesn’t offend me if people consider me an ‘old mum’.

Yabbers Sun 10-Mar-19 18:43:45

Being a young mum and being too young are not the same thing.

You are a young mum, but not too young to be having kids.

Would you rather you were considered an old mum?

Persimmonn Sun 10-Mar-19 18:44:07

I had my first at 24, then 28 and then 30. I never felt like a young mum until dc1 started school and all the parents in our class were 40+. There were 2 mums who were 45 and the dads looked 50+. I felt they thought I was dumb or something. Definitely looked down on me and we had nothing in common. They still do it now, but I’m 36 and couldn’t give a rats arse.

Whereisthegin1978 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:45:56

I was 28 when I had my first, the first of all my friends so I did feel young!

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sun 10-Mar-19 18:47:28

Amongst my friends you’d be considered a young mum....then again I think they consider me a young mum and I was 30 when I had mine ...very much delayed London middle class adolescence

SallyWD Sun 10-Mar-19 18:49:13

Isn't the average age to have a baby 28 now? Or maybe even 30? So I can see why people think you're young. However, you're not TOO young! I had my 2 in my late 30s and really think having them young is a better idea. You have more energy and don't have to worry about having teenagers in the house when you're in your 50s. You'll have a lot more time with any grandchildren, should they choose to have them. Your own parents will get to spend more time with your children (my dad is very old and won't have many more years with his grandchildren). I think it's great you had them young!

Heulog Sun 10-Mar-19 18:51:29

I had my first at 21 and felt like a 'young mum'. Felt like I had to prove I was good enough at baby groups etc and worried a lot about what people thought of me being so young with a baby. Had my second at 25 (after finishing uni, getting married and buying a house) and felt far from young. I think there's a huge difference between a newly 20 yr old and a nearly 30 yr old. Lots of growing up happened in my 20's.

Foreverexhausted Sun 10-Mar-19 18:53:19

Not young as in REALLY young but still VERY young for me but then I live in SE and work in London and all the mums Ive met in baby groups had their first in their mid 30's - early 40's. I had my first at 42, second at 43 and third at 45 and I've never been called an old mum.

Raspberry10 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:54:03

Young to me (although same age as my Mum has me). I was the first of my friends at 31, all my daughter’s school friends parents are at least 5-10 years older than me. Most of my friends started at 36 and one had her first at 47.

cocomelon23 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:54:05

2 children at 24 is young imo.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Sun 10-Mar-19 18:54:16

It's youngish. I had my first at 20 and I didn't feel I was very young as I knew people who had had teenage pregnancies, but looking back I was definitely a young mum.
I had my fourth child by 29 and was sterilised as my family is complete, but I know people in their 30s who are only just starting to try for their first, so it is definitely all relative.

Ragwort Sun 10-Mar-19 18:54:25

Persimmon you might think that ‘older’ parents ‘look down on you’ but it can work the other way too; I am an ‘older’ mum & used to walk my DS to school every day, so did a ‘younger mum’ who lives on my estate; I would always say good morning & smile cheerfully but she blanked me for two whole years grin. She obviously knew we both had children attending the same school.

BillyAndTheSillies Sun 10-Mar-19 18:55:55

Had first DC at 27, was the youngest at my NCT group by 10 years.
Am pregnant with DC2 now and will be 31 when the baby arrives and still very young for this area.

Ariela Sun 10-Mar-19 18:57:38

Do you have to tell people your age? If you want to be thought of as older, pretend to be flattered that they've guessed your age younger than you are

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:57:40

Of course you’re a young mum. What a strange thing to young out with.

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