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To not give a flying fuck for anyone or anything anymore

(124 Posts)
mrcharlie Sun 10-Mar-19 17:38:37

First time I've posted on here.
Both me and my partner recently hit the BIG Five O. We have a son still in secondary school.
The past 20yrs has been a monumental slog, as I'm sure it is with everyone.
However, last year we finally turned the corner, mortgage paid, all debts paid...we now owe diddly squat. The feeling has hit us both like a tsunami, having gone from penny pinching for the past 20yrs whilst all those around (friends and family) lived a completely different life to ours we find ourselves switched off. We don't wish to hear their tales of woe, nor do we wish to visit others either...we are both perfectly happy and content to spend our weekends at home or out and about. But the animosity this has created with those around who in the past would turn up with a flash new car, or news of something extravagant we now find it so tedious and dull, we speak our minds and they leave.

Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please.

Are we BU ? or are we justified. Others (siblings and friends) have had massive financial help over the years and its been really tough for us to be the dull poor ones, we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please.

Silvercatowner Mon 11-Mar-19 07:20:38

the car we arrived in was called a "piece of shit" next my jeans (sainsburys) were mocked loudly.

Seriously?? (How did they know your jeans were from Sainsburys?)

surferjet Mon 11-Mar-19 07:28:45

Do you give them tea in a mug?
Is that why they leave?

Bluntness100 Mon 11-Mar-19 07:32:15

This is very odd.

If you're no contact with your family and your friends are mean to you, then why are you now only able to close contact because you have paid your mortgage off?

It really does sound like you are the materialistic one who has been jealous of them over the years, I seriously doubt anyone said your jeans were shit because they were from Sainsbury's.

Look, if you're both happy with no friends or family round you go for it. But it's nothing to do with thr favt you've paid off your mortgage. But don't be envious of other people living their life a different way. And I suspect that's what is at the bottom of this.

FrozenMargarita17 Mon 11-Mar-19 07:44:57


DailyMailFuckRightOff Mon 11-Mar-19 13:26:29

It sounds a bit like you’ve been quite rude and smug to be honest. Do you just straight up tell them that they’re materialistic?

Anyway well done you for scrimping and saving and struggling. You should definitely not try to have any fun now, and should take every opportunity to remind people how frivolous they are being. Do stay at home and count your savings instead of experiencing the world you’ve saved for so long to gain some security and comfort in.

I went to uni with someone very much like you. Fun it was not.

outpinked Mon 11-Mar-19 13:33:19

If you break up or DH dies you will be so isolated having alienated everyone else around you. I don’t think being debt free means you get to talk to other people like crap, no.

7Pip Mon 11-Mar-19 13:55:28

This thread is one big jumble. I still don't know what the point of it is.
Is it about people being in debt? confused
Is it about them criticising your debt free piece of shit car and your sainsbury's jeans?
Where do family come into it?
Why are you being mean to friends/family?
How does your teenager feel about his scrooge-like debt free parents?

pineapplebryanbrown Mon 11-Mar-19 14:03:37


ssd Mon 11-Mar-19 17:01:35

Best answer thigh101

This op needs your advice thread😁😁

Deadringer Mon 11-Mar-19 17:14:40

None of my friends would say to me that my car is a piece of shit, not in a million years, even though it actually is. Your friends sound horrible op, and in all honesty you sound quite strange. If your friends are indeed horrible, ditch them, other than that I don't quite know what to say.

scaryteacher Mon 11-Mar-19 17:49:49

I think it can be wearing OP. My Mum can't see why we won't take the opportunity to buy a duty free car, yes, we could, due to Dh's employment ( but I see no reason to take the hit on the depreciation). My db is very into labels for clothes, watches etc, whilst I am not. I couldn't see the point of buying a particular expensive brand of pj bottoms, when Tu do nice ones.

It's the feeling that you are in competition and should aspire to these things, when actually, you couldn't give a toss.

SlatternIsTrying Mon 11-Mar-19 17:54:49

I knew someone who worked like crazy and put every single penny he could into his pension so he could enjoy his retirement. He died of cancer in his early 50’s and never got to enjoy any of it.

Quite frankly I couldn’t give a toss how any of my friends spend their money. I’m spending time with them for the chat. You clearly have the wrong friends although I suspect I know which ones of the friendship group I’d rather share a bottle of vino with.

Bluntness100 Mon 11-Mar-19 18:03:46

I don't think the op is coming back. She has just remembered she doesn't give a fuck. Cos she's paid off her mortgage 🤣

BlackPrism Mon 11-Mar-19 18:10:14

Your first post sounded really rude and odd and in your follow ups I can tell you have a lot of resentment, but it makes sense if your friends are quite snobby. My jeans cost £12 and I look bloody good in them 😂

TheBreastmilksOnMe Mon 11-Mar-19 18:13:27

So you’ve just been dormant aresholes then ? Such an odd post!

LaBelleSauvage Mon 11-Mar-19 18:24:55

If you both don't care, why are you posting on Mumsnet?

Also failing to see the link between having paid your mortgage and feeling compelled to be rude to people you are describing as friends.

If you don't want to talk about money (which, let's face is is pretty dull and uncouth anyway) why not just change the subject?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Mon 11-Mar-19 18:31:12

As an aside,my friend buys designer jeans,7forMankind,NYDJ,Good American
And she swears her best pair of jeans is,Asda,skinny leg with stretch

Lepetitpiggy Mon 11-Mar-19 18:38:38

How very odd. We will only be mortgage free if we sell the house and buy a cheaper one elsewhere, we have a tiny cheap car, go on nice cheapish holidays and don't give a toss who has or hasn't what.
We work hard, play hard and have 'enough'. I'm baffled by this post. Completely.

hiddeneverything Mon 11-Mar-19 18:48:09

@Bluntness100 I was trying to think of something witty to say but you have put it way better than I ever could!

Seriously, OP, do you think these people will never pay off their mortgage? Maybe they just earn more/invest better than you

sollyfromsurrey Mon 11-Mar-19 19:11:19

OP goes around 'speaking' their mind - otherwise known as 'being rude about how others choose to live' for no reason any of us can fathom, has decided that it is now their 'turn to be selfish' without explaining why they think there is ever a 'turn' to be selfish and then and comes onto MN to ask if they are being unreasonable. Not really unreasonable, just seriously weird and unpleasant with some inexplicable chip on their shoulder, seems to be the general consensus.

OP, people are not 'resentful' of your lack of debt, nor are they showing signs of animosity due to your new found financial freedom, they just don't like you anymore because you seem to have taken every opportunity to be nasty to them about how they live their life all the while trying to convince everyone that you 'don't care'. They come to see you and you attack them with snide comments about their lifestyle choices. You obviously do care so very very much and it's warped you into something nasty.

Buddytheelf85 Mon 11-Mar-19 19:34:45

Phrases that reliably mark a person as an arsehole:

‘We speak our minds’
‘We’re happy to live a simple life’
‘It’s now our turn to be selfish’

slidepuzzle Mon 11-Mar-19 19:58:08

I hear you op. Years of the ILs living in debt so they can go on holiday, buy cars (what is it about cars that makes people wreck their lives?!) and generally fritter their money await on ornamental twigs and alcohol, whilst all the time ridiculing us for being safe... Or as they put it “boring”.

Now we have paid off the mortgage they wanted us to pay off their debts! They truly thought DH was their pension plan.

BridlingtonSand Mon 11-Mar-19 20:29:25

I paid my mortgage off at 38. It felt great. I reduced my hours but never noticed a fall in take home pay.

Also in my thirties I became more authentic- this is me, this is what I can offer, this is what I need, these are my insecurities.

I don’t think they’re connected.

brizzlemint Mon 11-Mar-19 20:52:20

I hope you don't mind if other people feel the same way about you?

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