To not give a flying fuck for anyone or anything anymore(124 Posts)
First time I've posted on here.
Both me and my partner recently hit the BIG Five O. We have a son still in secondary school.
The past 20yrs has been a monumental slog, as I'm sure it is with everyone.
However, last year we finally turned the corner, mortgage paid, all debts paid...we now owe diddly squat. The feeling has hit us both like a tsunami, having gone from penny pinching for the past 20yrs whilst all those around (friends and family) lived a completely different life to ours we find ourselves switched off. We don't wish to hear their tales of woe, nor do we wish to visit others either...we are both perfectly happy and content to spend our weekends at home or out and about. But the animosity this has created with those around who in the past would turn up with a flash new car, or news of something extravagant we now find it so tedious and dull, we speak our minds and they leave.
Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please.
Are we BU ? or are we justified. Others (siblings and friends) have had massive financial help over the years and its been really tough for us to be the dull poor ones, we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please.
I think you're in the wrong social arena! My oh and i think like you. We are paying off or mortgage and saving for early retirement. It will be fine, but meagre-ish. So many people around us at work marvel that we could consider retiring on a low wage, but we value spending our time differently, and our friends and family get that. Maybe find friends who share your position?
Um...yeah. I’m not really sure what your issue is. It sounds like you’re determined to have attitude with people. I don’t know what you want to hear. Bash on then!
No pockets in shrouds, Op. And no fun being the richest person in the graveyard.
Unclench, live a little, you sound dreadfully miserly, but if it gives you pleasure counting your pennies, then do so.
I totally get you @mrcharlie. Reap the benefits of your hard work, live the life you want to live and just ignore the "buy more, buy bigger, buy better (aka be more like us)" brigade. Nod and smile and carry on doing what you want to do.
You sound like an idiot. Just tell them you’re not going to buy a car/go on holiday etc. Why are you being rude to your mates? What’s your aim? To cut all contact?
They probably won't miss you. Go for it! Doesn't sound like they've lost anything much by your absence.
I'm not really sure what your point is. Well done that your mortgage free. It's all relative though. I'll prob still be paying the mortgage in my 60's but we live in a really nice house so I'm happy with that. I could have lived in a more standard 3 bed semi type and would have paid it off before I was 40. Other people will be struggling to pay the mortgage on a 1 bed flat before retirement. You sound like a bore.
I'm confused. Why don't you give a shit about people because you've paid off your mortgage? And why does the conversation always turn to money? I've never had that with anyone I've socialised with. Don't quite understand what your point is. You don't care about anyone - good for you??
It sounds like you have flaunted you are now debt free, and your friends and family are encouraging or suggesting you live a little. Best not talk about money in the first instance, everyone has different priorities, me, having lost my mum at 52, my dad at 72 and my brother at 57 a couple of weeks ago, I believe you can’t take it with you so long as it’s affordable one should live a little, you never know what’s round the corner.
I’m wondering if the issue is that OP expected lots of cheering and celebrations from her friends when she paid off her mortgage and is sulking because it isn’t actually that big a deal to anyone other than the people who were paying the mortgage.
I hope as I mature I learn to be bothered less about what people think of me, but I hope I don't become so ignorant that I don't care how I make others feel. That's not growth or maturity, that's obstinance and arrogance.
I have a couple of family members who can't grasp that other family members are interested in spending time and money on other things to them.
They can get quiet judgemental about how others spend time and money but if others does same to them they quickly get hurt or angry ( I've not done that as I think it's rude but seen them react to others or heard aftermath)
It is a little galling their expectations that we should be interest in minutia of their health and trips when it’s not been reciprocated in fact they’ve been supper dismissive or disinterest in anyone else’s health or holidays.
I get by with smile and nod change subject – occasional well it'd be boring old world if we were all the same – and well it’s not our business/their business.
That's family though - and I do have a general overview interest. With friends I think I'd be looking for a different group to spend time with or just refuse to get drawn into such conversations.
when you say "friends" do you mean "acquaintances"?
My plan is to do as you have done re retiring early, part time working etc
I don't spend on the things my friends spend on
but if they come by and show me a new purchase, then I am pleased that they are pleased with it. I'm not in "flashy car" territory though, so perhaps it's different.
I find it odd that people try and talk you into buying a car or going on holiday. I can’t think of any friends that have ever suggested I go on holiday other than a ‘this place is amazing, you should go type comment. Why would it be if any consequence to them?
Are you sure you’re not taking innocent conversations to questions to mean more than the asker intends?
I find it very odd that people who have been your friends are now not because you’ve paid your mortgage off!
I so don't get what you're on about
Me neither. You should be happy, but you just sound a bit joyless. Do you have plans for doing fun things when you retire early, or will it just be more frugality and self sacrifice?
I'm quite a tightwad, but even I feel you deserve to unclench and enjoy a few material pleasures
I can't really work this out.
Can you give a real example?
we dismiss their pride and joy parked outside as a waste of money
Gosh. You're not showing a tolerance there. You sound unpleasant and I'm sure you don't mean to. Their pride and joy... think on it.
God you’re hard work and intense.and that’s a bad combination
By all means be completely transparent with your don’t give a fuck stance
And don’t be at all surprised when others decline your company or find you objectionable
You say you speak our minds and then leave this sounds suspiciously like when you see your former friends, you launch into a diatribe about how they waste their money on cars and holidays and that the shiny new car they have doesn't impress you...all without any prompting from them. This is not speaking your mind. It's just being rude. If this is what you are doing, then you have a problem, not them. They are just living their life whilst you are attacking them for having different values to you.Hopefully this is not what you are doing otherwise You sound a bit strange.
It sounds as though you judge others for their choices but are rude to people if they question yours.
I kind of get where the OP is coming from - as you get older you probably do care less about what you "should" or "ought" to do. You worry less about pleasing other people and are less prepared to do something you really want to do to keep other people happy.
Case in point - someone I know has always been chronically flaky. Cancels at short notice, always late, never responds to messages or calls. 10 years ago I cut her some slack because you know, it's polite, she might think i'm rude and we're "friends". But now I'm a wee bit older I just think fuck it, life is too short to spend your time on people like that. So I don't see her any more.
I don't understand why you have been friends with these people for 20 years and now you are debt free you wish to be rude to them . If you didn't agree with their views and what they think of as important you should have said years ago. You sound rather unpleasant.
You seem a weird op. By all means shut yourselves off from all these people that you suddenly don't like,for reasons I can't quite fathom,if that's what you want to do. I'm sure they'll live.
What about if you split up or one of you dies?
Just normal part of life.
Happens to every one, every day.
Then we just get on with the rest of life.
OP, enjoy what you have and what you did in life to get to this point.
(People will always be jealous, whatever one does...).
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