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To not give a flying fuck for anyone or anything anymore

(124 Posts)
mrcharlie Sun 10-Mar-19 17:38:37

First time I've posted on here.
Both me and my partner recently hit the BIG Five O. We have a son still in secondary school.
The past 20yrs has been a monumental slog, as I'm sure it is with everyone.
However, last year we finally turned the corner, mortgage paid, all debts paid...we now owe diddly squat. The feeling has hit us both like a tsunami, having gone from penny pinching for the past 20yrs whilst all those around (friends and family) lived a completely different life to ours we find ourselves switched off. We don't wish to hear their tales of woe, nor do we wish to visit others either...we are both perfectly happy and content to spend our weekends at home or out and about. But the animosity this has created with those around who in the past would turn up with a flash new car, or news of something extravagant we now find it so tedious and dull, we speak our minds and they leave.

Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please.

Are we BU ? or are we justified. Others (siblings and friends) have had massive financial help over the years and its been really tough for us to be the dull poor ones, we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please.

SoupDragon Sun 10-Mar-19 17:40:22

It's probably a good job you're happy with just each other as company then.

tiredandcold Sun 10-Mar-19 17:41:50

Nah, yanbu
The older I get, the less of a fuck I give about others. Not in a mean way, I'll never stop being kind and caring but unless it impacts me or my family circle, or a few close friends, I don't really care.
I think it comes with the wisdom you get with age. Flash cars aren't important, extravagant weddings, holidays etc.., I don't care! As long as my family and I are happy and safe I couldn't give a shit!

HarperIsBazaar Sun 10-Mar-19 17:42:50

What about if you split up or one of you dies? The remaining person is going to be very lonely

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sun 10-Mar-19 17:43:30

I don't fully understand your post . You were jealous of other people having a new car, now you can afford one , so you don't want to talk to anyone.

You sound intense. It'll be a relief to others, I think.

we speak our minds and they leave. no worries, they wont be back and you can enjoy your new car.

tiredandcold Sun 10-Mar-19 17:43:33

I still love spending time with friends and my own family unit, and I have lots of lovely work colleagues who I've formed bonds with. But I have absolutely no desire to make new friends, meet new people... be involved with drama. I just love locking my door at the end of the week and lavishing my time on those who I couldn't live without

Sparklesocks Sun 10-Mar-19 17:43:55

I think it’s one thing to enjoy being debt free, but if you’re sneering at people not in the same position to their face I can see why people might not respond well. Especially if they’re your friends and family?
Basically do whatever makes you happy as long as you understand you might alienate others in the process.

SpenglerOswald Sun 10-Mar-19 17:46:37

So wait, you over stretched yourselves on the mortgage, paid it off at last but you’re butt hurt because?

slipperywhensparticus Sun 10-Mar-19 17:47:03

They threw it in your face while you worked hard now the tables have turned...try to have a bit of dignity about it all go on holiday enjoy yourselves

Eliza9917 Sun 10-Mar-19 17:47:49

Fact is neither of us care anymore, if we hurt others feelings, we've sat on the bench for so long, its now our turn to be selfish and do as we please

What has this got to do with paying your debts off?

Well done on getting to this give no fucks point though, more ppl should earlier imo.

ILoveMaxiBondi Sun 10-Mar-19 17:53:06

You sound like really unpleasant people. On the inside. Filled up with lots of nasty that you’re projecting onto everyone else for having the audacity to do alright for themselves. No-one else made your life decisions for you. It isn’t their fault you’re life was a slog.

thedisorganisedmum Sun 10-Mar-19 18:01:04

I don't understand your post at all.
we now feel we've earnt the right to finally do as we please. why on earth couldn't you do that when you still had a mortgage for example?

I can't see the link between being debt-free (which is a thing to celebrate), and the need to be rude and unpleasant. we speak our minds and they leave. Why couldn't you do that before? Did you feel inferior or something?

DailyMailFuckRightOff Sun 10-Mar-19 18:03:56

I’m so confused. So now that everything’s paid off you don’t want to talk to anyone?

Namechangeforthiscancershit Sun 10-Mar-19 18:06:41

I don’t get it. Congratulations for being debt free, that’s amazing and must be a lovely feeling. But I’m not sure why that means you’re not worried about anyone else any more?

Bookworm4 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:11:09

So all these years you've resented anyone who was in a better financial position than you? Now you're debt free you're just going be an ignorant git to everyone? Thats twisted.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:14:59

I don’t think I get it either. You were dull but now flash, and everyone else has always been flash but now poor and dull.

mrcharlie Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:04

We both just don't want to end up back in debt. Friends and family constantly trying to push us into buying a newer car or going on a expensive lavish holiday or buying something extravagant, we decline all these and say we are just not interested none of these items are important to us, but I know that they see these materialistic objects differently and seem a little annoyed that we dismiss their pride and joy parked outside as a waste of money, we are both perfectly happy to live a simple life, the fact is we both are really wanting to quit full time work and work only part time. We are still saving hard to try and get our savings up. None of them know this and I'm certain it would kill the friendship dead.

Whenever they visit , the conversation always seems to turn to money and we both just switch off and pretty much glaze over!! They then get the hump and leave shortly afterwards.

Rather than try to build bridges I honestly wonder why I should. They chose their lifestyle and we chose ours.

Sorry if it sounds somewhat arrogant but "you reap what you sow" that's been both our mantra and driving force for the past 2 decades. We want to make our life easier, not dash out and line others pockets. We want to take a step back and breathe. We are not hurting anybody, but the resentment from others is making us both want to tell everyone to fuck off!!

They chose their life and we've chosen ours...What's the big problem!

HeavyLocks Sun 10-Mar-19 18:15:44

You didn't like them flaunting, then you paid your debt, then you didn't like them moaning? Is that correct?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:16:54

Well I agree with your second post. Well done for getting yourself in a secure financial position. You should still be interested in your family and friends though.

ILoveMaxiBondi Sun 10-Mar-19 18:20:37

I’m not buying that all your friends and family are forcing you into buying holidays and cars etc and that the friendships would be dead if they knew you wanted to work part time. That’s utterly ridiculous. I think you and DH have massive chips on your shoulders about your situation and you’ve turned your F&F into the enemy. That’s not friendship. Friendship is what you have with people you like and enjoy talking to. You seem to resent everyone you know.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Sun 10-Mar-19 18:22:21

So when these friends/family turn up with their sparkly new cars, do you tell them that you think they’ve wasted their money? Or is it just when you get the hard sell that you give your views?

Hedgehogblues Sun 10-Mar-19 18:22:28

Why on earth would they care that you want to work part time?

marvellousnightforamooncup Sun 10-Mar-19 18:25:21

Now the pressure is off you a bit, I think you should concentrate on finding friends who share your values. I think that will make you a lot happier.

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 10-Mar-19 18:28:40

How peculiar hmm

HarrysOwl Sun 10-Mar-19 18:30:06

I think I get what you're saying, OP.

Your friends equate success by having new cars and exotic holidays, but you're not that way inclined. You'd rather work part time to have added freedom of time, rather than more money in the bank.

If you think your friends will judge you for life choices like this, then they're not really friends.

But if you judge them for being materialistic, then you're not really their friends, either.

dudsville Sun 10-Mar-19 18:32:27

I think you're in the wrong social arena! My oh and i think like you. We are paying off or mortgage and saving for early retirement. It will be fine, but meagre-ish. So many people around us at work marvel that we could consider retiring on a low wage, but we value spending our time differently, and our friends and family get that. Maybe find friends who share your position?

pictish Sun 10-Mar-19 18:33:32

Um...yeah. I’m not really sure what your issue is. It sounds like you’re determined to have attitude with people. I don’t know what you want to hear. Bash on then!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sun 10-Mar-19 18:34:31

No pockets in shrouds, Op. And no fun being the richest person in the graveyard.

Unclench, live a little, you sound dreadfully miserly, but if it gives you pleasure counting your pennies, then do so.

Ninninannanoonoo Sun 10-Mar-19 18:37:16

I totally get you @mrcharlie. Reap the benefits of your hard work, live the life you want to live and just ignore the "buy more, buy bigger, buy better (aka be more like us)" brigade. Nod and smile and carry on doing what you want to do.

Cherrysoup Sun 10-Mar-19 18:37:20

You sound like an idiot. Just tell them you’re not going to buy a car/go on holiday etc. Why are you being rude to your mates? What’s your aim? To cut all contact?

PiebaldHamster Sun 10-Mar-19 18:40:09

They probably won't miss you. Go for it! Doesn't sound like they've lost anything much by your absence.

howhowhow Sun 10-Mar-19 18:40:37

I'm not really sure what your point is. Well done that your mortgage free. It's all relative though. I'll prob still be paying the mortgage in my 60's but we live in a really nice house so I'm happy with that. I could have lived in a more standard 3 bed semi type and would have paid it off before I was 40. Other people will be struggling to pay the mortgage on a 1 bed flat before retirement. You sound like a bore.

Kittykat93 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:40:57

I'm confused. Why don't you give a shit about people because you've paid off your mortgage? And why does the conversation always turn to money? I've never had that with anyone I've socialised with. Don't quite understand what your point is. You don't care about anyone - good for you??

Bonkersblond Sun 10-Mar-19 18:41:20

It sounds like you have flaunted you are now debt free, and your friends and family are encouraging or suggesting you live a little. Best not talk about money in the first instance, everyone has different priorities, me, having lost my mum at 52, my dad at 72 and my brother at 57 a couple of weeks ago, I believe you can’t take it with you so long as it’s affordable one should live a little, you never know what’s round the corner.

ILoveMaxiBondi Sun 10-Mar-19 18:42:55

I’m wondering if the issue is that OP expected lots of cheering and celebrations from her friends when she paid off her mortgage and is sulking because it isn’t actually that big a deal to anyone other than the people who were paying the mortgage.

ssd Sun 10-Mar-19 18:43:57

I so don't get what you're on about

GoldenHour Sun 10-Mar-19 18:44:38

I hope as I mature I learn to be bothered less about what people think of me, but I hope I don't become so ignorant that I don't care how I make others feel. That's not growth or maturity, that's obstinance and arrogance.

bigKiteFlying Sun 10-Mar-19 18:45:36

I have a couple of family members who can't grasp that other family members are interested in spending time and money on other things to them.

They can get quiet judgemental about how others spend time and money but if others does same to them they quickly get hurt or angry ( I've not done that as I think it's rude but seen them react to others or heard aftermath)

It is a little galling their expectations that we should be interest in minutia of their health and trips when it’s not been reciprocated in fact they’ve been supper dismissive or disinterest in anyone else’s health or holidays.

I get by with smile and nod change subject – occasional well it'd be boring old world if we were all the same – and well it’s not our business/their business.

That's family though - and I do have a general overview interest. With friends I think I'd be looking for a different group to spend time with or just refuse to get drawn into such conversations.

Grace212 Sun 10-Mar-19 18:47:01

when you say "friends" do you mean "acquaintances"?

My plan is to do as you have done re retiring early, part time working etc

I don't spend on the things my friends spend on

but if they come by and show me a new purchase, then I am pleased that they are pleased with it. I'm not in "flashy car" territory though, so perhaps it's different.

Loseitandkeepitlost Sun 10-Mar-19 18:48:19

I find it odd that people try and talk you into buying a car or going on holiday. I can’t think of any friends that have ever suggested I go on holiday other than a ‘this place is amazing, you should go type comment. Why would it be if any consequence to them?

Are you sure you’re not taking innocent conversations to questions to mean more than the asker intends?

I find it very odd that people who have been your friends are now not because you’ve paid your mortgage off!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Sun 10-Mar-19 18:48:41

I so don't get what you're on about

Me neither. You should be happy, but you just sound a bit joyless. Do you have plans for doing fun things when you retire early, or will it just be more frugality and self sacrifice?

I'm quite a tightwad, but even I feel you deserve to unclench and enjoy a few material pleasures

EstrellaDamn Sun 10-Mar-19 18:49:06

I can't really work this out.

Can you give a real example?

Usuallyinthemiddle Sun 10-Mar-19 18:50:08

we dismiss their pride and joy parked outside as a waste of money
Gosh. You're not showing a tolerance there. You sound unpleasant and I'm sure you don't mean to. Their pride and joy... think on it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 10-Mar-19 18:50:25

God you’re hard work and intense.and that’s a bad combination
By all means be completely transparent with your don’t give a fuck stance
And don’t be at all surprised when others decline your company or find you objectionable

sollyfromsurrey Sun 10-Mar-19 18:52:49

You say you speak our minds and then leave this sounds suspiciously like when you see your former friends, you launch into a diatribe about how they waste their money on cars and holidays and that the shiny new car they have doesn't impress you...all without any prompting from them. This is not speaking your mind. It's just being rude. If this is what you are doing, then you have a problem, not them. They are just living their life whilst you are attacking them for having different values to you.Hopefully this is not what you are doing otherwise You sound a bit strange.

Loseitandkeepitlost Sun 10-Mar-19 18:53:18

It sounds as though you judge others for their choices but are rude to people if they question yours.

SileneOliveira Sun 10-Mar-19 18:54:57

I kind of get where the OP is coming from - as you get older you probably do care less about what you "should" or "ought" to do. You worry less about pleasing other people and are less prepared to do something you really want to do to keep other people happy.

Case in point - someone I know has always been chronically flaky. Cancels at short notice, always late, never responds to messages or calls. 10 years ago I cut her some slack because you know, it's polite, she might think i'm rude and we're "friends". But now I'm a wee bit older I just think fuck it, life is too short to spend your time on people like that. So I don't see her any more.

sweeneytoddsrazor Sun 10-Mar-19 18:55:24

I don't understand why you have been friends with these people for 20 years and now you are debt free you wish to be rude to them . If you didn't agree with their views and what they think of as important you should have said years ago. You sound rather unpleasant.

NutElla5x Sun 10-Mar-19 18:56:08

You seem a weird op. By all means shut yourselves off from all these people that you suddenly don't like,for reasons I can't quite fathom,if that's what you want to do. I'm sure they'll live. confused

Iflyaway Sun 10-Mar-19 19:00:47

What about if you split up or one of you dies?

Just normal part of life.

Happens to every one, every day.

Then we just get on with the rest of life.

OP, enjoy what you have and what you did in life to get to this point.
(People will always be jealous, whatever one does...).

BikingBeatrix Sun 10-Mar-19 19:03:21

Ive always thought living with others/in a community/in society is a matter of give and take. I have a very different life from most of my friends and family but we all rub along. Unless you really can’t invisage never needing any of your family and friends then go ahead; otherwise try to find a middle road. I do get what you’re saying, well sort of, as I’ve had years/decades of hearing others talk about their big holidays, new cars, work worries, etc while I’ve been ill, bringing up my disabled/sick children,on a shoestring, had to shelve various career ambitions and other hopes. I do keep some people at arms length now, but there are people who do care how we are all getting on, so I keep in touch with them and nobody’s life proves to be always perfect beside my decidedly unperfect one.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Sun 10-Mar-19 19:04:41

Friends and family constantly trying to push us into buying a newer car or going on a expensive lavish holiday or buying something extravagant

Really? I can’t get my head around that. Very odd. Why would anyone care if you got a new care or went to the Maldives?


Mrsmadevans Sun 10-Mar-19 19:05:30

You sound bitter OP

Livelovebehappy Sun 10-Mar-19 19:07:44

Sounds like you were maybe a bit fake all these years, feeling you needed your family and friends because you were poor and struggling and pretended to enjoy their bragging, but now you have money you don’t feel you need anyone else? Agree with you on one thing though ; I’m not as much a people pleaser as I get older. I am who I am and if you like me great, if not then that’s great too. As long as the people I care about love me then all’s fine with the world.

MillyMollyMandie Sun 10-Mar-19 19:11:01

OP, dont be so mean in spirit and try to be pleasant when a family member or friend is happy with their new car or whatever else they've bought.

After reading you post I keep in thinking about reverse snobbery on your part but I know this isn't reversed snobbery - though its something very similar to it.

Ameliant Sun 10-Mar-19 19:12:34

Is your young son of a similar mindset?

Littleraindrop15 Sun 10-Mar-19 19:17:07

I have no idea what you are talking about. Why would your friends stop being friends over you not buying a new car

Limensoda Sun 10-Mar-19 19:18:16

It sounds like you have strange friends and family and you have a strange attitude too.
We've always lived simply, never had much money and have never splashed out or gone into debt for things. If we can't afford something we don't get it.
Our friends and family range from quite wealthy to quite poor, some of them splash out on holidays and cars and some don't. How they live has never affected us and vice versa.
No one has made a point of showing off and I've never Sen their thrill at what they have as them boasting either.
I really don't understand why it's an issue with you. Find some genuine friends and stop being so resentful.

SpenglerOswald Sun 10-Mar-19 19:18:23

I rather suspect that op resents anyone that spends money differently and doesn’t like to see anyone enjoy life.

Fazackerley Sun 10-Mar-19 19:22:52

You sound odd. And obsessed with money. When we pay our mortgage off it wont affect us at all. I'll still want my friends over.

It's very unhealthy mentally to have no social life as you get older.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 10-Mar-19 19:27:47

Gosh one of my family members lives like you. She and her dh would never scoff at us. How rude!

WhentheRabbitsWentWild Sun 10-Mar-19 19:29:48

What Soup Dragon said on page 1

yorkshirepud44 Sun 10-Mar-19 19:30:18

It sounds like the relationships you've had with these people have been strangely focused on money.

I've nearly paid off the mortgage and while it's not a secret, I wouldn't presume anyone was interested in me and my mortgage unless they actually asked. Which I'm sure they won't as we have plenty of more interesting things to talk about.

Inliverpool1 Sun 10-Mar-19 19:33:12

I have a boring friend who isbloody obsessed with money. I dread seeing her tbh whatever happened to keeping this stuff private

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Mar-19 19:36:15

It kind of sounds as though you've spent 20 years feeling bitter and resentful towards everyone who's had more than you? confused

What a total waste of life.

Why not be happy with what you've got and happy for others too?

AnyFucker Sun 10-Mar-19 19:36:19

We paid our mortgage off several years ago

It hasn't changed our attitudes nor our relationships with other people one jot. In fact, nobody really knows our financial business.

You sound strange and unpleasant. My mother said a few years ago she was sick of life and was only going to look after number one from now on. She got her wish....nobody can stand the fucking sight of her, including her two children.

Inliverpool1 Sun 10-Mar-19 19:38:58


7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 19:39:36

We have relatives who are very wealthy, but fuck me, buy a decent car ffs. I was transported in this 'vehicle' and had the take an antihistamine at the airport as my eyes swelled up from the dog hairs.
They're lovely, money is never mentioned, the circles I move in, you need to appear poorer than you are to avoid the tax man lol.

You sound deeply unpleasant and I would say that having a solitary existence until your death is not a pipe dream.

Slowknitter Sun 10-Mar-19 19:40:33

You sound bitter and 'holier than thou'. It was your choice to be frugal over the years, it was their choice to enjoy life while they were younger and rack up some debt. I expect, from the sound of it, that you did plenty of moaning about their flash cars etc (were they actually showing off to you about those - or did they simply... own them?), but now apparently they aren't allowed to have a little moan about how life's going.

mrcharlie Sun 10-Mar-19 19:53:59

With regards to family members (siblings) it's a very fractured relationship due to parents showing favouritism on a monumental scale. Caused deep wounds that will never heal, parents tried to build bridges but wouldn't admit what the real cause was - end result NC with entire family. Huge amount of bitterness and made me determined to stand on my own 2 feet. Sheer stubbornness I agree.
Friends - the two I was closest too I've known since primary school. One has changed so much that I barely know them, not just my thoughts others have turned away too. They have become so materialistic and judgmental I find their company dull and tiresome and their circle of new friends have very similar traits. My other closest friend I rarely see as, like us they are knuckling down and trying to pay off all the debt.
We met up just after the new year and the snide comments began almost straight off. First the car we arrived in was called a "piece of shit" next my jeans (sainsburys) were mocked loudly. In all it was just horrible we left early and since then have barely spoke, I know that snide comments have also been put on Facebook, but I rarely ever visit Facebook - just don't like it.
The friend who we get on with wants to try another go at keeping the group together - but I just don't care. If I never see them again I wouldn't be bothered.

It's very sad as I remember all the laughs we once shared - but so much has now been said I'm perfectly happy to tell them to F off.

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 19:56:49

My point is that money can become such an obsession to some people, that they couldn't lie straight in the bed.
Would I love to be a millionaire? Probably. I'd love not to have to worry. But if I spent my life worrying about not having to worry, I'm not sure that's so good.

BoomTish Sun 10-Mar-19 19:57:38

I’m very confused.

20 years isn’t that long to toil and gain financial security.

I’ve never once had someone given me unsolicited advice about how I should spend my money. In fact, bar knowing that we’re ok, I don’t think any of our friends or family have a clue about our financial situation.

Weird thread, weird attitude.

BoomTish Sun 10-Mar-19 20:00:22

I read your 19.53 update, OP.

I’m seeing one common demonitor.

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 20:00:46

Ok, so you sound exactly like my relatives, right down to the car. They seem as contented as pigs in shit. Do I want to socialise with them again? No.

BarbarianMum Sun 10-Mar-19 20:04:40

I've always wobdered why some people turn entirely self-centred and selfish when they hit later life. Thanks for the insight.

I would add that many I've known like this end up lonely and bitter and alone, so enjoy it whilst you can.

BarbarianMum Sun 10-Mar-19 20:07:33

20 years isnt that long to toil and gain financial security

Indeed, many people take far longer. Others never get there. But I guess some people resent it and feel entitled to better things.

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 20:08:15

Another thing I'll state is that one person in my family owns a farm. A lot of the men in the family seemed emasculated by this. Don't ask me why. I think it's a men taking their dicks out to see which is biggest thing. The Man I've been talking about married into the extended family and seems to have spent his life trying to earn the price of the land lol. I admire his tenacity!

BuildingBackUp Sun 10-Mar-19 20:15:34

The past 20yrs has been a monumental slog

Christ. I hope I can’t say at 50 that the last 20 years have been a monumental slog...what a waste confused

In short, you sound very unreasonable. You like to speak your mind and don’t care if you hurt others’s not really surprising that you’re NC with family and have no friends in that case.

What on Earth are you saving hard for if you don’t like nice things or nice places and have no debt? Just saving so that you can work part time and spend even more of your time sitting around the house with your oh?

TheSultanofPingu Sun 10-Mar-19 20:17:45

I agree with others. Twenty years of slog and penny pinching really isn't that long. It must be a great feeling to be mortgage/debt free. If your friends and family are trying to push you into buying things you don't want, just tell them you're not interested.

TattyOldbit Sun 10-Mar-19 20:23:47

This has a whiff of "trawling", to me.

Whisky2014 Sun 10-Mar-19 20:30:56

I had a colleague who scrimoed and saved to pay his mortgage off and had the inte tion to work part time. It's a bit of a waste tbh. He's lost the best/fittest years of his life and he and his wife didn't do a thing. What a life.

You've paid your debts and mortgage off yet you still don't want to spend. Fair enough not everyone wants a fancy car or whatever but there just be something you want to do/achieve/see or have. Otherwise, what is the point?

I think even if you aren't interested, you dont have to be mean or blunt or whatever to those who do want it confused

Whisky2014 Sun 10-Mar-19 20:31:45

This has a whiff of "trawling", to me. oh yeh maybe!

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 20:45:16

What is 'trawling'?

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 20:47:28

But no, as I said, we have these relatives, who have scrimped and saved all their lives. Lol. What's the point? Maybe they want to leave it to their children or something, but they were like this before they ever had children!

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 20:51:40

Op, what are you going to do with your disposable income?

7Pip Sun 10-Mar-19 20:53:52

I'd personally like to amass a fortune. Scrimping and saving would not be my thing though.

ILoveMaxiBondi Sun 10-Mar-19 20:54:49

Ok so absolutely none of what is in your laws post has anything to do with you paying off your mortgage! confused I’m still not seeing the connection.

1) family- you have NC with them for reasons entirely unrelated to your financial situation.
2) “friend” who has changed so much you can’t stand her and she is a cow. So she’s not a friend anyway. Nothing to do with your mortgage.
3) nice friend is still nice but you’re not really interested. Still nothing to do with your finances.

It sounds like you’ve outgrown your friends (unsurprising really- you’ve know them 50 years!) but never bothered to develop any other social circles and now you’ve found yourself friendless and fucked off with the world which is really no-one else’s fault. But it sounds like being friendless is what you want anyway.

MarieIVanArkleStinks Sun 10-Mar-19 20:55:29

For me it hasn't taken half a century of living on this planet to come to the conclusion that I don't have two fucks to give about what other people own. It's never been other than a matter of supreme indifference to me. I care about what people are, not what they have.

When I look at person and materialism is all I see, they're not the sort of friends or companions I would choose to have around. I have a distant family connection who is all about material possessions, is celebrity-obsessed, and name-drops whenever the opportunity presents itself. Yet she calls me the snob because I'm bookish, slightly alternative, and don't subsist on a diet of reality TV. I've never responded in kind because I genuinely don't give a rat's behind what she thinks. No point even conversing on this level so I've disengaged.

If you don't want to be around these people then don't. It's that simple. And if they're shallow enough even to concern themselves with what jeans label you're wearing, why would you care what they think anyway? No point building up a litany of resentment about it. Life's too short for that kind of crap.

ssd Sun 10-Mar-19 20:57:11

Op, why do you think your years of spending are over, you still have a kid at high school where does he come in all this?

Fazackerley Mon 11-Mar-19 05:47:28

People that say they don't give a fig what anyone thinks of them are often some of the most judgmental people on the planet.

landregistry Mon 11-Mar-19 06:23:38

I still love spending time with friends and my own family unit, and I have lots of lovely work colleagues who I've formed bonds with. But I have absolutely no desire to make new friends, meet new people... be involved with drama. I just love locking my door at the end of the week and lavishing my time on those who I couldn't live without

@tiredandcold I thought it was just me - I feel exactly like this and felt bad for it. I have just turned 50. Maybe it’s a normal part of life.

The only difference is I have just been through a horrible divorce, so am alone with my dc. When you add the depression connected to that to the weird new feeling of somehow not being interested in new people any more, I feel weirdly out of life and as if there is something wrong with me.

But I totally identify with your post.

Shoxfordian Mon 11-Mar-19 06:34:08

Is anyone really trying to make you buy things? You sound quite smug really.

Fairylea Mon 11-Mar-19 06:39:47

I find it very odd that you seem to worry what others think of your desire to work part time. I think underlying all this is that you care too much what others think, rather than not caring at all actually.

I am 38 and will be mortgage free this year. I’ve worked in some very high earning jobs and hated every moment of it and stopped working when I was 32 - I am never going to work again. I have no desire to work whatsoever, I do have health issues but even without them I just wouldn’t. I am happiest at home, doing whatever I want. My dh is currently working but due to a change in our financial situation he soon won’t need to. He is 32. We will have an income for the rest of our lives. We won’t be rich as in mega rich, lots of people will think we are absolutely insane but we will be happy. Who cares what other people think?! You only get one life!

When we die our two children will have our mortgage free home to do with as they wish.

We aren’t worried about new cars, flash clothes or anything like that. If people like them that’s fine and we don’t judge them for it but for us life is about eating well, going to nice places, country walks and spending time together. Everyone is different!

Fazackerley Mon 11-Mar-19 06:42:16

When we die our two children will have our mortgage free home to do with as they wish
Unless you've had to sell it to pay for your care.

topcat2014 Mon 11-Mar-19 06:57:16

I am a little confused. No-one, outside my actual 4 walls, has ever had any say or influence in any big financial decisions for spending I have done.

Neither have I ever really commented on anyone else's spending.

I must be in a bubble, I suppose.

madcatladyforever Mon 11-Mar-19 07:00:43

YANBU I'm still slogging at 57 after a divorce and the mortgage won't be paid of for another 9 years and quite honestly I'll be exactly the same when I get to your stage.

Fairylea Mon 11-Mar-19 07:00:44

Why do you think they’d need to sell the house to pay for care? Savings, etc....?! It’s what people do all the time. I don’t know why mumsnet is always so quick to try and jump on people. hmm

Do whatever you like op. People are always going to judge other people.

Fairylea Mon 11-Mar-19 07:01:38

We’d, not they’d.

Fairylea Mon 11-Mar-19 07:02:06

Oh they’d. Ha! Sorry my brain is fried this morning. blush

UnspiritualHome Mon 11-Mar-19 07:20:06

So what is it you say to your friends that makes them leave, and why couldn't you say it before?

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