I’m worried about some of the things exDP said in an argument last night. It was about how to separate, he was saying that I should not get full custody and that I should stop playing the victim. He said, not for the first time, that I’m controlling, that I need professional help, that he’s scared of me and walking on eggshells. He says he’s scared of being even 5 mins late home at night.
He had been shouting at me and I had been crying. He also said that he’s felt so bad about all this that he got mental health problems last year and had to have professional counseling. The implication is that I’ve caused this.
I’m coming on AIBU for traffic and because I posted before and got good advice. We are in a stressful situation, both living in the same house but the relationship has ended.
I’d resigned myself to living with exDP for the next 1.5 years for some big reasons: eldest DS is in final years of school; youngest is in a good special school. Ideally exDP would move out, and I’ve asked him to in the past, even temporarily, however it’s his house and he won’t move. He massively procrastinates about any alternative and I do not have the financial power to do this myself. Some pertinent issues:
• ILs despise me, have tried to alienate me from young DS, and are a chorus for the me being controlling and unstable brigade. I’ve distanced myself and DS.
• exDP owns the house and will not move out. I cannot claim benefits for rent. I am a sahm providing DSs care.
• I thought that I’d wait until eldest finished school and then move to be with my support network and family. They live 200 miles away and unfortunately in another country. Which obviously complicates things. ExDP has accepted that if we break up that’s where I’d go, but I fear he will change his mind.
• Older DS is adamant he does not want to move, and wants to finish school in this area.
I would like to be able to stay in the house or alternative until eldest finishes school, and then leave with kids to my families. If we live apart but the same town then I don’t want DS alienated from me by ILs. I’ve been upfront with DP about this, however I worry that I’m going to be trapped here and that perhaps exDP is more unstable than I thought, and could staying here together become emotionally unsafe? Yet what are my options? I’m not sure I have any. I am trying to think straight. ExDP has been very clear that I can’t just leave and take DS. I’ve suggested mediation again but I don’t hold out much hope that this is going to massively help.
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Worrying things DP/ex said last night
120 replies
Orangecookie · 10/03/2019 16:02
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