ASD and meltdowns

[Anotherday39]

My 9 year old (possible ASD) is screaming hysterically and calling us name because we won't let him on Fortnite.

He has been at a party, which wwe made him go to.

What the hell do I do? He is hysterical

[Numptysod]

Your having a bad day you don’t mean that!

[HippyChickMama]

Have you tried hugging him? My ds is 11, ASD and has horrific meltdowns but a meltdown is an expression of internal conflict that they can't express any other way. I find if I hold my ds really tight and reassure him that we love him and ignore all the horrible things he's saying it stops a lot quicker.

[werideatdawn]

Depends what works for your child. If I tried to cuddle mine in meltdown it would make it worse. We have to just leave him to burn out.

[ColeHawlins]

If you're at home, just walk away and leave him. Let it burn out. He's not doing it to hurt you, he's disregulated because he can't do the think he had anticipated doing. I swear there's an element of addiction with console games too.

[HippyChickMama]

If he's been to a party, especially one he didn't want to go to, he's probably overstimulated. I also have ASD and overstimulation is frightening and disorientating. Stop all unnecessary sound, lights, movement etc in the area of the house he is in, pull him down so you are sitting on the floor with him on your lap, hold him in a tight hug and speak to him quietly telling him you love him and that he's safe.

[ColeHawlins]

Thing not think.

You can have whatever private thoughts you like under this stress.

Longer term, you need some decent input. Are CAMHS currently involved?

[HippyChickMama]

I'm aware that might not work for everyone btw, it's just what works for ds, it works for me too and I usually hate being hugged

[Firstworddinosaur]

When my son meltsdown we just have to make sure he's safe and let it run it's course. Then work out why it happened, the immediate cause (eg not being allowed Fortnite) is actually rarely the actual cause, it's usually a result of a build up of stress (eg the party). Some meltdowns are unavoidable but knowing what the series of triggers are has reduced ours loads. I hope you're son and you feel better soon, I know it's really hard.

[RoseMartha]

My asd dd is always worse when been on internet mainly u tube kids videos watching kids play with toys as opposed to actually playing with them herself!
But too much screen time makes her aggression and attitude really bad. So you are right to limit it.

It sounds like he has sensory overload from the party. I would say needs some quiet time. I usually readsure dd I am there and stay close but she will not always tolerate being held.
When quiet i suggest a quiet activity to do with her, drawing, board game etc.
Then praise her for calming down and then she might say something about what happened and then I can see what triggered it.

Hope that helps a bit

[ColeHawlins]

If Fortnite is calming for him, you might need to rethink your policy. I don't mean allowing unlimited amounts, but maybe half an hour or an hour, timed with an egg timer, x number of times a day or week?

[icelolly99]

ColeHawlins Fortnite is PEGI 12; OP's child is 9.....

[Darkbaptism]

I agree with others it sounds like he’s overwhelmed from the party.

If my son did that I would either leave him to meltdown (any interaction during this time would make it work) or allow him to play fornite to unwind.

[ColeHawlins]

ColeHawlins Fortnite is PEGI 12; OP's child is 9.....

Ah. I knew I was out of the loop.

[Anotherday39]

Once he connected online (not fortnite, another online game)
It's like a switch. No more trauma, absolutely fine.
I'm traumatised, who has experience with this type of behaviour????

[RippleEffects]

I'm with everyone here, it's a keep them safe let them distress away from harm.

I'd only add that I find dehydration and lack of food effects mood and can help with the calm down process. I usually put a bottle of water (plastic no spill sports bottle type - learnt that beakers get thrown and cause a bigger clear up) and a flapjack/ brownie bar just in reach.

[Anotherday39]

He wanted to go to Party yesterday, and this morning more hysterics about going to party. At part...fine
Yes we are with CAHMS

[ColeHawlins]

It's self soothing. Computer games are very immersive, repetitive and almost hypnotic. Also they're predictable, finite worlds, which is comforting to a child in the spectrum.

[cece]

My son does this a lot.

Feed him
Give him a calming activity
Hug him
Leave him to finish whilst checking he's safe
Take him outside for a walk
Take him for a drive

Those are some of my strategies.

[ColeHawlins]

He wanted to go to Party yesterday, and this morning more hysterics about going to party. At part...fine

He wants to socialise and join in, but the reality of the party is too much sensory input and unpredictable activity (noise, music, children charging around) so he then becomes overstimulated but holds himself together until he's home on safe territory. Then he's at risk of meltdown as he relaxes and wants access to something he finds soothing, like computer games. When he can't have it; bang.

It's a typically autistic pattern. Parties are difficult.

Yes we are with CAHMS

Ask them if they can help you with advice and strategies. Tell them you're struggling.

[Fattymcfaterson]

Is there a reason he cant go on fortnite??

I often find computer games help my DS relax.

[Chouetted]

He's probably as traumatised as you are from the party, and now you haven't allowed him to self soothe with Fortnite.

Even if he wanted to go to the party, he's too young to manage the burnt out feeling afterwards. I feel a bit sorry for him. Sounds like you both need some guidance on autism, but for now, just let him meltdown - you can't stop it, and he isn't behaving badly, he's letting off steam in the only way he can right now.

[Anotherday39]

Yes, we are currently talking about his sleep refusal. His tantrums have escalated this week, teachers telling him off more, and the party.

Hoping for an assessment in next few weeks.Then it's trying to get family onboard.

[BlackeyedGruesome]

Screaming hysterically and calling you names is not the worse meltdown possible. These things are not going to hurt him or you.

Different things work for different kids and for the same kid at different times or different levels of overstimulation.

Mine can sometimes be brought down from a potential meltdown by tickling to make him laugh. Try this further up the overload scale and it would make things worse.

Sometimes a hug works,
Massaging his feet or his hands firmly can work.
Exercise, heavy work, jumping off high things onto something soft, all help calm in early stages.

Sniffing fairy liquid and playing with the reversible sequin t-shirt are calming too.

Playing on the phone and computer can work.

In full on meltdown. Stop talking, stop the noise nearby, remove from fluorescent light areas, help.

Sometimes a hug will work. Still sometimes he is restrained in a full body hug as letting go may result in serious injury to a person or damage to property that can cause injury ( Eg he is chucking stuff at the windows) this usually pisses him off more but better a pissed off louder screaming boy than a dead one.

Hugging often works accompanied by massage.

Good luck.

[jaseyraex]

Ah OP, we braved our first birthday party with 4 year old DS yesterday and I spent most of the evening wishing we hadn't! I have to just leave mine to it when he has a meltdown. So far he doesn't call names or throw things or anything, just screams and screams and screams for what feels like hours!
Is there anything other than computer games that are soothing for your DS? We have lava lamps in DS room which can calm him down a bit quicker (if we can get him to sit in front of them).
If you're really struggling then you need to tell CAHMS and see if they can help more with strategies for getting through the meltdown.