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To think that you don't communicate through a 12 year old

(7 Posts)
PineappleMum Sun 10-Mar-19 09:20:56

My husband and I separated in September (my choice).

Since then he swings from one emotion to another, has threatened to fight for custody, has changed his mind on what happens with the house etc

He is very very angry with me, and his latest thing is that he wants no contact at all from me. If I need to communicate with him I have to do it through my son who is 12. And if he wants to get a message to me he will tell my son who will tell me...

AIBU in thinking that this is ridiculous? My children are already finding it hard because there is such animosity at the moment, it's not fair to lay responsibility of our communication with my son, he's 12!!

BruceAndNosh Sun 10-Mar-19 09:23:38

Not fair on your son.

Your ex doesn't have to speak to you, but there's no reason why all communication can be done solely by text. Unless he wants to be an arse

kbPOW Sun 10-Mar-19 09:24:49

He will look a dick in court seeking an order for a 12 year old. Do you have younger children as well? He sounds like a charmer. Maybe tell him that you will only correspond via email and that messages 'sent' via your DS will be ignored as it is detrimental to your son to be used as a messenger. Apart from anything else, my 12 year old would never have remembered to pass a message on.

pumpkinpie01 Sun 10-Mar-19 09:25:31

My ex was like this , would not speak to me at all , all communication was via text. Childish , exhausting and annoying!

PineappleMum Sun 10-Mar-19 09:26:06

I've suggested text or email... neither are acceptable to him.

PineappleMum Sun 10-Mar-19 09:28:48

kbPOW, another good point, my DS has no brain capacity for anything other than Fortnite!! He remembers nothing else...

I do have another child who is younger (8).

FudgeBrownie2019 Sun 10-Mar-19 09:30:32

Refuse all communication through the 12 year old. Email or text him once laying down your rule; you expect communication to be via email and will not respond to any other form of communication. Then stand your ground. If your 12 year old passes messages on, thank him then ignore them. Repeat as necessary; your Ex doesn't get to dictate anything to you any more. Remind yourself of that if you start to waver.

Ex is probably smarting and feeling churlish, so playing games to try and get you doing what he wants. That's fine, but you don't have to engage in his nonsense. As long as you can evidence attempts to allow/encourage contact between him and the DC, you can't be considered to have obstructed him when it goes to court. If he chooses to obstruct things, that's his lookout.

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