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Is my neighbour a serial killer?

(173 Posts)
Iltavilli Sat 09-Mar-19 23:49:39

We live in a bog standard 3 bed semi. Our attached neighbour has a kitchen extension but also a small brick built outhouse (1920s house so not standard).
Our dog seems obsessed with the outhouse. The neighbour is in her late 70s, has lived here for 30+ years, no close family seem to visit. She’s a fab neighbour but should we accept she’s a likely serial killer?

(Not serious for those easily offended)

LunchBoxPolice Sat 09-Mar-19 23:51:10

I think that's the only possible answer, yes.

NeutralJanet Sat 09-Mar-19 23:51:41

Maybe there's rats living in it and that's what has got the dog's attention?

lagerthaslovelyhair Sat 09-Mar-19 23:52:33

Maybe your dog just wants to pee in private?

C0untDucku1a Sat 09-Mar-19 23:53:30

Rats?

Iltavilli Sat 09-Mar-19 23:53:47

@neutraljanet that sort of logic is wasted on us

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 09-Mar-19 23:55:25

Do you live in or near London?

Could the dog be planning to refurb the outhouse and sell it for £££?

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Sat 09-Mar-19 23:56:14

Has your dog been owned by you since it was a puppy? Just wondering if you've rehomed an ex-police dog which can sniff out drugs?

Could it be a cannabis farm?

Minkies11 Sat 09-Mar-19 23:56:26

Are you friendly enough with her to go round for tea and maybe have a quick peep in the outhouse?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 09-Mar-19 23:57:00

Or maybe your ndn is running a drugs distribution ring from the shed?

Does she drive a white Qashqai and wear a lot of Superdry?

Iltavilli Sat 09-Mar-19 23:59:13

The neighbours on the other side have just put their house on the market. They’ve only been there 4 years, they may have discovered her secret.

Minkies11 Sun 10-Mar-19 00:01:43

Accidentally let your dog into her garden and see what he digs up....

MorningsEleven Sun 10-Mar-19 00:06:15

Yes, and you're next on her list.

cranstonmanor Sun 10-Mar-19 00:06:22

Well if it's a recent thing yhen the murder must have been quite recent too. Wonder how she did it? She's not a spring chicken so I doubt it would be done by strenth. Hmmm, maybe poison? Is she a good cook? Does she ever bake you cookies?

PerpendicularVincent Sun 10-Mar-19 00:10:39

Meth lab? Brothel?

If she's all bling and waves cash around, she might be a high class madam. If she calls herself Heisenberg and has a camper van, it's drugs.

Merryoldgoat Sun 10-Mar-19 00:10:55

Have you seen ‘The ‘Burbs’ OP?

Iltavilli Sun 10-Mar-19 00:13:59

She adores my DP but avoids me. I’m willing to sacrifice him

HerRoyalFattyness Sun 10-Mar-19 00:14:35

Definitely a serial killer. How many times has she been widowed?

clairemcnam Sun 10-Mar-19 00:20:07

Yes a serial killer.
You and a friend should decide to explore the outhouse to see if you can find any evidence. You dont want your neighbour to realise you are on to them, so explore the outhouse at 2am when it is dark and everyone is asleep. Preferably when there is a storm as well.

BigChocFrenzy Sun 10-Mar-19 00:23:56

As a serial killer, she probably keeps trophies
- it's a Union rule

You and your bloodhound need to sniff them out

MitziK Sun 10-Mar-19 00:25:03

* Wonder how she did it?* @CranstonManor - have you not seen Arsenic and Old Lace? They're the worst types.

Sadly, I suspect rats more than 'guests'.

Redshoeblueshoe Sun 10-Mar-19 00:25:12

Yes she is a serial killer.
You need to Google how many people have gone missing in your local area.

SlangBack Sun 10-Mar-19 00:29:46

Rabbits .Rabbits. Its full of Rabbits.

Buccanarab Sun 10-Mar-19 00:30:31

Was worried this thread was about me but I'm not in my 70s and tend to dispose of my bodies in woodland.

pineapplebryanbrown Sun 10-Mar-19 00:33:38

I'm afraid she's most definitely a cereal killer, have you befriended the Tesco delivery driver? Do so immediately and find out if it's just own brands or a vendetta with nestle foods.

If the latter, they are really powerful and you could sprag her up to them. They deal with this type of corporate espionage all the time. It's called wet work

Ok, can we talk about your dog now? Is he safe? Please don't send him to chat to this potential murderer's again just to slake your curiosity. He could easily wake up dead and then where would you be.

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