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Stranger giving my 4 month old food from her finger?

(46 Posts)
NotSureIfBU Sat 09-Mar-19 19:26:46

So I was at a baby shower today. My son is 4 months old today.

A lady whom I have never met, and still don't know who she is or what her name is was sitting next to MIL. MIL was holding my 4 month old.

Everyone was eating and I looked over to see said stranger putting her finger in my sons mouth with food on it. She saw me look and said "don't worry, it's only blank" (can't remember what food she said now as I'm so angry)

My concern is, she doesn't even know mine or my child's name, if he has any allergies, or if I'm even weaning him yet (she'd only seen me give him a bottle while there so as far as she's concerned he's only drinking milk!!)

AIBU to be completely and utterly livid about this?

NotSureIfBU Sat 09-Mar-19 19:27:50

Also I know babies get germs etc in their mouths all the time and I'm definitely not a mother who wraps her baby in cotton wool. But to intentionally give a 4 month old food off your finger whom you don't even know? Just seems wrong to me...

dementedpixie Sat 09-Mar-19 19:28:21

I'd be angry too. You didn't even know who she was

CottonSock Sat 09-Mar-19 19:28:56

Yanbu, and I'd be livid

Ellieboolou27 Sat 09-Mar-19 19:29:27

Yuk, YANU that’s vile. Yes, I’d be pissed off and definitely would have made it known to her.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Sat 09-Mar-19 19:30:03

Did you tell her it's no solids until six months and to get her finger out of your baby's mouth? I would've

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sat 09-Mar-19 19:30:04

I’d have gone off at her- seriously not on!

Sexnotgender Sat 09-Mar-19 19:30:09

I’d be livid too. What the fuck is wrong with people?

SrSteveOskowski Sat 09-Mar-19 19:30:11

YANBU. I'd be absolutely fuming!angry

Lana1234 Sat 09-Mar-19 19:30:42

Yanbu shock did you say anything? I would have absolutely told her to stop what she was doing

OhHelp0hNo Sat 09-Mar-19 19:30:48

Wow, I would have been absolutely livid!! YADNBU.
The fact that he's only 4 months old, you don't even know her, putting her finger in his mouth (yuck!). I would have confronted her, definitely.

NuffSaidSam Sat 09-Mar-19 19:31:01

Livid is an over reaction. And pointless because it's done now.

But YANBU to be annoyed and a bit disgusted!

She stepped well over the line, but probably meant well.

It's done. Calm down and move on.

Magissa Sat 09-Mar-19 19:31:06

I would be so angry. As you say the woman has no idea what you baby may be allergic to. If she was sat with mother in law do you think she gave her the go ahead to do this?

sidesplittinglol Sat 09-Mar-19 19:31:19

I'd be angry at someone doing this for various reasons:

1. She's a bloody stranger
2. God knows where her fingers have been. Some people don't know how to wash hands properly after using the loo
3. Your baby may have allergies
4. It's too Early to introduce foods to them that their body isn't ready for
5. You may not have started weaning them

lanclass1 Sat 09-Mar-19 19:31:32

I'm pretty relaxed about most things but I would be livid at that for several reasons!

MyBreadIsEggy Sat 09-Mar-19 19:32:13

I’d be furious. And would probably be spending tonight in a cell.
One of my DCs has life threatening food allergies. If the mystery food had contained milk, he could easily be dead.

People are so fucking stupid sometimes it is infuriating confused

ethelfleda Sat 09-Mar-19 19:32:41

I don’t think livid is an overreaction. I think that woman was completely inappropriate! I can’t even get my head around someone doing it!!

NotSureIfBU Sat 09-Mar-19 19:33:04

I think she saw me staring and that's why she said 'don't worry it's just xxx!' Then my MIL turned him around so he wasn't facing her as she thought it was bad too.

One of those situations where I should've said something but at the time I was so taken aback by it I just didn't say anything??

Talkingfrog Sat 09-Mar-19 19:35:48

Yanbu. Even with a toddler or older child I know well, I would ask the parent first before giving them something (unless I was responsible for them at the time)

2birds1stone Sat 09-Mar-19 19:36:08

I hope that woman is a mumsnetter, sees this, realises it's about her and feels bloody ashamed and learns from it.

ViolaD77 Sat 09-Mar-19 19:37:28

Did u find out who she was?

NuffSaidSam Sat 09-Mar-19 19:37:59

Was she an older woman? In my head she's in her late 50's at least, maybe older.

Ansumpasty Sat 09-Mar-19 19:41:16

YANBU, I’d be angry, too.

I had a similar thing happen when my son was a baby. A friend of the family was holding him at a funeral and eating nuts and prawns. I then saw her letting my son suck and chew on her fingers. Not cool

Cherrysoup Sat 09-Mar-19 19:42:50

Was she an older woman? In my head she's in her late 50's at least, maybe older

Why is this relevant?

badwedding Sat 09-Mar-19 19:46:53

A colleague of my mums did this to my son when he was 5mths old. I was weaning but she gave him A bit of Cadbury's whole nut. I was 😱😱😱 My mum couldn't get me out her work quickly enough as she could see my face of thunder.

I'd never feed somebody else's infant child anything!

NuffSaidSam Sat 09-Mar-19 19:47:23

'Why is this relevant?'

I'm curious if the image in my head is accurate. I think it's the sort of thing an older person could do in all innocence. I'd be less forgiving of a younger person, unless so young they were a teen/child.

BollocksToBrexit Sat 09-Mar-19 19:48:12

Was she foreign? It's recommended in some countries to give babies this age 'tiny tastes' of food. Britain is behind the latest research on this.

BollocksToBrexit Sat 09-Mar-19 19:49:01

Although being a stranger and doing it is weird.

Bobbycat121 Sat 09-Mar-19 19:49:54

people seem to be doing this alot. My children have been offered various things and I find it really inappropriate and dont get why people think its ok. My son was offered peanuts by someone (how do they know he doesnt have an allergy??!) and at the bus stop a little while ago a young girl handed my baby a crisp!! I had to tell her no.

NotSureIfBU Sat 09-Mar-19 19:50:28

@NuffSaidSam I think so, possibly the age to be a grandmother

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 09-Mar-19 19:52:29

I would have been unable to prevent myself from saying something at the time and taking my baby away from her. It's absolutely not up to her as a total stranger what food your baby has and when.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Sat 09-Mar-19 19:56:11

Someone did this to me too a few years ago when my daughter was a baby.
We were in the carvery and a woman walked past with a bowl of ice cream, stopped to chat to the baby and before I knew it stuck her finger in the ice cream, then in my baby's mouth. I was so shocked but I didnt really react as I wanted to as she was very elderly.

Miljah Sat 09-Mar-19 20:03:43

I'm in my 'late 50s' 😉and wouldn't do this.

However, the concept that 'babies don't do solids before 6 months' - is just the latest fashion.

20 years ago, the advice I got was to watch the baby, see how they react to you eating, at about 4-5 months. DS1 had his first baby rice at 4.5 months.

NotSureIfBU Sat 09-Mar-19 20:04:55

@Miljah we have started introducing foods as my mother etc advised they did with me. But yes it was absolutely not her place to assume that we are introducing foods!

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 09-Mar-19 20:06:10

It's not about weaning advice and ages for offering solids. It's about a total stranger without asking deciding to give food, off her hand, to someone else's baby. That's totally weird and inappropriate!

Coming along and saying that it's ok because you think babies should be given solid foods at 4 months is utterly missing the point.

Booboostwo Sat 09-Mar-19 20:11:38

That is grim and I can’t see how anyone wouldn’t know that!

NotSureIfBU Sat 09-Mar-19 20:11:52

@AssassinatedBeauty this is it. What if my baby had a deathly allergy to what they gave him but obviously is too young to refuse it? He's at the teething stage so anything that goes in his mouth his chews/sucks on. It's really upset me!

jennymalone Sat 09-Mar-19 20:16:44

Entirely inappropriate for many reasons, massively overstepping boundaries, and not normal.i think livid is an entirely acceptable response!

And you should have pulled her up on it, to make her aware of how unacceptable it was. MIL should have if you didn't.

What about the next stranger she does it to, maybe one with allergies, medical issues or not weaned...?!

Tink1990 Sat 09-Mar-19 20:17:37

YANBU! Why would someone do that, I just dont understand! At least your MIL turned baby away from her and understood. I would have been speechless too!

Excited101 Sat 09-Mar-19 20:18:00

‘Fashion’?! It’s not ‘fashion’ Miljah it’s based on the latest more up to date research! Of course it changes over time as all information and research does as more technology and investigation is done. And should always be stuck to unless dr says otherwise. Little bodies just aren’t ready and there’s no benefit to early weaning.

Mysteriousbee Sat 09-Mar-19 20:26:53

YANBU. I wouldn’t give baby DGD food unless it was something I know she’s has before and definitely not at 4 flipping months.

Minai Sat 09-Mar-19 21:13:03

I would be furious if I’d seen someone do this. Aside from potential food allergies she doesn’t know about you just don’t feed someone else’s baby without asking if it’s ok! Even now with my 21 month old if one of the other toddlers come up and want something he is eating I always ask the parent if it’s ok.

Creatureofthenight Sat 09-Mar-19 21:16:06

YANBU to be livid.
YABU to have not said anything to her about it.

Biancadelrioisback Sat 09-Mar-19 21:29:28

I love it when people refer to scientific research as "fashion".
I suppose the medicine I'm taking for my illness is also "fashionable" as it wasn't advised 10 years ago. Idiots.

Back to OP, I seriously would have walked up to her with a glob of food on my finger and offered her a suck. Why on earth she thought it was acceptable is beyond me.
But please OP, you are there to protect your kids, please speak up when someone does this!

Mother87 Sat 09-Mar-19 22:38:41

What Cherrysoup said - totally irrelevantconfused

TriciaH87 Sat 09-Mar-19 22:58:57

I would be fuming, not just because of the food and germs but also how do you know she is not a smoker and putting her disgusting fingers in your babies mouth. I personally would have to of said something at the time but then i never have known when to keep my mouth shut.

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