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To ask if you would be/are happy with this level of sex education?

(101 Posts)
manicinsomniac Sat 09-Mar-19 17:19:07

Last week the Year 8s where I work were off timetable for a morning to attend workshops run by a company which specialises in more sensitive sex education that is difficult for children to open up to teachers about - consent, sexting, porn, legality etc. The workshop is marketed at their age group and parents were informed it was happening/given the option to withdraw their children. Nobody did.

But I was really taken aback - both about what was covered and what some of the children evidently understood. Some of it was done with no teachers present so I don't know about that but what I saw included detailed discussion about the content of pornography and how it compares to real life, how to know if you are ready to have sex, the dangers of anal sex and which scenarios are and aren't legal when it comes to sexting and consent.

Many of the children clearly knew about and appreciated such statements as 'The pizza man just delivers the pizza and leaves - real life or fantasy porn?' 'Most couples have anal sex - true or false?' Putting aside the awkward sense this left me with that these 12 year olds have obviously seen more explicit material than I have (!), I can see that the workshop was really important for them. They're obviously at that level so they need it. I'm just stunned that they are. They seem so young.

My concern is really that there were some children who had no idea about any of this. And it seemed a bit early/inappropriate to educate them in it! Our head wants Year 7 to have the same workshop towards the end of the summer term. My daughter is in Year 7 and I am 99.9% certain that she has never seen porn, never sent or received a sext, doesn't know what anal sex is, has never seen an adult penis to wonder whether it's above average size or not and hasn't had any sexualised experiences at all. She doesn't have a phone or an iPad and she isn't on social medial. Several of her friends seem to be at a similar developmental stage. The year group as a whole seem much more than a year younger than the year above. But some are more experienced/mature than my daughter, obviously.

I don't want to be 'that parent' (especially as I'm a teacher at the school!). But I would really like to withdraw my daughter from this. I just don't really want her listening to it. Some of it even made me hot and uncomfortable! (yes, I admit, I'm a prude).

Would you be happy with it?

Chickaletta16 Sat 09-Mar-19 17:21:11

I would not be happy at this at all. Children are being sexualized from a very young age and I do not understand why we as parents aren't in uproar !!

StillCoughingandLaughing Sat 09-Mar-19 17:23:16

You say yourself children ‘evidently understood’ much of what was said. That should be enough to tell you they need education on this subject.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-19 17:24:16

Yes I would.

People have anal sex and that's a fact of life. Some people love it, some people hate it and some people feel forced into it.

Kids need to know this, along with the other points you say the lesson covers.

tilder Sat 09-Mar-19 17:27:39

Sex education has to happen before the sex. So yes, it may seem early - it should be if done correctly and not 'after the fact'. These issues need to be addressed in modern society.

I would love our school to do this. Open, honest and realistic. Exactly what sex education should be.

Thankfuckitsfriday1 Sat 09-Mar-19 17:31:16

I think this is GREAT.

So many teens have such unrealistic expectations about sex due to porn and so many don’t know what’s normal and what’s not. I imagine some children’s parent would never have that talk and otherwise they’ve never know that anal normally isn’t a frequent thing in relationships. Or that all women have clean shaved vaginas.

Sexting is SUCH a serious issue, it can ruin lives and i’m glad it’s being spoken about before they are at the age they could do it. A lot of people i knew became sexually active in year 9 so i don’t think it’s too early. I think it’s just in time.

I wouldn’t have an issue. Children accept facts about sex far easier then they are given credit for and it won’t stain her mind. She may have questions but it won’t take away her innocence, just make her aware of dangers and what to expect when she is ready.

flashbac Sat 09-Mar-19 17:31:58

Age 12 is too young.

randomchap Sat 09-Mar-19 17:33:53

I'd be happy with it as it's dealing with situations that your daughter might soon be in, but I'm unhappy that it's necessary.

Redcliff Sat 09-Mar-19 17:34:02

I would be happy with this - my ds is 1 year below this year and if he had this session next year the timing feels about right.

BarryTheKestrel Sat 09-Mar-19 17:34:07

I honestly think kids do need to know these things. We have such high rates of anal injuries and sexting/revenge porn issues etc in the teen population that telling the kids about this and giving them a real world understanding of what's normal, what isn't, what's illegal, what isn't, what's in their control, consent etc is really important that this happens before the fact, not after.

Kids need to know this before it becomes their norm and something they are involved in. Maybe then we can start to change the prevalence of the sexualisation amongst teens.

Buggeritimgettingup Sat 09-Mar-19 17:34:21

Yes I would, i have talked,chatted and kept open lines of communication regarding all.of these things with mine.

my niece is currently in counselling and under police as my dbro and his xw don't believe in talking about sex,relationships, pressure, consent and the law.
She's just turned 14, has been sleeping with and sexting several boys and men (some nearly 30!) for over a year.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-19 17:37:53

Age 12 is too young.

Why?

museumum Sat 09-Mar-19 17:39:26

Unfortunately age 13/14 is too late in many cases.
I think year 8 is probably right. Or maybe the very end of y7. Maybe there’s research to say? I’d have a look into it.
I think I’d rather my child got their first messages about porn this way than being shown something on another kids phone!!

Echobelly Sat 09-Mar-19 17:39:29

I think it is massively better to have it explained by a sensitive adult then to find out about it from your peers!

I don't believe this talk 'sexualises' kids - believe you me, the kids who are interested by this stage will have done their own 'research' (and what they have found will be awful in all likelihood) the kids who have no interest at this stage will just think 'Urgh, yuck!' and that's perfectly fine - they'll be informed for later. I had an initial discussion about porn with my DD (10) late last year - it was brief but worthwhile. She didn't know the term 'pornography', but when I described what it was she said she had 'heard about that kind of thing' - it wouldn't at all have encouraged her to be interested in sex.

Sadly I think it is now necessary to have these conversations early thanks to the internet, because too many kids explore this stuff without any adult mediation, or hear total misrepresentation from their peers.

MamaLovesMango Sat 09-Mar-19 17:40:40

I’m another one all for it unfortunately OP. I remember being in year 8 and I remember some of the stuff that went on without parents having the slightest clue. It was shocking to say the least and this level of sex education would have really helped those involved and those not involved but knew about it.

Enabling the taboo, glossing over the more uncomfortable facts and sheltering them, does exactly nothing to preserve a child’s innocence, infact it does the complete opposite when they come across it all by themselves, no doubt earlier than you’d imagine. Talking about these things, answering questions truthfully, helping them learn, is what keeps them safe and keeps them innocent. Or at least grow up to be decent human beings.

Our next generation needs to be better at this stuff to turn around the vicious cycle of abusers and bigots we have in society now.

Sleepyblueocean Sat 09-Mar-19 17:40:47

I think 12/13 is the right age for this. If you leave it later it will be too late for some of them.

museumum Sat 09-Mar-19 17:40:59

And OP if you are a bit of a prude (I am too) your dc will sense this and it’s even more important they get reliable info elsewhere.

Angelicinnocent Sat 09-Mar-19 17:43:28

Agree its a good thing and year 8 sounds right. My DD has just left school and many of her peers were sexting towards the end of year 8 and definitely in year 9. Several were also sexually active in year 9 and 1 had a baby in spring of year 10.

Also agree with a pp that its a shame its necessary.

independentgroupie Sat 09-Mar-19 17:44:04

It’s great they’re being taught that.

I wouldn’t have known at the age of 11 what anal sex was - instead, around the age of 12-14 I heard rumours and got very confused.

I would much rather I had been told up front and had the opportunity to have any myths busted!

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 09-Mar-19 17:44:23

I woud absolutely be happy with this. I went to a convent school where sex education was so limited and anal sex was viewed as a great way to preserve virginity

feelingsinister Sat 09-Mar-19 17:44:53

That sounds brilliant. I wish we'd had sex ed like that at school.

Whatsername7 Sat 09-Mar-19 17:45:31

The game you are describing is 'Planet Earth vs Planet Porn. I teach SRE and do this with Yr10. Yr 8 is too young for this game. Consent, healthy relationships, respect, even sexting, all suitable providing the content is measured. But the porn game isnt.

Spiderbanana Sat 09-Mar-19 17:47:32

I would be happy if my DS learned about porn and anal sex in this way than being exposed to both through playground gossip and peer pressure.

jimmyhill Sat 09-Mar-19 17:48:26

My daughter is in Year 7 and I am 99.9% certain that she has never seen porn etc etc etc

She'll be fine then. You needn't worry she'll be 'sexualised' (what does that even mean?) by education. Do you worry that drug prevention lessons will get your kids trying cocaine?

The lessons are needed by many kids. That's a societal problem caused by tech illiterate parents letting their kids have unfettered access to smart phones

I daresay these lessons are also good ways to open conversations about abuse etc. Who is showing the porn aware kids porn and why...?

InACheeseAndPickle Sat 09-Mar-19 17:49:59

They'll hear it anyway I'd much rather the first time they were exposed to these ideas was by trained adults rather than something they see on someone's phone on the train. Much better to put it in context and introduce the ideas before they see or hear stuff with no context which will confuse them.

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