I have been single for 3 year since my ex walked out and disappeared (no contact) leaving me to raise the children on my own. Over that time I decided I would stay single until my children have grown up. However recently I developed feelings for someone (cant go there for certain reasons!) but ive developed a crush and its made me realise that I dont want to stay single and that I am ready to start dating.
There seems to be alot of people though that think single mothers shouldnt date until their children are older, but im only 30 and so im not sure how realistic it is to not date at all till my 40s!
It just seems so very hard and, frankly impossible to date as a single parent when you dont have much child care help. Even then you’re not suppose to introduce the man until a year or so. Aibu to think its impossible and just give up and stay single? can you be happy and single?
AIBU?
Dating as a single parent?
Bobbycat121 · 09/03/2019 13:33
It is hard to find the time for a new relationship when your DCs are young but plenty of us do it. However you need to ignore this bollocks Even then you’re not suppose to introduce the man until a year or so. It’s just ridiculous that some people think you should invest a year of your life building a relationship with someone, only to find they don’t get on with your kids when they finally meet and then you have to dump them because “kids come first”.
You’re a woman not just a mum and you deserve a fulfilling life of your own, not just to be a martyr to your DCs. There’s no reason why you can’t get to know some new people, and if you find someone you want to get serious with, have them meet your kids as a family friend. There are no guarantees in life that anyone will be around forever, people come and go and sometimes they leave a big gap (like your ex) and sometimes they barely make a dent, like a boyfriend of 6 months who didn’t work out.
As long as your DCs have a stable home life, structure and routine, and any potential new BF doesn’t move in or start getting his feet under the table until everyone is comfortable, there are no rules about it. I personally think that if meeting the DCs will be a dealbreaker, it should be done sooner rather than later with someone you are considering a proper relationship with.
No child wants a string of ‘new dads’ coming through their house, but you don’t have to remain single and celibate for 10 years either.
You can keep your dating life separate from family life until you think it’s a good time to introduce a new man in whatever way that works (as I said, as a friend, especially if he also has kids, may work best) and then see how things progress.
As for finding the time, I guess you need to be creative, depending on the ages of your DCs - first dates can be a lunchtime coffee, after that you might need to pay a babysitter or swap a babysitting favour with a friend.
Once things are going well you can introduce the kids and do something together, park, cinema etc (one of my early
Dates with DP was watching Madagascar as my babysitter let me down last minute and DP suggested bringing my kids on our date 
This was within 3 months, otherwise we’d never have got this thing off the ground.)
But with the right person, you can work it out.
Similarly you may feel happy remaining single, but I know I wasn’t. One of the reasons I divorced XH was because I was so lonely even when he was here. I craved that connection with another adult.
DP and I still don’t live together after 6 years as we felt it best for our respective DCs to keep their homes separate, so it doesn’t automatically mean full on blended family stuff. But I have someone in my corner, someone to go on date nights with, to meet
Up for lunch in the week, and to have the odd weekend away, which makes my life happier and more fulfilling. And that’s ok. I can still be a great mum to my DCs as well.
I'm in a similar position to you OP. In my sixth year single, DS has just turned 8. Ex sees him once a fortnight for a few hours and a couple of hours midweek (court ordered). It's bloody difficult. While I have lots of lovely friends, many are also single mums and have commitments of their own so I am always reluctant to ask for help. I have no family at all nearby unfortunately. I have managed to date here and there but nobody has really held my interest. However, I do have a FWB and have done for four years now. That works brilliantly for both of us and we tend to spend our days together when DS is with his father. I really sympathise, as much as I'd like to throw myself into the dating scene, it's just not possible. I can't do anything spontaneously, I can't go away for the weekend etc etc. Everybody says "your time will come", well yes, it will, but I am 50 this year and I'll be 60 when DS is 18 so I am not sure I want to hang around until then! I think it's perfectly possible to be single and happy, but it's also perfectly OK to want adult company and sex. I think you should give yourself a break and give it a go. There is nothing to feel guilty about! Good luck 
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