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Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?

(355 Posts)
TAMumof3 Sat 09-Mar-19 13:18:04

My 14 year old son has just swanned in from Tae kwon do practice, ignored the steak bake I've warmed for him for lunch and started cooking bacon and eggs for himself without asking.

He regularly does this - just help himself to whatever food he likes.

I'm particularly pissed off today as I'm just back from a trip from hell to Lidl and have shopped, unpack and written menu and stuck it on the fridge for the week.

Have had a go at him but he refused to stop cooking, left the kitchen in a mess and has now stropped off to bedroom to play computer games .... I have no idea how to parent this.

PutyourtoponTrevor Sat 09-Mar-19 13:20:10

I'd ignore the steak bake too!

Whisky2014 Sat 09-Mar-19 13:20:32

Stop making him lunch and let him get on with it?

Smellbellina Sat 09-Mar-19 13:20:57

What’s a steak bake?

VioletCharlotte Sat 09-Mar-19 13:21:04

I've got teenage boys. I think it's good that he's cooking for himself and becoming independent. I can see why you're a bit irritated though As you'd already made him something. In future, maybe don't do that and let him sort himself out when he gets home.

hula008 Sat 09-Mar-19 13:21:15

I don't necessarily think it's worth having a go at him - he didn't want the steak bake and he's 14, why should he have to eat it if he doesn't want to.

However, is he involved in food shopping/planning. If he wants to make his own food it would be reasonable to say that he has to be involved in shopping and writing the menu.

Whisky2014 Sat 09-Mar-19 13:21:24

And id also ignore a steak bake and make bacon and eggs. Much nicer!

Prequelle Sat 09-Mar-19 13:21:34

I wouldn't be arsed as long as he cleans up after himself. Let him sort his own dinner out. I always did at that age.

Dontrainonmyparade Sat 09-Mar-19 13:22:09

Hmm. I wouldn’t assume to know what my 14 yo wants for lunch tbh. Let him carry on.

Sanguineclamp Sat 09-Mar-19 13:22:15

Stop making him lunch.
Insist he clears up after himself.

Sparklingbrook Sat 09-Mar-19 13:22:24

Yes, i would just let him get his own in future. He could maybe do bacon and eggs for everyone.

CantWaitForSpring1 Sat 09-Mar-19 13:22:39

Do you give him pocket money? Pay for his phone? Pay for the internet? Any one of these, if cut off, will get his attention. I wouldn’t have a problem with him making his own lunch as long as it is fairly healthy (easier for you, no?) but I would have a problem with the mess and the stropping off. More general respect = reinstating phone/pocket money/wifi.

JonSlow Sat 09-Mar-19 13:22:43

Switch off the WI-FI until he’s cleaned up?

goldengummybear Sat 09-Mar-19 13:22:56

Turn off the Wifi. Tell your son that it's not going on until kitchen is returned to its previous state.

Stop cooking him lunch. He clearly didn't fancy the steak bake and there's nothing wrong with that.

Sirzy Sat 09-Mar-19 13:23:23

Do you involve him in the meal planning?

What’s the issue with him eating what he fancies rather than what you have decided he will have when he is happy to prepare it himself?

twattymctwatterson Sat 09-Mar-19 13:23:40

Steak bakes are minging and not enough for a 14 year old boy for lunch. I'm getting from your post that money's tight and you're carefully planning. I think you need to sit down with him and chat honestly about the finances and what he'd like to eat. Involve him in the menu planning

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sat 09-Mar-19 13:23:42

just help himself to whatever food he likes.

Is this home or not ? are there locks on cupboards or do people in your house have to ask for every morsel.

Having to ask for food, it's a bit , well Victorian

IceRebel Sat 09-Mar-19 13:24:10

Did he actually ask you to get the steak bake? If not I can see why he ignored it and made himself something more substantial. Whilst it isn't great that he left the kitchen in a mess, there really was no need for you to have a go at him about the cooking.

Rubusfruticosus Sat 09-Mar-19 13:24:24

I would have asked if my 12 year old wanted that first, let alone a 14 year old. Dinner is the same for both of us, though he is involved, but lunch it's up to him.

Torridon19 Sat 09-Mar-19 13:24:43

The only issue here is that the little tyke walked away from his own kitchen mess - kick his arse down the stairs to the kitchen and tell him to clean it up....

Awrite Sat 09-Mar-19 13:25:06

Well, I have a 13 year old and I'd bloody love for her to make her own lunch.

Yes, ignorant the way he went about it but you do sound a bit overbearing. Perhaps it was his way of getting through to you that he wants to be able to choose his own food.

And yes, bacon and eggs far nicer than steak bake.

TheQueef Sat 09-Mar-19 13:25:31

My DS once cooked himself a duck. A whole duck. Spookily he tidied up after not even a fat splash.
I thought I'd been burgled.

This DS can instinctively cook so he is always roasting chickens or pork. He works in a supermarket and brings home the cheap shelf which we all benefit from so I leave him to it!

DontCallMeCharlotte Sat 09-Mar-19 13:26:08

Unless you can get into the mind of a selfish 14 year old boy, how the hell are you ever meant to meal/shop plan? And what if money's tight?

God knows how you parent it though.

SheSaidNoFuckThat Sat 09-Mar-19 13:26:07

I have teenage DSs, the cooking wouldn't bother me but damn straight they'd be back down cleaning up their mess! I don't understand why you would tell him to stop cooking, if he has already got it in the pan then what's the point? Stop getting his lunch ready for him, he's old enough to decide what he wants.

PoptartPoptart Sat 09-Mar-19 13:26:52

Turn the WiFi off until he has tidied up the kitchen.
Have a chat with him about meal planning and get him involved. Ask him what food he would like each week and try to incorporate some of his suggestions into your weekly meal plan. Explain that everything you buy has been planned for and therefore if he decides to randomly make himself bacon and eggs then that might impact another meal you had planned as the ingredients have been used.
Try to have a few extra bits in like eggs, cheese, bread etc, that are not accounted for, that he is free to use when he wants.
At this age it’s all about picking your battles op!

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