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To think you can’t rely on anybody outside of family

(103 Posts)
rainyspringtime Sat 09-Mar-19 07:16:03

I’ve come to realise that most people are tied up with their own families and that these will always take precedence over friendships.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Lonely weekend.

SoyDora Sat 09-Mar-19 07:20:04

Hmm I can rely on my friends far more than my family. When I’m struggling they’re the only ones to offer me any practical help (childcare etc). My dad is too wrapped up in his own life (recently remarried) and my mum only helps if it’s enjoyable for her.
I guess it depends on your friends and your family!

BrizzleMint Sat 09-Mar-19 07:21:01

I can't rely on either but I think that's fairly normal.

rainyspringtime Sat 09-Mar-19 07:21:52

Yes but that’s a short term sort of needing to step in - I mean, would they commit to it every week (say) put you ahead of their own husbands and children? They wouldn’t and you wouldn’t expect them to!

SoyDora Sat 09-Mar-19 07:23:49

No they probably wouldn’t (they physically wouldn’t have the time), but my family wouldn’t either. Everyone has their own lives to lead.

megrichardson Sat 09-Mar-19 07:25:18

I could never rely on my family and I've found that friends have let me down less frequently and in less significant ways.

SaucyJack Sat 09-Mar-19 07:27:30

I’m sorry you’re lonely.

I agree it’s quite normal for people to prioritise spending time with their own children at the weekend, but having 3 myself I don’t see this as a failing. It’s just what parenting is.

Do you want to talk about your situation and see if anyone has any advice? If you just want to have a bit of a moan, that’s cool too.

Schmoozer Sat 09-Mar-19 07:27:59

Can’t rely on family sadly

Hedgehogblues Sat 09-Mar-19 07:28:55

My friends are way more reliable than family. I've been NC with my family for ten years but before that they didn't support me in any way at all

Bluntness100 Sat 09-Mar-19 07:29:43

What do you need to rely on them for op?

Personally with friends or immediate family, if we make a commitment we stick to it.

Moanymoaner123 Sat 09-Mar-19 07:31:43

I have two friends who I know I can rely on, but they are both young women without children and not living with their partners. If I need to talk to someone they are on the end of the phone and I know I always have a place to stay with them and with their families, but these are friendships of over a decade where we grew up together. Another friend who does have DC is also great, having DC does make it harder but she is always happy for me to pop over to hers and then we can chat and a glass of wine once her little one is in bed.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine Sat 09-Mar-19 07:31:49

Of course. I prioritise my DC then DH then my parents, PIL, siblings etc. If I've got limited time or resources then I'll always prioritise them. Likewise I know I can only really rely on those same people.

rainyspringtime Sat 09-Mar-19 07:31:54

It’s definitely not a failing. It’s just how things are. I don’t know how to change my life though.

Bayleyf Sat 09-Mar-19 07:36:07

What's the problem, OP? Explain what you've been let down on and we might have some ideas.

Adversecamber22 Sat 09-Mar-19 07:37:10

Do you mean immediate family, I don’t see why people wouldn’t want to be with their partners and dc at the weekend I hardly see mine at all in the week. I do commit to a long dog walk early on a Sunday morning with a friend and it’s just missed for holidays and illness.

Do you mean purely social things?

rainyspringtime Sat 09-Mar-19 07:41:31

Of course they do adverse, I just genuinely don’t know where it leaves me.

MyBreadIsEggy Sat 09-Mar-19 07:43:29

We are a military family, so the lifestyle dictates that we don’t have our families on our doorstep to call on for help when we need it.
Luckily, I have made 3 very close friends here, who are all in the same boat and we know we can all rely on each other most of the time for anything. It gets difficult when all 4 DH’s are away at the same time though and we have 8 kids between us and 2 more on the way!

Mummadeeze Sat 09-Mar-19 07:43:54

I think it is more that my family rely on me than the other way round. I would love to be able to drop everything occasionally and go out with my friends on the weekend for lunch but then no one would take my DD to all her Saturday classes or look after her on Sunday. Am always happy to see my front with her in tow but I know it’s not the same.

Mummadeeze Sat 09-Mar-19 07:44:28

*see my friends, not front

8FencingWire Sat 09-Mar-19 07:50:59

OP, after parkrun there’s always a coffee opportunity with people.
There are meetups at the weekend, check out meetup.com

I’m forrin, in my culture Saturdays, but especially Sundays at 4 pm is coffee and cake time. I have a few forrin and a few retired neighbours. I just go around with a slice of cake once in a blue moon, if none of my friends are around. But most of them have learnt and invite themselves. It needn’t be long, just drop some cake and ask if they’re ok, make small talk for a few minutes.
I have a teenage DD, I have whole gangs of them on Friday nights coming for pizza. They now make their own from scratch, they wait for me with pizza after work these days.
The weather is getting better, but if it’s horrid, I go for a swim, a walk into town to the market.
If it’s nice, I always have my front door wide open and read in the sun, people always stop to say hello.
Loneliness is a killer in this country. It’s almost like people forgot how to be among other people unless they are forced to, because they go to work.

Anyway, what would you like to do today, OP? What would you like to happen?

rainyspringtime Sat 09-Mar-19 07:53:12

But this is the problem. I don’t want to pretend to be interested in running or to go to enforced meet-ups. Thanks though smile

Bluntness100 Sat 09-Mar-19 07:56:03

Op, my daughter is twenty one, but I've always made time for my friends, so either she came with me or us, or we soclaised independently,

If the issue is no one to do stuff with, what about joining some hobby groups or classes as a way to meet new people?

FiveLittlePigs Sat 09-Mar-19 07:56:10

Sorry you're feeling lonely, that's a horrible feeling. I have found the saying that ”you choose your friends but family is what you've been given” to be true.

FuckertyBoo Sat 09-Mar-19 08:03:44

It depends what you mean...

My dad is a bit flakey but he’d be my port of call if I found myself homeless for example. I don’t believe he’d see me out on the streets.

But if I needed a chat, I’d go to my best friend, my husband or my sister, depending on the circs.

They would probably put me up if I was desperate too, but only very short term.

Most of my aunts and uncles and all my cousins would be very hmm if I came to them for anything I think! We don’t have that sort of relationship.

FuckertyBoo Sat 09-Mar-19 08:04:50

I don’t have any friends local to me btw. I do yoga if I ever have free time. Not to make friends, but for myself. I have to travel to see “real” friends.

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