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DH furious about after work drink

(171 Posts)
dkl55 Fri 08-Mar-19 20:42:59

Wondering if I’m being totally naive and ridiculous. I recently went to a networking event where myself and a few others spoke on a panel as freelancers. Met a really nice group of people. One of the others who works in a similar industry suggested we meet one day for a coffee - I thought there was a client I had who might be able to use his services and he had said he’d recommend me on too. Anyway he emailed me to follow up and asked to meet late afternoon for a pint, nearby where he had a job on - fairly close to where I live. I said to DH I had a work meeting with the guy and went off. Was texting DH whilst I was there and said when I was on my way back - nearly two hours later. We chatted about work and was also nice to just catch up about working for ourselves, the industry we work in and potential client I think could suit him. Anyway DH was making me dinner and when I got home he asked why I was so long and who was this man anyway. Proceeded to get really angry - I was just looking at him slightly astounded. He said I was drunk and smirking (I literally had one large glass wine). I certainly wasn’t smirking. I said he’s being unreasonable which made him angrier than ever and he said he didn’t want to speak to me. I went to our room and after a bit went back and said I was sorry he was upset but there was nothing to be upset about. He refused to listen and just got even angrier and the started to say he’s going to go for drinks with women after work. Even getting annoyed enought to say he’s going to download tinder. He won’t listen to me and honestly I don’t believe there was any sleazy intentions - certainly not on my side. AIBU to think it’s ok for a married woman to go and have a late afternoon drink with a potential new work contact?

TableforJane Fri 08-Mar-19 20:45:36

YANBU. I think this would actually make me suspicious of him...

Bookworm4 Fri 08-Mar-19 20:46:12

Your DH is being irrational, if your profession requires networking and promoting: have you only to make contacts with women? It wasn't after work it was work.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Fri 08-Mar-19 20:48:02

It's called networking, your partner is showing irrational jealousy and thinks by shooting at you he can control you and stop you taking to male colleagues. HIBU

GregoryPeckingDuck Fri 08-Mar-19 20:48:10

If you don’t have children you should consider leaving him, there are so many red flags here it’s a ducking golf course.

youngfarmer Fri 08-Mar-19 20:50:50

YANBU. You were with a work colleague in a work meeting in a public place during the day ffs. It happens all over the country every day, in service stations, cafes, pubs/bars, hotel meeting areas. He is being irrational.

NameChangeNugget Fri 08-Mar-19 20:51:22

Sorry to say this but, people who react like that, are normally judging others by their own standards

dkl55 Fri 08-Mar-19 20:53:07

Thanks. I asked a friend and she said her DH meets women for work but he'd definitely be angry if she met a male colleague...

ilovesooty Fri 08-Mar-19 20:53:27

His reaction is appalling. Is he usually controlling? Why were you texting him while you were there?

ilovesooty Fri 08-Mar-19 20:54:24

And your friend thinks this is reasonable?

timeisnotaline Fri 08-Mar-19 20:54:27

I’m with the people saying what’s he up to that he jumps to this conclusion? I would do this all the time. Late night drinks , whisky bar , etc, not a woman in sight. It’s not part my dhs job the same way but if he did this it wouldn’t cross my mind there was anything funny.

dkl55 Fri 08-Mar-19 20:55:01

@ilovesooty - just saying I was on my way back - but then we got chatting again so I texted later to say NOW I'm on my way back

dkl55 Fri 08-Mar-19 20:55:49

@ilovesooty - she seemed bemused and said oh he's jealous ...

CountessVonBoobs Fri 08-Mar-19 20:56:30

Is he Mike fucking Pence? He's being a misogynist dicksmack.

Women can network. A women who networks for her career has to do so with men. You can have a drink with a man any time you damn well please.

Teateaandmoretea Fri 08-Mar-19 20:56:31

Thanks. I asked a friend and she said her DH meets women for work but he'd definitely be angry if she met a male colleague...

Well doesn't he sound like a catch. Yanbu at all he sounds controlling and unpleasant, I'd be signing him up for Tinder myself.

CatandtheFiddle Fri 08-Mar-19 20:56:35

Perhaps you should start to empathise with his fear that you are shagging every male colleague, and suggest to him that rather than put him through such pain, you will stop working. And that means, of course, that he’ll have to work much longer hours to make up for the loss of your salary.

But given how troubling he finds your networking and what a threat it is to the marriage thenreally <head tilt> what alternative is there? You want him to be happy - that’s more important than mere money, isn’t it?

I may not be being entirely serious.

Seniorschoolmum Fri 08-Mar-19 20:57:35

Does your dp work in an industry where networking doesn’t happen? Either he is not aware of building business networks or he’s being worryingly jealous/controlling.

Ninkaninus Fri 08-Mar-19 21:05:10

He needs to sort out his attitude. What an utter cock.

I’d actually dump him for this. It’s a huge red flag.

And your friend...How can she put up with that double standard?

Aquamarine1029 Fri 08-Mar-19 21:06:54

I'm wondering what your husband has been up to, quite honestly.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 08-Mar-19 21:08:42

I'm meeting a customer for lunch with drinks next week. My husband takes female colleagues out for drinks / dinner when he's away on business. It doesn't always feel nice but more in a slightly peeved the other person is having a nice meal out when you're sitting in looking after the kids by yourself kind of way! We don't always tell each other only if one of us has the 'what you up to' conversation.

I'm not sure what your husband actually thinks you are supposed to do. Only have female clients? Tell male clients you'll only meet them if you have a male escort? Meet male clients but if they suggest a convenient pub say no its got to be an alcohol free location? Is breakfast acceptable?

If you'd arranged to meet a male customer you'd never met in a hotel room or down a dark alley or at his house your husband may have a point if he is worried for your safety.

As it stands he is insulting your judgement about where is a safe and professional place to meet, and also your morals by implying you may cheat on him.

It's shit he has these thoughts which may stem from past issues or insecurities but to me it'd unforgivable he is taking it out on you in an aggressive manner.

BIWI Fri 08-Mar-19 21:10:07

Fuck me. Are we back in the 1950s?! Men meeting women for networking? Hold the front page!

Your DH is being entirely unreasonable.

Ruru8thestars Fri 08-Mar-19 21:10:53

What a tool

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 08-Mar-19 21:11:20

Also thinking about it I went out for drinks and dinner with 5 male colleagues last week. It ws just a piss up not networking. I was going to give it a miss as was knackered and my husband told me i I should think about going as I hadn't been out in a while and would enjoy it. Also regularly go.out for lunch with male friends. I'm not sure I'd get on with your husband.

youngfarmer Fri 08-Mar-19 21:13:21

The more I read this, the more I'm thinking what a total cunt he's being. Sorry if that's too judgemental shock

dkl55 Fri 08-Mar-19 21:13:43

All quite depressing really...
I don't think he has issue with male clients or meetings with them. He seemed to get funny about the fact that it was a long meeting, for a drink with a young guy who wasn't a client. He's a new contact and potential supplier I guess. But we work in a related industry and could potentially pass work on to each other.

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