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AIBU to expect husband to offer to come home?

(40 Posts)
crispysausagerolls Fri 08-Mar-19 16:41:48

A family member of mine just died. The death is upsetting to me although I am not overly close to the specific member - however, the result of the death is that there are huge family dynamics now at play and extremely upsetting things going on for me.

DH is away with work on a holiday - not working, a team thing. He is due back tomorrow afternoon but I am very upset. I’m
not going to ask him to return but I sort of feel that he should, or at least offer to! AIBU? (Probably; I’m just very emotional! Need to see some reason please!)

HomeMadeMadness Fri 08-Mar-19 16:46:03

Really sorry to hear about your bereavement OP. From what you say I can see why DH isn't coming home as you weren't terribly close to the person who has died and he'll be home anyway tomorrow. I can see why you want him there but hopefully there's someone else you can lean on until he comes back.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 08-Mar-19 16:52:53

He’ll be back tomorrow.

This evening do whatever makes you feel a bit better - call a friend, read a book or watch a film, eat something lovely, distract yourself and get an early night if you can.

PinkHeart5914 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:53:50

Thingis his due back tomorrow anyway and you say you weren’t close to this relative.

Unless it was a close relative and he wasn’t due back for a few days I wouldn’t expect him to come home early tbh

Nicknacky Fri 08-Mar-19 16:55:22

To be honest, no I wouldn’t expect him home early nor would I ask. He’s back tomorrow so less than 24 hours. He may not get home much earlier than that earlier.

Ginger1982 Fri 08-Mar-19 17:05:33

I would only expect DH to come home a day early if it was a parent or sibling.

10IAR Fri 08-Mar-19 17:07:58

I can see why you're feeling that way, you've had a shock and are feeling awful.

But unless it was someone very close to you I wouldn't expect him to offer, no.

That said, if you're really struggling and need him home, tell him. Don't wait for him to ask.

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Mar-19 17:08:08

Sorry for your loss

No, I wouldn't expect him back before tomorrow

crispysausagerolls Fri 08-Mar-19 17:08:13

If he offered I would say no though! I just sort of want him
To offer! Maybe maybe that’s unreasonable. It’s quite hard to fully explain the depth of emotional shit that this brings up with other family members maybe

Babymamamama Fri 08-Mar-19 17:09:22

No I wouldn't expect this in your shoes. Sorry for your loss but you are an adult and he is working.

crispysausagerolls Fri 08-Mar-19 17:10:00

he is working

He’s on a work ski trip. It’s fine if you disagree with me but please read the post properly!

10IAR Fri 08-Mar-19 17:10:00

In the kindest possible way OP, maybe he doesn't understand that because you weren't close to the person you'd want him to offer?

Unless he's generally crap, I'd put it down to feeling terrible because of a traumatic time rather than him being wrong.

BatsAreCool Fri 08-Mar-19 17:11:30

I wouldn't expect him to offer and I certainly wouldn't want him to either.

TacoLover Fri 08-Mar-19 17:12:44

If there was a week left I'd offer to come home. Seeing as he's home tomorrow I don't think it would cross my mind to return early.

Sirzy Fri 08-Mar-19 17:13:57

If he is on a works ski trip is coming home a day early even an option?

PinkiOcelot Fri 08-Mar-19 17:14:00

I wouldn’t expect him home. You weren’t close to the family member and he’s back tomorrow anyway.
Try and have a nice evening. Sorry for your loss xx

Drogosnextwife Fri 08-Mar-19 17:14:28

He will be back tomorrow,and I'm guessing it would cost him extra to come home early. YABU.

WhenZogateSuperworm Fri 08-Mar-19 17:15:29

My DH wouldn’t offer- however if I asked he would come.

MamaBearThius Fri 08-Mar-19 17:16:26

Really sorry for your loss OP
I'm gonna go against the grain here and agree with you. My DH would at least offer, as I also have difficult family dynamics

GreatDuckCookery6211 Fri 08-Mar-19 17:16:40

I think it’s unreasonable to expect him to want to come home OP.

DH is amazing but in your situation he’d say “I’ll be home tomorrow for a hug” or similar and I’d be ok with that.

Take care of yourself in the meantime flowers

BlueSkiesLies Fri 08-Mar-19 17:18:07

I really wouldn’t expect him to come home a day early. I also wouldn’t offer to go back a day early for my DP.

A huge amount of extra expense and hassle for zero real benefit.

thedisorganisedmum Fri 08-Mar-19 17:21:12

I wouldn't expect DH to come home a day early unless one of the kids has a serious accident. Unless you live a couple of hours drive away from the ski resort, it would be more hassle than anything to find a last minute flight and 24h wouldn't make much difference.

Even if we lost a close relative, I am not sure either of us would really cut a trip short for a few hours.

JaneEyre07 Fri 08-Mar-19 17:25:23

It could cost a fortune to get back at short notice, and hardly worth it if he's back tomorrow anyway. Especially for a relative you weren't overly close to.

Springwalk Fri 08-Mar-19 17:25:47

Call a friend.

If you are very upset and only he will do, then tell him to come home. I am all for being upfront about needs and expectations. He may not fully understand why you are so upset.

You are upset understandably.

Frecklesonmyarm Fri 08-Mar-19 17:26:43

Since he is due home tomorrow, no I wouldn't expect him to offer. It will cost money and he womt be home that much sooner.

If it's the family dynamic you are worried about. Simply dont engage with any family until he is home.

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