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To think you can’t hold a baby too much ?

(51 Posts)
SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 16:25:46

I’ve got one 7 week old boy who I waited 10 years for.
Why do people insist on saying it’s better for a baby to be in a crib or bouncer than on my chest or arms ? That’s basically what they are saying ?

Of course to have a wee or make a tea he gets put down but im happy to hold him for a day watching tele and why shouldn’t I?

The silliest argument I have heard is if I had other children it wouldn’t be possible to hold him so often, but I don’t, so it’s surely a moot point.

Can you spoil a bloody 7 week old baby grrrr

PinkHeart5914 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:28:02

A baby needs loves which it receives from cuddles and attention. What’s the point in having a child if you dump it in a bouncer for long periods as you don’t want to cuddle it too much?

I’ve got 3 dc all close in age and always still managed to cuddle them, wasn’t really any harder having more than 1

HomeMadeMadness Fri 08-Mar-19 16:28:05

They're talking rubbish. Your baby is tiny and the more you cuddle them the better (assuming they get some tummy time and daddy gets cuddles too). If you had other children you could still pop the new baby in a wrap or cuddle both at the same time.

CuppaSarah Fri 08-Mar-19 16:29:01

You can't spoil a baby and even if you could, would it matter? Cuddling them is so lovely and they grow so fast. I quite like the rod I've made for my own back, my six month old loves cuddles and I'm more than happy to provide as many as she wants. It's a fabulous rod.

Enjoy your baby and give everyone who tells you to put them down the finger.

LLOE7 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:30:23

Absolutely you can never cuddle a baby too much. Holding your baby constantly is instinct and the best and most natural thing for you both. A baby NEEDS to be kept close to mum. I bet these same people who tell you that also encourage you to leave him to cry to 'exercise his lungs'?!

mbosnz Fri 08-Mar-19 16:33:45

The parents can NEVER hold their babe too much. I have, however, seen a newborn cry because it's been treated like pass the sodding parcel at a family event where every man and his dog had to have their turn holding the poor wee babe.

Mrsfrumble Fri 08-Mar-19 16:34:57

Please go ahead and cuddle your gorgeous tiny boy all day long! Drink up every second. I hope you’re sniffing and kissing his downy little head plenty too.

DS was born in the winter of 2010 (v. Cold and snowy) and DH was laid up having chemo at the time, so we spent the first few months of DS’s life on the sofa watching box sets, passing the baby between us. It was very cosy!

DS is 8 now and still a cuddle bug (albeit a very fidgety, gangly one).

Nothininmenoggin Fri 08-Mar-19 16:35:37

You are doing exactly the right thing. You cannot spoil a baby they have no comprehension of how to manipulate you at this stage in their life. A baby needs to be close to Mum or Dad don't be told otherwise it is good for brain development, and makes them feel safe and loved. It's also very good for you and natural to want to hold and cuddle your baby, especially at such a young age. Congratulations by the

CaptainMyCaptain Fri 08-Mar-19 16:36:20

Ignore them. You can't cuddle a baby too much.

feelingverylazytoday Fri 08-Mar-19 16:37:15

It's up to you really. If you want to hold your baby 24/7 then go ahead.
Personally I preferred to put all my babies down to sleep, and I would have been mightily pissed off if anyone had picked them up and started carrying them around in a sling or whatever.

FooFighter99 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:37:20

DD slept on me during the day till she was about 5 months old! I got VERY good at doing things one handed grin

Enjoy it while it last and don't listen to the nay sayers!

PippilottaLongstocking Fri 08-Mar-19 16:38:05

The time when they’re willing to just be held all day is very short so make the most of it! Also the people who say you couldn’t hold them all day of you have other kids are wrong, I have two (plus many nieces and nephews who I look after often) and my smallest just lived in the sling when he was tiny so I could have my hands free but still have him close

PippilottaLongstocking Fri 08-Mar-19 16:38:49

Also I once managed to tie my shoelaces one handed whilst holding a breastfeeding baby in the other arm!

crispysausagerolls Fri 08-Mar-19 16:38:58

I did and still
Do exactly the same! You crack on xxx baby cuddles are the best

switswoo81 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:40:00

In a few short months he will be sliding off your lap to explore some new found skills so enjoy the moment.

FurrySlipperBoots Fri 08-Mar-19 16:42:52

Actually I think you can hold a baby too much. Not because it will 'spoil' them, or crap like that, but because If they were strapped to you every waking hour they wouldn't be getting enough stimulation. The first month or 2 you want to keep them close but after that they need to have more freedom to wiggle and kick and reach and roll, and be experiencing more of the world than just you.

53rdWay Fri 08-Mar-19 16:44:53

YANBU. You’re happy, he’s happy, there are plenty of cultures across the world where babies are held round the clock and do fine, and you won’t still be stuffing him in a Close Caboo when he’s 17.

MutantDisco Fri 08-Mar-19 16:45:20

Both my babies were next to me day and night for the first year at least. We co-slept and I popped them in a sling if we had to go anywhere.

Babies thrive when they're given lots of cuddles.

lboogy Fri 08-Mar-19 16:45:20

Cuddle your baby as much as you want and ignore anyone who says otherwise

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 08-Mar-19 16:49:07

Congratulations on your lovely baby smile

Cuddle away!

Dontsweatthelittlestuff Fri 08-Mar-19 16:49:41

Not all babies want to be cuddled all the time. I have 2 children. The oldest hated being cuddled and liked to self settle. The 2nd spent his first 18 months with his head up my jumper and wouldn’t settle on his own.
Not really an issue as they are both adults now and I don’t rock either one to sleep.

TrainSong Fri 08-Mar-19 16:52:30

IMO you can't hold a baby too much. They love cuddles. It helps them feel calm and secure, helps them bond with you, keeps them warm and comforted.
Of course you could spend a fortune on plastic baby gyms with whizzy lights to entertain them and padded floor mats and electric bouncer chairs to do all that for you.
First rule of sanity when you have a new baby: you can't take all the advice you are given. It comes at you from all sides and is contradictory. Do what feels right for you and your child.

SoyDora Fri 08-Mar-19 16:53:14

My 7 week old would hate to be held/cuddled all day, he likes to lie on the floor and stretch his legs out/kick around/try and roll. And actually I do think they need ‘floor times’ to stretch out and develop their muscles.
But in general no, you can’t ‘spoil’ a baby by holding them too much.

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 16:55:41

I did wonder about the stimulating thing

He comes round the house in his bouncer while I work and I tell him what I’m doing, or put nursery rhymes on you tube and work and sing along.

I don’t use a sling so he can see more, and he sleeps in a Moses basket so I can eat breakfast a lot of time when I’m not house working or eating he’s in my arms.

So he’s not strapped to me and of a weekend when DH is home my mum comes and we clean together and talk (I had a traumatic birth and nicu baby) for 4 hours while DH and my dad has the baby

I feel the above is perfectly reasonable!

user1471426142 Fri 08-Mar-19 17:04:45

They are little for such a short period of time and soon enough they rebel against the cuddles unless they’re tired or sick so cuddle away. That said, I think you can hold an older baby too much. They do need tummy time and the opportunity to explore a bit. At 3-4 months my baby was happy to self settle to sleep and I then got into a bad habit of cuddling to sleep for naps a few months later. I used to spend 3 hours a day in silence stuck to the sofa. I would not recommend that again even though I loved the cuddles. It just made it much harder to beak the habit later. So in my case, I did hold my baby too much in hindsight.

SoundofSilence Fri 08-Mar-19 17:05:27

Cuddle him as long as he wants to be there and enjoy every minute of it. It's a precious time, especially if he had a traumatic start. You can't spoil a 7 week old baby. If he's squirming because he'd really like to know what pulling the cat's tail would feel like explore instead, you'll be able to tell.

Tenpole Fri 08-Mar-19 17:05:46

You're doing great. Sounds a perfect way to look after your baby.

Walklikeanegyptian1234 Fri 08-Mar-19 17:07:31

People used to say this to me all the time. That I needed to teach DS some independence hmm

He’s now a very confident happy little boy, who no longer wants mummy cuddles - make the most of it while you can!

hammeringinmyhead Fri 08-Mar-19 17:09:49

I think you take your cues from the baby. Mine is 18 weeks and gets fed up of being held. He likes to lie on his playmat, play with a toy in his bouncer and then nap in there with vibrate switched on. He's too heavy to hold for hours at 17lb!

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 17:11:20

Thanks all
I’ve got another thread asking for advice as he was in hospital as I rang 999 after he choked on reflux and wasn’t breathing 2 days ago and I really think I could become afraid of him because it scared me so much I almost didn’t want to touch him again.

While telling. Someone about that they ended with ‘you hold him too much’ and as I felt like he’s nearly died 2 times (of course he didn’t but it felt like it!!) now I want to stick to my guns and hold him when I can

I do think about stimulating him like I say. He watches while I do housework and we chat. I don’t sit on the chair all day and I’ve got a bad back so I couldn’t even if I wanted !!

Jackshouse Fri 08-Mar-19 17:12:07

Only if your neglect the rest of your family and/or your needs but other than that you can’t have too many snuggles.

If you don’t have a sling then look into getting one. My nearly 3 year old is suddenly so much less cuddly. I love it when she wakes up and needs cuddles durring the night. Skin to skin with your child is amazing.

Jackshouse Fri 08-Mar-19 17:13:23

Slings build your core muscles which is good for back problems.

blueskiesovertheforest Fri 08-Mar-19 17:15:13

SpinningSister other people are idiots wink if you had other children you could use a sling/ wrap, as you only have one you can use your arms. That's the only difference.

My second baby was born when my firstborn was 2, and the second baby lived in a didymous woven wrap tied to by chest until he was 6 months old. He was the best sleeper of all my babies at night, I think because he felt so safe all the time. I held him, if you count being in a wrap (often under my coat as he was an autumn born baby) while I had 2 hands free for his toddler sister, more than you hold your baby if anything - not less! I breastfed him in the wrap while out and about. I certainly never went 4 hours without holding him at 7 weeks - you're not holding him enough! wink [that's a joke... But you don't sound as though you're overdoing it at all, even if it was possible, which it isn't...]

Congratulations on your baby flowers


outpinked Fri 08-Mar-19 17:18:49

Nope, you can never hold a baby too much. They need all the love and affection in the world and they are only tiny for such a short space of time, make the most of it! Don’t listen to people saying you can ‘spoil’ a baby, it simply isn’t possible. Enjoy your long awaited baby smile.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff Fri 08-Mar-19 17:21:12

Slings don’t work for everyone as I tried with both of mine. But I am short with a short body and my babies were quite long so they didn’t fit comfortably against my body and their legs seemed to dangle and get in the way of moving freely about.

blueskiesovertheforest Fri 08-Mar-19 17:24:47

Carried babies cry less so spend more time noticing their environment and are less stressed, they have increased periods of quiet alertness and are more involved in their parents' world, at eye level not from the ground. They see and hear more. They often feed better due to proximity and grow better.
Carried babies are very much less likely to develop plagiocephaly (flat head syndrome).
As babies grow you change the position you carry them in, and it's good for their muscles, not only the parent carrying thems.

3boysandabump Fri 08-Mar-19 17:27:00

If anyone says it again tell them to read up about the 4th trimester

SleepingStandingUp Fri 08-Mar-19 17:27:35

No OP, you mustnt cuddle him for more than 20 minutes in every 60 averaged out over 4 hour blocks. If you do you'll break him and he'll never do anything you want ever. Don't let him think he can have unlimited love and affection, he'll just grow up all secure and well adjusted!!

Enjoy him x

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 17:37:51

One of the people who said I pick him up too much offered me a Gina ford book which I decided against mainly because so much SEEMED against nhs guidelines which I found simpler for me.

Her GF children are lovely teenagers so I am in no doubt it worked lovely for her.

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 17:38:33

When I say NHS guidance I have him in my room and feed on demand.

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 17:38:48

Bottle feed, btw

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 17:40:59


Haha flowers

MyBreadIsEggy Fri 08-Mar-19 17:42:16

Both of my babies were of the “un-put-down-able” breed, so spent most of their first year in a sling, in my bed, or in my arms.
When DC2 was a few hours old, and my dad showed up at my house with the most incredible takeaway I’ve ever tasted, he cut up my food for me so I could hold the baby and eat with one hand.
My mother then piped up with “You can put him down you know!”
hmm I know I can. I just don’t want to hmm

If you are happy, and your baby is happy, then you’re doing nothing wrong by holding him as much as he wants to be held. It will only be a few short years before you have to wrestle him for a cuddle at nursery drop off....(I’m looking at you DD hmm)

Alwaysawomantome Fri 08-Mar-19 17:45:06

Oh this is making me miss my two being so young that I could cuddle them all day.

not broody AT ALL

CalamityJune Fri 08-Mar-19 17:46:53

There's no problem as long as you're happy with it but personally I quite liked getting to the point where DS would doze in the bouncy chair and i could have full use of my body for half an hour

It would have been hard for me if he had been a velcro baby.

Cocobean30 Fri 08-Mar-19 17:48:10

Cuddle him all day happily...If anyone tells you not to just say you want him to feel loved and secure, unlike them, who must have been left to cry in a cot by the sounds of it hmm can’t belueve people can actually have an issue with a parent cuddling their new born

SpinningSister Fri 08-Mar-19 17:55:09

It would have been hard for me if he had been a velcro baby

See, I don’t feel that’s what I have? I have a nap from 7-11pm while DH has him so I can do more overnight, I’ve been to parties without DH, I dunno I can’t even see why this person said to put him down.

Right now I’m in the nursery with him on my chest while he’s asleep. I need the loo, I won’t hold it he will go down in his basket and if happy left there (in front of me)

I’ve got hyper mobility so I need to bend my knees a lot so put him down so I can do that.

So why these people (IRL) think I hold him too much I don’t know

MyBreadIsEggy Fri 08-Mar-19 18:19:39

So why these people (IRL) think I hold him too much I don’t know

Because some people - usually the older generation in my experience of it - think that a baby is nothing more than a digestive system. As long as it’s fed, burped and changed, it has no other needs.
My sister is one of those people confused

0lgaDaPolga Fri 08-Mar-19 18:27:52

Cuddle your baby and don’t listen to anyone that tells you not to. The time they are happy to sit and be cuddled is so short. Ds2 is 12 weeks old and I’m currently sat cuddling him, kissing his little head and drinking him in. Ds1 is 21 months and a little whirlwind and cuddles are few and far between. There’s a poem called something like ‘babies don’t keep’ that I love about holding your baby while they are small:

ZippyBungleandGeorge Fri 08-Mar-19 18:36:45

People said the same to me OP, I was spoiling him apparently, I should just give him a dummy and bung him in a sleepy head, instead of holding him, I also use an indoor doing which I was told would make him worse. He's now 14 weeks, sleeps from 8 -7 with one night feed, in his next to me crib. Funny that!

ZippyBungleandGeorge Fri 08-Mar-19 18:38:45


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